202 | Empowering And Celebrating Women

WITH BRAD WALSH

 
 
 
started reaching out to women on Instagram, and Andrea the response was incredible. It was beautiful, it was amazing — they were so happy to hear that a man had created a platform to help elevate women and amplify their voices.
— Brad Walsh
 

About This Episode:

The concept of self-love and women's empowerment is often overshadowed and cheapened by cheesy cliches and yet it is more important than ever that we raise the voices of this new generation of women. I'm always thrilled when I can partner with a male counterpart who is as passionate about women's empowerment.

This week on the podcast I'm chatting with Brad Walsh the host of Empowerography Podcast,  which is a podcast platform that believes in amplifying the voices of women.

Brad and I chat about the importance of empowering women to own their sensuality and embrace feeling powerful and beautiful body, soul, and spirit. This is such an important topic when it comes to celebrating and empowering women.

Brad Walsh, is the father to two beautiful girls aged 19 and 21, a husband to an amazingly inspiring woman, a photographer, and a podcast host. 

The women along with his Mother and Grandmother are his “WHY”, and inspiration. Brad has had firsthand come to experience the struggles they’ve had with a positive body image. Their journeys inspired him to become a photographer and to create Empowerography Podcast.

Connect With Brad:  Website + Instagram + Boudoir Photography

Connect with Andrea on IG: @andreacrispcoach @the.couragecast

Connect with Andrea via TEXT: Text the word COURAGE to 647-424-2429 CLICK HERE

To book a FREE 30-minute Strategy Call with Andrea: www.andreacrisp.ca/schedule

 
 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

 

Andrea Crisp 0:00
The concept of self love and women's empowerment is often overshadowed and can be cheapened by cheesy cliches. And yet it's more important than ever that we raise the voices of this new generation of women. And I'm always thrilled when I have an opportunity to partner with a male counterpart, who is just as impassioned, as I am about women's empowerment. And this week on the podcast, I'm chatting with Brad Walsh, the host of Empowerography podcast, which is a podcast platform that believes in amplifying the voices of women. And Brad and I chat about the importance of empowering women to own their sensuality, embrace feeling powerful body, soul, and spirit. And this is such an important topic when it comes to celebrating and empowering women.

Kate 0:44
You're listening to The Couragecast a show to equip and empower you to live bravely. Each week, we'll share solo episodes and conversations with amazing people who have been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose with a blend of practical and spiritual advice will help you take brave steps in your own life. Now, here's your host, mindset and confidence coach, author, and your secret weapon. Hey there, welcome to The Couragecast.

Andrea Crisp 1:11
My name is Andrea crisp, and I'm your host, and I am thrilled that you're joining me today, we've got a great episode lined up for you. But before we get to it, I wanted to invite you to something that I am so thrilled to launch, it's called the mindset mentor circle. It's a free community, where we elevate our mindset so that we can elevate our impact in the world. And, you know, there are often times when we find ourselves in positions where we're overthinking things where we're stuck in those limiting beliefs. And I wanted to create a place a community where we can come together and share maybe what we're struggling with so that we can actually start reframing those mindsets and taking brave steps in our lives. And it's going to be held every Wednesday 12pm Eastern Standard Time, I'm going to put the link in the show notes. And you can connect with me and I will make sure that you get an invitation to our private Zoom Room. My guest today is Brad Walsh, and he is a father a husband. And he was really impacted and influenced by the women in his life, his mother, his grandmother, which is why he is so passionate about empowering women. He is also a boudoir photographer and the podcast host of Empower autography podcast. So without further ado, here is my conversation with Brad Walsh.

Brad, so excited to chat with you on The Couragecast today. Thank you for coming on. I was on your show. Not that long ago and Empowerography. And I am really, really excited to chat with you. So thanks for coming on and hanging out with me. And your thank you so much for the invite to to share a bit about my story and my journey with your plaque on your platform with your audience. I'm honored and really excited to to be here with you today and share a bit about my story and journey. This time. It's a little different being on the other side of the mic.

Brad Walsh 3:08
As you just experienced recently with me, so yeah, it's a little trade off here, I guess. Yeah. It's one of those things where it's like, you get used to doing a certain thing and kind of, you know, a lot being that mirror for other people. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's like, okay, I'm stepping out and I'm now being seen. And you know, and it is a little bit different to do this. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm glad. I'm glad. It's exciting. You know, when people you know, take a look at your podcasts that they all see that it is really focused on women, which is obviously why you're on my show. But one of the things that you know, I've seen more in your Facebook group is you're kind of becoming a little bit more visible. And, you know, this kind of like spoiler alert, people are gonna be like, Okay, well, what is this all about? So we're just gonna go there. So just tell us a little about who you are and who you serve.

My name is Brad Walsh. I am the host creator, producer of the Empower agafay podcast, I started the podcast, Jesus, it'll be two years next month, actually.

And it's all centered around and focused on women's empowerment. And a big piece of that came to be, of course, because of COVID. But the inspiration behind it came from and through five women in my life. My daughter's my two daughters who are now 20 and 22. They're a big part of the inspiration for that. And a big part of that piece of the puzzle, or story is because of what my daughters went through when they were younger when they were in elementary school. They were both bullied as kids in elementary school. And, of course, as a parent, seeing your children go through something like that is difficult and it's

It was a really tough time to go through with them. And I mean, you unfortunately can't go in and beat the kids up for take care of them.

That would be a bit of a problem. But seeing what they went through, and how they struggled through that, and the effects that it had on them. And the fact that the effects carried through with them to the different stages of their lives, from elementary school to teenage like high school years, and now their young adult lives, the effects are still there. It's heartbreaking. And it's horrible. I mean, I was as a kid, I was bullied as well. So I have an idea how they feel. But seeing them go through that. It's just, it's heartbreaking. And then thinking about that on a grander scale, the hundreds of millions of young girls and women who go through and deal with that on a daily basis and have it affect how they view themselves. They don't feel confident in who they are. They don't love themselves, they don't love their bodies. It's It's heartbreaking for me. So part of the inspiration for that, for the podcast was because of my daughters, and then my wife, of course. And then my mom and my grandmother, I mean, I was I grew up around women, I was raised by these two women.

My mom left my biological father when I was 10 years old. And back in those days, the women were the ones who stayed home to raise and look after the children while the husband was the one at working, making the money. So looking back on that now, the fact that he ran around on our haven't had an affair, and my mom had just hit that point where it's like, you know what I'm done. I'm not putting up with this anymore. I don't deserve this. And my boys don't deserve it. Either. She decided that she was going to leave. And that's exactly what we did. She'd had enough we, we took the clothes on our back, we left with just the clothes on our back and moved into a one bedroom apartment. My mom had to reintegrate back into the working world after being at work for over 10 years, because she stayed home to raise us. And when she was at work, my grandmother would step in and help look after some raises. So for me, those two women are the foundation for all of it.

I mean, they started this whole thing. And they lead by example, showing me what it is to be strong and courageous and resilient as women by doing what they had to do to get stuff done. And I mean, my mom had no choice, she had to get a job, she had to support her children. So that strength and resilience that those two women, I wouldn't be the man I am today without those two. And then of course, my wife and my daughters, these five women, they I guess it's my way of saying thank you and giving back to women in general, because of what these five women have brought to my life and shown me and taught me and given me. And that's why that's where the podcast idea came from.

Andrea Crisp 7:38
You know, it's interesting, you say that, because I had a mentor when I was a kid, I was nine years old, and Rosanna became my mentor. She was 14. So there's five years between us, right? And she played a huge role in my life. And then from there on, there were many more women who came in my life. Now I have a great mom. So, you know, I already had that piece. But yeah, you know, when I talk to women a lot, you know, of course, we're thinking about, you know, these women in our lives that have mentored us, but I often don't think about the boys. Yeah, who? Yeah, it's the moms Right? Like, you don't think about that. And, and unless you're in a relationship with a man that it's not good. And you think, Oh, my gosh, I wonder what their relationship was like, with their mother, you know, like, yeah, and it's a totally different story, you know, but these women are not just raising girls or raising boys too, who are then in relationship with women who are working alongside women. And if if that shifts, even then that that makes a huge difference in the lives of women and how we work and how we do things in life.

Brad Walsh 8:49
So for sure, it's funny how that gets overlooked, though, you know, really does. And the focus is on young girls and raising these young girls up to be strong and courageous and resilient and, and to not take shit from people. Right, exactly. That's great. But the boys Yeah, they do get overlooked. And I mean, a big part I think, is the societal conditioning for boys, right? Boys are taught growing up, Oh, you shouldn't show your emotions or the you know, if a boys crowd stop, you're crying, you're acting like a little girl and it that needs to shift we need to shift that thinking for our boys too. They need to be shown and taught that you know what, it's okay to show your emotions. It's okay to have emotion. You're a human being, you're going to have emotions, and it's perfectly normal to show those emotions if you feel like crying cry. There's nothing wrong with it.

Andrea Crisp 9:40
Yeah, I totally agree. Because I know you know, for women, like you know, we're girls especially like in our generation, right now growing up for women. It was like you know, there was certain expectations. Yes for us and certain ways for us to be acting. And when I when I showed up in you know, in my life in a work environment. I had a really hard time because I was trying to be feminine and I wasn't sure how to really use my masculine energy. Right. And I think it's, it's the opposite for for men in the sense of like, there's like this full on masculine energy, but there's part of this feminine part of the men. Yeah. That they feel like oh my gosh, if I show any kind of like sensitivity, or you know, inclusion, then I'm not going to be, you know, some man. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's interesting. Like, I mean, I didn't think we were going to talk about this today. But you know, here we are. Yeah. You know, when you when you think about your own journey, and with your, with your daughters, your wife, your mom and your grandmother, how have they informed who you are today?

Brad Walsh 10:54
I think it Well, I mean, it's obviously it's it started with my mom, my grandmother teaching me about respecting women, the back then, of course, at that age respecting girls, and we were always told growing up, you know, be polite, respect your elders, respect, girls, never ever, ever lay hands on a girl. It's just these values that that they instilled in me from a young age to always be respectful and treat everyone with respect and be fair to everyone. And so, I mean, it all started there. And just women are just natural nurturers, so that just because I didn't really have a father around until my mom met a gentleman later on, after she left my biological father, then I had the father figure in there helping me as well. But it was mainly my mom and my grandmother teaching me. And then of course, watching my daughter's grew up and seeing what they went through. Because obviously, times have changed for kids since we were children. And so just trying to instill those values in our girls, that's something that my wife and I always worked on and persisted with the girls is that, you know, don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do anything, you can accomplish anything, you are limitless, put your mind to it. And don't let anyone stop, you don't let anyone keep you down. Don't let anyone tell. And I think that I don't want to say girls need that more a kids need that I think we need to start doing that with our children from a very young age, so that they grow up, that it's just naturally instilled in them, there's not even a second thought, if you tell someone something enough, whether it be negative or positive, they're going to start to believe it. Yeah. So if we started to do that with our children, at a young age, telling them that, you know, you are an amazing human being you can do anything you want, you are limitless, you, you know, instilling those confidence, that confidence and those values, they'll just grow up not knowing any different.

