EP 198 | Why Women Need To Build Wealth And Be In Positions of Power

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

November 16, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

EP 187 | Cycle Syncing Your Business

November 16, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

WITH MELISSA RODRIGUEZ

“And we’ve been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, we’re told to be perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine, and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It’s a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn’t work.”

— Paige Lawrence

About This Episode:

Do you feel like you’re always working against the flow? As women we’ve been taught to work in a world designed for men. And that does not always work with how a woman’s body functions. Today I’m chatting about our menstrual cycles and how we can work in ease and flow when it comes to syncing our business with our cycle.

Melissa Rodriguez is a Cycle Syncing Biz Coach. She helps female entrepreneurs lead with more ease, fun, and flow by syncing their life with their cycle.

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Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Today we're talking about a whole new way to approach your business, and that is through understanding your body by syncing your cycle with your business. And my friend, you are going to love this episode with Melissa Rodriguez. So get ready to learn how you can start understanding your body and listening to your body more so that you can be more productive, and have more ease and flow in your life.

Melissa Rodriguez 0:30
So much of it is worthiness and worthiness around what work justifies certain results. And we've been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, we're told to be perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine, and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It's a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn't work.

Kate 1:01
You're listening to The Couragecast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 1:17
Hey there, welcome to The Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, and I am your host. And friend, do I ever have a treat for you today. We are going to be chatting with Melissa Rodriguez, who is a cycle syncing business coach, which we're going to get into and you are going to love her. Honestly, this has been one of the most pivotal things that I have done for myself in the past few months, which is taking a look at how my body is working, how it is designed, and how I can move in ease and flow in my life and business when I am taking a look at my menstrual cycle. That is not anything I thought I would ever talk about here on The Couragecast. But here we are. And you know what I've realized that our bodies are so beautiful and created so intricately. And really, we are working on a cycle that is different than men or those that don't don't have a cycle. And so we have to learn how to work with our bodies. And, you know, really lean into those energies that fuel us, whether they be masculine or feminine, or even just leaning into our own divine essence, which is something I am also learning about. So you're going to love Melissa Rodriguez, you're going to love all of the things that she has to teach us today about cycle syncing about how you can do that with your business. And one of the best times for you to be planning and launching things in your life in your business. And this is what I'm working on right now in my own life and taking notes every single day about how I feel, and how creative I am and all the things. So you're gonna love this. So I'm so excited for you to meet Melissa Rodriguez.

Andrea Crisp 3:24
Melissa, thank you for joining me on The Couragecast today. I'm super thrilled actually to have you back. Not only were you a guest already, but I lost the episode. And you so graciously are back joining me from Spain to chat with me again. And so thank you for being here.

Melissa Rodriguez 3:44
Thank you so much for having me. I am, I'm sure the universe had its reasons. Although I can imagine it was still very frustrating. And apart, I'm very happy to be here talking to you again.

Andrea Crisp 3:59
So you're a cycle syncing business coach. And I have had a lot of conversations since our last one with other people who have been really you know, interested in, you know, how our cycle, you know, works with our bodies and how it works with our businesses and just all the things especially even as we age and how things are shifting and changing. And so, even since our last conversation, I have even been thinking about it more and more and more. But someone listening to this right now maybe like well, what is that? Like? What exactly is that? Like? How? So why don't you just go ahead and tell us a little bit about who you are and how you serve people in your business.

Melissa Rodriguez 4:42
Okay, amazing. I would love to. So my name is Melissa Rodriguez, and I am a serial entrepreneur. I started a few different companies in my life and currently I run a few different companies. One of them is a company in the real estate service industry in the UK. One of them is a digital marketing agency. And the other is I just said cycles syncing business coaching for female entrepreneurs who want to incorporate their cycle into their business and their lifestyle. So they can run their business with more flow, with more ease, have more productivity and basically do things and optimized time. As women, we know because we've done it that we can do things, we can do anything, right? We're superheroes, and we can do anything at any time of a month. But there's so much power in knowing which times are good for which things, and using that, leveraging that for your business.

Andrea Crisp 5:39
Now, I'm very curious, like, how did you get into this? Like, what was the catalyst for you even to become interested in, in your cycle and how it it works with your business and in yourself?

Melissa Rodriguez 5:52
Sure, okay. So I think on my path, as an entrepreneur, I definitely had a lack of feminine energy in my life. I'm also, I come from an immigrant family. I was born in Venezuela, but I grew up in the UK, my mom was also an immigrant, she, her family moved to Venezuela, from Spain, right after the Spanish Civil War. And if you if you know, any immigrants, you'll know that there's a certain kind of hustle culture. Because you know, when you move to a different country, different culture, there seems to be like this, this culture, and it's often true, they have to work harder than everyone else to get anywhere in life. Okay, so that was kind of very much ingrained in my family that was very much ingrained in the way I grew up in it, I felt that it was something that was much more prized in my family than feminine energy, and we all have masculine and feminine energies. And they work best when they're in balance, right? And I believe I, because of a myriad of different reasons, I grew up in a household with a lot of love, I felt very loved. I don't want this to sound like oh, I wasn't raised right, or anything like that. It was definitely a lot of love in my household. But I definitely felt that there was I somehow ended up with a lot of excess masculine energy, and not enough feminine energy in my life. And that was kind of leading me to burnout, to not feeling satisfied, find it very hard to be creative.

Melissa Rodriguez 7:13
And it was actually, but four or five years ago that my finances, my personal finances, were in a mess, okay? And I ended up working with a finance coach. But she wasn't just any finance coach, she was a feminine finance coach. And she taught me many things about bringing pleasure and bringing feminine energy into how you handle your finances. And one of the many strategies and tools that she introduced me was, and it wasn't something that she specialized in or anything, but she kind of said, you might want to look into working with your cycle as well, or maybe even just taking off the days that you're on your period, those cycles syncing is so much more than that. And it was her suggestion that got me reading got me investigating. And yeah, after experiencing the positive results, that brought to my life into my business, then I wanted to help other women with this too.

Andrea Crisp 8:04
You know, I find that fascinating, because, you know, when you thinking about finances, like my first natural inclination is not to think about my cycle. You know, but when we think about our, you know, our business, in our finances, you know, like, I have never really thought about that. I love that you bring up money, because I don't think about money when I think about my cycle. But it makes total sense that it would have something to do with, you know, our finances, how we feel about money, how we feel about entrepreneurship, how, you know, we are kind of living in that space. And, and so how did it? How did it shift your own view of money, and also how you were incorporating that in your life, like when you're talking to her, like, you know, implementing these strategies, you know, with your finances, and then through your business as well.

Melissa Rodriguez 9:07
Sure, so I think the key there is remembering Andrea, that we are emotional beings, okay? And although we tend to approach our businesses and our money with this, society tells us that we should approach it with this hyper rational, just make more money than you spend, just look at the numbers kind of approach. And obviously, that's important. But we must remember that we're, we're emotional beings, and generally when we have money issues, or at least it was a case for me, it wasn't a case of not knowing how to handle a spreadsheet. It was more of a case of I had limiting money beliefs that were probably related to how I viewed productivity and business in general. So there were fundamental beliefs that were affecting my money, and that were affecting my productivity. And, and the work that I did with her and the strategies that I, you know, I use with her and then with other coaches that I worked with, and the books that I read, the inner work that I did was all about going to those, those core beliefs, right, that affects every part of our business of our lives or finances. And still working on this, I'm 100%, not perfect at this, but just going going to the core of those beliefs. And so much of it is worthiness and worthiness around what work justifies certain results.

Melissa Rodriguez 10:37
And we've been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, so many things were told to be perfectly consistent, right, perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It's a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn't work. For most women, it's especially true for men, it doesn't for a few men won't either. And maybe for some women it does, as I'm generalizing here, but for those of us who thrive off of feminine energy, it doesn't, it doesn't work, it gets to a point where we either get bored or burnt out, or simply our hormones get in the way, because our hormones affect so much about how we feel emotionally, and how we view risk and how creative we are all these things. So how can you be perfectly consistent during an average four week cycle, when you have inconsistent resources to work with? Right? It doesn't work that way. So instead of trying to be consistent with inconsistent resources, and not saying it's impossible, how about you just work out when you're going to have different resources, and sync the things that you need to do with those resources. So you're optimizing things and you also feel it's easier. Because if you're, if you're trying to be consistent, do things the same things, day in and day out. It's an uphill battle. So it's a battle against yourself.

Melissa Rodriguez 12:05
And it implies this massive lack of self awareness as well, that you're, it doesn't make sense to expect consistent results, when you don't know where you are, how you're feeling, what, where your best is going to serve that particular day. So in the same way that you probably wouldn't set a meeting at 3am, right? You wouldn't set a meeting at 3am, because you know, you know, you have a daily cycle. And that daily cycle involves hours of sleep. And during those hours of sleep, you're not particularly suited to meetings. And I'd say you could do them, you could probably do a meeting, if you set it at 3am, if you really wanted to, you could set your alarm, you could get up you could do your meeting. I'm not saying you couldn't, but what would that do to the rest of your day?

Andrea Crisp 12:47
You know, it's interesting you say that, because well, the first thing that comes to my mind is I have a voice student that I have at 7pm. And it's really funny. It's kind of like our compromise, 7pm at night, because he is a night owl. And I work in the day and he's my last student. And I never take anything usually past that time. But I noticed in the winter, I would get exhausted because his actual lesson in the winter was 7:30 to 8:30. By 8:30, I was done. I was like I'm done. You know, because I would get up early in the morning, I would have all my really good energy in the morning, I would be productive. And then I'm you know, holding off until 7:30 to actually hold one more lesson. And then feeling so exhausted and depleted. Even though he's a great kid, I love teaching him, nothing about you know whether or not you know, I want to be teaching him, it's really just my own level of energy at that time is very, very low.

Andrea Crisp 13:56
And I've even noticed, you know, because we've talked before I did a launch. Well, I did a couple of launches in a row. The people who listen to my podcast, they know that I just kind of like tell the things as I go. But I did three launches this summer. And launch number one was was kind of an organic type feel. I filled the group with eight women, it was amazing. And then the next one was following it right after right at the end. And I filled it with six and it was again it was really good. Got to third launch. I'm exhausted. I have now launched two different groups. I have spent a lot of time just doing that. But here's what happened. I got into a scarcity mindset. I got into, I need to get this done, you know, we're on a roll. I should just do it, you know, make sense. And everything on paper that would say okay, we'll launch during this time and I looked at the calendar as far as like the dates and will it match up for holidays and all these kinds of things. And I decided I was gonna launch. Well, I'm not sure what's going to happen. We still carts open for another week. But I don't have a person in it, not one.

Andrea Crisp 15:09
And the first two sold out right away. And the third did not. And, you know, so of course, my first inclination is to sit back and go, "Okay, I could easily go into that scarcity mindset again." But I also realize I'm like, "Okay, I'm obviously, what I'm putting out. Is, is not I'm not energetically aligned with it." And I feel like I wasn't paying attention to working in my masculine and feminine energy in a way that would serve me best. And so here I am, thinking, Oh, no, what have I done? And what am I going to do now? And I'm, I'm at this like, kind of crossroads, honestly, where I'm like, okay, like, I don't want to not learn the lesson. I feel like the lesson is actually more important than anything at this point. For me to go, How do I operate optimally, as best as I can really, in my own business, when I'm, you know, trying to think about my cycle, my masculine and feminine energy, and you know, especially as entrepreneurs, when we're launching programs, or we're working with clients, or we're, for me recording podcasts, or speaking events, all sorts of things like how do we where do we even begin? I mean, I know that's a loaded question. But that's kind of where I'm at. So I'll just leave it with you.

Melissa Rodriguez 16:34
So I think a good place to start would be to start with that self awareness of, you're telling me or you're expressing a vision of what you would like it to feel like, to look like, and to feel like, and first of all, you need to know like where you are. Okay, so where are you right now? What strategies focused on the positive and celebrating the positive? What strategies do you have that you're doing really well, right, which, and you probably have those, you'll have a few that are masculine and feminine too there. So, I would start with like an inventory of what's going well, what do I feel is missing, and then an exploration, it's not something somebody can tell you, it's something that you need to experience for yourself, because it is different for everyone, you can obviously have guidance during the process of somebody suggesting and helping you evaluate. And that's what I do with my clients when I coach them as they navigate this in their businesses. But it is a case of, "Okay, so if I identify that there are certain business activities that are draining me, first of all, do I need to do them? Do they need to be done? And if so, do I need to do them? And if that's the case, then what would it look like for this activity to be in the feminine and not the masculine? Or what would it look like for this activity to be pleasurable? And sometimes it can be something as simple as a ritual you do before the activity, or where you do the activity, or even what playlist you have on during the activity. These are all little simple things.

Andrea Crisp 18:03
Really?

Melissa Rodriguez 18:04
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 18:05
So like you can like say, "Okay, like if this is something that right now I know I need to be doing." Or then I can switch up something about it to like, maybe put me in a different energetic space to hold hold that.

Melissa Rodriguez 18:19
Yeah. Sure. So for example, what, do you have any activities in mind that you're, you're thinking of right now?

Andrea Crisp 18:28
Emails are still a big part of what I do, writing, during the copy. And I find for that particular task, I'm either in the flow in the zone, or I am not. And it's like I can, I can know right away. If it's like, oh, yeah, it's coming, type type type, I can do three emails, like to just bang them out. Or I could sit there for an hour and go, What the heck am I gonna write, I should have bought the Copy Care from Marie Forleo, you know, like, go through the list of like, things that I you know, like, I should have bought that, that probably would have helped me. But I think that I like you said being self aware, and taking inventory of those times that I have had success in a way that feels really good like for writing emails, it's like, oh, well, when did I write them? What was what time of day was it? You know, what was where was I? Yeah, where was I in my cycle? What was playing? I never thought of any of that, to be honest with you.

Melissa Rodriguez 19:34
All that is going to influence how creative you feel, and I'd also add just if if you know if you because you already know before you sit down, you know, I'm gonna sit here for an hour. And anything I write is, because you already know, you can already feel it in your body when you're not in that right flow state and there's nothing wrong with that. So A: do not beat yourself up over it and B: Don't even try like it's more productive at that stage, go for a bike ride, like, go for a walk, go buy yourself flowers, go dance for 15 minutes, call friend. And you never know, maybe within 10 minutes of that, you'll actually be on your bike riding, okay, I need to stop because I'm, like, going through these fields. And I realize that I know what I want to tell my community and you write down a couple things in your phone, that's going to make it easier for you next time you sit down, like, Okay, I already know what I want to write about. Or you talk to your friends and, and you know what, maybe the hour passes, and you don't write anything, you don't get out of that, that energy state. But if you leverage the times that you are naturally in that energy state the most, then it's not going to matter the times that you're not, because you'll have produced enough content and enough emails. You have written enough emails in the times that you were naturally in that state, or that you did things to get you in that state.

Andrea Crisp 20:59
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Because then I also feel like even yesterday, I went in the morning, because, you know, I was dealing with this whole launch thing and thinking, Okay, we've got a week left for cart closes. And it's Thanksgiving Day here in Canada. And I'm going through all this in my mind. So sat down, and I, one of the things I wrote down in my journal was today, I really want to be a powerful creator, and co-create beautiful things in my life. And where most of Canada was taking the day off yesterday, I had things scheduled, I had a podcast recording, I had two connection calls. And it was fine because I was feeling good. I was like, you know, I was in the right. I, I blew through those calls, and was like, "Oh, this is great." I had enough energy for the things I needed to do. I went and had a beautiful dinner at my aunt's house and had some great family time. And at the end of the day, I remember thinking to myself, you know, this is what I want it to feel like, all the time, or as many days as I can, where it feels like I, and one of the things I did, and I even did this this morning already, is I left my phone upstairs, and I have my my Apple Watch, which you know, if I need, you know, something right away, and somebody needs to get ahold of me, but other than that, I'm like, I don't have the distractions of getting on to social media, you know, sitting after something and scrolling and you know, shifting my energy by checking something.

