Andrea Crisp 0:00
At one time or another, we face hurt or rejection of some sort. And oftentimes, we take a look at what that looks like within our friendships or our intimate relationships, we don't often look at what that looks like in our peer relationships or our coaching relationships. So today on the podcast, I am talking about how to move through hurt and rejection in our life. And the beauty and growth that comes when we do.
Kate 0:31
You're listening to The Couragecast a show to equip and empower you to live bravely. Each week, we'll share solo episodes and conversations with amazing people who have been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose with a blend of practical and spiritual advice will help you take brave steps in your own life. Now, here's your host, mindset and competence coach, author, and your secret weapon.
Andrea Crisp 0:56
Hey there, welcome to The Couragecast, my name is Andrea Crisp, I'm thrilled that you have joined me today, we're gonna be talking about something that can sometimes feel pretty heavy. But I hope that through the course of this conversation today, that it really helps encourage you, if you have been through something in your life, a hurt or rejection, whether it's in real life, or in the online space.
You know, I started coaching over 10 years ago, and I had my first real hurt as a coach early on, probably within the first year. And I talked about this on a live that I did on Instagram just this week, actually. And if you want to go ahead and listen back to that you can you can find me on Instagram at @andreacrispcoach. But I will give you a little bit of the story. One of my friends was also really interested in coaching. And so she asked me where I had gotten my certification. So I told her where it was because I was raving about my trainer and my coach. And you know, I was super excited to be, you know, starting my coaching career. And this particular friend of mine was like, she was like one of those people who's a boss, like she had been an entrepreneur for years. And she just I don't know how this charisma about her.
Well, anyway, she ended up getting certified. And towards the end of her certification process, she asked if I wanted to be involved in something that she was doing. And I gotta tell you, when she asked me, it really triggered me. And I was like, What do you mean, you want me to be a part of something you're doing? I think because I had gotten certified first. And, you know, I really wanted to be successful first. Let's just real talk, right? And so I ended up, you know, thinking to myself, like no, like, Absolutely not. And I'd ever really told her that. Instead, what I did is I just ghosted her. And for years, I never really talked about what had happened, or why I did what I did. And it wasn't until many, many years later that the situation kind of came to a head. And I'll get to that a little later.
But today, I wanted to talk about what happens when we encounter something in the online space as an entrepreneur or as a coach, that feels really wounding. And I know that we've probably all have been there, whether we've been on one side or another. And so I want to speak a little bit to both, because I think that's, you know, the case for many of us, you know, there are times in our career or times in our lives where we do something, whether unintentionally or inadvertently, that hurts somebody else. Or we're on the receiving end of somebody else being triggered by something that is going on in their own life. And so whether you have been on either side, I think it's really important to take away some really big lessons from these opportunities, because I think these are always opportunities for us to take a look inward to see what's really stopping us what's holding us back from moving forward. Is there an area that we can be growing in? Is there something that you know, is going to help us be a better entrepreneur, a better coach, a better human? Right?
So the very first thing that I want to talk about today is what happens when you are feeling like you have been hurt by somebody else in the coaching industry or, you know, maybe you've hired somebody and they weren't exactly what you hoped they would be and you've spent a lot of money in the process and you're feeling a little bit down and let down by the whole situation. Maybe You are, you know, feeling as though you are duped, you know, you bought into something and they just did not deliver on what they said they were going to deliver, perhaps you bought a course or a program or just you know, something that somebody didn't show up as their best. And you got the brunt of that, and then you felt really hurt? Well, the first thing I want to say is, when stuff like that happens, it really is an invitation to really take a look at what it is that we need to learn about ourselves. Now, oftentimes, we want to make it about that other person, we want to say, well, they were just a bad coach, or they, you know, weren't trustworthy, or they didn't have integrity in the business, or, you know, they were this or that.
And the next thing, and when we do that, what we're actually doing is we are taking away our power and giving it to them. And really just like letting it go saying, I care, go ahead have my power, you know, and trust me what I say, I have been in the position because I have been in the position many times where I felt like I didn't get what I paid for. And I felt really hurt. And some of these people were people who I really, you know, had close relationships with prior to even hiring them.
And for a long time, what I did was I kind of sat in this victim mentality of, you know, this happened to me, and look at how terrible that person is, or, you know, they are out of integrity, or they lack values, or they lack character, whatever, whatever you're, you're going to think about that person. And I did not take the time to look inward at myself, and go, Well, what was really stopping me from getting what I needed out of that time, what was stopping me from reaching a little deeper digging a little deeper into myself to, you know, find out what it is that I need out of this relationship out of this program out of this course.