Andrea Crisp 12:53
And I think even you know, as I'm thinking about, like, I grew up with really supportive parents, but I didn't hear words like that, like I didn't hear, I almost heard things that were just almost a little bit more fear based in the sense of, you know, make sure you get a good job. So you can take care of yourself. It's easy to be like, it's all in like, in they, of course wanted to support me and make sure that I'm okay. Yeah, I saying make sure you do this and this, but not like, you know, take a risk and, you know, go for it and do the thing you want to do. And, and I think that, you know, having that kind of support system, especially for young young people, whether they be male or female, to know that you can do things like right now. The Olympics is are on right. I love Yeah. And and I think about all of those Olympians, and how, you know, they are pushing the boundaries, of sport, of athleticism, of, you know, creativity. And I think if they stopped, you know, to just go I wonder, you know, like, here's the cap, you know, I better not go any further than that. Yeah. Where were they? You know, yeah, where would they be? Yeah. And that's available to everybody. Yeah.

Brad Walsh 14:09
You know, though, I think that I like what you said about when you were growing up to because we're of the same generation. I don't think that our parents thought I think that was just part of the conditioning of that generation. It wasn't because my parents didn't say, oh, you know, you can do anything you want. Don't you don't have to get a secured if you want to start to do it. No, it wasn't like that. It was you got to get a secure job, but they were supportive. It's just I think it's a different time, right? Whereas now I mean, the internet and technology has opened up so much in the world, you you can do anything never I've heard many people say this is the greatest time ever to be alive because you can start a business from home you can work online and and COVID has shown us that as well that you know what, we don't need to stick to those old values and restraints and constraints. We can work from home. The world is shifting. Yeah, absolutely changed. And and I love that you are championing women in that. Brian, tell me a little bit about how you started your photography business.

Andrea Crisp 15:13
I am so fascinated by your photography business and how you took that and then merged it into a podcast.

Brad Walsh 15:23
Well, photography that that I would have to say that's my first love and my first passion. I mean, I started shooting back in high school on black and white film, I'm dating myself here on black and white film learning how to develop images in the darkroom. So, and the funniest thing about all of the the whole photography piece of it is that I never ever wanted to photograph people, I had no interest whatsoever.

I was more into shooting landscapes and architecture and creating my art and, and selling, exhibiting my art at art shows I was doing art shows around Toronto. And so photography has been a huge part of my life forever.

And I, I guess, I mean, I started working in corporate. I worked for an accounting firm for 12 and a half years and about three years, four years into my journey into that my career, I was to put it politely tasked with the responsibility of doing the headshots for the corporate staff. And that's actually where I fell in love with photographing people, I loved having that one on one time where I could connect with individuals, and learn a bit about who they are and what they do, and just have that connection piece with them. And that's really where my love for photographing people started. And then about three or four years following that I was introduced through a mutual friend to a boudoir photographer who was based in Florida. And I fell in love with the genre, I fell in love with the message, the mission and behind boudoir photography, what you can help women accomplish in terms of self confidence and body acceptance and self love and all of that amazingly beautiful stuff. And I ended up mentoring with this woman for six months. And when I was done my mentorship, it was just one of those light bulb moments, I just knew that when I do finally leave corporate, because at that point, I was starting to think, Okay, I've got to get out of this job, I wasn't happy where I was working, I hated going to work every day, all I could think about was photography and starting my business and getting out into the world of entrepreneurship. And I mean, I'll be it it took me another six years before I made that jump and got the courage and the strength up to do it. But I eventually did it. And I delved into the world of boudoir, photography, and women's empowerment, that's where my whole journey into women's empowerment started was through the photography piece of that. And I just loved being able to give back in that way and have that kind of impact on women and on human beings for that matter.

With this genre of photography, I mean, I had women, my goal was to have the women that were coming in as my clients to leave the studio feeling better about themselves than when they got there. And honestly, Andrea, it's like,it's hard to explain, it's honestly, it's, I can only equate it to seeing a caterpillar transform into a butterfly right before your very eyes that the transformation that happens right there that unfolds before you, as a photographer, you can't even put it into words, how incredibly rewarding and inspiring and amazing that feels to be able to be part of that process. And to have these women's lives changed is just phenomenal. And women have come into viewing sessions after their shoot and told me that they can't believe that's them in the photographs. And honestly, there's no bigger or better compliment I could ever be paid as a photographer or as an artist to hear and know that I ever had that kind of impact on another human being and given back in that way. And that's what it's all about for me is having an impact and having these women leave the studio feeling better than when they arrived loving themselves and feeling a little bit more confident they leave with a little bit more of a pep in their step. The studio, it's a great feeling truly, it's amazing.

Andrea Crisp 19:18
You know, it's so funny because like, I just got some photos done back in the fall back when those are changing actually went to Toronto and my friend Margo does my my photos there. Right andI wasn't particularly feeling my best like you know, I had a little bit of COVID weight gain and you know all the things andyou know, got some outfits and did all this stuff and then I went and did the the shoot and of course she sends it to me she sends all the proofs to me and I'm like, wow, like she really does make me look good. You know, like yeah, this moment and, and I've been thinking about for some time about you know this I mean, I'm 47 So, you know, the thought of maybe doing a boudoir photography shoot is like, oh my goodness, like, Is this the time that I would do that? Why did I choose 27? You know, like, but I want to know, behind the, like, what is the shift? Like what is happening for women when they're coming in and doing that, because I know how I felt when I saw the the photographs, but like, you know, I talk with women all the time about, you know, their mindset and confidence and showing up with confidence. But what is that like, kind of physical, visceral thing that's happening when they're coming in and doing that? I think it does. A lot of it goes back to confidence. I mean, I have to say, my process, I do appreciate consultations with my clients.

Brad Walsh 20:54
We talk and an open line of communication is always there between myself and my clients to discuss if they have questions, if they want to know anything between the time of initial contact to when we shoot, I want to keep that line because let's be honest, you're in a very vulnerable abstains only. Right? So I, of course, trust and rapport is of paramount importance when you're choosing a photographer to shoot these, this particular genre of photography. So I think that keeping that open line of communication open is very important. Because I want them to feel comfortable, I want us to have a report already established before we even set foot in the studio, this way to get an idea of who I am what I'm like what I'm about. And so I mean, there's many reasons why women do them celebration. I've had clients that are celebrating birthdays, and you know, or they've lost weight, or, but I do find that I have found that some women are nervous or scared about doing it. And then the self limiting stuff starts to come in, right? Oh, you know, I need to lose five pounds before I do a shoot or I need to lose 10 pounds or let me I gotta I gotta work out for a few months before we get. And I always try to instill into my clients that No, I, I think that we should be celebrating you who you are right now. If you want to do another shoot later on. Great, but why don't we celebrate who you are now embrace that beauty. Embrace your confidence, embrace yourself and just love who you are. And that's a very difficult thing, self love and self worth. And that's all part of the process. Right? So those are all factors that contribute to that.

It's just an incredible thing to witness. I honestly, there aren't enough words to describe how incredible that process is. I mean, some of the shoots I've had clients where they of course they come in, and understandably so they're very nervous and closed off. And I'm just imagining me walking.

Andrea Crisp 22:56
Like, I'd be like laughing and giggling and like, that's, that's what I want it to be. Exactly. It's got to be fun. That's what I try and do too, is keep the atmosphere very fun and laid back and loose and happy. And I mean, I help them choose outfits.

Brad Walsh 23:11
There. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. 100%. Okay, how's it going? That was my other question. Like how the heck do you find what to wear? Or like, um, yeah, I have, I have a guide that I send out to all my my clients that's got suggestions, I create, I have a Pinterest board created with ideas for outfits. But one thing I have to stress too. And I do this with all my potential clients on the Discovery calls that launch boudoir is not necessarily synonymous with lingerie, you don't have to wear lingerie, if you don't feel comfortable in that, that's totally fine. If you want to wear cut off jeans, kind of shorts and a tank top and it to teach. That's fine. It's about whatever makes you feel beautiful, whatever makes you feel sexy, whatever makes you feel empowered. That's what it's about. It's not about lingerie. I mean, let's be honest, 95% of my clients, that's what they want. They want to wear lingerie during the shoot, but it's not a necessity. It is absolutely not a necessity. And I can see the value for like, you know, you know, for women, when I think about like, okay, lingerie, like I'm like, I don't know, that I would want to show I mean, some women have no problem showing photographs online and whatever. I'm like, I don't know, like, that's part of my business. I'm like, do I want to be putting that out there, but I'm like, there's a part of it that I would want to be able to show. So it's it's I'm glad that you say that because I also think that the empowerment comes from owning that part of your sexuality. 100%

Andrea Crisp 24:48
Can you speak to that a little bit? Sure.

Brad Walsh 24:50
Yeah. I mean, again, this is this is part of the whole process beforehand is that again explaining about you not having to wear this or wear that and I tell them

Women to bring as many outfits as possible this way we if we have we have choices so that some say, I will help them choose outfits before we start shooting. Yeah, say Okay, let's try this. And, you know, let's try something. And another thing that I tell my clients too is that I will never ever publish any images without their written consent, of course, yeah. And this another major thing that I tell my clients to is the one of the first questions I asked them is, why are you doing this? Why do you want to do this? Why do you want to do a boudoir shoot? And I've had clients tell me that, well, you know, I'm doing this for my husband or my wife, or whatever the case may be in them. And it could not. I try to enforce that. Okay, that's great that you're doing that for them. But first and foremost, this is about you. It's not about them, it's for you, right, if you want to gift the images to your better half, whether it be husband, wife, whatever the case is, that's great. But first and foremost, let's focus on you. This is a celebration of you, not them. That's it, right. I mean, yeah, that's the most important part is that we get that down and settle that this is for you. Don't worry about them. And honestly, the images are just a byproduct of the shoot. It's really about the experience. That's what it's about is the experience of being photographed and feeling beautiful and feeling empowered and feeling sexy and feeling good about yourself. That's what it's about. You're just a byproduct. I'm signing up. I don't even know.

Like, all right, I signed gladly. No problem. I will gladly do it shoot for you. No problem at all, you know, because I'm thinking about like, even when I did the the shoot with my friend, Margo. Yeah, the more we did it, the more comfortable I became. Yes. And like she's like, show me the camera. She like hey, look at this. Yeah. And and like, oh, like, you know, yes. And that's, that's something that I do constantly, honestly, showing on the back of the camera, because you my client, you're surprised? Yeah, yeah, they're there. And they're wondering, because I know there are photographers who don't do that. Yeah. And I can't even imagine the clients must be thinking, Well, are we getting anything good? Is any of this material usable? And so I'm constantly showing them the back of the camera. And it's funny that you mentioned that, by the end of the shoot, you're feeling this whole freedom. And and that's happened. I don't know how many times where we've gotten to the point, like I said, they walk in, they're very closed and nervous, which understandably so. But by the near the end of the shoot, I'm like, Okay, we're done. I think we've got everything we need. We're wrap, oh, I was just really getting into this, I was really starting to enjoy this. And that's incredible to hear that because that's when you know that they're leaving that studio. With a pep in their step. They're leaving feeling so much better than when they got there. And that's what it's about. I have I feel the visceral, like, response right now. Like, that is how I'm like, okay, yeah. Because as much I, when I started doing mindset, confidence coaching, like, I really do believe, you know, like, if we shift the the stories and the narrative about what we believe to be true about ourselves, and we step into our power, how, you know, we can really impact whomever we are serving, whatever absolutely, that is. But I guess the more I understand body, soul spirit, and realizing how important all the aspects of us are, as women, you know, there is the mind, and there is the soul component, but there's also the body and yeah, and we put a lot of emphasis on okay, what do we eat? And how much are we working out? And, you know, more and more, I'm seeing these coaches, you know, who are pleasure coaches, and doing all these things? And I'm like, and some of it, people can be like, Yeah, I can get on board that and some people are like, Yeah, I don't know, you know, yeah, but I think there's this importance of this element of empowering women are allowed. And that's the whole thing.

