WITH DENISE WESTER
“At the core when I really started to dig deep I felt like I didn’t deserve good things, I was not worthy, I did not have a true sense of worthiness. Because I believed I had to earn it or that I had to do something to achieve it. ”
About Episode:
Is there something in your life that you've been wanting for a really long time but it just seems so impossible to attain that you've given up? Maybe you gave up because you figured you could never afford it, or that it was completely out of your reach or it could be that it goes a little deeper and you don't feel like you deserve to have it. In this episode we are talking about the power of faith when it comes to receiving what you truly desire.
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Transcript
Andrea Crisp 0:00
Have you ever found yourself in a position where you continue to hit the same obstacle over and over again, wondering how you're ever going to make it through? Well today on the podcast, I'm talking to life coach and the author of Busting Through, Denise Wester, about how you can start to reframe those mindsets, and really take steps of courage in your life.
Kate 0:26
You're listening to the courage cast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.
Andrea Crisp 0:42
Hey there, welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, and I am so glad that you have joined me today. We have a really special episode for you today. You know, I love stories of women who are willing to take brave steps in their lives. And that is exactly why I started this podcast four years ago. And today, talking to Denise, reminded me about why I did start this podcast and why I think it's so important for us to be reminded that no matter the circumstance in your life, no matter where you've come from, what you're facing in your life, you can make a change, you can take steps of courage, and you can move through those limiting beliefs that you feel have been holding you back in your life. And so in this conversation, we are going to be talking about some of those beliefs and how Denise has gone in her life from being a welfare mom, to really shifting her life, taking charge and becoming really the CEO of her own life. And now she's a coach and an author. And she's helping women to really bust through their own limitations. So I'm really, really excited for you to hear this conversation with Denise Wester.
Denise, welcome to the Couragecast. I am so thrilled to have you on today as a guest, and to talk about your book, your brand new book, Busting Through, so welcome to the show today.
Denise Wester 2:18
Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to have a conversation with you.
Andrea Crisp 2:24
Yeah, now we have had an opportunity to chat a couple of times over the past few months. And I was I was just joking with you just a few minutes ago. You know, when you're recording a podcast, you never know what is going to happen in life. And in so I often talk about here on the Couragecast taking big risks and doing, you know, things that seem out of our comfort zone. And not very often do I have a time where I lose episodes. But our previous conversation got lost. And so this is our second conversation. So thank you for having two conversations with me.
Denise Wester 3:05
Yes, it's a great lesson and not get yourself you know, overwhelmed or bogged down and just moving forward and carrying on and keep going forward. Yes.
Andrea Crisp 3:18
Yeah. And it's it's funny because I think a lot of times when I'm talking to people about you know, taking those brave steps and, and really moving out of their comfort zone, you know, the the first thing that comes to mind for people is those limiting beliefs that we have around the different things in our lives. And a lot of what your book is about is overcoming those beliefs and overcoming the obstacles in your life. And so what a great segue. So I'd love for you to share a little bit about who you are and about who you serve. And then we'll get into the book here in a second.
Denise Wester 3:58
Yes, well, I am a, my book is called Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous to Take Action, Get Unstuck and Find your Personal Power. And I came about writing this book these methods in this book because I've been through multiple pivots, job pivots in my life, I was raised in restrictive religion, not knowing who I was, always being judged, Left that and got married, divorced, bankrupt, welfare mother for not knowing made so many mistakes, so many wrong turns. And then finding myself later into a beautiful job I was so happy with and getting into a horrible car accident that took me years of recovery. So I came through all these with some great tools and I just wanted to share them with my readers to help them pivot and help get unstuck and be courageous and find their power.
Andrea Crisp 4:53
And I love that you have just recently released this book, and you've gone through a lot of tramsition, even in your own life through the pandemic. And, you know, one of the things that I think a lot of people struggle with, is the ability to pivot. And when you think that there's something going on in your life, and you, you know, you have hope and your, your, you're thinking, "Okay, I'm going to count on that to be the case." And then all of a sudden, you can't count on that anymore. How has that informed your life, you know, being able to make those transitions and those pivots in your own life.