Andrea Crisp 22:29
I can stay in that flow state, and accomplish the thing that I want to accomplish. without consistently going back and forth, you know, in and out of different things where I'm like, "I don't need to post on social media right now. I can post on social media when I'm feeling it." And I need to, I don't need just to be looking at it and like having almost like energy leaks and just draining my energy. So I really kind of feel like that coupled with knowing what my cycle is, will be helpful. But one of the things I do want to ask you, because we talked about this last time, and I'm super interested, is you talk about it in seasons. And you talk about your cycle in seasons. And I'd love for you to tell us about like, what does that mean when you're looking at your cycle, and the other thing you said, which I still have thought about lots is that it doesn't necessarily pertain to men and women, and i it pertains to how you identify. Because some, you know, whether you are male or female, biologically, you can identify a certain way and have that energy. So can you talk a bit about both those things?

Melissa Rodriguez 23:45
Sure. Okay, so I'll start with the seasons. The reason I like to talk about it in terms of seasons is that many people, when you think about when you first hear cycle syncing you probably think, Oh, my cycle is three to five days that I got my period, right? And that's and that's it? Well, but the cycle is 28 days on average cycle, where you have four distinct stages, like the four seasons of the year, the weather, so and they actually bear similarities in the characteristics they have and the way that we go through them. So I'll go through the four seasons, just briefly so that you understand what what I mean. And I am going to relate this to the biological side of this, because for those of us who work with our cycles in this regard, we're not just working, you know, with our feminine energy, we are also working directly with our hormones because our hormones affects how we feel about things, how we view things.

Melissa Rodriguez 24:41
So we have your winter, which is when you get your period, and the time for resting, for hibernation is time with increased intuition where we can tap into different gifts like being able to evaluate things in a different way. It's not a time for taking action, but it can be a time to have some life changing reflections about your life and your business. Then you have your spring, after winter comes the spring. So there's that new beginning, that kind of energy where things are starting to speed up to warm up a little bit, you have more energy, it's a great time to learn new things, to start new things, to set new sessions to set new goals.

Melissa Rodriguez 25:16
Then you have your summer, which is a great time for enjoying and for communicating, and for really being in that kind of outward energy with your clients and with your team and with your community with the world. It's when biologically you are you're ovulating, okay? So if you are a woman who ovulates, your body is saying, "Hi, I'm ready!" And that comes through in different ways, right, that comes through in the way you talk, there have been studies and that show that women even walk in a way that men find, that heterosexual men will find more attractive during this time. And that even that are faces are more symmetrical or more attractive. And I do not know how that works. Do not ask me, but basically, more attractive during this time. And that's not something you know, unless you are looking to be impregnated, and that's great. But if you're not, if you are just looking to move forward in your business, you can use these, this magnetism of the summer to make leaps in your business, or in your life,

Melissa Rodriguez 26:16
Then comes a fall, which is a little bit of a longer season for, it's a longer season. And it's a season for getting into the nitty gritty of things, for attention to details, for actually following through and all the intentions and goals that you set. And for it has a different sort of creativity, you have different sorts of creativity. I mean, creativity is feminine energy, in a very pure form. But it comes in different kinds of ways during this time, the creativity comes through in spring is more of like an ideas kind of thing. It's not a following through creativity, and in your Fall, you've got more of a following through kind of creativity. I would suspect that, for example, if you're writing emails, then you're early Fall is a great time for that. And then you're back to Winter. So those those are the four seasons that that we go through every month, and that we can really lean, if we lean into them and look for ways of embodying them, we can really leverage those superpowers that are available to us in each season.

Andrea Crisp 27:15
Yeah, that's really fascinating. Yeah. So how does it work with the, you know, with men and women then in that, that context?

Melissa Rodriguez 27:22
Okay, sure. So, in what what of what I've been referring to is a very much a hormonal context, okay? If you are a woman who does not have that hormonal cycle, because of menopause, or because you just don't have it, or even birth control, birth control, hormonal birth control, IE the pill affects the cycle, because essentially, it stops ovulation. Okay, so if for any reason you do not have this cycle, feminine energy still has the cycle, because essentially, it's a cycle of creation, right? It's a very natural cycle, I have a client who does not have a period yet she identifies as a woman, what we do is we work with the moon. So many, many ancient cultures, and even a few studies have shown that we're, we're somehow went to the moon, I think it's something that we haven't yet understood. But it's there. And it's there if for other species and animal kingdom as well, but the moon affects their fertility and things. So it's there's, there's a connection there, and leveraging that. So leveraging, you know, new moon intentions, and rituals for the full moon and all these things can help. That's that's how I usually work with people who do not have that period. I haven't worked with men on their feminine energy cycle at all, I'm just here, top my head. If a man maybe does identify more with feminine energy, than with with masculine energy, then again, you can either take the moon approach, or you can take the really diving into that self awareness approach. If you really dive into that self awareness and start tracking how you feel every day for like, three to six months, you might see patterns, right? You might see patterns, you might see the seasons without even noticing. And then you just might know for yourself like I have a Spring that's 10 days long, and then I have a Summer that's five days on you hurt you, you might be able to see patterns in here. And that's what I would suspect if you are kind of looking to use that feminine energy that you you'd see it that way. However, I do believe that that a lot of men and a lot of people will thrive more of that masculine approach of that, you know, day in day out consistency approach, if especially if you are a man who has a male permanent cycle, you have that testosterone high in the morning just gradually increases throughout the day, then you might thrive off more just going with that biological imperative that you have in your body.

Andrea Crisp 29:44
It's so fascinating to think about how different biologically men you know, their cycle, their 24 hour cycle, versus our female 28 day cycle. It's so different because once I started to learn about this, and I mean, obviously, I feel like I'm just like, you know, scratching the surface, even with this conversation, but, you know, thinking about how we are functioning in a world that is very built for men, you know, especially if you have a job, and you work outside the home, you know, is built for, for men to thrive and women not as much. And so it's really interesting to think about how we can become more self aware, and, and start learning our bodies and listening and being a little bit more intuitive to what our body is telling us. And, and even for me, it took even after having conversation with you, it took an instance in my life for me to kind of get to the end be like, Okay, this is really just not working. And for me to go, "Okay, I need to slow this down. And I really need to start listening. Because I think that if I listen to my body and become a little more self aware, I will know when the right times to do different things will be for me, you know, to help." And it's like, I think you've said this before, but maybe not today. But it's like there's some things we just know we do, do on an everyday basis. Like those are things that we we do, we get done, we you know, if you have a family, you feed your kids, you know, like, there's certain things that just have to happen. But but there are a lot of other things where you know, especially when it involves creativity, and that really can be best served, we understand our bodies.

Melissa Rodriguez 31:29
Sure, or even for the things that we have to do every day, you said the example of feeding our kids. What if you meal prep, when you have more energy? Do you know there's going to be a week where you are going to be more tired? Can you make meals and freeze them? Is it, I mean, there's not going to be a way for everything you cannot you know, batch brushing your teeth, for example. And I'm not suggesting that there are definitely ways that we can get creative, even with the things that we feel that we have to do every day. And I invite you to ask yourself, "Do I really? Or is there a way that I can make this easier on myself when I know that it's not going to be easy for me? Is there a way? Is there any way that I can ask for support? Or is there any way? How can I set this up differently?" So I think where we sometimes got stuck in boxes of how things have always been set up, or how we've always done them, or how everyone else, quote unquote, does them. And just you know, taking a step back and asking yourself like, Okay, first of all that self awareness? And then is there another way that I can achieve the same or even better results without having to do this without working against myself?

Andrea Crisp 32:37
Now, one question, you know, especially for women who are working in teams. So if you have someone that works for you, and you know you're doing a launch or whatever, and say you've got a OBM and you know, they're in one part of their cycle, where you know, like, how does that work? Like, how do you try to like navigate working with other women when you're cycling, and you're?

Melissa Rodriguez 33:02
Sure, so it's interesting. I think there was one point where I literally synched up with 80% of my clients and my team. It's funny how even when we were working remotely end up syncing up, we're also synced up with the moon at something super interesting that happens when you when you're like in a specific type of alignment. So I guess I've been mostly lucky in that regard that I've been fairly synched up with the woman that I work with both my clients and my team, but let's just take the hypothetical scenario that you're on, but completely different schedules, your OBM is, you know, she is ovulating whilst you're on your period and vice versa. So when you most need her support, because you're in that outwards, launch kind of mode, she's in that rest mode. Okay. So there, I think it really is just about planning ahead. Okay. So planning ahead and making sure that, that you have other people in place for things that are most important in the case that you, that you are asking your OBM to to work those days, you don't have a choice, you know, these are things that cannot be prepared in advance, these are things that cannot be done better. And whilst then it's how do you have that self care? So that person is ready to give 100% on those few tasks that cannot be they cannot be moved. Okay, so how do you make sure that person, how does that person make sure that at the end, it's a personal responsibility? How does that person make sure that she's taken care of, both before and after that extra self care that extra, like, I'm taking naps, or I'm resting, doing the things that fill my cup, so that when I do show up for those few things that you need from me on these days, then I will be there 100%.

Andrea Crisp 34:46
So there's a lot of having conversations, right, like it's a, cause, I mean, this I would indicate to me that there's a lot of conversation around our periods, talking, you know, things that we've not always talked about, really openly. Because I mean, if you know, you're synced up with your clients and people you work with, obviously, then you're having conversations about that with them because they're your clients. But, you know, like, especially I'm thinking like, I don't know, like, I don't know, if I'm synced up with people. You know, I know that when I spend time with people a lot, with women a lot. But one of the things you said, really piqued my curiosity, and you said, syncing up with the moon. And that that's almost like a, and then he's, I can't remember the word you use. But can you talk a little bit about that? Like, how do you sync up the moon? How did you know you're synced up over the moon with the moon?

Melissa Rodriguez 35:37
Okay, so back when we lived in smaller, in small tribes, like 150 people, and we were also very committed, we didn't have this artificial light and everything, most women would sync up their periods with the moon, like accident, that they didn't mean to obviously, they didn't say, "Hey, let's sync up with the moon." But naturally, they would find that they were bleeding either on the full moon or the new moon. As you know, the the moon has 28 day cycles, thanks, can't remember is 28 point something 27.4. It's not exactly 28. Otherwise, rolls be a full moon and same day of the week, it's not exactly 28. It's something point something around 28. And the average female cycle is also 28 days, and we would sync up with the moon in a natural way, and get this, right, women would, for those days, and on many tribes, they would go into a tent, and they will just have be on their periods together.

Melissa Rodriguez 36:29
And they will use that time to really like let go, okay? So they would like leave them and do their thing. And they would, they would let go, they would use that time to like cleanse and do different kinds of rituals around their period, all these things. And interestingly, the so some woman would sync up with the other moon. So if you didn't sync up with the full moon, you'd sync up with the new moon. And they would be the woman who would take care of the others. Right? So during that time, so there's also benefits, like we were saying right now. So if you're if you're on your period, when your OBM is ovulating, or vice versa, it's also I'm going to take care of you, and then you're going to take care of me kind of thing that used to exist in times with with these tribes, the moon in the period. And it's interesting that many women affectionately call their period their moon, because there's there's definitely some sort of relationship there. I'm not, I don't know what it is, I think, would be super interesting, if science, you know, decided to study it more. But yeah, it's interesting. And I do think there's one study that shows that when woman are more connected to nature and have less artificial lights and live in place with less artificial light, that's when they most start to sync up with the moon.

Andrea Crisp 37:40
So fascinating, that I now I'm gonna totally like, pull my app out afterwards. See where I am at.

Melissa Rodriguez 37:48
Get, so, get this app called Stardust. And I recommend this app. It's a great app, it's called Stardust. And it's kind of a cycle tracker, and also tracks moon. So you go into it and tells you where you are Kind of hormone wise. And it tells you where the moon is, as well. So I highly recommend that.

Andrea Crisp 38:06
Okay, that, you know, because even I've noticed, like, as I pay more attention to my body, like in the summertime, like, here in Canada, I'm in the northern part of Ontario. So it's lighter, longer. 5:30am it's light and 10:00, it's still light, but then the sun goes down. And I noticed that like, I wake up, right with the light. I'm up. Whereas now right now it's like seven o'clock, and I used to like set my alarm and be like, Okay, I'm going to still get up at 530 in the winter. And so like, I can't get up in the morning, I'm a morning person. But I have let myself sleep until I wake up instead of making and it's really interesting because I noticed even with the, the light and dark, how my body is, if I don't manipulate it, and I'm doing it mostly just to see like, what happens if I'm just letting my body you know, when I tired I go to bed, you know. And when I wake up, I wake up and just being, being more aware because if I do you want to have a life that I really, really love and I want to create a business and a life I love. I want to do it feeling really good. And I want to do it feeling energetic, and I want to feel like, feel all the amazing things that life has to offer. And also do it in a way that you know I can support myself financially because I'm productive in the moments I need to be most productive. And, and I think that as women is something that if we pay more attention to, then we will have, have a better understanding about how we can do that and not just operating fully full on masculine energy. Like as you said before, so so fascinating. I think we there's so much more we can talk about and really even continuing to dive into this work? How do people work with you? Like, how does that work? So let us know.

Melissa Rodriguez 40:09
Sure, can I just add one more thing that came to mind while you were saying that?

Andrea Crisp 40:14
Absolutely.

Melissa Rodriguez 40:16
Because I totally resonate with you there that you want to feel good on the journey. And it's so important because how you feel during the journey and in the process, is how you're going to feel when you get the result. So sometimes we tell ourselves that we're going to feel better when we achieve X, or Y, or Z, or whatever. And that's not the case like those when people talk about having reached certain goals, and that they weren't as satisfying as they were expecting them to be, I'm willing to bet in most of those cases that they didn't enjoy the process of getting there. I think it's amazing, I think it's, it's beautiful that you are prioritizing that because that's going to mean that when you get there, it's going to feel, it's going to feel great. If you feel great during the process, it's gonna feel great when you get there. Just wanted to add that in, because I totally resonate with that.

Andrea Crisp 41:05
I love that. Thank you for adding that.

Melissa Rodriguez 41:08
And yeah, and that's mainly, you know, this is what I help my clients with, you can find me on Instagram. My handle is @melissa.r.j, can go to my website, melissarj.com. And yeah, at the moment, I do have spots for one on one cycle syncing, business coaching. So whether you just want to incorporate this into your business, or you have a launch coming up and you want, you know, this strategy in your launch as well, I do have a marketing agency. So I love combining these things, cycles and marketing for launches. I absolutely love that. And I do have spots available for one on one coaching for that. So just just get in touch and we can hop on a call.

Andrea Crisp 41:49
Well, thank you so much, like this is, it's fascinating, super fascinating. And I hope that we can talk again, and you know, learn more and even as you're working with more clients, and you find out more information. And please come back and continue to share because this is super, super fascinating. So thank you.

Melissa Rodriguez 42:10
Thank you. I love love joining you again, Andrea.

Andrea Crisp 42:15
Okay, wow, I never thought that I would be talking about my period on The Couragecast, let's not something that was in my mind at all. But here we are. This is where we are now. And I'm so glad that I did. And honestly, friends, like this has really been a game changer for me, because I have spent the past probably several weeks since I talked to Melissa, writing down how I feel every single day, what my cravings are, how I'm feeling to feel creative. I mean, some days I forget, and I, you know, just keep picking up the next day and start writing it out. But it's really made a difference because I'm being more aware and conscious of like how creative I feel, or do I have energy or when do I have energy when the times in the day I have energy. And it's really making a difference in what I'm doing and how productive I am because I feel an ease and flow at different times depending on how my body is working. So I want to encourage you that if this is something you're really interested in, please connect with Melissa because she would help you to go through that process of discovering how you can start tracking your cycle, to work with your business and your flow. And I will leave all of her links in the show notes and so you can get a hold of her.