Andrea Crisp 29:00
We can be empowered. Yeah, that when we, we empower ourselves. Yes, that is when the shift happens. That's right. And it's like, you know, someone can set the stage for women to be empowered. You can, yeah, you know, you know, host of a podcast, photography I can as a coach, but it's really the shift that she makes, in her mind, in her body in her spirit in every way that empowers her to actually take those those steps. Absolutely. Well, until until the particular person feels it within them. Yeah, it doesn't. And this is something that we struggled with my wife and I with our daughters, after the bullying, I mean, we continually reinforced with with behavior and talk about, you know, we understand how difficult that that period was that you went through, but don't let the word

Unknown Speaker 30:00
Have these people get in here and affect how you view yourself and, and my wife and I talked about this many, many times, we can tell the girls till we're blue in the face, how beautiful we think they are, how perfect they are, it does not matter if they themselves don't feel that within them. It doesn't matter what anybody says not even their parents, it doesn't matter. No. I mean, that's not to say give up and don't keep reinforcing. And don't keep telling them. But it doesn't unless they feel it, it doesn't matter. And that's the same thing with empowered empowerment, if a woman does not feel that,

Unknown Speaker 30:37
it doesn't matter, she has to feel that within herself. And you know, you're talking about your daughters who, you know, are now in their 20s. But, you know, as as older, as the older we get, really, there's so many women who I talked to who are, you know, in relationships or married, and they, they tell me, you know, in, whether it's in a conversation as a friend, or as a client, they're like, you know, in my marriage, things are not going well, I don't feel like you know, I can be myself, I'm, you know, maybe they're, they're, they're really not having that intimacy that they would desire, and they don't feel like how they want to feel. And I think all of that, you know, comes from this understanding of who you are. And if we're relying on someone to tell us, yeah, we are Oh, you are beautiful. Or, you know, it's like, I'm glad that you think that that's great. Yeah. It's it. There's such a difference when, you know, she shows up. And it's like, yeah, I feel it. Yeah, I mean, that's all goes back to self right self work. You have to put in the work, you have to dig deep, and learn to love yourself that everything absolutely everything begins with self. That's, that's the basis for all of it. That's the foundation. Now when you so here you were you're doing photography, and with the podcast, how did that kind of all get started?

Brad Walsh 32:09
Well, the initial start of the podcas came as a result of me, sitting around thinking that I want to do more with this mission of women's empowerment that I'm on because of the photography, I wanted to supplement or add something to it didn't feel like it was enough for me. And so I just, I thought I was thinking about it. I thought about doing a podcast for a while, but I had no idea what the hell I would talk about. And of course, imposter syndrome creeps in is like, well, who the hell am I to have a podcast? Who's gonna want to listen to what I have to say? What do I have a value to offer people? And through more thinking about it. And then I thought I had another one of those light bulb moments where I thought, Why don't I take or spin off what I'm doing with photography, where it's focused on women and focus a podcast solely on women, women who work in the entrepreneurial space of women who work in the corporate world, or women that have a story that they want to share. And so I reached out to about seven or eight friends, my women who are photographers, makeup artists at the time, this was back in 2019. And I explained a little bit about my idea and the platform and what I wanted to do with it and ask them if they would help me get it off the ground by letting me interview them.

They all agreed. So I started my mission I created I did the interviews, I created the content. And I started publishing episodes, I was publishing, I think at the time, it was about one episode every two weeks. So not a lot of content, because I didn't have a lot. But I thought I just want to get started, excuse me. And so I started publishing the episodes. And at that point, I was in my second year, full time at the photography business and the business started to pick up traction. I was getting more bookings and more inquiries. And I thought, You know what I've got to because the business is so new, I have to shift and focus my energy and time and effort into that full time and not be distracted by other things. So I did that and went back to the business. Fast forward to March of 2020. Well, we all know how that played out. That basically rendered my photography business.

I couldn't do anything I couldn't book shoots, and it was inoperable. So I got tired of hearing all the bitching and whining and complaining about what was going on in the world. And I just thought, you know what, I can't I can't get into that I can't go down that dark hole. And why don't I take advantage of this time that every single one of us as humans has been given on this face of the earth and do something good with it do something positive. And so I thought this is the perfect opportunity. I can reignite the podcast and put all of my energy and all my creativity and focus. I mean, I had to do something creative because I couldn't use my creativity to shoot so I thought

I've got to do something else. And so the podcast, just like that, I've got to do this. Now, this is the perfect time. And so I started reaching out to women on Instagram. And Andrea, the response was incredible. It was beautiful. It was amazing women were so happy to hear that a man had created a platform like this to help elevate women, and amplify their voices. And at the time, I thought, you know, there's a ton of women out there with empowerment podcasts. And I think that's great. That's awesome. But there are no men out there doing this. So this is the perfect opportunity for me to carve out my own little niche that I can grow and expand and blow up into the world and share this mission. And that's really how it was born. I guess it was reborn. We'll call it Yeah, no, it's so cool. And, you know, I got to be a guest on it, which is yes. Awesome. Very cool. So I will link in the shownotes. That episode, as well, when that comes out. And you're also doing some some new things, you know, that are kind of like spin off of the podcast. Tell us a little bit about that, too. Yeah. So last year? Well, I mean, my ultimate goal for this platform, I'll start there is to turn this into an in person women's empowerment conference that travels around the world. That's where I see this thing going. That's how big I'm thinking with this platform. And thank you. And so last year started by putting on the first four in pyrography, the first women's empowerment virtual conference. We held it on March 8, to celebrate International Women's Day. Last year, we had 24 women that spoke at the conference. We had sponsors who donated prizes and gifts to give away to the attendees, we gave away prizes leading up to the conference. And it was just an absolutely incredible day. It was a range of emotions, laughter, tears, happiness, it was just amazing. I had women messaging me and emailing me at the end of that week asking me to do it on a quarterly basis. Because they enjoyed the day so much, there was so much energy and inspiration from all of the speakers. And so we thought you don't have to do it again next year. So this year, of course, we're putting on empower. agafay live 2020 to another virtual online women's empowerment conference on March 8. Again, to celebrate International Women's Day, we have 2028 women speaking this year. It's running from 9:30am to 5:30pm. For the last hour of that conference, from 430 to 530. We're doing what we're calling a virtual happy hour, where we are bringing anyone who's left on the conference be at attendee speakers, into the lobby on Zoom, and just a networking session, you can chat with each other and connect with one another.

Tickets are only $20 Canadian, so $16 for our US folks down down beneath us.

And then I started something a few months back the end of last year called the Empowerment Network. And what that is, is virtual networking sessions for women.

We help they're held every third Thursday of the month from 7pm to 8:30pm. Eastern tickets for that are $20. Canadian again, for three sessions, you get to attend three networking sessions. So four and a half hours of networking.

And we have each session kicked off with two women who are part of the network speaking and sharing about who they are and what they do for the first 20 minutes of the session. And then for the last hour and 10 minutes of the session, what we do is we create Breakout Rooms in zoom and we put two women into each room to network with each other for 12 minutes. When they're done. When those rooms are expired, we bring everyone back into the lobby put you back into another room with a different woman to network, you get about between five and seven rounds of networking. So you get to meet five to seven women each session. Oh, yeah, it's been it's been really good. It's been received very well. The women are really enjoying it having a good time. Lots of laughs lots of fun. So it's good. That's amazing. Oh, well, we'll put that in there as well. Because I know, there's so many women who are, you know, just looking for that support that networking that yeah, community. You know, I think we'd all love to have the in life real community by absolute take what will take well we can get we'll get to that step that's coming. Don't worry. We're I want to do masterminds and retreats and in person networking events and things like that. So that'll that'll come down the road as we get clear of all of this that's going on. That's exciting. Why I am so excited that we had an opportunity to meet and you know, to collaborate with one another. And for me to hear your story and your journey. Where can people find you and how can they connect with you? They can find me at Empower agafay podcast on Instagram. Have a website WWW dot Empower agafay podcast calm basically those two places. Then of course we have the podcast the

Empowerography podcast Lounge on Facebook private group for women to interact and connect with one another. We have about 750 members in there and that is Empowerography podcast Lounge on Facebook. Awesome. Well, we'll make sure all that is in the show notes for people to connect with you. Thank you so much. Look forward to like more collaborations. Who knows what's in store for us, Brad? Thank you. Absolutely. Andrea, thank you. So very much. It's been an absolute pleasure, being able to sit down and be on this side of the mic and share my story and journey with you. I thank you and appreciate you for the opportunity. And he's an amazing, thank you.

I love chatting with men who are so passionate about empowering women. I think that it's so important when we are taking baby steps in our own lives, that we have people who come alongside of us and I think of my friend Steven, who has been part of the podcast for so long. He edits, he does all the original music. And he and his wife and his daughter. They're all about empowering women. And I love that he is part of this journey with me. So to all of the men out there who are so passionate about linking arms with us, we say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Now Brad is also hosting a conference that is upcoming, so I'll make sure that I put all the links for that in the show notes so that you can access that conference that is coming up on March 8. And friend make sure that you reach out to me to get the link to the mindset mentor circle that we are starting every Wednesday 12pm Eastern Standard Time. I'd love to connect with you over there and get to know you a little bit better. Friend, thank you for hanging out with me today. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live briefly. If you liked this episode of The Courage cast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original music and production by Steven Crilly.

201 | Stepping Out of A Financial Culture of Now

WITH VANESSA BOWEN

 
 
 
Because, you know, we talk a lot about our financial identity. And we know you can shift that identity. Yes, ma’am. Right, you can step into this new person, this new way of being, you can allow the past to be the past and not attach that to your future. Because we think of an energy and mindset perspective, holding that shame is using this low vibration, which is blocking that future abundance, blocking you from attracting that money to pay off the debts to achieve your financial goals. So yeah, just have to let it go. Because it’s blocking that future button. It’s for you.
— Vanessa Bowen
 

About This Episode:

Have you ever felt shame about your finances?

So much so that you don't even know what to do first. You're not alone in feeling that way. It's more important than ever if you want to make a bigger impact than you step out of a financial culture of now to start sourcing from the future.

Today on the podcast I'm chatting with Vanessa Bowen all about what we can do to move from feeling shame about our current financial picture to financial freedom.