Denise Wester 5:35
I think that's why it's so important to have goals, you know, to always keep your eye on the prize to have a great vision of where you want to be. And that way you don't get stuck, you always know where you want to go. And that is when you have, you know, job layoffs. And you have situations that we're all kind of going through right now. You know, where you want to end up, you do not want to end up, you know, when I was on welfare, you know, the welfare office was telling me this is where you want to be, this is where you all you got, because you're not educated, you have nobody to watch the kids. But I was like, No, I want to show my kids that you can move out of this, you can go forward, you know, taking steps to get an education, find a job and taking action. When I was offered a job and that sort of thing, instead of state saying "Well, okay, I'm going to be taken care of, I'm just going to stay here and not take action." I took action on opportunities that came and so that is where I think a lot of people right now is the time to if you are an employed to rethink, you know, where you really wanted to be if you were in a job that you really were passionate about, is it time to get re educated in something else. I've met so many people through like the mastermind that you and I were just in. And now I took my life coaching course, there's so many people that were like, I'm done, you know, in this what I've been doing, I am going towards what I'm passionate about. And so that's a time that is exciting. And that's why you have goals, because you can reanalyze, what am I been doing? Is that really where my heart and my passion and my vision is?
Andrea Crisp 7:18
You know, right before someone is going to make that choice, because I think that's an important distinction is whether or not they're going to make that choice, whether they're going to have radical responsibility for their lives. Because by the sounds of it, that's what helps you is taking that responsibility. Why do you think that people don't do that? Why do they stay in the position they're in, versus actually moving towards what they truly desire?
Denise Wester 7:52
I think there's several things and I think one of the main ones is can can be fear of the unknown. And fear is interesting, if you really look at it. Our bodies has this reaction, to fear to keep us safe, to not, you know, walk off the cliff, you know, and to keep you within those kind of safe boundaries. But unfortunately, we get those still those fear responses when it comes to change, or when it has triggers to old responses that you are in your life, you know, old stories that keep coming back, old, you know, you know, things we keep telling yourself. We have 6000 thoughts a day. And how many of them as you start really listening to those thoughts are negative saying, "You can't do this, you know, it's insane, that I'm stupid. Why would somebody hire me? How come you know it?" All those different things are going through your head. And so those will stop you. And so that's why in my book, I started talking about reprogramming those negative thoughts, reprogram and overcoming those stories and those fears, so you can start moving forward and stop being paralyzed. And as you have a whole course on confidence, building that confidence, so you feel strong in taking those actions.
Andrea Crisp 9:08
Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think that's a huge step right at once you've made the decision that you are going to reframe the thoughts, then it is taking action to implement it and integrate it into your life. Now I kind of want to go a little bit backwards into your story because I find it so fascinating. You were a single mom, and you were on welfare. And you're told that, you know, okay, well, this is it. This is kind of where you're at, you know, just kind of take the system and take the assistance. And that was that. You know, when you had when you heard those words, how did you feel and how did you decide at that point that that wasn't going to be where you were gonna stay for the rest of your life.
Denise Wester 10:01
Oh, I remember that. I still remember that feeling. I hung up the phone and I was just blown away. Because I was so excited. I was like, I got my stuff together, my kids, we were in our routine. And it took a lot to get there after, you know, making so many bad decisions. I just like we've got this routine, I thought I was excited. I was gonna call the welfare office and say, Okay, I want to go to work. You know, what, can you help me, you know, and they're just shot me down. And I got off the phone. And I was just blown away. I was just like, No, no, I am not staying here stuck in the sack, same place in this, you know, all I could afford with this moldy, wonky little rental. It's like, no, I wanted more. I knew there was more. I knew I was capable of more. Yeah. And so that's where, you know, I saw in the newspaper, there was a Woman in Transition program at the local college, I requested to be participate not and I was granted that and that was a step in the direction. So just listening, looking through the newspaper, you know, there's opportunities, and I was just open to them to saying yes.
Andrea Crisp 11:10
And just even being open to the opportunity kind of led to taking one step. And then another step.