Why was I not, you know, upfront and forthcoming about what I was feeling or what I needed, or what I felt was lacking. And I'll and oftentimes, when we do that, it really opens up the opportunity for that other person to speak into that, you know, maybe they need to learn something, maybe it's about the growth of both people. But whatever it is, there's always something to learn about ourselves.
Now, I want to tell you another little story about a coach that I had not that long ago. Now, I was getting over some of this hurt that I'm talking about. Gosh, it was taking me for years, like I really, really avoided I pushed it away to the side, and I'm not gonna lie. But I hired a friend of mine who was a confidence coach. And I remember at a certain point, she did something in one of our groups that really triggered me. And I say she did something. But at the end of the day, it's her business and what she did, you know, she was totally entitled to do. But what I did in response to that was I kind of, you know, sent her an email that I really didn't think too much about, and I just kind of shared how I was feeling and blurted it all out there. And she was so gracious and so kind. So she responded back to me. And she said, How about we get on a conversation, a call. And so we ended up talking through what had happened. And I was able to tell her, you know what, hey, listen, I guess there's some wounding in me still, that I haven't really addressed. And, you know, this is really bringing it up, it triggered me and now I have been forced to actually face this hurt that I've already been facing, just wasn't willing to deal with.
And so through the conversation with my coach at that time, she was able to be the person who helped me to move through that. And she didn't do it intentionally to hurt me. It was just something that had happened. And I was triggered by what it was. And it was an opportunity for me to learn more about what I needed in my life, the healing that still needed to be addressed, and to really start to reframe those old stories that I had been playing about the hurt. And I'm so grateful for that opportunity and that she took that time to do that. And to this day, I think it was such an important lesson for me. And I believe even for her because, you know, she told me that there were things that were happening in her own world that it was helpful that I spoke up even if I didn't speak up, probably the best way that I could have You know, there's always a good way in a bad way.
I think I chose Bioware for this one. But anyways, I digress. So number two, when hurt happens in relationships, it makes room for the people in our lives who really, truly need to be there. Like I mentioned in the previous point, this particular coach that was in my life, you know, obviously, she was somebody who I needed. And it helped me to really move through that particular issue. But what else it did for me was it pointed out that I had outgrown our relationship. And so it was time for me to move on.
So when it came time for me to renew that particular coaching relationship, I knew that I needed to go elsewhere, because I had outgrown what we were doing. And it was time for me to move on. And I think so often, we want to be so loyal to people that were willing to, you know, just stay in the relationship or willing to put up with whatever it is that's going on. Because we don't want to cause any waves, we we don't want to hurt them. We don't want to be hurt, we don't want to face any kind of you know, uncomfortability in any kind of the situations. So we just don't say anything, we stay in the relationship. But what hurt does, when it happens, what rejection does is it opens us up to being able to evaluate who needs to be in our lives, and who has, you know, moved on or needs to move on in our lives. And here's the thing about that.
Oftentimes, we want to feel like, okay, I just want to push them to the side. And you know, like, thanks for being here. But you know, I don't need you anymore. And that's not always the case. I think that sometimes when we outgrow people, it's a good thing. We've worked with them for a reason. And now we have grown to maturity, and we're able to move on. And that's okay. And so when we get to that place, you know, when we're working with someone, and we've outgrown them, we have to realize that, you know, we can say thank you so much, this has been amazing. You're amazing. I'm gonna keep referring you to other people that I know, need you. But I feel like I need something different within my life and within my business right now. And similarly, there are times when we're working with clients, that the same thing is happening, like someone is outgrowing us. And, you know, we might be you know, like, well, I'll take it personally, like, does that person, you know, did I do enough for them, you know, was I showing up the way I needed to show up as a coach for them. And so often we take things way, way, way too, personally, we have to realize that yeah, it's okay when people outgrow us, and it's okay, when we outgrow others, it just makes room for the people who need to be in our lives. And the universe always delivers that next person. And point number three, it shines a light on areas of growth that we need to be focused on within our lives. And that is the biggest thing, you know, you could be in any kind of relationship and when things go south, and things are really not working out the way you had hoped they would work out. That is an opportunity for you to take a look at how you can grow in your own life. Is there an area that you've been neglecting? Is there something that you have kind of been pushing to the side that you can start seeing as a potential area for you to move through and mature in and start to gain traction and momentum in your life through growth. And that happened to me not that long ago, when I was in a pure relationship with somebody. And I realized that, you know, through, you know, some conversations that we had, like things just weren't gelling anymore. And, you know, I was like, Oh, I don't know how to handle this. And I was like, you know, what, what do I do next. But what it revealed to me was that there was an area of growth that I needed to grow in, in my life, and she could not hold space for me in that area. And I needed somebody who could hold space for me in that area. So I was able to get the attention and get the help and support that I needed from somebody who had already been through that. And who had already achieved the things that I wanted to achieve in my own life. So sometimes those you know, uncomfortable situations really give us an opportunity to see where we can grow in our lives and in our business. So, okay, those three things, teaches you more about yourself. makes room for who needs to be there and shines a light on an area of growth that you might need to work on. So what do we do? Once this has happened, right?