Vanessa Bowen is a Chartered Professional Accountant (CPA), Master NLP Practioner, and founder of Mint Worthy Co. Inc. With over a decade of experience in corporate finance and public accounting working for international businesses across North America, Vanessa made the decision to pursue her passion for personal finance. As the proud founder of Mint Worthy, established in 2017, Vanessa provides individuals with financial coaching and the resources needed to blaze a path to lifelong financial freedom. Using a holistic approach, she educates them on the fundamentals of personal money management while empowering them to take control of their finances by improving their relationship with money, creating new mindset shifts, and building intentional habits. Vanessa has been featured as a money expert in several leading media outlets and podcasts.

Connect with Vanessa on IG: @mintworthyco

Connect with Co-operators on IG: @co_operators

Connect with Andrea on IG: @andreacrispcoach @the.couragecast

Connect with Andrea via TEXT: Text the word COURAGE to 647-424-2429 CLICK HERE

To book a FREE 30-minute Strategy Call with Andrea: www.andreacrisp.ca/schedule

 
 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

 

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Do you ever find yourself asking the question? What the heck should I be doing with my finances? Should I be saving? Should I be investing? Should I be getting crypto? Should I? Well, you know, all the shoulds in life. Well today on the podcast, we are going to be talking to money coach Vanessa Bowen, all about how we can shift from a financial culture of now to sourcing from the future.

Kate 0:26
You're listening to The Couragecast a show to equip and empower you to live bravely. Each week, we'll share solo episodes and conversations with amazing people who've been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. With a blend of practical and spiritual advice will help you take brave steps in your own life. Now, here's your host, mindset and confidence coach, author, and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:52
Hey, friends, welcome to The Couragecast. I am so glad that you have joined me today. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host. And I'm also a mindset and confidence coach. And I have loved being on this podcast journey with you if you didn't already know this. Last week, we celebrated our 200th episode. And honestly, like sometimes I look back and I think to myself, like, wow, how the heck did I get here? But here we are. And I am so glad. Like, I was thinking to myself, you know, where do we even go from here. But I think I have another 200, at least in me. So I am excited about our journey and how we're going to continue to grow together and really get the clarity, we need to step into the confidence of who we are and take that massive action and those brave steps of courage to gather. So friend, we are talking about one of my very favorite subjects, money. And I was talking to a good friend of mine not long ago about the culture of now. And in case it's something new to you. I think that often we're living in this now mentality, this place where we feel like, you know, I only understand what's right in front of me, I can only deal with what is happening right now. But if we're going to grow, if we're going to make a bigger impact in the world, and if we are going to share our voice with the world, than we need to be able to understand where we're going and how we're going to get there. And our financial picture is a big part of that. So I've invited my good friend and money coach Vanessa Bowen back onto The Couragecastf to talk to us all about how we can shift from a culture of now to a culture of sourcing from the future. Vanessa, I am so thrilled to have you back on The Couragecast repeat guests, I was thinking, you know, as I just finished our 200th episode, we just aired it. And I was looking back and you were in our first 100. And so I'm so excited to have you back and chat all things money. You know, I love talking about money. I've learned so much about money from you. So welcome to the courage cast.

Vanessa Bowen 3:21
Thank you so much my love for having me back. I am so excited to be here.

Andrea Crisp 3:26
You know, we have been through a lot over the past couple years like you and I've had, you know, private conversations around this. And as a coach myself, you know, I talked to a lot of my clients who are concerned about their financial situation. You know, there, there have been times where I'm really concerned about my financial situation. And we're in a climate right now here in Canada that, you know, is really kind of confusing, to be honest, if I'm really just, you know, sharing how I feel about like where we're at. So I was really excited to have you on today to talk about that. Because I'd love to know what you as a money experts and a money Coach, what you are seeing as the Canadian financial climate right now.

Vanessa Bowen 4:14
Yeah, we're definitely seeing a shift, obviously, with the pandemic and all that our world is going through. And it's a very interesting because there was a recent poll that came out and Angus Reid poll that was sponsored by cooperators. And what they were finding in this poll was that after the uncertainty of the last few years, Canadians are really feeling fatigued, but at the same time, they're seeking these immediate results in these quick wins. And a lot of that is being fueled by this social media pressure. This, you know, fear of missing out but from an investing perspective. And what they found inside the poll was that 85% of financial professionals believe that in today's culture of now, Canadians aren't prioritizing their future planning. They're really just focused on what can I do today? How can I make a quick But today, but not thinking about retirement not thinking about their future when it comes to their financial lives, their goals, or any of that,

Andrea Crisp 5:08
you know, I know with having had conversations with you like that is, you know, really where I have, you know, started to understand how important it is for me to be planning for my future. I know my parents, oftentimes, they're, they're a little concerned about my financial future. And I'm probably like, you know, many Canadians were, you know, I'm like, I'm trying to survive. I'm building a business I'm, you know, worried about now, I'm worried about what happens now. Like, so sometimes for me, when I'm thinking about it, I'm like, you know, I'm not concerned about like, can I buy a house even though like, oh, my gosh, like, real estate is crazy right now. But I'm worried about like, you know, am I paying the bills? Can I do what I need to do? Can I decrease my debt? Can I do you know, and so Future Planning has been a bit on the backburner. Although, I'm at a point, you know, I've had these conversations, where I want to be future focused. And but I fall into that category of, you know, the culture of now. So let's, let's, I want to ask you, what, what avenues are young people seeking answers, because I know I come to you, but what avenues are they actually looking for right now?

Vanessa Bowen 6:29
Yeah. And it's, it's funny, because with a lot of like young, young people, young investors, a lot of where they're focusing on is social media, for their friends, and getting those answers from there. And, you know, all of us are making or trying to make these buying decisions during these increasingly turbulent times. But the reality is that we're all inexperienced in some aspect of financial planning. Like we all don't know something about financial planning. And so we're living in this culture where we're also finding people are kind of afraid to show that and showcase that. And actually, inside the poll, and inside the Angus Reid poll sponsored by cooperators, what they found was that no, there's this social pressure among Canadians. 65% of the advisors said that there's this social pressure among Canadians, for Canadians to feel or appear as if they're financially savvy. So all of that is causing us right to like, you know, shoot, show up on social media. Follow, people pretend like we know, you know what that's doing, though, it's hindering people from asking the right questions and seeking the right advice. And this is why, you know, more now than ever, people need to be sitting across from the right people, like a financial professional, like a financial adviser, asking them the questions not turning to social media, or Google or your neighbor next door, but sitting across from someone who is knowledgeable. And that's why no cooperators with the season that they're we're in right now. They're really focused on sitting down with people and meeting people where they're at. And they have this real people first approach to their financial planning to their financial advice and this holistic approach, because that's what we need right now. Like you just talked about it, you know, we're so focused on pay my bills right now paying off my debt right now, that's not realistic. That's us focusing on one aspect, and we have to open our eyes to see the full picture of our financial life

Andrea Crisp 8:25
right now. You know, I feel a lot of pressure personally, I'm a single woman, and I've been through multiple careers and in those careers, like, I wasn't super focused on my, you know, my pension or what my parents like they listen to this are going to be freaking out right now. But I mean, I think a lot of you know, Canadians can relate to this, I'm sure that they, everybody has their own financial picture. But for me, I know that I've been in this place where I'm like, Okay, I know, I need to be thinking about the future. But I'm on social media. I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook, I'm seeing what people are saying. And then I'm like, I get like this fear of like, oh, my gosh, am I missing out on something? So what? What would you say to you know, somebody like myself, who maybe feels the pressure of social media?

Vanessa Bowen 9:18
Yeah, it's a great question. And I know we've all we all feel it. We've all felt it. And it's tough, right? It's very tough, because we don't want to feel like we're missing out on something that could potentially expand our future or our finances. And I think we have to shift and really just really step out of that, that social pressure. And a lot of it is really causing us to feel a little worn down. Feeling us like causing us to feel these, like emotional, almost like this emotional turbulence inside of our financial lives. And this is why we can't do it alone. Like this is why you have to sit down with someone who is knowledgeable and I know it's scary, and it's not my dad. your dad, your dad might know, you know, your dad might be amazing and, and have the knowledge. But yeah, I always see this right like, if your your stomach's hurting, or if you've got a back pain, you don't go to your mechanic, right, you go to your doctor, so you're trying to create this financial life, we have to reduce the shame, we have to reduce the embarrassment of not knowing of, you know, being kind of, in the dark of what to do. And we have to put our finances first and seek the right advice from the right types of professionals.

Andrea Crisp 10:35
You know, I have been thinking a lot about this, because just over the past few months, you know, even year, and it's funny, because I think to myself, and I'm kind of outing myself with this, honestly. But I think about what legacy I want to leave. And and I and I want to be someone who is capable of amassing wealth in my own life. Yes. And giving generously to female funded entrepreneurs, businesses, helping them to grow and increase. And so for me, I have, you know, like I mentioned, really focused on the now but now I'm like, Okay, I have a reason why I want to call in this wealth, right. And so it's really important for me, to to be in that place, and to really plan for my future to plan for what I'm able to give. So there's a lot of confusion, like, I don't know, obviously, what to do. I don't have an RRSP. So, you know, so let's talk about that. Because I'm like, What the heck is and I hear a lot of things, of course, from the American financial market. Yeah. But there's a lot of confusion about RRSPs. And the different directions we can go with planning, or investing for that matter, like so. Let me just ask you, like, which direction do we go? What are we doing here?

Vanessa Bowen 12:04
Yeah, yeah, it's a great question. And it's funny you asked this because inside of the poll that was sponsored by cooperators. 72% of the Canadian advisors actually said that they feel frustrated, because Canadians is just rushing out to this RRSP deadline and contributing when critical areas of their finances are so unintended. And that's the thing, like we have to understand, like the RRSP is just a piece of your financial life, a very important piece. But this is why we have to have this holistic approach and really look at all of your finances. And even inside of the poll, there was one stat which really showed that, you know, people are feeling RRSPs are an investing tool of the past. Like they're not very attractive, but they have a lot of tax benefits. Like they're one of the only things that we can contribute in and actually receive a tax refund, a potential tax refund, depending on your tax bracket, though, determine how much refund you receive. So it's a very important tool for us to use. I think, just as you were saying, you know, we don't really understand a lot of people don't understand how it works. They don't understand what the benefits are. And so we're hearing all this, it's RRSPs and RSP. Season, that's great, but what the heck is an RRSP? should be the first question.

Andrea Crisp 13:21
Open. I'm just hoping I'm getting money back, you know, like from but yes, I do need to know, that's the thing. Yeah. And it's, go ahead. No, I was gonna say like, I think that's the importance and what I'm realizing more and more is the importance that I sit down with somebody and go, okay, like, this is my financial picture. Yes. And, you know, just getting advice and then hoping for the best and doing it on your own is, you know, is is just really like, you know, trying to hit a bull's eye and really not sure where your aim is you're blindfolded. But I think like what your to your point, you know, of saying, okay, when you are sitting with somebody who is a professional and going okay, you know, can you help me with making sure that you know, I am putting my money in the right places, I'm allowing to grow. So here I need I have a question. What is crypto? What the heck is happening? Who like, is this like an imaginary money? Like what's happening here?