Andrea Crisp 43:38
Before you go today, friends, I have an exciting thing that I want to share with you as well. You know, I have just created a brand new text community. And I would love to invite you to join. You know what so often we can feel discouraged and not take those steps have courage and bravery in our own lives. And so I want to encourage you every single week through a couple of text messages. And so if you want to join my text community, and receive encouragement, how to create intentions for your life, and even some guided meditations along the way, I want you to go ahead and text me at 647-424-2429 and I will leave that link as well in the show notes for you, so you can have it and you can text me the word COURAGE and we'll be able to connect with one another there. Until next time, remember you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 44:36
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

Listen Here:

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

November 2, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

EP 185 | Busting Through Your Limiting Beliefs

November 2, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

WITH DENISE WESTER

“At the core when I really started to dig deep I felt like I didn’t deserve good things, I was not worthy, I did not have a true sense of worthiness. Because I believed I had to earn it or that I had to do something to achieve it. ”

— Denise Wester

About Episode:

Is there something in your life that you've been wanting for a really long time but it just seems so impossible to attain that you've given up? Maybe you gave up because you figured you could never afford it, or that it was completely out of your reach or it could be that it goes a little deeper and you don't feel like you deserve to have it. In this episode we are talking about the power of faith when it comes to receiving what you truly desire.

Connect with Denise

Watch 3-part video series

Connect with Andrea:

Instagram + Book

Are you struggling to show up and get clients?

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Have you ever found yourself in a position where you continue to hit the same obstacle over and over again, wondering how you're ever going to make it through? Well today on the podcast, I'm talking to life coach and the author of Busting Through, Denise Wester, about how you can start to reframe those mindsets, and really take steps of courage in your life.

Kate 0:26
You're listening to the courage cast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:42
Hey there, welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, and I am so glad that you have joined me today. We have a really special episode for you today. You know, I love stories of women who are willing to take brave steps in their lives. And that is exactly why I started this podcast four years ago. And today, talking to Denise, reminded me about why I did start this podcast and why I think it's so important for us to be reminded that no matter the circumstance in your life, no matter where you've come from, what you're facing in your life, you can make a change, you can take steps of courage, and you can move through those limiting beliefs that you feel have been holding you back in your life. And so in this conversation, we are going to be talking about some of those beliefs and how Denise has gone in her life from being a welfare mom, to really shifting her life, taking charge and becoming really the CEO of her own life. And now she's a coach and an author. And she's helping women to really bust through their own limitations. So I'm really, really excited for you to hear this conversation with Denise Wester.

Denise, welcome to the Couragecast. I am so thrilled to have you on today as a guest, and to talk about your book, your brand new book, Busting Through, so welcome to the show today.

Denise Wester 2:18
Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to have a conversation with you.

Andrea Crisp 2:24
Yeah, now we have had an opportunity to chat a couple of times over the past few months. And I was I was just joking with you just a few minutes ago. You know, when you're recording a podcast, you never know what is going to happen in life. And in so I often talk about here on the Couragecast taking big risks and doing, you know, things that seem out of our comfort zone. And not very often do I have a time where I lose episodes. But our previous conversation got lost. And so this is our second conversation. So thank you for having two conversations with me.

Denise Wester 3:05
Yes, it's a great lesson and not get yourself you know, overwhelmed or bogged down and just moving forward and carrying on and keep going forward. Yes.

Andrea Crisp 3:18
Yeah. And it's it's funny because I think a lot of times when I'm talking to people about you know, taking those brave steps and, and really moving out of their comfort zone, you know, the the first thing that comes to mind for people is those limiting beliefs that we have around the different things in our lives. And a lot of what your book is about is overcoming those beliefs and overcoming the obstacles in your life. And so what a great segue. So I'd love for you to share a little bit about who you are and about who you serve. And then we'll get into the book here in a second.

Denise Wester 3:58
Yes, well, I am a, my book is called Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous to Take Action, Get Unstuck and Find your Personal Power. And I came about writing this book these methods in this book because I've been through multiple pivots, job pivots in my life, I was raised in restrictive religion, not knowing who I was, always being judged, Left that and got married, divorced, bankrupt, welfare mother for not knowing made so many mistakes, so many wrong turns. And then finding myself later into a beautiful job I was so happy with and getting into a horrible car accident that took me years of recovery. So I came through all these with some great tools and I just wanted to share them with my readers to help them pivot and help get unstuck and be courageous and find their power.

Andrea Crisp 4:53
And I love that you have just recently released this book, and you've gone through a lot of tramsition, even in your own life through the pandemic. And, you know, one of the things that I think a lot of people struggle with, is the ability to pivot. And when you think that there's something going on in your life, and you, you know, you have hope and your, your, you're thinking, "Okay, I'm going to count on that to be the case." And then all of a sudden, you can't count on that anymore. How has that informed your life, you know, being able to make those transitions and those pivots in your own life.

Denise Wester 5:35
I think that's why it's so important to have goals, you know, to always keep your eye on the prize to have a great vision of where you want to be. And that way you don't get stuck, you always know where you want to go. And that is when you have, you know, job layoffs. And you have situations that we're all kind of going through right now. You know, where you want to end up, you do not want to end up, you know, when I was on welfare, you know, the welfare office was telling me this is where you want to be, this is where you all you got, because you're not educated, you have nobody to watch the kids. But I was like, No, I want to show my kids that you can move out of this, you can go forward, you know, taking steps to get an education, find a job and taking action. When I was offered a job and that sort of thing, instead of state saying "Well, okay, I'm going to be taken care of, I'm just going to stay here and not take action." I took action on opportunities that came and so that is where I think a lot of people right now is the time to if you are an employed to rethink, you know, where you really wanted to be if you were in a job that you really were passionate about, is it time to get re educated in something else. I've met so many people through like the mastermind that you and I were just in. And now I took my life coaching course, there's so many people that were like, I'm done, you know, in this what I've been doing, I am going towards what I'm passionate about. And so that's a time that is exciting. And that's why you have goals, because you can reanalyze, what am I been doing? Is that really where my heart and my passion and my vision is?

Andrea Crisp 7:18
You know, right before someone is going to make that choice, because I think that's an important distinction is whether or not they're going to make that choice, whether they're going to have radical responsibility for their lives. Because by the sounds of it, that's what helps you is taking that responsibility. Why do you think that people don't do that? Why do they stay in the position they're in, versus actually moving towards what they truly desire?

Denise Wester 7:52
I think there's several things and I think one of the main ones is can can be fear of the unknown. And fear is interesting, if you really look at it. Our bodies has this reaction, to fear to keep us safe, to not, you know, walk off the cliff, you know, and to keep you within those kind of safe boundaries. But unfortunately, we get those still those fear responses when it comes to change, or when it has triggers to old responses that you are in your life, you know, old stories that keep coming back, old, you know, you know, things we keep telling yourself. We have 6000 thoughts a day. And how many of them as you start really listening to those thoughts are negative saying, "You can't do this, you know, it's insane, that I'm stupid. Why would somebody hire me? How come you know it?" All those different things are going through your head. And so those will stop you. And so that's why in my book, I started talking about reprogramming those negative thoughts, reprogram and overcoming those stories and those fears, so you can start moving forward and stop being paralyzed. And as you have a whole course on confidence, building that confidence, so you feel strong in taking those actions.

Andrea Crisp 9:08
Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think that's a huge step right at once you've made the decision that you are going to reframe the thoughts, then it is taking action to implement it and integrate it into your life. Now I kind of want to go a little bit backwards into your story because I find it so fascinating. You were a single mom, and you were on welfare. And you're told that, you know, okay, well, this is it. This is kind of where you're at, you know, just kind of take the system and take the assistance. And that was that. You know, when you had when you heard those words, how did you feel and how did you decide at that point that that wasn't going to be where you were gonna stay for the rest of your life.

Denise Wester 10:01
Oh, I remember that. I still remember that feeling. I hung up the phone and I was just blown away. Because I was so excited. I was like, I got my stuff together, my kids, we were in our routine. And it took a lot to get there after, you know, making so many bad decisions. I just like we've got this routine, I thought I was excited. I was gonna call the welfare office and say, Okay, I want to go to work. You know, what, can you help me, you know, and they're just shot me down. And I got off the phone. And I was just blown away. I was just like, No, no, I am not staying here stuck in the sack, same place in this, you know, all I could afford with this moldy, wonky little rental. It's like, no, I wanted more. I knew there was more. I knew I was capable of more. Yeah. And so that's where, you know, I saw in the newspaper, there was a Woman in Transition program at the local college, I requested to be participate not and I was granted that and that was a step in the direction. So just listening, looking through the newspaper, you know, there's opportunities, and I was just open to them to saying yes.

Andrea Crisp 11:10
And just even being open to the opportunity kind of led to taking one step. And then another step.

Denise Wester 11:17
Yes. Yeah, I mean, I got and that Women in Transition program, then, you know, it was so interesting that I was at the courthouse getting my divorce, and the lawyer that was my family lawyer that helped me get the divorce. He was like, Hey, you know, I have this little position, part time position opening up, would you be interested in it was in real estate escrow, which I've never done before for an attorney. And I said, "Yes!" And you know, so I, he was part time, because I was great, because I was going to school the other half the time, and he was totally great with that schedule. And knowing that I had kids, and I had to, you know, take them to and from pick him up from preschool and stuff like that he was totally okay with that. So it's just saying yes to opportunities. I didn't stop and fears like, well, I don't know a thing about escrow. I don't know what it means to work for an attorney. But he just saw something in me that he wanted to nurture and help grow. And I said, Yes, and so that was just another great opportunity that, you know, got me going forward in my new careers.

Andrea Crisp 12:21
You know, one of the things that has come up for me over I guess, the course of, you know, years, and in fact, one of the things that I'm working through my own limiting beliefs, and I'd love to hear your input on this is getting to a point in your life or in you know, when you're doing something, you have a goal or a dream, and you continue to bump up against the same mindset, or the same issue continues to happen over and over and over again. And I want to know, you know, for you, how have you been able to deal with that, you know, if it's something that is something that just seems to never go away? Or it's like, how is this continuing to happen over and over again? What would you suggest to someone who is is finding themselves in that kind of situation?

Denise Wester 13:11
That's very interesting, great question, because that does seem to happen. And I'm a firm believer in really digging deep in your stories, and digging deep in helping those stories. And I have different tools in my book about digging deep into your stories as to why this keeps happening. So it's kind of start unpacking your dialogue, what's going on in your head, for one thing, and getting clarity. And clarity is with journaling, and also meditation, really diving deep into your stories, because if there's something that keeps happening, there's something in your dialogue that is keeping you stuck there that you have to work through. And it's kind of can be hidden for a long, long time. And you note and keep working through it. And meditation and journaling can really help get some clarity on maybe you're looking the total way you're trying to force something to happen that's just not in your synchronicity for you or certain deputy for you or anything. That's something that's just you're fighting against some force that wants you to go the other direction.

Andrea Crisp 14:19
It's so funny you say that because for many, many years, I think I was one of those people who I did force things. And I did, I didn't think that was a bad thing. Like I thought it was just being, you know, self motivated and making things work and really like hustling and, you know, this is even before I had my own business, this was like, pre entrepreneurship. And, you know, now realizing, as an entrepreneur, you can either be in the camp where you're always striving and hustling to make something happen, or you can kind of be in the camp of allowing it to be easy and have a flow. And as you said, you know, synchronicity, or really just allowing, you know, the universe to guide you. And, and, you know, both of us have had our own stories when it comes to really being internally led, you know, with religious beliefs, and also, you know, transitioning out of those. So how have you been able to, you know, transition your own story, releasing some of those religious beliefs that you had in order to actually move into the next season of your life?

Denise Wester 15:40
Well, yes, you know, it was when I left that religion, it was really interesting, it was such a restrictive religion, some people call it a cult, and it was really hard because I you don't have any of your own beliefs, you don't have you finally get to have a belief of your own. And it was really interesting, I just would start asking my question, self questions, you know, it's like, Hey, I can actually form my own opinion on this, you know, and start getting my own spirituality. I feel like I have a better spirituality with God than I ever did before in my life. And it was, it was through baby steps, you know, it was through you know, I think you know, getting beaten over the head with it, not seeing it, you know, for so long because I was so against anything religion for a long, long time, but then finally coming to my own, and being open to things and here's the story that happened.

And it was really like, I had this customer that just pushed my buttons. And just every single time I encountered her, she was just she lied to me. She was cheating. She was trying to cheat the company. And it was so frustrating. And it was really good business. So I couldn't tell them to go well, you know, we don't want to do your business anymore. It was a huge profitable business for our company. And I remember it was like a weekend and I was just crying. I was crying at my desk, because because she just had just drove me absolutely crazy. I thought okay, I'm going to walk away from a desk, I'm just going to I'm going to turn on the TV and just vegetate here. Now just flicking through the TV in there on PBS, I seen him a zillion times, and his wonky sweaters talking and I'd never ever stopped before it's like, but I for some reason I stopped and it was Wayne Dyer. And he was promoting his book Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Problems.

And I was just transfixed here it is I thought he was speaking to me because I was having so many problems and with this person and from work and he just shared a whole new light on it, you know, on I was just pushing so hard I was bumping my head up trying to sit think I can control this person, or change who she was, or try and but you can't, you can't and so I just let it go, I let go of trying to control the situation, I let go of that she is who she is, I'm going to be me and I'm going to start just telling her that I can't do that I'm going to put boundaries on how she was treating me and talking to me. And it totally pivoted my life and that relationship with her and I just from then I was just like a sponge to looking at things differently. And that is you know, even like situations now my children you know, when it's a lesson, my children are grown and they're adults. So I'm not trying to control their life and their situations they're making choices for themselves. So as you know, we go through life we are seeing different things that we're trying to contribute. Going back to your question about how do we when we are bumping our head against something you know how you go forward you go forward by staying true to yourself being honest with yourself and quit trying to control the situation to being what you think the outcome should be. Kind of opened to your eyes to a new path to your ultimate goal you know, and it could be right in front of you, but you're bumping your head thinking you need to go this certain direction. So opening your eyes, being aware to there could be something right in front of you that saying this is the way to go but you are trying so hard to control and that will then that kind of led me to my spiritual path you know, Wayne Dyer listening to him and, and just my meditation and my path to spirituality again.

Andrea Crisp 19:31
You know, it's funny you say that because I wish that I had learned that lesson a long time ago. That is something that I you know, I think of when I was in the states for many, many years. I really wanted to be there and I was kind of hell bent on making sure that I had a visa to stay in the country. And so I was you know, paying, like tons of money for immigration lawyers and You know making sure. And I was so fearful of coming back to Canada and having to be in a place in my life where I you know didn't want to be that eventually that ended up happening I almost I manifested my the worst case scenario because of my fear that I would have to do that and it was really interesting because you know upon reflection. This is way later on, but upon reflection and looking back and thinking to myself you know, I was forcing something to happen and trying to control that outcome, trying to make it happen and at the end of the day, I ended up with the thing I didn't want which was you know, moving back to Canada funny enough that same thing is really what I needed was to come back and so oftentimes I think we are trying to make something happened trying to control the situation and in the process you know, becoming you know, anxious and depressed and worried and you know, having all of this fear when really if we just release it we can realize that there's something even better and as I'm saying that I'm thinking of a particular situation in my mind in my life right now where I'm like, who should probably apply that right there to that particular situation?