Denise Wester 11:17
Yes. Yeah, I mean, I got and that Women in Transition program, then, you know, it was so interesting that I was at the courthouse getting my divorce, and the lawyer that was my family lawyer that helped me get the divorce. He was like, Hey, you know, I have this little position, part time position opening up, would you be interested in it was in real estate escrow, which I've never done before for an attorney. And I said, "Yes!" And you know, so I, he was part time, because I was great, because I was going to school the other half the time, and he was totally great with that schedule. And knowing that I had kids, and I had to, you know, take them to and from pick him up from preschool and stuff like that he was totally okay with that. So it's just saying yes to opportunities. I didn't stop and fears like, well, I don't know a thing about escrow. I don't know what it means to work for an attorney. But he just saw something in me that he wanted to nurture and help grow. And I said, Yes, and so that was just another great opportunity that, you know, got me going forward in my new careers.
Andrea Crisp 12:21
You know, one of the things that has come up for me over I guess, the course of, you know, years, and in fact, one of the things that I'm working through my own limiting beliefs, and I'd love to hear your input on this is getting to a point in your life or in you know, when you're doing something, you have a goal or a dream, and you continue to bump up against the same mindset, or the same issue continues to happen over and over and over again. And I want to know, you know, for you, how have you been able to deal with that, you know, if it's something that is something that just seems to never go away? Or it's like, how is this continuing to happen over and over again? What would you suggest to someone who is is finding themselves in that kind of situation?
Denise Wester 13:11
That's very interesting, great question, because that does seem to happen. And I'm a firm believer in really digging deep in your stories, and digging deep in helping those stories. And I have different tools in my book about digging deep into your stories as to why this keeps happening. So it's kind of start unpacking your dialogue, what's going on in your head, for one thing, and getting clarity. And clarity is with journaling, and also meditation, really diving deep into your stories, because if there's something that keeps happening, there's something in your dialogue that is keeping you stuck there that you have to work through. And it's kind of can be hidden for a long, long time. And you note and keep working through it. And meditation and journaling can really help get some clarity on maybe you're looking the total way you're trying to force something to happen that's just not in your synchronicity for you or certain deputy for you or anything. That's something that's just you're fighting against some force that wants you to go the other direction.
Andrea Crisp 14:19
It's so funny you say that because for many, many years, I think I was one of those people who I did force things. And I did, I didn't think that was a bad thing. Like I thought it was just being, you know, self motivated and making things work and really like hustling and, you know, this is even before I had my own business, this was like, pre entrepreneurship. And, you know, now realizing, as an entrepreneur, you can either be in the camp where you're always striving and hustling to make something happen, or you can kind of be in the camp of allowing it to be easy and have a flow. And as you said, you know, synchronicity, or really just allowing, you know, the universe to guide you. And, and, you know, both of us have had our own stories when it comes to really being internally led, you know, with religious beliefs, and also, you know, transitioning out of those. So how have you been able to, you know, transition your own story, releasing some of those religious beliefs that you had in order to actually move into the next season of your life?
Denise Wester 15:40
Well, yes, you know, it was when I left that religion, it was really interesting, it was such a restrictive religion, some people call it a cult, and it was really hard because I you don't have any of your own beliefs, you don't have you finally get to have a belief of your own. And it was really interesting, I just would start asking my question, self questions, you know, it's like, Hey, I can actually form my own opinion on this, you know, and start getting my own spirituality. I feel like I have a better spirituality with God than I ever did before in my life. And it was, it was through baby steps, you know, it was through you know, I think you know, getting beaten over the head with it, not seeing it, you know, for so long because I was so against anything religion for a long, long time, but then finally coming to my own, and being open to things and here's the story that happened.
And it was really like, I had this customer that just pushed my buttons. And just every single time I encountered her, she was just she lied to me. She was cheating. She was trying to cheat the company. And it was so frustrating. And it was really good business. So I couldn't tell them to go well, you know, we don't want to do your business anymore. It was a huge profitable business for our company. And I remember it was like a weekend and I was just crying. I was crying at my desk, because because she just had just drove me absolutely crazy. I thought okay, I'm going to walk away from a desk, I'm just going to I'm going to turn on the TV and just vegetate here. Now just flicking through the TV in there on PBS, I seen him a zillion times, and his wonky sweaters talking and I'd never ever stopped before it's like, but I for some reason I stopped and it was Wayne Dyer. And he was promoting his book Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Problems.