Unknown Speaker 14:18
Well, it's it's not imaginary, okay. We're seeing like celebrities. I was listening to a podcast the other day, I can't remember which one it was now. But like, portion of celebrities are like taking parts of their salary and crypto. So...

Andrea Crisp 14:33
I have heard that I've heard even like my some of my own, like coaches having this

Vanessa Bowen 14:39
Yeah. So it's funny you asked that because inside the Angus Reid poll sponsored by cooperators 52% of Canadian advisors, so that cryptocurrency is the number one question that they are being asked about. And so I do believe it's here to stay and I do believe it has a place in your financial future. Picture. But I think what we're seeing right now is because of going back to FOMO. And going back to these social media pressures, because it's just the buzz, everyone's trying to jump into it. And these are, sometimes people are jumping into it. And they haven't even learned the basics of financial planning, or they don't even have the basics of their finances together. And so you can't just jump into something when you don't even you know, know what you're doing when it comes to the basis of financial planning. So it has a place, but it has a place, depending on where you're at. And I think the other thing I would caution people is that you have to make sure no matter what you are building your financial portfolio, you have to make sure it's diversified. So please don't throw all your eggs in crypto, like make sure maybe it's a portion potentially of your portfolio. But don't go sink your entire funds into cryptocurrency because that is not going to be very wise. But again, this is why if you sit with someone like a professional, they'll be able to help you figure out what's that correct diversification for you, based on your investment profile, based on where you're at in your financial life based on your goals. It's not just, you know, when we're talking about is so much in, in social media and the media. It's not just this, like one size fits all or this quick fix. Yeah, for everyone. And I think that's what people need to realize.

Andrea Crisp 16:23
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Because like I, I've even heard, you know, the diversification around your income, you know, it's like, you know, many people are now looking to make multiple streams of income, versus like, you know, the old school way of just like one job that has a pension? Because like, do you think pensions are around forever? Or like, what, what's gonna happen with that?

Vanessa Bowen 16:49
Yeah, no, we're seeing definitely some, some companies are like phasing out their pensions, or they're definitely not as robust as they used to be in the past. And we're seeing and we've been seeing it for quite some time that our retirement planning is really now more on us to do back in the day, you could retire from your company and have a sweet pension and be good and not have to worry about anything. But it's totally different today, like we actually have to hold a huge responsibility of saving separately outside of our pension for our own retirement. And this is why you know, leveraging your own personal RRSP, or like you said, other streams of income, or investments are so necessary, you have to have a diversified portfolio. And again, this is where if you sit with someone, like have an advisor who's you know, really positioned to meet you where you're at, and that's why I really like cooperators, because they're doing that they have this people first approach. So they're meeting people right where they at, they realize everyone's story is different. Everyone's financial picture is different. And that's why you need to sit with someone who understands that who can meet you where you're at, and then it helps you to grow to where you want to go.

Andrea Crisp 17:58
Okay, so we got to talk about hot topic here. Yeah. Shame. Girl. Yes. You know, it's tough if you've made some poor financial decisions, or, gosh, like, maybe even not made poor financial decisions. You know, I mean, I'm, I'm a full, I'm an advocate of believing that we, we need to own up to our responsibilities, and we are at cause for where we are, you know, you and I think, agree with that, yes. 100%. And, you know, it even in my own life, and I've been thinking about, you know, I met cause for where I'm at in my own life. And, you know, there's, there's this shame, though, around, you know, not paying attention sooner, or, you know, making some financial mistakes, and then trying to figure out how in the world am I going to recover from these mistakes? Can we talk a little bit about the mindset? You know, if someone's thinking, okay, yeah, like, easy enough. You're saying go seeing a financial advisor, but like, the thought of even talking about my finances? You know, we even hear people who aren't even looking at their finances. Yes. Like, they're like, I haven't looked at a bank statement in forever. Like, I've heard someone say that recently. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I know that feeling. Because I have been there. I remember, like going, I just hope that there's money there. You know, like, yeah, absolutely. So, so we're talking about, you know, like, what does it look like? There's lots of people who are like, Yeah, of course, I know, my full financial picture. There's a lot of entrepreneurs who are like, I don't, yeah, what do we do to address the shame?

Vanessa Bowen 19:45
Yeah, it's such a great question. I'm glad you raised this, because I think that is honestly that is step one. Like without us actually addressing that we'll never be able to move forward and in the cooperators pool, what they actually found was 80% of advisors said that when people are experiencing these financial losses, or these financial mishaps or mistakes, it's really causing them to be overwhelmed with doubts is leading them to indecision and inaction. And so you have to realize that whatever happened in the past, whatever mistake, it is not a reflection of you, it is not your identity that you now have to carry into the future, you made the best choice, you could at that time, with what you knew, and with the information you had, it may not have had led to the best outcome, but you did your best. And I think it's us really having this grace on ourselves, and really releasing the shame, and not attaching that to our current identity. Because, you know, we talk a lot about our financial identity. And we know you can shift that identity. Yes, ma'am. Right, you can step into this new person, this new way of being, you can allow the past to be the past and not attach that to your future. Because we think of an energy and mindset perspective, holding that shame is using this low vibration, which is blocking that future abundance, blocking you from attracting that money to pay off the debts to achieve your financial goals. So yeah, just have to let it go. Because it's blocking that future button. It's for you.

Andrea Crisp 21:22
Yeah, and I've been thinking a lot about that, because I know that there's like, part, you know, like, we're both into the spirituality aspect of this. And so it's kind of like, you know, there's there's this place where we have to, to understand how do we shift our mindset, and how do we stay in the right energy, but then there's also the real practical aspect of like, okay, once we're in that space, where we can hold that, that's like, okay, now I actually do need to take action. You can't have just one? Yes. Gotta have both. And I think that's where a lot of, you know, a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of coaches, creatives people in, you know, that have like, income that fluctuates, yeah, you know, they feel that stress and strain, because they're like, Okay, well, you know, I don't know what I'm going to get from month to month. But what would you say to somebody who is in that place, where their their their monthly income is fluctuating? And, you know, what's a step for them so that they can start, you know, moving towards, you know, that action? Taking?

Vanessa Bowen 22:29
Yeah, very great question. As entrepreneurs when your income is fluctuating, this is why you need to have a plan. And I know, it might seem like, Well, how do I create a plan, because I don't know what my income is. You may not know what your income is going to be, but you know, what your expenses are? Right? And you know, you can you can control your expenses. You know, you've got the set fixed expenses, like, you know, mortgage rent, internet, cell phone, those are fixed, but then there's the shopping and the EDL.

Andrea Crisp 22:56
Getting your nails done. Yeah, exactly.

Vanessa Bowen 23:00
Those are the things you can control. So this is why, for us who have this fluctuating income, it's really us focusing on what we can control, which is the expenses. So you need to have a plan, you need to have a budget, and then from there, it makes it easier, because then you know, what your your net, like zero is, like, what do I least need to make sure I bring in to cover all of these things. And then any, anything on top of that is gravy, you know, spend that like, go on your shopping spree or put it towards your debts and put it towards your savings. But when you don't have a base plan, what happens is, you have this month of great income, and then you're like, so proud of yourself, which you should be, but then you just go and spend the money. You don't plan whereas if you had a budget and had a plan, you can say, Okay, this income this month is amazing. I've got my month covered, but then you can say okay, well, I need another $4,000 or $5,000 for next month. Okay, let me actually peel out of some of this excess income and put it aside for next month. Like you're more prudent like you're you're making those those decisions in your finances that are actually going to lead you to better financial health, as opposed to just saying, Well, my income is whatever it is, I don't know what it's going to be so I'm not going to plan for anything. Yeah, that's just gonna cause you to stay in this spiral.

Andrea Crisp 24:18
Mm hmm. Yeah, you know, when we know better we do better. Right? Is that the phrase right? Yes. And I know for myself, like, you know, getting really just digging into my finances this year has been you know, one of the things that I've really been actively doing and, and the more I look at it, and the more I see the full picture, I go okay, I'm actually able like I'm creating space for money to come. Wow. And and that feels really good. And then I also don't feel fear, because I'm like, You know what, I just see it it I know what it is. I'm not afraid of it because I can see it. Yes, I know, whether it's where I want it to be or not, you know, I think that's improving as we go, but, but I just want to encourage anybody who's listening, it's like, oh, you know, I'm maybe not in the right place or feel like I, I can, you know, talk to somebody about this yet? It's like, yeah, when you when you feel like you can trust who you're working with, yeah, and they have your best interests at heart, then that is going to be, you know, probably the best scenario for you to unpack your whole financial portfolio.

Vanessa Bowen 25:34
100% I could not agree with that more. And that's why we're saying before, like, you can't do this on your own. Yeah, like, you cannot you have to, like you said, find that right person for you, that's gonna guide you. It's gonna have your best interest.

Andrea Crisp 25:49
Yeah. So what do you think now, as far as investing, like, as we're looking, you know, you know, people are maybe looking at, you know, different things on the internet, trying to figure out what they should do. Who do they turn to?

Vanessa Bowen 26:07
Yeah, it's a great question. And I think going back to what we've been saying a lot is you have to turn to the people who know best, which is a financial advisor, it's a financial professional, you can definitely obviously, you know, ask your friends, ask your parents, but also realize that their financial situation is very different from yours. So they're going to give to things they're going to give advice from their perspective and their situation. They're also going to give advice from their mindset, their money, blocks, yes, past experiences. Yeah. So this is why we have to be very careful where we take advice from and if you really are serious about shifting your financial life, and I know it's scary at first, but afterwards, I promise it will get better. But if you're really serious about this, you have to sit down with a financial professional. And you have to seek the right advice from the right person who knows, like who has the knowledge, and this is, this is their job, this is what they do. Like, this is what they eat, sleep, breathe. So why not go to the right person that's going to actually look at your finances holistically and give you that people first approach and advice.

Andrea Crisp 27:17
I'll tell you what, I wish that I would have taken my intuition a long time ago, I remember like, honestly, years ago, Vanessa, I had this feeling like I really should pay more attention to my finances. And then I just kind of let it sit there. And it bothered me bothered me bothered me, because I was like, I never felt like I was in a financial position, chat even make a difference. I was like, I'm just trying to get by I was a school teacher. And then I was in, you know, church ministry and not making a lot of money. And as things went, I was just like, I'm just trying to, like, get by, like, you know, survive and have a good life. But I wish that I had. So to anyone out there who is you know, even in a career position or in entrepreneurial position, I would just encourage you, you know, reach out. If it's, if it's about the shame, and you're like, you know what I really wouldn't, I'd love to have a conversation, then reach out to me, Excel, I'll chat with you. And I will, you know, help you to, you know, just uncover what may be holding you back from taking that next step. So that you can take the next step, and you can start looking at your money picture and, and see how you can move from a culture of just paying attention to what is right now. Oh, two sourcing from the future, which, you know, I love talking about. So. Vanessa, thank you for being here. Is there anything else that we've missed today that you want to share with us?