Denise Wester 21:21
There you go! Yeah, yeah you know it's it's so interesting and it's it's when you have a spirituality and it's always you know, you got to remember. I don't know my Bible that well any at all, I didn't pay attention too much to that but I always do remember it's like you know throw your burden on him you know throw your burden on God and it is sometimes that is really really important to not be taking all this sometimes on for yourself and into put things out to the universal a little bit. You know, and I always say every single day, "Please," don't out loud I say every single day, "Please guide me to see what I need to see to be doing what I need to be doing so I can serve you." You know I always think my mind is you got to be in a mindset of serving What can I do be doing to serve so you're not you know out to your own gains you're out to serve and I think you will always be steered correctly if you think about.

Andrea Crisp 22:13
Now I have a question for you and I'm not sure how this is gonna go but I'm just gonna put it out there anyways but I don't know if this is something you were taught growing up, you know in your religious background, but you know really doing the will of God I don't know if that was something that you know you heard a lot but where does that fit in now because you know I would imagine that you feel like you are divinely led, you are you know lead by source, universe, higher power, but is that different than the will of God? That you maybe you know subscribe to as a belief prior to?

Denise Wester 22:55
Well before in part of the religion, that is it was kind of you know, I had a different God at the time did at the time I, thinking about it's a great question, god, this is going to get deep here at that time I didn't have a relationship with God at the time I just felt it all you had all these rules and you're doing all these rules for God and the religion and to be you know, you have to be out there trying to save people you have to be knocking on doors you have to be putting your hours in. You're never doing enough, you're never doing enough, never doing a right. So to me that I never was really had a relationship with God or was thinking about doing it for God or had a spirituality because I was just, you know, stressed out space of never doing enough and being judged and put up on the podium when you're like 10- 11-12 years old, and giving talks and things like that, then they critique you on them.

And so it's just it was just a different, you know, reality, then versus now. You know, it's like it took me a little while to even realize that I do still believe in God, you know, and I know people that don't believe in God, they're atheists, but they believe in different higher powers which is awesome that they've been able to come to that, you know, a realization that it's fine. I don't judge anybody or for what they believe. I just want them to know that they have it in them to have a spiritual connection of some sort. And whatever that means to them and for me, it means God and I totally believe that it he is there or she is there, whatever you want to believe that is and that I do have spirit guides and we have people there and souls they're looking out for us and guiding us and me if you can connect into that. You will be amazing when you start feeling that connection with that and it just lightens your life and brings love to your heart to know That you have that higher power there in your life, it's a totally different relationship than I ever had as part of a religion. Yeah, it

Andrea Crisp 25:10
Almost sounds, you know, like, being synced up, like imagine being, you know, when you're, when you're plugged, you know, right in, it's like, you know, you're not trying to make something happen, but you are, you know, kind of going with what that power source is. And I love that, that thought because I think that's something that comes up a lot with with people, especially when they have maybe left a religious belief system, you know, whether that be, you know, any kind of religious belief system. And I think that finding a new paradigm for, for belief is is, you know, a really big transition, especially when you are actually moving forward and you know, as an entrepreneur, and really understanding Okay, well how do I subscribe to, you know, some sort of help, whether it's God or source or higher power however, that looks. So yeah, I love that. I love that you, you know, you, you feel like you have more depth now than you did even before.

Denise Wester 26:21
Much more depth, much more depth. Yes, yes. And I just, and you find that through to me, I get my joy, and I get my connection is when I'm out in nature. And when I ride my bike, you know, I'm out in nature, and I just feel such a synchronicity with, you know, the creation around us. And when I do my meditations, I'm quieting my body, so my mind is alert. And I just, I just feel so it's divinely inspired. And that's how I wrote my book. You know, by bike rides in my meditations, I just felt so divinely inspired to put these words that have helped me and methods on a piece of paper, just to help you know, for a long time, it was really hard for me the idea of getting the book out because it's like, "Oh, this is so much of myself to share." But then I realized if I could just help one person, you know, that was stuck like I was that could read the story, read these methods, and use the tools and it can help them then that is a beautiful thing that I need to do.

Andrea Crisp 27:23
I love that. Well, where can they find your book? And how can they connect with you?

Denise Wester 27:29
My book is on Amazon, it's the whole title is Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous, To Take Action, To Get Unstuck, and Find Your Personal Power. And yes, and I'm on Instagram, @deniserwester, Facebook, and there's a link on my Instagram that will connect you to the book. And I also have a freebie, little one sheet on busting through procrastination. So you can connect to that through my Instagram link and through my website, too. So look forward to any connections and those who purchase my book get to, I have a private Facebook group to further support collaborate, and I put more journaling prompts on there and weekly inspirations and it's a community of like minded, who have read the book. And we're, I wanted additional support, and celebrate wins and breakthroughs and be there for each other. So you get to get on that when you purchase my book, just send me an email to pr@denisewester.com.

Andrea Crisp 28:29
That is awesome Denise, like I am just I'm just thrilled for you that you, you did this, that you took this big step I know that, you know, when we were in mastermind together, this was kind of the process that you were in and to see it actually come out into the world and have his birth. And it's really exciting to see. And I encourage you to go ahead and make sure you do purchase her book on Amazon and connect with her. Denise is an amazing human. And so you will you will definitely be inspired by her. So thank you so much Denise for being on the podcast. And we'll make sure all the links to your Instagram and website are in the show notes for everybody to access.

Denise Wester 29:13
Thank you so much.

Andrea Crisp 29:15
Well, I just loved having that conversation with Denise. And honestly, it was even better the second time around, which of course is always the case, right? When we are trying to control things, oftentimes those are the moments when they just don't really work out as planned. And we can get discouraged and defeated or we can find another way through, which is exactly the lesson that I have been learning in my life is how do you start seeing things differently when you are bumping up against the same thing over and over and over again? Reframe that mindset. Find a new solution, look for another way around and be divinely lead in the process. And so I want to thank Denise for reminding me of that today reminding us all. So, if you want to connect with Denise, you can find all of her information located in the show notes, as well you can connect with me at @andreacrispcoach and @the.couragecast. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 30:27
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

Listen Here:

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

October 19, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

EP 183 | The Truth About Love + Entrepreneurship

October 19, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

WITH AMBER DALSIN

“Many couples when they’re talking about what they want, they focus on how they’re different. And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually do we agree, that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there’s going to be places where you’re not growing together,”

— Amber Dalsin

About This Episode:

Have you ever wondered if you can have it all? Or do you feel like you have to sacrifice your love life to have a successful business. In this episode of The Couragecast I’m chatting with Couple’s Therapist Amber Dalsin about the fears that hold us back in relationship, how to have our core needs met, and choosing a partner that will be able to support the dream.

Amber Dalsin is a psychologist, couples therapist, educator and author. After 10 short months of marriage, she found herself single and living in her boss’s dark basement. From a place of loneliness and deeply wanting to be loveable, she hit the relationship research to find the exact tools to help her cultivate self confidence and create a love beyond her wildest dreams.

Connect With Andrea:

Instagram + Emotional Intimacy Cheat Sheet

Connect With Amber:

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Relationships can be messy at the best of times, but especially if you're an entrepreneur or a small business owner. Today on the podcast, we're talking to couples therapist, Amber Dalsin, all about how to grow together as a couple, and how to choose the right partner for you, when you're an entrepreneur.

Amber Dalsin 0:20
And many couples, when they're talking about what they want, or where they're growing, they focus on how they're different. They focus on where they're not seeing eye to eye. And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually do we agree? Where actually do we have some shared goals and some shared dreams that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there's going to be places where you're not growing together.

Kate 0:45
You're listening to The Couragecast, a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week, we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author, and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:59
Hello, friends. Welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host. And I am pretty excited to bring you this conversation today with Amber Dalsin, which is a very long time coming. Honestly, I think we recorded this episode back in the summer. And it was one of my very favorite recordings because Amber has such amazing knowledge about relationships, and especially when it comes to being an entrepreneur, because that can be really messy. And if you're not really choosing the right partner for you, or navigating your relationship with understanding your core values and what your needs are and how you need to be supported, then things might get a little bit out of hand. So I'm super excited for you to take a listen to this episode. It was originally aired on Instagram as part of their Courage Creator series. And today it's on the podcast and I'm thrilled to bring you Amber Dalsin.

Hey everyone, I'm back for another of our Courage Creator series today. I'm really excited because I've got an amazing guest to share with you today. Amber Dalsin, she is a psychotherapist and she's also a relationship expert. We're going to be talking all about what happens when you are struggling with having really hard conversations with your partner, significant other and how does that work when you're an entrepreneur and you're business owner, so we're gonna have a really great conversation. So she's gonna be here in just a second. Hey, Amber.

Amber Dalsin 2:50
Hi, how are you today?

Andrea Crisp 2:53
I'm good. I'm really excited to have you on I absolutely love this topic. And we're talking about the struggle that partners face when they are having these really tough conversations about their relationship, which I'm sure includes money in entrepreneurship and being business owners especially like after a pandemic, when things have so vastly shifted. I'm sure there's a lot of people who are in these positions where they are asking themselves these questions. But before we get into it, I'd love for you just to kind of tell people who you are and a little bit about who you serve.

Amber Dalsin 3:36
Yeah, absolutely. So as you said, I'm Amber Dawson. I'm a psychologist and couples therapist. And I'm the founder of ember relationships, psychology, where I love helping couples create connection and clear communication through simple framework so we can feel loved and heard. And part of why I do this is ultimately in my life. Being loved, the desire to be loved, and to fit into belong was something that I just didn't feel like I had, I grew up in a family system where my brother was a drug addict by the time he was 13 years old, and no fault of my parents, great parents. But as a result of that, I don't think any parent is ever equipped to handle a drug addict at 13. And I was just left alone, left to my own devices. And I didn't understand why I didn't get the love or attention or care that I wanted. And being 15 at the time myself, I thought well, I'll just get this through men. But it worked until it didn't work and I didn't know a lot about relationships. All I knew is that I deeply want it to be loved and I didn't have the tools to create that. And so now I have the tools now, I have a love beyond my wildest dreams I feel like I could write a fairy tale about and I want couples to also have the tools to build a love that they dream up because we are so wired for love. We are wired for connection and belonging but because we have fears or lack of skills or tools, so often we don't know how to get and keep that love that we dream of. So that's my goal is to help bring that to couples and make it a bit more accessible so that we can all have our little fairy tale whatever that looks like for us.

Andrea Crisp 5:02
We were talking just before we went live about, you know what that looks like when we're in a partnership with someone, and we're bringing in our own fears or insecurities and having those really tough conversations. I'd love to know, like, what, what are the big fears that you think, are holding people back, especially in entrepreneurship, you know, so maybe one person is an entrepreneur, and the other person is working their nine to five, and all of a sudden, you know, there's these questions around money, and how long are we going to be doing this? And what are some of the things that come up when you're talking to couples, or even people that are in that space?

Amber Dalsin 5:45
Are you asking from the perspective of the person who's starting their own business? Or from the perspective of the person who's not?

Andrea Crisp 5:50
Let's Let's go with the person who is starting their own business? Or is in the middle of that? Yeah.

Amber Dalsin 5:58
Gosh, I think there can be so many fears, right? I think starting out a new business. There's a ton of hurdles, I think most of us are already, you know, we can have that fear of like an imposter, can I really do this? Who do I think I am to be doing this? And so we already have our own vulnerabilities about who are we to be doing this? And are we going to make it? We can have fears and vulnerabilities around? Are we going to make the finances fears and vulnerabilities about being a failure? Or what will it mean, if we don't succeed, what will be left? Will our partner go? Will our partner be able to provide the emotional support we need through this? Will we be supported? Are they gonna be on our team? And I think there's so many different fears that you can have an interpreted, depends on your situation, your finances, your relationship, but I think a lot just around succeeding, getting the support that you need, and what's going to be the impact of whether or not you don't whether or not you succeed in the way that you want to. I think there certainly can come come up a number of fears, especially when we're diving into something where the future is uncertain and unknown. That is the perfect formula for all sorts of fears to emerge or arise.

Andrea Crisp 6:58
Yeah. And I mean, just as you're saying, you know, like, you're not only dealing with your own fear, but you of success, because I know like, if you're an entrepreneur, you're going through this these mindset shifts all the time about, you know, can I do this? Can I step into this space? What is it going to look like? Who do I have to be to be this person now? And then you're shifting, changing, and expanding? And maybe your partner is, you know, over here going, what is going on here? Like, do you see, you know, potentials where they they kind of start going apart? How do they, how would a couple, I guess, navigate staying together and keeping those values, or shared values when one person's really really growing in an area? And maybe the other person is staying in that space?

Amber Dalsin 7:51
Yeah, great question. I think this happens all the time, whether it's entrepreneurship or anything else, because throughout life, I mean, you're lucky if you and your partner go through something and you grow at the same rate, and at the same time, but that's usually not what happens. You know, we go through different life events, and they impact us in different ways. And we're catapulted into grow sometimes, and we don't want to be, and very often we don't go through growth at the same rate, or the same time that our partner does. And couples are always forced to be renegotiating every new gap, renavigating how do we grow through, go through growth and grow together, not apart. And there may be phases where you grow to part grow apart a bit, but then can you grow back together. So the best way that I think that we can do this is through conversations, and men and women as a sweeping over generalization here, but it's also supported in the in the research have different styles about how we communicate how often we want to communicate what we want to communicate about. So just remember that how you communicate in your relationship is going to be different for every relationship.

There are some females who don't love to talk and share and be vulnerable. And there are many females who love to talk and share and be vulnerable. There are some males who don't want to talk about anything, they only want talk about sports and politics and that's it. There are other males who are very open to talking about the relationships. But as a sweeping overgeneralization, females usually are the ones who want to talk about the relationship, they're usually the ones who are managed the emotional labor in the relationship. And so more often than not, the woman will be responsible for typically bringing those things up and having them be worked on. Sure there are men who do that. And we don't want to say men don't need to be part of that equation. They shouldn't be just recognizing also that there's differences for whatever reason, maybe it's biological, maybe it's socialization, but we've got some differences there.

But the thing that couples need to be open to is having conversations about how one person's dream impacts them both and there's a few mistakes that people make sometimes when they're going to have conversations. Some of these mistakes include like steamrolling your partner and just you sharing the way you think it should be and assuming for agreement or assuming that they're going to get on board where, you know, maybe they have to digest maybe they thought all along that you too would both be having a nine to five and they're shocked to hear that you want leave your nine to five. And they need some time to get their mind onboard with that. So just because you brought up an idea, you understand the idea, you have thought through the idea, give your partner some time to adjust and adapt, because it might not be that they don't support you, it might just be a radically different vision than they have in their mind's eye. Because whether or not we realize that sometimes, we all have dreams and beliefs and goals about what our future is going to look like.

And if you've been in a long term relationship, you can't help but create goals and dreams based on your partner as well. And so when we're going into this, it's really important to share our side, but also ask about our partner's side, their point of view, without judgment, without criticism without blame without, you know, accusing them that they're not supporting, but giving them the time and space to voice their concerns, their opinions, even if you radically disagree, because one of the things that would influence that it's kind of irritating is we actually have more influence with people, when we get them to feel seen, heard, understood, we validate their position, before we get that agreement in ours. And most of us when we're feeling like super gung ho, and supercharged on the vision on the path that we see, it can be incredibly frustrating when our partners aren't there with us, we want the support, and we want it now. And when they, you know, offer resistance or reluctance or fears or feel unsupportive, or have criticisms, we're like, how dare you. And the last thing we want to do is hear them.

But what most couples if you work hard to hear each other, even if they're very differing views. So I always like to say, the measure of success isn't if you start out in different books, you're not gonna be on the same page, it's great if you and your partner talk and you're on the same page and the same book, you get two thumbs up. But most people, if you're going through a radical change, or you're growing in different directions, you might start out in different pages of the books, I mean, different books, different pages of the books, and I think the measure of success isn't where you start. It's where you finish. So if you're bringing these things up, and you're talking about it, and you want to grow together, I think it's really important for both people get the opportunity to share their beliefs, values, goals, dreams, fears, even if these things are founded in logic and reality or not. Yeah, and then figure out what are your shared goals or dreams? What do you have in common, and work to get at least in the same book, if not the same chapter if not the same page. And many couples, when they're talking about what they want, or where they're growing, they focus on how they're different, they focus on where they're not seeing eye to eye? And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually, do we agree? We're actually do we have some shared goals and some shared dreams, that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there's going to be places where you're not growing together?