And I was just transfixed here it is I thought he was speaking to me because I was having so many problems and with this person and from work and he just shared a whole new light on it, you know, on I was just pushing so hard I was bumping my head up trying to sit think I can control this person, or change who she was, or try and but you can't, you can't and so I just let it go, I let go of trying to control the situation, I let go of that she is who she is, I'm going to be me and I'm going to start just telling her that I can't do that I'm going to put boundaries on how she was treating me and talking to me. And it totally pivoted my life and that relationship with her and I just from then I was just like a sponge to looking at things differently. And that is you know, even like situations now my children you know, when it's a lesson, my children are grown and they're adults. So I'm not trying to control their life and their situations they're making choices for themselves. So as you know, we go through life we are seeing different things that we're trying to contribute. Going back to your question about how do we when we are bumping our head against something you know how you go forward you go forward by staying true to yourself being honest with yourself and quit trying to control the situation to being what you think the outcome should be. Kind of opened to your eyes to a new path to your ultimate goal you know, and it could be right in front of you, but you're bumping your head thinking you need to go this certain direction. So opening your eyes, being aware to there could be something right in front of you that saying this is the way to go but you are trying so hard to control and that will then that kind of led me to my spiritual path you know, Wayne Dyer listening to him and, and just my meditation and my path to spirituality again.
Andrea Crisp 19:31
You know, it's funny you say that because I wish that I had learned that lesson a long time ago. That is something that I you know, I think of when I was in the states for many, many years. I really wanted to be there and I was kind of hell bent on making sure that I had a visa to stay in the country. And so I was you know, paying, like tons of money for immigration lawyers and You know making sure. And I was so fearful of coming back to Canada and having to be in a place in my life where I you know didn't want to be that eventually that ended up happening I almost I manifested my the worst case scenario because of my fear that I would have to do that and it was really interesting because you know upon reflection. This is way later on, but upon reflection and looking back and thinking to myself you know, I was forcing something to happen and trying to control that outcome, trying to make it happen and at the end of the day, I ended up with the thing I didn't want which was you know, moving back to Canada funny enough that same thing is really what I needed was to come back and so oftentimes I think we are trying to make something happened trying to control the situation and in the process you know, becoming you know, anxious and depressed and worried and you know, having all of this fear when really if we just release it we can realize that there's something even better and as I'm saying that I'm thinking of a particular situation in my mind in my life right now where I'm like, who should probably apply that right there to that particular situation?
Denise Wester 21:21
There you go! Yeah, yeah you know it's it's so interesting and it's it's when you have a spirituality and it's always you know, you got to remember. I don't know my Bible that well any at all, I didn't pay attention too much to that but I always do remember it's like you know throw your burden on him you know throw your burden on God and it is sometimes that is really really important to not be taking all this sometimes on for yourself and into put things out to the universal a little bit. You know, and I always say every single day, "Please," don't out loud I say every single day, "Please guide me to see what I need to see to be doing what I need to be doing so I can serve you." You know I always think my mind is you got to be in a mindset of serving What can I do be doing to serve so you're not you know out to your own gains you're out to serve and I think you will always be steered correctly if you think about.
Andrea Crisp 22:13
Now I have a question for you and I'm not sure how this is gonna go but I'm just gonna put it out there anyways but I don't know if this is something you were taught growing up, you know in your religious background, but you know really doing the will of God I don't know if that was something that you know you heard a lot but where does that fit in now because you know I would imagine that you feel like you are divinely led, you are you know lead by source, universe, higher power, but is that different than the will of God? That you maybe you know subscribe to as a belief prior to?
Denise Wester 22:55
Well before in part of the religion, that is it was kind of you know, I had a different God at the time did at the time I, thinking about it's a great question, god, this is going to get deep here at that time I didn't have a relationship with God at the time I just felt it all you had all these rules and you're doing all these rules for God and the religion and to be you know, you have to be out there trying to save people you have to be knocking on doors you have to be putting your hours in. You're never doing enough, you're never doing enough, never doing a right. So to me that I never was really had a relationship with God or was thinking about doing it for God or had a spirituality because I was just, you know, stressed out space of never doing enough and being judged and put up on the podium when you're like 10- 11-12 years old, and giving talks and things like that, then they critique you on them.