Vanessa Bowen 28:52
No, I think the way you just kind of wrapped up the end really just spoke to me of really seeing all of us step out of this culture of now and getting us more to connect to our future. And just from a mindset perspective, just that shift Elune is going to create is going to create not just a mindset shift, but an energetic shift. Because we are so focused on the now we're so focused on our current situation that we neglect, and think about how much attention we're putting to that right how much attention we're putting to where we're at right now, where we don't want to be, how much attention we should be putting to where we want to go and where we want to be. Just that shift in itself is going to align you with where you want to go is going to align you with the money in abundance, it's going to take you to where you want to go. And so we have to get ourselves out of this culture of now we have to get ourselves more connected to our future to where we want to go because that is that first step you have to align with that stuff aligning with where we're at today because you're if you say stuck, like that's what keeps us stuck. We align with it. Today, and then we attract all the things that keep us where we're at today. So we have to get out of this culture of now and step into where we want to go and connect to that. And then we're going to be able to align with it. But on that journey to make sure you're speaking to the right people, the right professionals, that cooperators is really positioned themselves in this this season that we're in to sit with people to meet them where they're at, to literally release the shame and guilt and knowing that you wherever you're at, there is possibility for your future. So speak to the right person and get the support you need.

Andrea Crisp 30:35
Girl That'll preach. That'll preach. Thank you for being here. I love you so much, it will make sure all of the links to connect with you and to even get the help you need are going to be located in the show notes. So people can go to the show notes at the courage cast calm, and connect that way and find out how they can start moving towards sourcing for their future, and move out of the culture of now. So thanks for being here.

Vanessa Bowen 31:07
Thank you for having me.

Andrea Crisp 31:09
Okay, if you're anything like me, you are going to pour yourself a glass of wine, light a candle, get those spreadsheets out and take a deep dive into looking at your finances. Because friend, no matter what it looks like right now, you can make a huge shift in your life. And I want to remind you that you are not stuck where you are. But it requires taking ownership and really getting honest with yourself about how you can start sourcing from the future. So I want to thank Vanessa for joining me today for lending her wisdom and expertise. As always, I will link up her information in the show notes so that you can access all of her socials and how to connect with her and even move forward in your own financial life. And also, I'd love for you to connect with me over at at Andrea crisp coach or at the courage cast. And if you're up for getting daily text messages with journal prompts, and intentions and things just to really help you shift your mindset in your life. Then I want to encourage you to text me the word courage 26474242429 Thanks for hanging out with me today. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 32:40
If you like this episode of The Courage cast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original music and production by Steven Crilly

EP 200 | Celebrating The 200th Episode

WITH ANDREA CRISP AND ALEX STREET

 
You know what I was thinking? I was thinking that when I first started, I needed courage, and that’s why this was so important. I was fearful. I was very fearful when I first started, and I knew in order to make a bigger impact in my life, I needed to have courage, that is where this was born.
— Andrea Crisp
 

About Episode:

Today we're celebrating a huge milestone in the life of the podcast with the 200th episode by going completely off script and unedited. Join Alex Street as he interviews the host of the show Andrea Crisp on her journey through 200 shows.

Connect with Andrea on IG: @andreacrispcoach @the.couragecast

Connect with Andrea via TEXT: Text the world COURAGE to 647-424-2429 CLICK HERE

To book a FREE 30 minute Strategy Call with Andrea: www.andreacrisp.ca/schedule

Connect with Alex Street @steetsays

Transcript

Kate 0:00
You're listening to the 200th episode of The Couragecast, and we're so glad you joined us for this monumental milestone in the life of the podcast. My name is Kate Tenkate and I've been introducing you to the show for the past 199 episodes. This week we're doing something special, and I have the honor of introducing both the host of the show and our special guest. Today we're going behind the scenes with an unscripted, unedited version of the show. Our good friend and story coach, Alex Street, is interviewing Andrea in celebration of the 200th show. But before we get to the show, let's hear from a few of our friends.

Amanda Cahill 0:40
Hello, I'm Amanda Cahill, and along with my Bold Women Society co-founder Caytie Langford, we want to wish The Couragecast a very, very happy 200th episode.

Niki Ferguson 0:52
Hello, Andrea. It's Niki Ferguson, I just wanted to say congratulations, and happy 200th episode. I'm so excited for you and The Couragecast, and cannot wait to see where you go from here.

Alex Street 1:05
And yeah, and I'm so so grateful to be celebrating your 200th Episode! It's amazing, and I think about all of the ripples that this has created, like all of the people that have listened to this, what is that brought into their lives, and who they have impacted, like the David Meltzer says his whole goal is to teach like 1000 people how to be happy and how to teach other people how to be happy. It's like, because the math is if I can teach 1000 people, those 1000 people teach 1000 people, and he's like, then you get to the entire world. And what you were doing has a ripple effect that is self sustaining, and will continue on into eternity really, so grateful to be a part of this.

Alex Street 1:51
Um, okay, we got to, we got to do something here. Because we just record our conversations from now on. What do you want? What, I'm interviewing you, correct? What do you want? What's the goal here? Episode 200, what do you want?

Andrea Crisp 2:15
The goal, you know what, I want, I want to come out of it, like, you know, kind of where we've been, where we're going. And you know, I'm just gonna let you, I'm gonna let it happen. I don't know. I, you know what, I thought to myself, I could write it all out. And I could give it to you. And like, you know, "Here ask me like something like this." And then I thought, No, I'm just gonna..

Alex Street 2:40
Okay! About you, your business, the podcasts, all in the same. It's all together, right?

Andrea Crisp 2:49
Anything you want? Any, anything and everything!

Alex Street 2:55
Is it 200? Or is this 201? This will be 200. Okay!

Andrea Crisp 3:00
This will be 200.

Alex Street 3:00
So, do you want to like, introduce it, and then essentially hand me the microphone. You know, like, do, what do you, or will that be done in post anyways?

Andrea Crisp 3:17
I was actually thinking that I was gonna air some of this conversation right now.

Alex Street 3:25
There, okay, go for it. You put whatever you want. There's some burned bridges. Good. So, okay, so let me just get into it. Great.

Andrea Crisp 3:49
Yeah. I mean, I trust you with this, that's why I asked you to do it, right? And I figured if, if I, I think, when I'm thinking about, you know, the 200th episode, and like, where I've been, then my mind, you know, want to take control. I want to like, Oh, yeah. But you know, what I want I really want is I want to, I want to let go of control and I want some magic to start to really take place.

Alex Street 4:18
Okay.

Andrea Crisp 4:18
And that means I need to...

Alex Street 4:22
Let's go with it. This is good. Okay. Oh, Andrea, it is so so good to be with you in this setting in this format. You have invited me in, and I am incredibly honored and grateful for this opportunity. How are you feeling?

Andrea Crisp 4:44
Sick, you know, I know I'm actually like, all day I was like, I think I need to take a walk before I actually get on this call with you. It feels surreal. I think I look at other people and I go, "They've done shows that I've had 400 episodes or 600 episodes." And then someone said to me the other day like, "Wow, you've done 200 episodes like, no wonder, you really know how to interview people." And I thought about that for a second. I was like, wow, yeah, I guess I have.

Alex Street 5:17
Yeah!

Andrea Crisp 5:17
Like 200 is a lot.

Alex Street 5:18
Yeah. When was the last time you did 200 of something?

Andrea Crisp 5:20
Yeah.

Alex Street 5:22
It's right.

Andrea Crisp 5:24
Yeah. Okay. Well when you say that like that? Yeah, totally.

Alex Street 5:27
Like, you think of places that you've been a lot. I, you know, are sure we go to you know, we get food from a specific fast food place. I just told the story the other day about how the guys at Pizza Pizza, know my name, I go in, and they say, "Alex!", they give me pizza, and they give me free stuff. I haven't been there 200 times. I'd be lucky if I've been there 50 times. But my name is on the frickin receipt. So they see that, so they know me. And so when you do you put it in that perspective, you have committed to this. And it is absolutely worth a celebration simply for that. Because if there's something that our society, our culture doesn't do very much of these days, it is commitment, especially to something that's difficult and takes a lot of work. So well done!

Andrea Crisp 6:16
Yeah. This takes a lot of work!

Alex Street 6:18
It does.

Andrea Crisp 6:19
Thank you. No, thank you. I really do, I really do appreciate it, because I I've been thinking about that a lot. And about, you know, just even the past few weeks, there are times where I'm like, "Okay, well, maybe I just do the 200th episode, and that's it." You know, you know, am I done? Like is this it, like, yeah, you know, do I have any more? I think that's the biggest thing when you're doing a podcast is, is there any more to say? Anything more to say? Is there any other directions that haven't taken this yet, or can be explored?

Alex Street 6:54
So tell me about that a little bit. Because that's, that's where you're at. And that is where a lot of people are at, whether it's episode 200, or episode six, they get this feeling of like, can I really do this? Can I keep doing this? Can I continue? Is there enough left in the tank? Is there enough creativity? Do I really have that many ideas or friends or acquaintances to interview?

Andrea Crisp 7:20
Can I have Alex on again?

Alex Street 7:23
Yes, the answer is always yes. Do you have? So you face those questions? Those questions sound like...this, it could be fear asking those questions.

Andrea Crisp 7:42
Still.

Alex Street 7:44
Yeah, what is that fear? Fear of what?

Andrea Crisp 7:51
That even though I'm learning things in my life, even though I'm experiencing things, that I don't know enough about them, to talk about them, which is, I think what I felt at the beginning, too, because everything that I'm talking about on a podcast, on an episode, is based out of my own experience, my own learning, my own journey, some of it, you know, being shared more openly than other times, but you get to a point, you're like, "Well, can I eloquently talk about this? Or am I healed enough to share this particular thing in my life? Or do they want to know this? Do they care?" You know, does anyone you know like, if I asked guests to come on, do they really want to come on, like all those things, right? That people probably don't perceive that I probably think about, but they're still...

Alex Street 8:51
Yeah, so do I know enough about this? Have I healed from this? Enough to talk about it? Will they like it? Will they care? Will they say yes to my invitation? There's so much around all of that that you're saying dealing with an episode 200 and on, that you were dealing with with episode one, that is still here still going. So there's two thoughts of this that I have that I want you to tell me about. Because you've if what you're facing now is similar to what you were facing then, what has changed about the way that you approach this, and your business in general, and your life? If that's who you were back then, you wonder, how your how many years ago is that?

Andrea Crisp 9:43
It's like almost, it was four.

Alex Street 9:47
That's who you were back then when you started. Who are you now? How do you show?Yes, you still feel those things, but you're showing up differently. What's changed?