Andrea Crisp 12:51
Yeah. Now, you know, when a couple stays together, or one of them is having tremendous success, because I've seen both. So I want to address both sides, where an entrepreneur all of a sudden has this like accelerated success and is making a ton of more money, maybe then the partner, or the the partner is in a business, and they are having a hard time. And the partner now is like, "Okay, well, I need you to get a job." So like, those are two different sides of the coin. But could you address both of those, because I feel like, there will be people who find themselves like all of a sudden, they feel like my partner really, really wants me to get a job, and I am having resistance to like going back to a nine to five. And then on the other side, they're making a ton of money. Yeah, and now they're like having to explain like to their partner who maybe is making less now. So what do you say to that?

Amber Dalsin 13:51
Well, I think anytime we make a change in our relationship, we're always going to have to be adjusting and re navigating the roles that we're in and the experiences we're having. So I think I guess I'll start with if you're making less money, and you feel the pressure by your partner to get a job. I think this is going to look different for every single relationship. And remember, no one is in your relationship. But you and I think this again, comes back to some really difficult conversations that might not always be the most pleasant to have. But instead of thinking, "Okay, they want me to get a job," I think it's important to sit down and to talk about what are the core needs here. So is the core need to be financially secure, to pay your bills, tend to know that we're headed toward a shared vision, to save for retirement. And then once you understand the core goals you both have, there can be more flexible ways that you think about meeting those needs. So maybe your partner can say look, I can financially be in this position with you where you're not bringing in money, I can handle that for three months, or I can handle that for six months. I can handle that for one year. So you can talk about timelines or time durations of not getting a job. You can talk about, you know, minimum amounts of cash flow to be bringing in so you don't have that pressure. You could be talking about is there a part time job where you could do half and half or another thing that you could wants to have some money coming in.

So I think it's not always a conversation that is so cut and dry like you need to get a job or you don't need to get a job, although your partner might say that, figure out what the core need is, is the core need security? Is the core need contribution? Is the core need saving for retirement is their core need? Is it the lasting financial legacy? Once you figure out that core need is for you both, you can compromise on how is that done? Certainly doesn't mean you're going to just always have these free flowing easy conversations or compromises smooth. Probably not because you're probably both going to be triggered. But you might need to keep coming back to what temporary compromises are, what things can you agree on for now, and maybe follow up and revisit in a week or a month or in six months, so that you keep working towards what you need. And your partner, here's the thing, your partner might want you to get another job, that might be their preference.

Andrea Crisp 15:52
Yeah.

Amber Dalsin 15:53
But if they're willing to tolerate the distress of perhaps that entrepreneur not making the income, and their preference would be to get you to get a job, but maybe you just, the person who is the entrepreneur, would just need to tolerate the distress of their partner not liking where they're at. And together, your joint agreement can also be we agree to not like it, or move forward until it feels better and revisit that in a number of months. So sometimes agreement and solutions doesn't mean liking. Sometimes it means accepting the problems and the pressures that you have, which isn't always the most desirable outcome. But John Gottman, and their research are the Gottmans and the Gottmans is doing their research have found that 69% of relationship problems aren't solvable, that means that only 31% of relationship problems can be solved. And so sometimes the antidote is accepting that your partner doesn't like where you're at, and you don't like where they're at. And you move forward. Anyway.

Andrea Crisp 16:49
Wow, I didn't realize that. That's that is, okay. Now, okay, so for the person, we've been talking a lot about people who are in partnerships and relationships, but for the people who are maybe not, I would love for your thoughts, because they're going to set themselves up, in a way, in a relationship where they have a clean slate, how can they set themselves up for success? By really communicating well, with a new partnership? And how, how do they actually, like I mean, I, you know, this is purely selfish on my part, I'm single. So tell me what I'm going to need to do to set myself up for success in my next relationship.

Amber Dalsin 17:33
Great, great thoughts. So I think one of the first things you need to be considering when we're dating is choosing a partner that matches the emotional availability that you need. So right from the outset, we're getting clues from certain people, if they're willing to talk to you, if they're willing to have some difficult conversations or not, or if they're throwing up flags that they don't want to talk, I think right away, because in early relationship, we are swept away with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, pheromones, and we can fall hard and fast for no good reason other than, like our biology said so, our biology is incredibly powerful. And the initial stage of falling for someone, it can be like red flag, red flag, flashing red flag in your nervous system is like, what red flag, I don't see it. Just kidding. Like, I will flood you with more pheromones, you don't see any red flags.

So I think the first thing to be aware of is just how powerful our biology is. And recognizing that that is gonna, if you meet that person, and we've had this experience, you meet someone, and your biology just loves them, they might not be that great in any other way, but your biology is like lit right up. You're literally going out for like a Christmas tree and you can't calm that down. You can't unplug it, no matter what you try to do. So it's just to recognize that that is a biological thing. And it does not always mean that partner is great for you. In some cases, we lean up even more to the people that aren't great matches for us because it actually sparked some anxiety in us. And then when they show up in the way that we want intermittently, then we get reward and we get relief. And so we get even more sparks sometimes for people that are poor matches for us. That being said, we can also get sparks. Yeah, so we get sparks for people that are great matches, and we can get sparks and sometimes way more sparks from people that are awful matches for us. So we don't want to just buy into it feels good, therefore, it's right. We need to have the hat of like, of course, we want it to feel good. We want it to be a little bit of magic. That's part of the fun of dating and falling for someone. But we also have to balance that with a bit of the logical hat or the hat that is maybe you know, the check marks of what we want. Now it's not all checkmarks because when you find that right person for you, they're going to check boxes you never even knew you had and they're not going to check boxes that you thought were important to you and you're going to choose that person or not.

But you want to get really clear on what are the values what are the goals that are absolute deal breakers for you. So for me in my personal life, I know that I'm I mean, I talk for a living, I know that I need someone that can have an emotional conversation with me, at least sometimes. Now, my partner, we're not having emotional conversations every day, not even every week. But when I need to keep tanned, we have incredibly different preferences for how deep or emotional conversations about relationships we want to have. But he'll have an incredibly deep conversation with you about sports or politics. Now, I think there's a lot of people in this world that wouldn't say those are deep conversations or superficial, but for him, they're incredibly deep and meaningful. So we have to make sure we're aware of what our expectations are. So we need to know our expectations about emotional availability, first and foremost, because you cannot make someone love you, or care for you, or give you Words of kindness or touch that isn't prepared to do so. If they're not going to do it, they are not going to do it. And like, Yeah, sometimes it can be learned, or sometimes they will change. But more often than not, if someone has a pattern of behavior over time that says they are not available, probably not going to be.

So the first thing is that be aware of what you need in terms of emotional availability. Then you want to consider how do they speak to you ultimately, because the some of the biggest predictors of relationship breakdown aren't the problems you actually have. They are how you talk about the problems that you have. So some predictors of relationship breakdown or what you call harsh startup. So that's what it sounds like. It's starting a conversation with harsh words, clipped marks, criticism, or contempt.

Andrea Crisp 21:32
Yeah,

Amber Dalsin 21:33
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are so bad for relationships, the goblins have turned them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So these are overlapping categories. So like I already said, harsh startup has criticism and contempt. Those are two of your four horsemen. Another one is defensiveness, or stonewalling. And let's be clear, even the best relationships do those sometimes. So if someone does those, sometimes, it's not like, Whoa, red flag!

Andrea Crisp 21:57
Right? That not run for the hills? But?

Amber Dalsin 22:00
Yeah, but if that's a dominant pattern of behavior over time, probably not great. So those are the top two predictors of divorce, harsh startup and the four horsemen and I could go on and on and on with those. So you just want to be aware of "Are these the dominant patterns?" Because if they are, that's probably not great. And then just recognizing every partner comes with a set of problems. Everyone does. Yeah, and choosing a partner is choosing the problem that you want, and choosing the qualities that you want. So I think it's really important to be discerning when you go in like, okay, yes, that's a flag. Is that a flag I can handle? Or is that a flag that's going to be an incredible deal breaker? So I'd be going in with a bit of like, what do I really want what's really important? Knowing what I'm flexible with knowing like, there's absolutely no way I'm going to tolerate that, and then kind of going along with it. And I think when it comes to the long term, like is this person a great long term mate.

So give yourself a little time if you're noticing those love hormones beginning to fade, as they eventually do. Is the relationship still filled up with good positive feelings, even when kind of all those chemical signals in your body were off? Because what we know in the relationship research is in day to day interactions, you need a ratio of 20 positive things for every one negative thing to have a neutral balance. And in conflict conversations, you need five positives for everyone negative to have the complex conversation generally steer in a positive way. So as those love drugs fade out of our nervous systems, is there still positive things happening in relationship? As you know, there's still phases across the room? Are they still using nurturing touch? Do they still call? Do you still have conversations? Are they still emotionally available in some ways? Are they still doing these things that fosters the loving feelings? Or are they the kind of person that when the love drums go away, they're like, no, they have the mentality that love should be easy, or it should always feel genuine, like love could be easy, and it could be genuine, if you're creating the rituals and the habits, that puts those things in place are they're second nature.

So those are some of the things I really look at, does the good feelings persist? After you know our our neurobiology is in firing as strongly, so those are some of my initial thoughts when you're headed into a relationship when you're dating and you're thinking okay, is this person a great match for me, and I think, yeah, just early on, pay attention to the flags if you can, and it doesn't mean you have to end a relationship then in there. But if your friends are bringing things up, if they're like, Oh, you know, I noticed your partner like drinks the lot like more, be careful that you're not like, "Oh, yeah, I only drink a lot but it like makes them really fun and like they're they're just really great with their friends," and like notice what your friends are saying. Because sometimes when we're filled up with the love drugs at the beginning of relationship, anything, any concerns anyone brings up we can have a rationalization or an excuse for because, like we're lit up like a Christmas tree inside. So just noticing what people say. Analyzing it also recognizing in the early stage of relationship, like we're not the greatest Judge of things because we're so flooded with our own pleasure hormone. So it's just an ongoing evaluation.

Andrea Crisp 25:25
This is like been like, gold. Really, I mean, we've covered pretty much everything we can cover, as far as like in relationship or when we want to be in start being in a relationship and kind of how to navigate those conversations. Where can people find you if they want to connect with you? And maybe even there have questions that they have specifically related to some of these things?

Amber Dalsin 25:51
Yeah, absolutely. So two places to find me if they're listening to this on the podcast, you can head over to my podcast, which is Relationships Psych the podcast. Alternatively, you can find me on Instagram, I spent a lot of time there, which is @emberrelationshippsychology, EMB, E, R, relationship psychology, so you can find me there. And if you're in the province of Ontario, and you want therapy, you can go www.emberrelationshippsychology.com, and figure out how you can book yourself in for a session. So that's how you can find me, and I love seeing people on Instagram. That's the best place if you have a question. It's a comment or you can put it in the comments or send me a DM I can't give direct advice on there. But you'll see it show up in different ways, or I can answer your question vaguely. So, you know, that's the best way to find me if you have some more questions.

Andrea Crisp 26:35
That's amazing. Thank you so much for hanging out with me on Instagram, and also on the Couragecast. And I can't wait for this to go live elsewhere, as well. But for those of you who joined in today, or watching the replay, thanks for tuning in, make sure you connect with Amber as well here on Instagram and have a great weekend.

Amber Dalsin 26:57
Yeah, you too. Thank you so much for having me on. It was an absolutely delight to speak with you this Friday.

Andrea Crisp 27:03
Wow, wow, wow. Honestly, I love that conversation. You know, I am a single woman, talk about this all the time. And, you know, when I think about being in a relationship, there have been a lot of barriers and obstacles that I've personally had to really think about in my own life, that have perhaps kept me from really getting into a relationship. And talking to Amber was really eye opening for me, because it made me realize what it is that I truly do desire in a relationship. And maybe you're in that place in your own life. And you can be navigating this single, as a couple, you know, or even struggling to figure this out. Maybe you're in a long term relationship, that you've recently become an entrepreneur, and trying to figure out how does this work. And the one big takeaway that I really, really I'm coming away with is really, that it's all about communication. And it's all about being honest about where you're at, what you need, and how you can be supported or feel supported by your partner, when it comes to choosing a partner, when it comes to being with your current partner, or even really explaining to someone you really love about what you need moving forward so that you can truly follow your dreams. And that's what it's all about, right? I think we can have it all. I do really believe that, I do believe that it is possible for us to have amazing partnerships, and amazing businesses all at the same time. So I want to say thank you to Amber, for coming on. She's a wealth of knowledge. Make sure you do follow her over on Instagram, she's got amazing reels, tons of content that she pushes out every single week. And if you're in Ontario, and you're looking for a couples therapist, she's your girl. So thanks, Amber for being on the show. And I'm so glad that we got to spend this time together friends. Also make sure to connect with me, over on Instagram. You can find the podcast at @the.couragecast. And you can find my coaching account at @andreacrispcoach. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 29:35
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original music and production by Stephen Crilly.

Listen Here:

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

October 5, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

EP 181 | Manifest Like A Boss

October 5, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

WITH JESSICA JOVANOVICH

“Anytime you’ve been able to create something you wanted in your life that you had your eye on, you had created momentum energetically along with the action you’re taking to get to that place. ”

— Jessica Jovanovich

About This Episode:

I used to think that manifestation was such a woo-woo concept that only certain people did. But the truth was I had no idea what it entailed or how it could transform my life. In this conversation with Mindset + Manifestation Coach JJ we chat about how to become an energetic match for what you truly desire and what it takes to create what you want in your life and business.

Jessica Jovanovich is a mindset + manifestation coach. She specializes in coaching driven women on how to create the life and business of their dreams. As an expert in manifestation, she helps her clients step into their intuition, operate in their profound power, create from a place of ease & flow, and let go of the hustle and grind mentality.

Connect With Jessica:

Connect with Jessica:

Instagram + Book

Connect With Andrea:

Learn More About The Confidence Accelerator

SIGN UP HERE

The Confidence Accelerator

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
I used to think that manifestation was such a woo woo concept that only certain people did. But the truth was, I had no idea what it entailed, or how it could transform my life. In this conversation with a mindset and manifestation coach, Jessica Jovanovich, we chat about how to become an energetic match for what you truly desire and what it takes to create what you want in your life in business.

Kate 0:26
You're listening to the Couragecast, a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:43
Hello there welcome to the courage cast. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host. I am thrilled to be back with another episode of The Courage Creator series. And I am really excited to talk to you today about manifestation. Because it is a topic that long eluded me, and when I started to understand it, it's almost like everything became so much clearer. I had so many preconceived ideas about what manifestation looks like, and how weird and woowoo it was. And meeting Jessica, who is our guest today, Jessica, Giovanna Vich, meeting her and really starting to learn from her has cleared up so many misconceptions that I had about manifestation. And I know that today, as you listen through our conversation, it is going to do the same for you consider this basically like your manifestation one on one, because we are going to talk about how you can start manifesting like a boss. And you can become a energetic match in your life and in your business for what you truly want instead of not being an energetic match for those things. And I think that sometimes we think that you know, I just write it down on a piece of paper, hope for the best and you know, poof, it happens. But that's not exactly how manifestation works. Jessica is going to clear all of that up for us, you're in for a really exciting episode. But before we dive in, I would be remiss to not talk to you about the Confidence Accelerator, which is beginning on October 18.