And so it's just it was just a different, you know, reality, then versus now. You know, it's like it took me a little while to even realize that I do still believe in God, you know, and I know people that don't believe in God, they're atheists, but they believe in different higher powers which is awesome that they've been able to come to that, you know, a realization that it's fine. I don't judge anybody or for what they believe. I just want them to know that they have it in them to have a spiritual connection of some sort. And whatever that means to them and for me, it means God and I totally believe that it he is there or she is there, whatever you want to believe that is and that I do have spirit guides and we have people there and souls they're looking out for us and guiding us and me if you can connect into that. You will be amazing when you start feeling that connection with that and it just lightens your life and brings love to your heart to know That you have that higher power there in your life, it's a totally different relationship than I ever had as part of a religion. Yeah, it
Andrea Crisp 25:10
Almost sounds, you know, like, being synced up, like imagine being, you know, when you're, when you're plugged, you know, right in, it's like, you know, you're not trying to make something happen, but you are, you know, kind of going with what that power source is. And I love that, that thought because I think that's something that comes up a lot with with people, especially when they have maybe left a religious belief system, you know, whether that be, you know, any kind of religious belief system. And I think that finding a new paradigm for, for belief is is, you know, a really big transition, especially when you are actually moving forward and you know, as an entrepreneur, and really understanding Okay, well how do I subscribe to, you know, some sort of help, whether it's God or source or higher power however, that looks. So yeah, I love that. I love that you, you know, you, you feel like you have more depth now than you did even before.
Denise Wester 26:21
Much more depth, much more depth. Yes, yes. And I just, and you find that through to me, I get my joy, and I get my connection is when I'm out in nature. And when I ride my bike, you know, I'm out in nature, and I just feel such a synchronicity with, you know, the creation around us. And when I do my meditations, I'm quieting my body, so my mind is alert. And I just, I just feel so it's divinely inspired. And that's how I wrote my book. You know, by bike rides in my meditations, I just felt so divinely inspired to put these words that have helped me and methods on a piece of paper, just to help you know, for a long time, it was really hard for me the idea of getting the book out because it's like, "Oh, this is so much of myself to share." But then I realized if I could just help one person, you know, that was stuck like I was that could read the story, read these methods, and use the tools and it can help them then that is a beautiful thing that I need to do.
Andrea Crisp 27:23
I love that. Well, where can they find your book? And how can they connect with you?
Denise Wester 27:29
My book is on Amazon, it's the whole title is Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous, To Take Action, To Get Unstuck, and Find Your Personal Power. And yes, and I'm on Instagram, @deniserwester, Facebook, and there's a link on my Instagram that will connect you to the book. And I also have a freebie, little one sheet on busting through procrastination. So you can connect to that through my Instagram link and through my website, too. So look forward to any connections and those who purchase my book get to, I have a private Facebook group to further support collaborate, and I put more journaling prompts on there and weekly inspirations and it's a community of like minded, who have read the book. And we're, I wanted additional support, and celebrate wins and breakthroughs and be there for each other. So you get to get on that when you purchase my book, just send me an email to pr@denisewester.com.
Andrea Crisp 28:29
That is awesome Denise, like I am just I'm just thrilled for you that you, you did this, that you took this big step I know that, you know, when we were in mastermind together, this was kind of the process that you were in and to see it actually come out into the world and have his birth. And it's really exciting to see. And I encourage you to go ahead and make sure you do purchase her book on Amazon and connect with her. Denise is an amazing human. And so you will you will definitely be inspired by her. So thank you so much Denise for being on the podcast. And we'll make sure all the links to your Instagram and website are in the show notes for everybody to access.
Denise Wester 29:13
Thank you so much.
Andrea Crisp 29:15
Well, I just loved having that conversation with Denise. And honestly, it was even better the second time around, which of course is always the case, right? When we are trying to control things, oftentimes those are the moments when they just don't really work out as planned. And we can get discouraged and defeated or we can find another way through, which is exactly the lesson that I have been learning in my life is how do you start seeing things differently when you are bumping up against the same thing over and over and over again? Reframe that mindset. Find a new solution, look for another way around and be divinely lead in the process. And so I want to thank Denise for reminding me of that today reminding us all. So, if you want to connect with Denise, you can find all of her information located in the show notes, as well you can connect with me at @andreacrispcoach and @the.couragecast. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.
Kate 30:27
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.
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Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?