Andrea Crisp 9:59
Oh, 100% I think the journey that I've been on, as scary as it has been to talk about at times, you know, bringing people through, you know, me walking through my own entrepreneurship journey, and you know, the highs and lows of that. And then, you know, talking about, you know, anxiety and depression, and the highs and lows of that, and spiritual deconstruction, and that, you know, to you know, pivoting in my business, and what does that look like, and, you know, wondering, are people still following along in the journey. I think that when I look over four and a half years, or 200 episodes, the through line for me seems to be more about, if this is a journey, like Living Courageously is a journey, like it's not a destination place, like I do this, and I get that. It's more about, like, if I keep sharing, then there's gonna be people that come at certain points in the journey that needs certain things. They resonate with maybe what I'm going through at the time, or what I'm speaking about, or a guest that I'm bringing on and they're sharing about, it's helping them realize their purpose, it's helping to get clarity, it's helping them be confident, it's helping them to share their story, all those things, to make a bigger impact in their lives, in their world, and their community. And so I think about it that way, like that's...

Alex Street 11:31
So as you have shifted and grown, and you do find the ability to be vulnerable and authentic with your journey now, and revealing parts of yourself that you were hiding, you're saying that the ability to recognize that, "Oh, my audience is also changing. And, and will find..."

Andrea Crisp 11:56
Yeah!

Alex Street 11:57
...solace in this community, if it's one listener, and you, now you've got a community, right? If they say, "You're kidding, you too", now you've tapped into something in their life that is only happening, because you had the courage to speak about it.

Andrea Crisp 12:19
Yeah, you know, I've had, especially with this spiritual deconstruction aspect of, which is not really what the podcast is about. But, you know, I've shared about that, but I've had a lot of people, a lot of women come to me, you know, and talk to me about that, or, you know, they're in that place in their lives. And, you know, it's manifesting in their business, or it looks, things different for them now. And I think that part of you know, the journey resonates with so many, like, life used to look like this, and now it looks like this. And, you know, you can totally change the topic, but same applies, right. And so people are like, yeah, like, you know, in 2020 life look like this, and then 2022 life looks absolutely different.

Alex Street 13:05
This is what's so interesting about this for me, I'm one, I would love for you to explain that within the context of courage. Let's take that word courage to you, The Couragecast, and everything. But that word courage. Yeah, that's just what I mean. It meant something different four and a half years ago, when you decided to give this thing a moniker and say, Yeah!

Andrea Crisp 13:28
You know what it meant? I was, I wanted to, at the time, like, my whole tagline was empowering limit. Easy for me to say, empowering women to live bravely, right? By sharing stories of them overcoming.

Alex Street 13:44
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 13:44
That's what it meant before, and what it means now is really living in really having courage, like actually having courage every day. Because there's been so many things that, you know, I've gone through, or collectively we've gone through, that have, you know, taken a lot of courage to walk through, like, I look back, and I can't believe like, you know, two years of the podcast out of four has been in a pandemic. And so many of the episodes have been around, you know, things, you know, like, racial injustice, and, you know, and then, you know, transitioning from those things to like, really, like, all sorts of things that I would never have thought I would have talked about, or had to deal with, or had to share about, or communicate about, and every one of those episodes or bringing a guest on and asking them about their story, was me living out, you know, this, this place in my own life that took courage, because I had to learn right in front of the whole entire audience. I had to be schooled. I had to adapt. I had to constantly be reinventing in a way that plays out in front of everybody. And it looks maybe polished, or sounds polished, people, but in reality, like there's so many things going on in inside of me, that I'm trying to like navigate and get through and figure out and be like, "How do I express that, and how do I share that?"

Alex Street 15:25
So you've got this, when it began, you said it was empowering women to live bravely by sharing stories of overcoming. And now you're like, I, it's about Living Courageously. Like, it's what's happened seems like what has happened in a lot of places around the world is we got really simplified in what this is about. And we don't have time for everything else, like, I've just got to show up and do the thing. I just I, you know, for me, that's like, I could talk about a lot of things. I just really want to talk about stories. And the more clear that I am on that the more people come to me. The more clear that you are, that you help people, you know, experience and live in courage, the more they're gonna find you, the more that makes sense.

Andrea Crisp 16:14
Yeah.

Alex Street 16:14
And I think what, this is not much different, though, this empowering women to live bravely. That's where you began, because that's where you were. And as you have done that, as you say, it required courage of me all along the way. And more and more, like on a more intense level. You think that as you do something like this 200 times, it becomes easier? And you're saying, "No, but I'm choosing to go down the paths that require another level of courage from me. As I learn in front of people as I opened myself up, and I say, I don't know!" That that has required a new level of courage from you.

Andrea Crisp 16:59
The "I don't know" part as soon as you said that, that's so true. Because you, when you're in this place right now, and I think, "Okay, what's beyond 200 episodes, right?" I could have this like, eloquently crafted statement about what we're going to be doing, and how things are going to be and tune in for, you know, next week's episode blah blah, blah. And, you know, there are times where I'm like, "I don't know what I'm going to talk about next month", you know, or, "can I talk about what just happened? Or am I ready to talk about what just happened in the world?" And those are, you know, moments of like, okay, well, maybe I'll get two people listening that week. I don't know, you know, who knows? Maybe it's gonna be the, the most downloaded episode.

Alex Street 17:40
How do you? Okay, so when the question of I don't know, comes up? How do you, what kind of a practice or process do you use or go through to begin to find clarity amongst that confusion?

Andrea Crisp 17:56
I think the thing that I've relied on the most, the whole way through is my intuition. So just really being, you know, lead intuitively to know, "Okay, yeah, this is, this is where I'm going." I know that probably business people and people who've got more of a strategy mind would say, "You know, you should probably do this and you know, all the things," and, but at the end of the day, you know, doing something like a podcast, you really do have to be able to touch with the topic and connect with where you're at, and if I'm not connecting with it, then it's gonna fall flat. Anyway, so I think I learned that early on because I you know, there's in 200 episodes, Alex, I haven't had, you know, like, I haven't had a W for every one of them.

Alex Street 18:46
That's good, yup!

Andrea Crisp 18:47
Yeah, so!

Alex Street 18:49
Tell us about your worst ones. Who was your worst interview?

Andrea Crisp 18:55
You know, like that some of them have been like, not good. And some of the guests were not prepared, or not, you know, they really couldn't even share their story well, and foolishly or naively I guess, I aired them because I didn't know how to not. I didn't know how to set a boundary. I didn't know how to say no at the time. I mean, those are things obviously that I've had to learn along the way too, and that has taken courage in my own life to you know, have a recording and listen bvack and go, "This is awful, I cannot air this!" And you know, I've been disappointed so many times by having guests on, like, okay, I guess I'm just getting real vulnerable. I mean, you know, you know, having them air this. I'm totally airing, I totally can air this, but it feels like it's just a conversation. There's no script here, obviously. But there have been times where like, I've had people on and I had this really big expectation for...

Alex Street 20:01
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 20:02
You know what could happen as an outcome to them being on the podcast, and the expectation wasn't met. The person you know didn't share the episode, or you know didn't you know even answer back when I thanked them. So there have been a lot of disappointments, you know, along the way, as well as some incredible connections with people that maybe I didn't see it coming. And all of a sudden they became like, you know, like lifers. Like they're like friends or like, yeah, these people will be my life.

Alex Street 20:38
So are those relationships worse then disappointments?

Andrea Crisp 20:43
Absolutely. Cuz I mean, how do you learn, right?

Alex Street 20:45
And that's what's so beautiful about this is, it sounds like you're talking about a podcast. And it also sounds like you're talking about, you know, last month, like your life last year, like, yeah, there's a lot of disappointments, there were some connections that I thought would happen. There were some, some launches that I thought would thrive. There were things that I, I really expected to go a certain way. But that person didn't respond how I thought they would, or not at all. And then...

Andrea Crisp 21:13
Yep.

Alex Street 21:14
As I continue to put myself out there, huh, there's some really incredible connections and network, networking that has come out of this and truly, like deep friendships that you've created, simply because, you know, we stop ourselves from doing the thing, because for fear of those disappointments, and what will those disappointments mean? If they don't respond, that means exactly what you were afraid of before, and are afraid of now going forward? Which is, "Yeah, it wasn't good enough. It wasn't what we needed to hear." She clearly doesn't know what she's talking about. Right?

Andrea Crisp 21:57
Yeah, it's so true. It's funny, you say that, I had a client today I was talking to him. And one of the questions I asked him was, what are you making that mean? And I think if I, if I knew that now, or if I knew that, like years ago, when I first started, I could have easily, you know, gotten through some of those disappointments a lot, with a lot more, I don't know, grace. But I made it mean, you know, I'm not good enough. I made it mean that, you know, things aren't growing fast, and must be something wrong with me. And I think at the end of the day, it's like, we assign meaning to things, you know, that are not always true. That's just a perspective. And it's, you know,

Alex Street 22:44
Yeah, which then I think, you know, to add to this, I think what's so, what's been so great to watch in your journey. And, you know, as we've shared this journey, together, you and I kind of just, you know, all along the way, and then the friendship that we've had is to see the growth, and to see how, yeah, there's there's ups and downs, those blips here, here and there.

Alex Street 23:07
But it's no surprise, but I'm going to see the story in it. And I'm going to see for you, right, whether it's what do you making that mean, can be such an in the moment thing, and in the moment reaction, that's what's going on there. And so for you, even in this moment to say, "Do I know enough to keep going for episode 300? You know, will I have 100 More episodes in me for this," which then filters through all those questions that you asked earlier? Am I enough? Do I have enough? All those things? Do I know enough people? And that's such an in the moment right now? Do I have what it takes? I don't think I do, because I'm creating this meaning around it. But if you look bigger, and you look more consistently in your story, Andrea, you have transformed in such significant ways, and we just did a microcosm of like just in four and a half years, through this specific context of this podcast, you have changed in your definition and how you approach life. So if somebody doesn't email you back, so if somebody doesn't share the episode, who cares? Because my goodness, is that another learning experience, is that another thing that you can share, and you can courageously show up with because yours is a story of constantly overcoming other people's expectations, disappointments, and creating a world of your own?

Andrea Crisp 24:33
See, that's why I asked you to do this. I knew there was a reason for that.

Alex Street 24:38
Oh, what did you just hear? What? What? What stuck out there?

Andrea Crisp 24:42
You know what I was thinking? Yeah, I was thinking that when I first started, I needed courage, and that's why this was so important. I was fearful. I was very fearful when I first started, and I knew in order to make a bigger impact in my life, that I needed to have courage, that is where this was born. You know, what happened was I had to go through some stuff, I had to continually make decisions that were brave to be brave. Some of it worked out, and some of it didn't. There were disappointments, and there were triumphs. But at the end, you know, now, I realize how confident I am in who I am. And in how I show up in the world. And it still takes courage. But I have an ownership now over who I am, that I don't know, that I had when I started. So a lot of fear there. And I think there's, I think there's a difference between being fearful, and being courageous. Because when you're in fear, you're just living in this whole place of like, overwhelming fear, and some of it's real, and some of it's not. And when you're just having courage, it's like, "No, I'm just gonna take a risk, and I'm gonna put myself out there", and there may not be fear. But there's unknown. And I think now I'm in that place. So it's more about like, "Can I be in the unknown? Can I expand? Can I be uncomfortable? Can I do those things versus can I face the fear? So courage looks different today than it did when I first started.

Alex Street 26:48
Wow. I mean, you said...

Andrea Crisp 26:53
And that's what you pay for story coaching, friend!