We are in launch mode. And let me tell you, friends, I love this program, we have launched two cohorts, and we are just about to launch the third. And I would love to invite you to become a part of this coaching program. This is for entrepreneurs, coaches, multi passionate creatives who are ready to take a step out of the shadows and into the light, truly into your own personal power. Because here's the thing, when we are making excuses or hiding from the things that we truly want to be doing. It is because we are believing in old story, and old narrative. And it's time to shift and change that narrative so that you can give yourself the permission to start doing what it is that you truly know you want to be doing with your life and with your business.

And so if you are interested in finding out more about the Confidence Accelerator, or you want to jump on a call with me and talk to me about that, or you're just like yeah, sign me up. I want you to make sure you go to the link in the show notes. You can find it anywhere that you can get the shownotes here on the Couragecast as well as on Instagram, my website Andrea Crisp.ca. And I want you to either just get yourself in there or book a call with me and let's chat and see if this is the right fit for you. We're starting on October 18. There are limited spots and so you want to make sure that you grab one right away. And I love to see you inside of the Confidence Accelerator. But now it's time for literally one of my favorite conversations. And one of my favorite people Jessica janowicz talking about manifestation Here we go.

Hello, welcome back to another of the Courage Creator series. I am super super excited because today I'm going to be talking to Jessica Jovanovich I hope I'm saying that right? And she is Oh there she is. Hey, Jessica, just request to be on and you're gonna be jumping here on live. I seriously love doing these lives. I love it. I wait for her to come on. Are you there, Jessica? Oh!

Jessica Jovanovich 4:48
Hello? Yes, you said it right.

Andrea Crisp 4:51
Did I? Okay, good.

Jessica Jovanovich 4:52
Yes. Which that's I mean, it's a tricky last name. You did great.

Andrea Crisp 4:56
Thank you. Well, you know, it's surprising that people get Crisp wrong all the time. So you think you're like, this is like the easiest last name ever, but the amount of times people actually get it wrong is quite surprising.

Jessica Jovanovich 5:10
What do they say?

Andrea Crisp 5:12
Well, they say Crist. They say Crips. They spell it wrong. They asked me how to spell it. I'm like, Oh, yeah, Mike, it's really it's more simple than you think.

Jessica Jovanovich 5:23
That's amazing. entertaining.

Andrea Crisp 5:27
Exactly, exactly. So I'm really excited. I've been really actually pretty jazzed to have you on Instagram Live. And for those people who are jumping on here, this is actually part of the podcast series, which is called Courage Creators on the podcast that I host called the Couragecast. So in a few weeks, we're actually going to take this live. And it's going to be posted to the podcast, along with just a little bit more because I just kind of spruce it up. And then we have the i g live and we have the podcast. So if you want to hear Jessica again, then you have the option to actually download it and hear her on the podcast. So I'm excited. Oh, that's so exciting. All the things, all the things now. When I first met you, you like blew me away. We had one conversation and I was like, talking to you about manifestation. And I told you at the time that I'm a baby manifester. Yes, yes. before we're gonna talk about manifestation, basically, like, how do you manifest what does that really even look like? And for all the newbies because there's probably lots of people who are newbies that are trying to like, I have no idea how to actually do this in my life. But before we do that, I'd love for you to tell us who you are, and so people can get to know you a little bit better.

Jessica Jovanovich 6:52
Awesome. Well, thanks for having me here. This is so fun. I loved that conversation because baby manifester, like you're in good company. And that's how I was when I first learned about this not too long ago. But I am a coach a mindset and manifestation coach for women entrepreneurs who are really driven and looking to move from that hustling grind into aligned action. So I really specialize in helping you get the results without all the negative costs that come along with the hustling grind. And and that came just you know, from my firsthand experience, and so I love that now we have this new way of still reaching our goals and creating what we want.

Andrea Crisp 7:30
Okay, so that made me curious right off the bat. Your first hand experience, so like, What got you into learning about this because obviously if something happened, you were wanting to shift that so what was happening that made you decide to shift that?

Jessica Jovanovich 7:45
Well, you know, with when I look at my life, manifestation isn't something that I grew up with, I didn't even know the word. But this part of creating a big life or dreaming big always was. And so I think we relate to each other on that and probably people listening like as a kid, I had this determination, it was like, oh, get the straight A's, I will do the extra credit, you need a leader, sign me up! And I always was kind of wanting to check the list of the goal and set the new goal but more and more on my plate. And it was in this gogogo mentality. But the problem was within that I wasn't trusting myself, I was trusting if anything, the hustle and the grind, like this will create everything, it'll make it so it all works out. And so I was creating or I was accomplishing a lot, but it brought me to a lot of difficulty, and in fact the moment that I always go back to is this this moment in time where it was what I referred to now as the most painful time in my life where it seemed like everything had gone awry, despite all of the accomplishments and I was chatting with someone and sharing a little bit of my experience and I remember it so vividly. She tilted her head like looked in at me and said, Wow, Jess, you sure lived a lot of life in a few short years.

And that really hit me that Yeah, actually I have lived a lot of years. But this was the next thought. And it's time to take back my power so I can live a lot more and it created this like incredible turning point where I was no longer going to operate from this place of just sheer willpower and default. I shifted into intentionally designing my life and paying attention to how I was feeling and the feeling behind the action I was taking and this changed everything so as I was leaning more and more into that then as I stumbled upon podcasts and books and heard people talking about this weird manifestation thing, I realized that wasn't quite so weird. It was just putting language to what I was experiencing firsthand. And because it was such a strong contrast this old way of operating to this like internal inner driven place and still getting results but it felt better. I couldn't shut up about it. I thought it transformed my life in my business and so then I had women reaching out to me like how did you do that can can you help me and that created this opportunity to coach people and I feel so passionate about it because of the drastic before and after that I experienced.

Andrea Crisp 10:01
You know, it's interesting because I think someone told me this not long ago. But even when I said, you know, I'm just learning about manifestation they're like, what you don't realize is that you are already manifesting. So you just may be manifesting the wrong things. But you are always in a place of manifestation. And that was something when I learned that I was like, oh, wow, then I really do need to be intentional about what I want. Because that will yield the result I want, because I'm maybe yielding the result that I don't want based on fear, or based on, you know, this is my old story. So I'm constantly thinking about it, I'm attaching to it. And now realizing, oh, if there's something I truly desire, I have to learn how to be in that energy. Which, you know, coming from a evangelical Christian background, and I know you have your own spiritual background that you came from, was like, really strange to me, because I'm like, I don't get this. This is the language I don't get. So let's like totally dumb it down. And let's talk about like, the basics of manifesting. And how do people actually manifest?

Jessica Jovanovich 11:17
Yeah, okay. So that's such a good point, because people will maybe hear about it, and they're like, Oh, I tried, that doesn't work. And that's the cool thing to realize we're always creating. So even when I was in that hustle in that grind, I was still manifesting, but I wasn't aware that I was. So when we learned the rules to the game, it's a lot more exciting, because then we can win. And we can get results. And so if we really dumb it down, all manifesting is, is it says that the energy you show up in is what you're going to get back. So to your point where Oh, if I, I might be manifesting something from a place of fear, yeah, if you're in fear and lack energy, you're going to continue to draw to you experiences that are full of fear and lack. And that's one of the tricky things about manifesting is people think, Oh, I thought positive thoughts. I had, you know, I was meditating, or I was writing in my gratitude journal, and it didn't work for me. But it's not about the action. It's the undercurrent underneath it. And so manifesting as tuning into how you're feeling and realizing how you're feeling the vibe that you're at, is creating what you will experience. Next, it's determining what you're a magnet for. And so that makes it so it's way less mysterious, you just tune in, oh, how do I feel? And you can sense Okay, what are you an energetic match for? Are your goals, is your vision, like a vibe that you would say is up here, but your vibe, and down here, you can see that you're not on the same channel, you got to tune in, so you can be a magnet for that?

Andrea Crisp 12:37
Okay, so let's just go with this lack energy, because I know that before, I've asked people and like, Okay, well, if I don't want to be in like energy, like, how do I not be? How do I, you know, do people ask you like that kind of question like, because I know, that's a very simple question, but it's like, okay, so obviously don't want to do that. But how do i do the other?

Jessica Jovanovich 12:59
Yeah. Okay. So for sure. This is such a popular question. And can I add on to that? Yeah, a way that people are in lack energy, even without noticing it, is within setting goals or setting intentions. And so you can check in with yourself, is there a goal that you've set for yourself? Let's say let's use money, for example, because that's something people can it's a great example, I want to make X amount of dollars, or I want to have more money. So you determine that's what you want. Now, are you connected to the energy of having that even though it hasn't shown up yet? Are you in this abundant, believable place? like okay, that's coming coming for me that's happening? I'm, I'm willing to do my part and taking this step forward? Are you in the lack of it? And so often, people are like, Oh, I just want it more they like grit their teeth, and like, hold on so tight, like I want it so bad.

What's the energy behind that? It's the lack of what is wanted, it's the lack of having it. So the energy is, even though you're like, No, I said, I've wanted this, I have my eyes on what I want. The momentum you're creating is lack of that lack of that lack of that. So then when you realize that and it's kind of like, Oh, great. It's it's awesome information. Because you can realize, oh, maybe that's why the thing that has been on my vision board isn't happening, or this thing I've wanted for so long. But then how do you shift from that lack, you get to realize that you can live in any energy you want, regardless of external circumstances, break up with the need to continually live contingent upon external reality, that's a brutal way to live. And it's a choice and we don't have to do it anymore. And when we realize it's a choice, and we don't have to do any more, you can start leaning into the new feeling. So it's as simple as if you realize you're in lack of it, you can close your eyes or soften your gaze hand on heart, head on solar plexus, and just kind of feel into that version of yourself that you can sense when you're going to have what you're looking for. Like let's say it's that amount of money and you can sense that abundance, that freedom, those good feelings, nothing changed externally. Nothing, no circumstance change, but you changed your vibration and that's how you can simply shift from that lack to something different.

Andrea Crisp 15:03
Okay, so I'm going to change just the scenario bet. Because maybe this will make sense to a lot of people, because this is kind of what I had to try and figure out, I have a girlfriend, who is like, the best flirter in the world, okay, she walks into any room, and she will flirt with any person in the room, like she's got like this amazing energy. And you might go into a bar with her, and guys are going to be literally like talking to her, she's the one that you know, is going to be asked to, you know, dance or whatever. And all these other girls are the hanging out being like, what the heck, because she walks in with this energy. And so often, so many women will walk in with a desperate energy, like, I just want to get a guy or I just want to, you know, have a hookup or whatever. It was really terrible example. But

Jessica Jovanovich 16:01
I think people like this, this is different.

Andrea Crisp 16:04
People can relate to it. Because it's like, I when I started to understand like this showing up in energy, I'm like, oh, if I show up in this energy, where I'm like, confident in who I am, that I could literally walk into a bar and like flirt with any guy wanted to because I just happy to be myself, I'm happy to be here. I just naturally believe that I will attract someone into my life. But if I go into the bar with desperate energy, then I'm going to be putting that out, which is the same, right as the lack with money. Because it's like, it's like, you're saying, what energy are you in? And I think that's where a lot of people can get, they get stopped. Because like, I don't understand, like, what do you mean by what energy? Like? Can you talk about like that? I know that that's maybe a barrier for some people? Because they don't get what do you mean the energy?

Jessica Jovanovich 16:58
Yeah, and it seems mysterious? And it seems you know, but it's really about how you feel so with your example, we could break that down the desperation? What's that rooted in? That's a scarcity. And and you can start understanding these categories. Is it scarce? Is it abundant? Is it from fear? Is it from love? Is it this upstream battle, or this downstream flow. So when you get out of the super specifics, and you just look at those categories, you can start to see like, Oh, this feels like a struggle. This feels like a flow. And so with this one, if you've got this desperate energy, it's a scarcity feeling. It's this not enoughness, whatever the feeling, is, that's what you're going to create more of. And so if you use the example of the gal walking in flirting, and everybody reacts to her, she has locked in a belief of like, Oh, yeah, this happens. Of course, I get these relationships happen easily, I can talk to anybody I want. It's really also if you don't know the energy, you can tap into what what's your belief? What are the thoughts going around in your head all the time, and you can see are those rooted in this scarcity or the abundance, the love or the fear the upstream or downstream, and that helps you start to become more present to what I would say is the energy, the vibration, it starts with, like, feelings when you're slowing down and understanding the thoughts that you have kind of on autoplay, that you can pause and kind of see, oh, even though I'm saying I'm wanting this appear, my thoughts are not a match for that my thoughts are reinforcing what I'm seeing again and again.

Andrea Crisp 18:25
So what is this like, upstream downstream thing? Like, what's that?

Jessica Jovanovich 18:29
So upstream, downstream, so think of the feeling of it, like if you're like paddling upstream, that's a struggle, versus if you're flowing downstream.

Andrea Crisp 18:39
Okay, got it. Of course. Yeah!

Jessica Jovanovich 18:40
I feel like when we've got that part locked in, we can we can check any part of our life. Like any part, if you're driving and you're in traffic and you're frustrated, you can say, am I swimming upstream? Or am I flowing downstream, and it helps us kind of shift back into this place of alignment? Because downstream flow would be an indication that you're in alignment, and therefore being an energetic match for what you desire.

Andrea Crisp 19:05
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Because like, I, I go kayaking often And so yeah, like when when the waves are coming at me, and I'm like, going against what the the flow is, I'm paddling harder. And I know it takes me longer to get where I need to go. And it's like arduous and I don't really enjoy it. On the days that I show up in the morning, and the lake is nice, calm and serene. And it's like, Oh, this is so easy. It's like, I just I love it. It's like a totally different ride. When I'm doing it at different times of the day, when I'm, you know, when the lake is really, really calm. And I find that even if I'm kayaking, and I'm going against the flow, I'm getting more worked up to. So the harder I'm working, the more worked up I'm getting about it and from straited and then just compounds. So it's kind of like if you're in the flow, and you're doing it aligned, then that's when the when things can start working for you is that it's,

Jessica Jovanovich 20:13
yeah, it's like, you've probably heard the expression of getting out of your own way, you can see when you're not in this resistance, you're not trying to swim upstream, you're allowing and receiving like the downstream flow, that's when you're out of your way, you're not getting all worked up and flustered. But really, it comes to momentum, it comes to wherever your attention is, however you're showing up, it's going to build momentum in that same place. So if it's upstream, then yes, to your point, it's like, I'm frustrated, then I'm getting more worked up, and then what else happens and then like, that's when, you know, have you had a day where like, all these bad things are happening, and then you stub your toe, and then you lose your keys. And then like, it's, that only happens when you're already frustrated, you know, you stub your toe when the day is already been bad. But if you can see the momentum that's been created, what you're an energetic match for. And so it's so fun to remember that no matter how worked up we are, we can choose to shift back into weight. Life doesn't have to be like this anymore. I can choose to allow it to be downstream, I can stop trying to fight the current I can flow. And that creates momentum in that regard, and allows like the universe to show up in these new ways where you'll look around, and you'll think like, What magic unfolds, when really, it's just we are creating momentum in this new direction.

Andrea Crisp 21:26
Very interesting. So like, I want to ask you a question about energetic match, because I do hear that often. And they're like, Are you an energetic match? Can I become an energetic match for something? If I'm not? Am I just it? I it is, or it isn't?