Well, here's two things that I want to suggest to you that will help you as you're moving through periods of hurt or rejection within your life, especially when it comes to peer relationships within your business. So the very first thing is you want to release them graciously. And one of the things that I have started to doing and I absolutely love this, I do this now, with my client calls, I do this so many times in my week, and it's just really become a practice for me that it feels so good. And it's an energy clearing. So we want to release them energetically, because we want to allow them to be able to move on as well. So what I do is I use the whole upon upon a prayer, and that's a Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness. And it is just such a beautiful practice. There's meditations that you can find on this, but it's really very simple.
So the first thing is, is you just say, I love you. And you allow yourself to truly, truly get those feelings of love towards that person and project that towards that individual. And then the second thing is, you say, I forgive you. And oftentimes, like, it's not something you're bringing up that, you know, you particularly want to forgive them about, but just like forgiving them for maybe you know, what it's caused in your life. And then the third is, I'm sorry, so you're kind of turning that back around on you and saying, all right now I'm sorry, for what I might have done, that would have, you know, wounded you or cause you to not be in, in full alignment with who you're created to be.
And then the fourth thing is, I release you. And this is something that I do with my students with my clients. And it really, really helps me to release energetically, anything that is lingering, so that I can make space for what it is that I do desire, my life, those people that I want to be in that space. And then following that, I would say, it is so important that you focus on what it is that you do desire within your life. Because when you're focused on the hurt, when you're focused on you know, how wounded you feel about a particular situation, or the loss of a friend, what you're doing is you're energetically attracting more of that into your life. So it's so important that you go through this releasing process that you go through, you know, asking yourself these questions, you know, how am I being taught about this? How, what is there for me to learn out of this particular situation? Who needs to be in my life? And how can I grow. And those questions will really help you to start moving through some of the hurt and rejection or even just really uncomfortable relationships that you might have found yourself in. And then when you really do know what it is that you desire, you can start focusing on that, on creating those relationships on attracting them into your life. And here's the beauty of this, we're talking about hurt. But in so many ways we can be talking about anything else in our lives. When we focus on what we desire, we attract more of that into our lives. So at the beginning of the podcast, I told you about this, you know, a situation that I had been in with a friend years and years ago. Well, as it turns out, we had both been invited to be on a radio show for a mutual friend. And so we showed up at the radio station. And we were sitting in the waiting room, just the two of us waiting to go in to the show. I was going to be interviewed first and she was second. And it was so funny, because here we were, hadn't really, really spoken in years. But we had been brought together by a group of mutual friends. And I just had the conversation with her. I brought it up and I just said, Hey, listen, I need to apologize. And I need to really just tell you, I'm sorry. Like at that time of my life. I was insecure. I wasn't sure what I was doing. And you know, I didn't handle the situation well at all. I should have handled it much better. And through that conversation again. She was super gracious and we were able to you know, have resolved in the relationship. And to this day, we are friends. And that's the beauty of being able to really work through hurt and rejection and uncomfortable situations, in peer relationships in our lives.
Oftentimes, it takes a little bit of humility in order For us to do the right thing. But at the end of the day, there is so much that can be learned. And generally speaking, it's about us. Alrighty, I hope this is helping you if you're going through something in your own life that you can start to move through that. I love to chat with you, if you are having difficulty doing that, or you're just really feeling really triggered. There's things in your past that are still holding you back. And you're just really wanting to release those things. I'd love to, you know, book a session with you and walk you through some time techniques and really get you in a position where you can release those limiting beliefs, those things that have been holding you back. So reach out to Andrea crisp.ca forward slash schedule and we can book a time together. Friend, I'd love to hanging out with you today. And until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live briefly.
Kate 20:52
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