Jessica Jovanovich 21:43
Yeah, so you're not doomed. No one's doomed, you can become an energetic match for anything. It doesn't even matter if you've had yours in another place. Like I had years and years and years of momentum built up in a belief of like hustle and grind and sweat it out and work hard and struggle and sacrifice. And that's was my belief in order to reach those goals. But until I was an energetic match for more struggle, more sacrifice, more grind, more hustle before I could have the thing I wanted. So you can change in an instant. That's what I love about energy. And we're powerful creators, you can choose to change at any time, and shift into becoming an energetic match for something else. Having said that, people will be like, well, I shifted and nothing happened. Remember, you've had some momentum you've created over here. So like, let that die down and practice shifting into the new way. That's the hard part. I'll see people quit too soon. And then there'll be like, oh, it doesn't work. It doesn't? Well, it does. You're just manifesting from this energetic place. But anytime you've been able to create something that you intentionally wanted in your life that you had your eye on, like you had created momentum energetically along with the action you're taking to get to that place. So you can pivot pivot, pivot, shift, shift shift a million times over.

Andrea Crisp 22:57
And that, like, I've heard that in relationships, I'm going right back to relationships. I'm not sure why. But anyways, apparently it's on my mind. But I've had people say, Well, you are not you, you too, are not an energetic match. And, and I'm like, okay, but then sometimes that's good. Like, sometimes you don't want to be an energetic match to that person, because their energy is not where you want to be. And so it can work both ways, right? Like you can be an energetic match of low energy to something as easily as an energetic match in a more positive way. Is that right? Does that make sense?

Jessica Jovanovich 23:35
Yeah, absolutely. Anything that you're experiencing in your life right now is because you're an energetic match for it. And with relationships, I like to bring it back to like, I stay in my own lane, you stay in your own lane. So we're not really reaching across and saying, Oh, I'm not an energetic match for you necessarily, but like, especially if someone's wanting to create a relationship. So I was definitely at that place in my life before I met my husband. And the cool thing about manifesting is I could be tuned into energetically the relationship I want to have, but I got to cultivate that in and of myself. First, you don't wait till someone comes and you're like, oh, you're the complete match, you know, you get to live in the feeling of it now. And then that makes you an energetic match for the relationship versus we can sometimes get stuck if we get fixated on someone else or someone else's behavior or how someone else is showing up that outsources our power.

Andrea Crisp 24:28
Okay, I'm gonna have to listen back to that and like really digest that because I think that hugely important more questions for you later. And so you know, there's so many people who are creatives or entrepreneurs or multi passionate people that you know, follow me listen to the Couragecast, and they're probably trying to even figure out okay, well how do I just even start this manifestation journey? Like how do I start implementing this in my life? What would you say is kind of like their first steps in really getting an understanding of how this works for themselves and start to do it.

Jessica Jovanovich 25:08
Awesome. Yes. Okay. So I think first and foremost, being willing to pay attention to how you feel and give that credit. And this isn't like passing emotion or I watch a sad movie. In some crime. This is like, What? What are you feeling beneath what you want to create in your business or in your life. And when we start there, it helps us decipher what is there, because it's a should, because it's for someone else, because it's what we were supposed to do. And get some awareness on that. And then establish truly what you want, and give yourself permission to want whatever you want. Then from there, I mean, there's some steps in manifesting. But I feel like from there, it starts to illuminate some limits that people have. And so you get to say, you get to ask yourself, this belief, I've had this thing I've been saying that's holding me back, you get a question that, is that even true? Is it true without a shadow of a doubt? Well, no, it's not, it's not going to be the 100% and all truth. And so you can begin to tell a new story. And that will clear up some of these things that have been keeping you in this holding pattern of I want this, but I can't have it, I want this, but I can't have it, it'll help you move into, this is what I want. And it is for me, and then you get to show up being that version of yourself. Now, energetically, that is congruent with what you desire.

Andrea Crisp 26:24
So it's like doing some of the work first, the mindset work, shifting those old stories are the you know what you believe to be true? And then when you are able to be in that space and believe that to be, you know, possible for yourself, then you can hold the space for that. Is that kind of how your diet saved? Absolutely. Okay. Okay. Because I get some Yes, definitely. When I'm talking even to my clients, and it's like, it's like, what comes the cart before the horse, right? But I think it's like, okay, you have to sometimes really heal in some of those areas. So that you can believe for the things you desire. Because it's like, you can't just all of a sudden jump to manifestation be like, Oh, I'm gonna be in the right, you know, because there are things that are rooted in us that we have to be able to heal from is that do what? What do you What's your take on that?

Jessica Jovanovich 27:20
Yeah, so one, one word of caution is we don't have to make it complicated. We don't have to make it difficult. That can be the old thought process. But exactly what you said where the energy we show up in is going to be determined based on the thoughts we're thinking the thoughts, we're thinking, create our beliefs, a belief is just a thought, we've thought a whole bunch of times, but the thoughts were thinking creator belief, which then determines what is possible for us, because it will cap us within what we will allow to be drawn to us. So that's why there is power in looking at if there is a belief that has been holding you from what you desire, cleaning that up healing, that, getting rid of that writing a new story, telling a new story, believing something new that will allow you to be vibing with what you actually want, because you'll have your belief around it like yes, this is for me.

Andrea Crisp 28:09
Yes. Okay. I 100% love that. Because that is the journey that I was on over the past couple years was really creating a new story for myself. And I think I met you at the perfect moment, because I was learning about manifestation and learning how to really get in alignment with my business and what I wanted for my business and how I wanted to be in my business. And so I know that even just having conversations with you, has really shifted me. So that's why I want to I wanted to bring you on because I know that you know, there may be so many entrepreneurs or creatives out there that are like, I need to figure out how to be in alignment with my business or how to you know, Jessica is your girl, she is the person you need to talk with hire as a coach, because you have been instrumental in helping me to really shift that. So I definitely want to endorse you highly to people. If this is something you're feeling like yeah, I've worked on the mindset. Now I'm ready to like, take that piece and accelerate it in this way. How can people how can people contact you?

Jessica Jovanovich 29:21
Well that is so nice to say!

Andrea Crisp 29:24
No, I hey, and go hire this lady.

Jessica Jovanovich 29:30
Thank you so much. So I would love to chat with any of you guys just find me on the Instagrams. I'm jessica.jovanovich on Instagram so come over there DM me, we can chat and see what next steps make sense for you. But I loved what you said Andrea, like this is oftentimes the missing component. And I love when people realize, like, oh, there's something missing and this just kind of connects the dots and it feels it like resonates it lands like oh, this is what's been missing. And it's it really does transform experience when we can tap into this and start intentionally creating the life and the business of our dreams without those limits without the sabotage that comes in when we don't know the rules to the game.

Andrea Crisp 30:12
And I'll tell you, just even knowing how to put some of these things into practice has been so transformational for me because it's like, I love my business again. Because I love who I get to be in it. And I love that it's I'm not making it over complicated, and trying to be all the things that I don't need to be. And so thank you for sharing your wisdom with me personally, but also sharing your wisdom to people that are watching this today and also listening on the Couragecast. And thank you for being a guest. I appreciate it. So, so lovely to have you here.

Jessica Jovanovich 30:49
You are welcome. The pleasure is all mine.

Andrea Crisp 30:51
Okay. I love that conversation. I love learning from Jessica, this is literally one of my favorite topics right now. And for a really long time I stay clear of it because I came out of a church background where talking about this kind of stuff was a little bit taboo. And maybe that's where you've been at or maybe you're in the church now and this is seems like a whole big thing for you. And, friend, if that's you, I just want you to take a deep breath and know that it's okay just to be curious. I'd love to chat with you about it. I love you know, to have a conversation with you about manifestation or if you're super manifester, and you want to teach me more things, then feel free to jump in my dams as well. But I really want to thank Jessica for just being so gracious with her wisdom and her knowledge and for really showing us what it is truly to become an energetic match for what it is that we truly desire. And friends. I also just want to remind you that if you are interested in finding out more about the Confidence Accelerator which launches October 18, it is right around the corner I love to have you take part, make sure you jump onto the website andreacrisp.ca. to find out more information, or even to schedule a call with me and talk to me about whether or not this is the right fit for you. Until next time, remember you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 32:20
If you like this episode of the Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

Listen Here:

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

September 14, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

178 | The Gift Of Comparison

September 14, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

WITH FULL NAME

“Rather than seeing what other people are doing better than me and feelings like I am therefore not enough, I instead turn it into a goal because goals make me feel like I’m in control.”

— Paige Lawrence

About This Episode:

Have you ever fallen into the trap of comparison only to feel worse about yourself than when you started? In this episode, I'm chatting with Canadian Olympian Paige Lawrence about how she uses comparison and competition to her advantage. You'll learn how this Olympic athlete was able to shift her mindset in a very competitive sport so that she could harness the power of comparison and competition.

Paige Lawrence is a Performance coach for entrepreneurs and elite athletes. She competed in pairs figure skating in the 2014 Olympics, 21 international competitions (medalling at several), and was the 4x Canadian Pairs Bronze Medalist. She is now dedicated to helping elite entrepreneurs and athletes to optimize their performance and achieve new personal bests in their goals while avoiding burnout.

Through her Olympic career, Paige learned firsthand the exact mindset and skillset that is required for experiencing success, however, she also learned how the “high-performance at all costs” mentality can cut a rising career short. She is now passionate about helping others to achieve their high performance in their business, achieve their bold goals, and feel fulfilled without sacrificing their physical and mental health or happiness.

Connect With Paige:

Connect With Andrea:

Join The Be Magnetic Live Experience

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
So often we look at comparison as something that is negative. But what if we started to use it as fuel for us to make momentum in our lives? Today I'm chatting with Paige Lawrence, who's Canadian Olympic pairs figure skater. She's going to talk to us about how she takes comparison and competition and uses it to her advantage,

Paige Lawrence 0:23
rather than seeing other people in what they're doing better than me and feeling like I'm there for not enough. Why instead, turn it into a goal, right? Because goals make me feel like I am in control.

Kate 0:38
You're listening to the courage cast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:54
Hey there, welcome to The Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host. And if this is your very first time listening to the podcast, I want to say a huge welcome. I have a fabulous guest on the show. And if you have known me for any length of time, you know how obsessed I am with Canadian figure skaters. Like it's a whole thing. I love our Canadian Olympians. And today, on the show, I am talking to pairs figure skater, Olympic athlete, Paige Lawrence. And Paige and I have actually been in a mastermind together over the past almost six months. And so I have gotten to know her a little bit. But one of the things I was talking to her about which I was so interested in was how she has used competition and comparison to her advantage, which is so counterintuitive to what we normally do. Because we're always taught that we should not compare ourselves to others. But what if you need to what if you need to use it as a fuel to actually give you that forward momentum? So I'm thrilled to talk to Paige today. No, Paige is a performance coach. And she is just about to launch a brand new program. She's going to tell us all about that today here on the courage cast. And I cannot wait for you to get to know Paige Lawrence. Hey, everyone, I am so excited to be back for another episode on the courage cast called the courage creator series. And today I am welcomed by a very special guest. If those of you who are maybe following me, maybe know that yesterday was our Canada Day. And today I'm really excited because we are actually going to be chatting with Paige Lawrence. And Paige is a Canadian Olympian. And I love the Olympics. Those of you who know me, I love figure skating. I don't know if Paige knows that. But Hey. Hi, how are you? Oh, so good. Glad to be here with you. Yes, I'm so glad you're here. I was just telling people I love our Olympians. I love our Olympians. I'm Oh, and Anna says I love Canadian friends. So it's so glad I'm so glad to add I mean I'm literally Yeah, I one of those people like when the Olympics is on. I watched like everything I could possibly watch. I absolutely love to go and watch figure skating shows. I never figure skating myself. I was more of a rap player. But so I'm excited. I need to be on the ice ball. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Why don't you tell people a little bit about your yourself and your journey?

Unknown Speaker 4:02
Yeah, sure, I'd love to. Um, so I grew up in a really small town up in Canada, I started figure skating simply because my parents like wanted me to learn how to skate in a small town. There's not a lot to do in the winter. And I ended up really loving figure skating. And so my parents being the good parents that they were they just kind of continue to look for opportunities before me to get better. Which led me to a coach in a neighboring town about 25 minutes from my house. And I was nine years old, I think when I started working with her, and she was the coach that ended up like taking me to the Olympics like years and years later. So it was really kind of a crazy story because I mean, we we didn't have the resources around us that we typically should have. I started eating chairs when I was 15 which is what I competed in the Olympics and and a pair team from the prairies was very unheard of We had no pairs experience, my coach was watching videos of how to teach pairs and teaching us. It's kind of a crazy startup story. Um, but we really were just a case of being so committed to finding solutions, and finding a way to move forward towards our dreams that in 2014, we qualified and competed at the Olympics in Sochi, Russia, which is pretty awesome. In my books, I think there was a 22nd Olympic Games, my first and the best experience of my entire life. Yeah, I

Andrea Crisp 5:35
can imagine, like I I've heard of what the Olympic villages have is like, but I imagine that with being surrounded by so many other elite athletes, also in your sport, in another sports, there would be like, all of this possibility to compare yourself to what other people are doing other sports, other athletes, and that's what we're going to talk about today is competition and comparison, because usually most people want to steer clear from that, because it's has such a negative connotation. But I'd love to hear your take on like, how has comparison. And competition helped you? So hopefully, hope I want to say that again. How is comparison and competition helped you? Basically?

Paige Lawrence 6:26
Yes, it's a great question. And I love talking about this, because I feel like I have a little bit of a polarizing view on it. Like you said, normally competition comparison, it can kind of bring out our worst, it brings out that self doubt our inner critic, and makes us feel like we're not good enough. And helps us to play small. And as an athlete, I really have to learn how to use comparison and competition as a great thing as a tool in my toolkit, because as competitors, you are literally being compared to the rest of your field, right? That's what the judges are doing. They are comparing you. So I was playing a sport of comparison. And I needed to learn how to make it work for me. And so what I like to do, what I've learned how to do is, rather than seeing other people and what they're doing better than me and feeling like I'm there for not enough way, instead, turn it into a goal, right? Because goals make me feel like I am in control, like I am in charge and like I am making progress towards this thing. So I'm not I'm not a machine, I would feel this comparison kind of pop into my head, like, Oh my gosh, these people are so much better than me. Like, why can't I look as beautiful or graceful as she is? Or why can't I do throw quad Sal, those voices still popped up. But what I did was a quick check in with myself was like, Hey, is that something that I really want to go and do. And if it is great, let's make a plan of action. Like if I want to learn how to do a throw quad sale, which I never did. But if I want to learn how to do that, let's map this out. Let's have a conversation with my coach and my partner, let's talk about how we can make this fuel us to become better, rather than fueling us to feel like we're not good enough. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 8:20
Did you know to do that? Or did you learn to do that? Like, how, how did you come upon that?

Paige Lawrence 8:25
I think there's a bit of both. So I wasn't naturally the most talented figure skater. You know, if you had seen me as a nine year old, I was chubby and fell down more than I stood on my feet like I was just like a little bit of a bull in a china shop. So I learned quickly that if I wanted to progress to these, like better levels, I just had to work harder. I had to I had to show up and take everything as an opportunity to learn to be my best. And so I think a little bit of it was that I was surrounded by great athletes in my home skating club that were better than me. And so I was naturally looking forward them to them for ways that I myself could challenge myself to be better. So happened a little bit and neatly. I also think that my amazing coach kind of planted those seeds a little bit herself. She was this like this motivating hungry force that just always believed in the fact that I could be better out to all of her skaters, you know, she was so committed to helping them realize their potential, whatever that may be, that everything was an opportunity for us to learn how to be better. And so I think a lot of that came from how she approached sport as well is that she was constantly just looking at people that were better than us trying to learn from them and trying to help us to get better. And so I do think it was a lot of that learned environment.

Andrea Crisp 9:54
You know, for a long time, I probably fell into the trap of comparison and You know, thinking to myself, like, Oh, you know, I don't want to just compare myself to people and then feel bad about myself. That was a thing. But yeah, more recently, I'm in a mastermind with you, actually, yes. And I'm in this like, container of amazing people, it's like elite athletes, except for elite business owners. And yeah, I have really started to understand that principle of get in the room with people who are better than you more knowledgeable than you, then that really have grown, maybe more than you have at that point. And I want to know, like, cuz you're now a performance coach. So you work with your own clients now. So how do you help them like to raise the bar for themselves, and actually close the gap? So if they get into the room with another, you know, other business owners that are like, maybe further ahead or making more money? Or how do you close the gap and and allow this principle to propel you forward?

Paige Lawrence 11:06
Gosh, there's like, so many things that I want to say about that I have a really great story from the Olympics. I think that changed my perspective about all that. But at the fundamentals. How I help my clients with this is I really believe that like, optimal performance, like you being your best rests on three pillars, one is preparation. Two is execution. Three is ownership. Right? So let's preparation means let's get you a plan set up for success so that you can trust that you're ready. execution, let's make sure that we've like dotted the i's cross the T's, and that your mindset is ready to rock and roll. Right? So you're rolling into these these opportunities, and you are like, trust your abilities. And the third one is ownership. Right? And to me, that means that we built this, this unstoppable force within you this confidence in yourself, not for what you're not, but for who you are. And I think that with my clients, that's one of my favorite pillars is really just helping them to boldly own their own capabilities, and to know that they are enough as they are right now, while also pursuing better, right, being wanting to be better, doesn't mean they're not good enough. You can be a damn awesome powerful force as you are right now, at this, like entry level mastermind with elite business people, and you can want to be better and you can be pushing yourself to do more, learn more, become more. And I think it's this really perfect blend that when you when you get it right. You're unstoppable, which is exciting to see and the clients that I work with.

Andrea Crisp 12:44
Yeah, now of course you have me curious, I need to know the story from that story.

Paige Lawrence 12:53
Well, I think it's an interesting, it was an interesting story. Because again, I can sit here and like, like, tell you about how much I understand this concept. And I practice it and how it's so great and yada yada, yada. But what's interesting is I actually had a moment of like, I'm going to call it weakness or like humaneness, I'll call it at the Olympics was my first night at the Olympic Village. Okay, and we've already established but I'm pretty confident human being I'm pretty outgoing. I love meeting new people. You know, I'd created that like inner foundation of self worth and self belief. At this point, I'm at the Olympics. So it's our first night there, and I'm in the athlete village. And Team Canada has these three apartment buildings and one floor was dedicated to us all just hanging out, right we're there for three weeks. This is the the universal code Team Canada hangout place. So I walk up there and like cash to go meet some people and I sevens the room. I am like smacked in the face with imposter syndrome. Like it just like takes me off my feet. And the next thing you know, I'm like sitting on a couch in a corner, looking around me at all these amazing human beings and thinking to myself, How the heck am I here? Like, I don't belong at the Olympics. I'm Pete Lawrence from Kennedy, Saskatchewan. Like, I grew up watching people on the Olympics. I'm not an Olympian. And so I'm sitting there in the corner being really shy. And I sit there for a while and then I kind of give myself a pep talk. I'm like, hey, Paige, we didn't come here to sit in a corner. Let's just go and go and say hi, go Introduce yourself. Someone. Let's let's have a conversation. So I sit down in this group of people playing cards, I started having a conversation with the guy next to me. And it was great, you know, I realized we have a lot of similarities that he was from a small town originally and and like I don't even remember what the conversation was about to be honest with you. But I remember walking away from it feeling like okay, I found another like minded individual who was probably insecure and feeling self doubt and keep cool. There's other people like me Hear, associating, like me is the like, I don't belong here. Go back to my room and social media wasn't a huge thing back then like think like Facebook was was the cool place to hang out. And so I did spend a lot of time on it. But I hopped on a Facebook and I realized I was tagged in this like BuzzFeed article. So I'm like looking through it. And I see the face of the guy had just been talking to, I'm like, guy, let's do a quick little look at it. Turns out, he was like World Champion speed skater he had meddled in a couple different events at the last Olympics. And I was like, You're such an idiot. Like, how did you not know this guy was so accomplished here, you were talking to him thinking that you were just like him like, oh, Paige, you're an idiot. So the next day, I see him walking around the village, and I kind of I walk up to him and smack them on the shoulder. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, like, Why didn't you tell me you were so good. I didn't even realize it last night when we were talking. And he looked at me and he's like, well, Paige, we're at the Olympics. We're all pretty good. And it was like this light bulb went off in my brain, which I know sounds silly, cuz everyone's like, Well, yeah, you're at the Olympics page. Of course, you're pretty good. But for me, it was permission. It was this lightbulb moment to give myself permission to be on equal playing field with all of these people. Because guess what, if this Olympic medalist could tell a story that I related to, it meant that we're all just humans, it meant that we all had these humble beginnings, that we were not born superstars. We fell in love with the sport that we love, we worked our butts off. And we made this amazing thing happen. And it was really cool. Because for the rest of my Olympic experience, and to be honest, the rest of my life, I now go into these events, these big meetings, these opportunities. And I try to meet people as humans first, and their titles or present positions, their accomplishments. Second, and it's really cool when you start to do that, because you realize, cool, you've done these amazing things. But I'd love to meet you, Andrea, I'd love to hear your story a little bit about who you are, how you got to this place. And when you meet people as humans first, it's easier to see that comparison as less of a like, you versus me. And wow, what have you accomplished. I love that, like, that's so amazing. And I've done some really cool things also, and this is what I still have left to do in front of me. And so I offer that story, just to say that, like, I can sit here and tell you all about comparison, competition, all that stuff, I still feel the things. I've just learned to work through them really quickly. And in a manner that works for me. Does that make sense?

Andrea Crisp 17:43
Yes, that totally makes sense. And it It evens the playing field in the sense of like, it's just, you know, us getting to know each other on like, more of a soul level. And, you know, and spurring each other on to keep working, keep doing things that were gifted at doing, but not always looking at like, well, this person is doing that, or oh my gosh, this. And I know that, you know, I didn't think as a coach, I would fall into the trap of the same trap I did in like high school in college, like, you know, who knew, you know, I thought, Oh, this is funny, cuz you could be a coach, and you're like, comparing yourself to other coaches. And then the reality of it is is like, you know what, it really doesn't matter what that other person's doing, you know, when you get to know them, and you get to hear their story. And I have now even in myself have gotten to that place where I'll hear what they're doing. And I'll be like, Oh, you know what, I actually have somebody I want to refer you for refer to you. Yeah. Because you work in that area. And that's your sweet spot. And that is exactly what they're looking for. Yeah. And I don't need to have that person come to me. I can, you know, free I give them to you.

Paige Lawrence 19:00
Yeah. I love that. And I think that's, again, you've given yourself permission to own what you're great at, which then opens you up to recognize the other people's greatness, right? And I think that too often the conversation around comparison competition is that it's terrible, like get rid of it from your life. And I would say we're human, it's probably not going anywhere. And so it's rather than trying to get rid of it. Let's just open yourself up to using it to your advantage, right when I feel comparison now, I see it as a moment to recognize the other person is doing something amazing because if I'm comparing myself that means that I am, like envious or jealous or, you know, seeing myself seeing them having something that I want. Great. That's a moment to be like hell, Yes, sister, you're doing something awesome. So I celebrate it. Now I make change that energy to excitement, to joy to giving you a round of applause in my head. And then I simply say, is that something that I want to go after? Because if it is, I know I'll get there. And then sometimes it's actually not something it was just like a gut reaction that I was like, Oh, that's amazing. Like, I actually don't want it for my goal. So I'm just gonna celebrate you and like, put my head back to what what's in front of me? What are my goals are? I've used it to my advantage, right? I've moved through it and we move on with my life comparison is gonna be there. Let's figure out how to work with it.

Andrea Crisp 20:20
Yeah, now you're doing a new initiative with another Olympian, which I find so interesting, because, you know, again, you could easily go, Well, I'm gonna find somebody else in the business world, or, you know, but you're teaming up with another elite athlete. So I love to hear what are you doing? How are you guys moving forward with your new initiative?

Paige Lawrence 20:42
Yeah, so it's actually, we're starting with just kind of like this, this center of what we're wanting to accomplish. And it's an online course right now. It's called the podium performance program. We're actually just about to launch our own Instagram accounts. So like, give us a couple days, but then come give us a give us a follow. And we are excited and committed to helping people to step into what they're truly capable of, by taking back ownership of what you eat, drink and think. As athletes, we learned the two of us, she was an Olympic luge athlete, as an elite figure skater, she's now a holistic nutritionist and Chef, like she makes the best food she's like, so good. Um, but we learned as athletes from a very young age that how you fueled your body, both in food, hydration, and what went on in your brain actually dictated what you were capable of achieving, right. And we we tested and pushed our bodies to the limits to compete at the Olympics. But those three fundamentals were at the core of everything, what we did, what we ate, what we drank, and what we thought. And we realized as entrepreneurs now, that that gets brushed to the side, so quickly, right, like, how often do you see an entrepreneur is like, Oh, my gosh, I had four cups of coffee a day, and a banana and went to bed, like I'm just exhausted, right? And yeah, you expect yourself to do this amazing work. And so we really kind of want to flip the script, we want people to take care of themselves. Because when you are your best, you do your best work. That's what we truly believe. And so we've started this mission to help more people step into their actual potential just by taking ownership and responsibility for themselves. So the course is launching for a second time in September. And we're really excited about it. So people have any questions or want to reach out and talk about that, like, heck, yeah, pop into my DMS. happy to chat about it.

Andrea Crisp 22:40
Yes, no, I'm very excited for you. I think it's such a fun thing to do. And, you know, you're totally right, because I was eating really, really healthy. And then I got a puppy. And I'm pretty sure everything that I have done good for myself went out the window for the past few weeks. If I can just go to the bathroom and sleep. But I it's funny because I you know, I woke up early this morning, and I you know, got a chance to do a little bit yoga before the puppy woke up. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like I'm back to myself. And and, you know, you're right, when you are operating out of this, you know, place of just trying to get by surviving, you're not thriving in the best mode that you could possibly be thriving in. So I love what you're doing. I think that's thanks.

Paige Lawrence 23:32
I mean, it's, it's, it's no one's fault. It's a norm that's been created in our field, right? That like burning candle at both ends, it's normal to put yourself last and your list of priorities and all that stuff. And don't get us wrong, like we understand that shit needs to get done. But we also understand that there's a better way to do it, right? We talk about all these things, like from stalking, to meal planning to just understanding the basics of food, we talk about mindset, self talk, setting goals in a manner that actually works. And so that you can prioritize the things that truly matter, rather than just like being busy. We talked about a lot of things. And hopefully, we're doing it in a way that meets people where they're at and solving problems that they actually have. Because, I mean, I think we've done a good job of it, because we see it, we've lived it and we see a lot of people around us living in a way that they don't need to and so we just want to take you off autopilot and introduce you to the better version of yourself that you're capable of. No, I love that when you're helping other people like you said, you have to help yourself first. And you have to be in your best, you know, performance mode in order to actually help someone else perform.

Andrea Crisp 24:43
I know you've helped me, you know, just even on a call we had a couple weeks ago you inspired me and you kind of gave me a little shove that I needed. You know to get busy on some things that I was excited about which is you know, coaching artists and friends For those of you who know me, I'm a former musician, and it's something that I kind of put on the back burner, but in my Olympian friend has, you know, encouraged me to get out there. And, and I've seen some beautiful clients come my way. So I want to thank you love that, for seeing that potential in me and calling it out. And for, you know, encouraging me and doing the exact thing that you're saying, and encouraging us to do, which is really to, you know, raise ourselves up and not compare not be in competition in the way that, you know, could be detrimental. I mean, it's always great to be competitive in other ways, but not maybe not in this way. So how can people find you? Because we're going to actually have this on the podcast on the courage cast as well. So those people who are listening to the courage cast are going to want to know like, how to actually get in contact with you.

Paige Lawrence 25:55
Yeah. So you can follow me on Instagram at Paige Lawrence coaching. Like I said, in probably one week time, we're launching our new podium performance programs, that's podium dot performance dot program on Instagram. And I see this always on when I'm talking to someone, if you hear something and you want to come over and follow, say hi, as well, like, I love meeting new people. I love connecting, hearing your stories and just like having these conversations. So if you want to follow, come along and follow. And if you want to say hi, I would really, really love that.

Andrea Crisp 26:30
Yeah, please do. And if you guys are listening to the podcast later, please let us know that you listen, take a screenshot tag both of us. And then we'll know because I always love to know, you know, what big takeaways people are having from what you're saying and what you're sharing with us, which was gold to me and was so encouraging to me today to remember that you know what, step into the room, and just be myself and let like kind of like the magic happen and allow myself to kind of lift up to that level. So thank you so much for being here on Instagram Live with me. And I will make sure to post when this is going live on the courage cast. So much, Paige.

Paige Lawrence 27:15
Thank you for having me. Take care everyone, guys. Bye.

Andrea Crisp 27:22
Okay, is anyone else geeking out like I am. I mean, there's no shame, right? I can totally love our Canadian Olympic athletes, even when I can become friends with them. And so I am so grateful to have had Paige on the show today. And just to hear her Olympic story and how she has used that both in her life personally, as well as in her business. And now she is coaching high performing elite athletes and helping them to really get where they need to go. And I think when we think about moving ourselves forward, it is so easy to fall into that trap of you know, I don't want to just look at another person and copy what they're doing. And that's really not the whole point, right? The point is, is that we use comparison as a tool to help us to improve what we are doing our skill set and help us to move along further. And the reality is, is that I can look at Paige and say you know what, she's doing amazing things and compare myself to her and say I want to do those amazing things too. And then make those decisions in my life to move myself forward. A great way to use comparison. So thanks, Paige for being on the show. And thank you for listening. If you have not already connected with me, please do so. You can find me on Instagram at at Andrea Crisp coach. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live briefly.

Kate 28:54
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Steven Crilly.

Listen Here:

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

August 24, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

176 | Make Friends With Your Money

August 24, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

WITH NIKI FERGUSON

“We need to release that desperate energy around money.”

— Niki Ferguson

About This Episode:

Have you ever stopped to think about what it would be like to make friends with your money?

On the podcast, I'm chatting with Niki Ferguson who is a Money Mindset coach and she explains how to become friends with your money and what it looks like to set an intention around your money.

Niki Ferguson is a Money & Mindset Coach and host of the Wildly Worthy podcast who teaches online entrepreneurs how to make the most of their money and free themselves from what’s holding them back from breakthrough transformations using financial strategy and massive mindset work. She relishes traveling this incredible world and also enjoys hiking and outdoor yoga near her home in East Tennessee.

Connect With Niki Ferguson:

Website + Instagram

Connect With Andrea:

I’d love to connect and chat with you over on my socials. If you’re ready to dive a little deeper into understanding your purpose, grab a copy of my book Designed With Purpose.

Listen Here:

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

Free Higher Self Hypnosis

July 27, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

172 | Learn To Create A Massive Money Mindset

July 27, 2021

Andrea Crisp

Conversation

WITH COREY PHELPS

“When you set a goal and you’re so attached to that goal you often block the something better beyond that.”

— Corey Phelps

About This Episode:

Do you ever wonder why it is that we consistently rehearse old money mindsets?

In this episode, I’m chatting with Business and Life Success Coach Corey Phelps about how we can learn to create a massive change in our lives by using our subconscious minds. We dive into how to interrupt thoughts, the art of giving and receiving money as well as what happened in Corey’s life that caused her to work on her money mindset.

Corey Phelps is a single mom, dog lover, and personal development expert, a skill she honed through her own life successes and failures. She is gifted in supporting women who know they are meant for MORE and desire to create an unshakable mindset, a life filled with amplified results, and income to match.

Connect With Corey Phelps

Website + Instagram

Connect With Andrea:

I’d love to connect and chat with you over on my socials. If you’re ready to dive a little deeper into understanding your purpose, grab a copy of my book Designed With Purpose.

Listen Here:

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?