Alex Street 27:00
So you said if I'm going to, this is the key, I think a lot of people are have this, this statement in their mind, and they they need to proclaim it with their mouth. If I'm going to make an impact, it's going to require courage. And, and that led you to, you know, through sweaty palms, and I don't know what else, hit record, and publish on episode number one...

Andrea Crisp 27:30
Yeah,.

Alex Street 27:31
....four and a half years ago. Now, here you are. And you've had all these amazing moments and all these incredible guests. And you have grown and this is become, you know, like all podcasts, somewhat of a diary to share your growth process along the way in a public facing place. And now, you're like courage has changed. That kind of courage? Oh, come on.

Andrea Crisp 27:59
Yeah.

Alex Street 27:59
Like, hold my beer. Like, let's go. That's no problem. I guess I could do that again. And yet, you're facing things out and coming up with thing now that's a whole, it seems like the same thing. But it's like, as you said, you're doing things now that you didn't think you could before. But it's still requiring a whole other kind of courage. Level of that.

Andrea Crisp 28:24
Yeah. The, up level of that is is big. And I remember, I remember thinking, when I first started, like, my first few episodes, and the guests I had on, I was like, I remember thinking, "Oh, I hope people really think that this is really cool. And like that my guests are really cool. And you know", and because I wanted to be, I wanted to be somebody. Right? And if, if they were cool, then I would be somebody...

Alex Street 28:54
Cool by association.

Andrea Crisp 28:55
...you recognize. Yeah, I can't believe that I'm admitting that now, seems so dumb. But anyways, you know, I think now, I'm like, what is it? What does it look like now and I'm going to record an episode of me, it feels like I want the person who's listening to know there, somebody. You know, and I think that it's as much as I'm sharing about me all the time, like I am sharing today about me. I think the underlying reason why I share about me is so that somebody can hear something about my story about what I've gone through and resonates. It hits home and it's like yeah, if she can do it, if she can live through this, if she can move beyond some of these things. Change, grow, expand and hurl.

Alex Street 29:52
Then can I!

Andrea Crisp 29:55
Yeah.

Alex Street 29:55
I mean, it's such a transformative human experience statement. If they can do it, so can I. And yeah, it's this idea. It's about me. But really, it's about you. I'm telling my story. And the communicators that we tune out from, it is about them. They're telling their stories just because they have a microphone, and they can talk, and they hope that somebody will listen, bullhorn on the street, like, just go for it. But what's happening with that guy on the street corner, most people are just walking by I don't care. It's just noise. But when you say something that sounds like, "Oh, she's telling me this because it's what we're all feeling. That's a different level. And that's a compassion that you bring that I know is why your listeners listen. Because it is, it's compassion, mixed with courage, that allows you to hit record now, and show up for the sake of the listener. Which is admirable.

Andrea Crisp 30:57
Yeah.

Alex Street 30:58
And, you know, at the very least, is admirable on this and I look at that and go like, Oh, man, I can show up like that. And I think, truly in our world today, it's the kind of work that is heroic. It's you stepping forward and saying, "I've got a thing to do, and I'm gonna go do it."

Andrea Crisp 31:17
Yeah, it's even scary to think today, like I can feel like in my body right now. I can tell in my voice, and I'm sure maybe even people who listen to the podcast a lot would know, notice a difference in how I sound right now versus how I would sound in any other podcast. I feel like this is showing up on a level like, again, like I said,

Alex Street 31:49
Yeah?

Andrea Crisp 31:50
You know, no script. I'm not filtering this. I'm not trying to make it sound better. Or, you know, of course, like with any podcasts, anything you do you try to your best to, like, you know, make sure...

Alex Street 32:05
But, okay, wait, but yeah, but that's, that's!

Andrea Crisp 32:07
You know?

Alex Street 32:09
That is not, that's different. You, yes, you'll make it sound good, because you're a creator. And you're gonna bring your best, you're a creative, so you're gonna bring your self, sure I'll get on the keys and play something good on the piano. I'm going to do my best.

Andrea Crisp 32:27
Yeah.

Alex Street 32:27
Like, that effort is I'm going to bring it so even today, in this thing, you're saying, I sound different than I would if I was showing up on another podcast?

Andrea Crisp 32:39
Well, even on my own, like, I feel like, I knew that this needed to be another level, like of depth. And, and I can hear it in my voice I can tell and who I am like that I'm not even just like the normal inflections. I talk about podcasts like that, you know, like, I'm not doing. I feel like because we're friends, and we're having a conversation like, this is how I would show up to you with coffee, you know, the real part of me that is like, "I don't know, like, I don't have the answer. And I don't have it all figured out." And, kind of so I feel like this. I wanted people to...

Alex Street 33:21
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 33:22
To hear that, know that. I don't have this all figured out. Yeah,

Alex Street 33:30
So, exactly. And the thing is, what is, and what we're talking about here, right is this level of authenticity, and the courage it takes for you to show up like this and say, "Hey, let's just share our coffee conversation with the world and call it episode 200", requires courage of you because you're right. Otherwise, I show up.

Andrea Crisp 33:53
Yeah.

Alex Street 33:54
Ready to perform. And it's...

Andrea Crisp 33:57
Yes,

Alex Street 33:58
A performance, you know, Jerry Seinfeld gets up for a gig. And he delivers his gold and has the place in stitches. He performed that, he goes backstage, he's talking with his friends. Does he show up differently? Probably, slightly different, because he's not in front of a crowd. He's not doing that thing, making sure that, right the inflections, he's not thinking about his jokes as he goes, and trying to get that right. Is he still Jerry? Yeah. He's still Jerry. And do I feel like I got an inauthentic version of him on the stage? No, I don't think so. I just feel like I got...

Andrea Crisp 34:36
Yeah.

Alex Street 34:37
I got what I'm supposed to get. So you showing up on a podcast with the polished version. Let's call it a performance version, is different than right now, but it's not any less you.

Andrea Crisp 34:53
I know, and I think it you know, like, as you're saying that I'm thinking about like when I write the podcast, like a lot of times I sit down, and I write out what I want to say, or how I want to share it. And, and then when I go to record, I try to be in the moment more. I don't, I'm not just trying to read off the script, but I am in the moment. But there is part of me that knows how to show up and speak. So, and I know how to show up in a room. And I do those things. And I bring, I bring my best, I bring, and I don't think I'm not bringing my best right now. But I bring my best to keep the attention of the person listening, obviously, to bring them on a journey. But today, it's like, "Okay, no, I want I want people to just kind of go a little window in on this is some of the, the, behind the scenes, this is like, you know, what, what I'm thinking about and how this is all happening", because I think, you know, you can listen to any podcast, and, and it's like smoke and mirrors, right? Like you're like hear this, or you can look at any online creator, or person a lot of like, what you see is not when it all distilled down, you know, there's a lot that goes into it. You know, and so it's kind of nice to kind of pull that back and go, "Yeah, so that's what it looks like on the other side."

Alex Street 36:22
Okay. I haven't told you this. But I think my word that I picked for 2022, to like guide me through this, is courage. And recognizing for me, that is knowing that I need to, to leave something behind. And I need to, if I'm going to grow in the way I expect to believe that is coming to me, that it's going to require saying yes to things in a new way. If you were talking to me, and I want the audience to hear this and hear themselves in this, as somebody who is saying, I am choosing to live with courage this year, I'm choosing to make courageous choices. What would you say to me, to help me, to remind me, to kind of, you know, keep with me, as I face whatever's coming up for me?

Andrea Crisp 37:29
That's a good question. You know, what I, you know, knowing you, and telling you, for sure, I would say that, you know, it's gonna require something more of you, it's going to require a version of you that you haven't tapped into yet. And that part of you is going to have to expand, and become a little bit more uncomfortable. And it's going to require you to shift how you view life, and yourself in a way that will, you know, if you want more impact, then it's going to require more. And that peace of courage, that those steps that you take, that are courageous every day, or the really big ones, or the really small ones, it doesn't matter. They're all about allowing yourself to open up and expand and, know that there's so much more beyond what you see in front of you. Believing that is true. Acting like that is true. Living like that is true. And you don't have the playbook. But that's okay. And so that's what I'd say to you.

Alex Street 38:53
Well first of all, I got to receive that. And, what I heard in that is somebody speaking from the authority that they have lived this. And I'm just so grateful for your experience, how you bring us and your listeners in on your experience, how this journey up to episode 200 has been that, and everything that you just told me is the summary of what I believe that you have experienced through this and how you have encouraged yourself to take each next step. Am I right?

Andrea Crisp 39:37
Yeah, I feel a little bit teary. Honestly like it feels like wow, I remember the year leading up to launching the podcast, and feeling so inadequate, and then doing it and feeling like "Oh wow, this is amazing. This is so cool." And having There's really big moments and like, you know, things along the way, but I think the big lesson is stay in the game. You know, like, I think that's, you know, the most courageous thing you could do for yourself is just stay in the game. And it doesn't matter that you're playing a different position or, you know, even maybe you're benched. Maybe you're the coach one, you know, yeah, one game or one season or whatever, whatever it looks like, I think that, that you're in the game, and that you, you keep yourself in there. And if you fail and fall and you're disappointed, and things don't turn out the way you thought they would, that you don't give up and say, "Okay, well, I guess this wasn't meant for me, or I guess I'm not good enough. Or, I guess all of these things." It's like, no, it's like, Where can I find one more like, morsel of like, courage to take that next step? Stay in and you can say that to a kid, you can say it to an adult, you can say it to anybody.

Alex Street 41:07
And if they found somebody listening to this and going, like, "Yeah, but how do I know that this is the game that I'm supposed to stay in?" Well, that's how they, that's when they need to contact you. You will help them figure that out. Am I right? I mean, like that, that seems like the kind of conversation.

Andrea Crisp 41:25
You know what, though? Absolutely. And that's the whole thing. Like, I mean, there's so much in the courage, like, you know, like, I look at, you know, my own journey. And like, you know, if you really had followed my journey, you'd realize that even as a coach or an entrepreneur, I've pivoted, right, so I've had to get, you know, clear on, you know, what it is that I truly want to do. And that, you know, you've been part of that process. So, I think that it's going through those stages, and really understanding, yeah, there's, there's some clarity and vision that is required, and that there's some sifting out of things, that takes courage, you know, stepping into your personal power and confidence and, you know, believing you're worthy of you know, all the things that takes courage, and then actually doing the thing takes courage. So, you know, you might like is, am I supposed to be doing this, is a big question?

Alex Street 42:20
Right?

Andrea Crisp 42:20
What's this? What is this, right, like, so maybe it's a different iteration of this. But it's still this, because who you are innately at your core, is the very thing that you're out working every single day, that's making an impact in the world. And if you're outworking who you are, genuinely every single day, you're making an impact, you're changing the world, you're sharing your story. So this can change all the time doesn't matter. It just grows, expands becomes because...

Alex Street 42:54
You are less attached to what this is, whether it's a program, or busi,ness idea or anything, you're less attached to that because you are so clear on the core. Which again, is where I think that great graciously, thankfully, is where we find you today. And how you, as a host, get to now go forward and say, "I'm going to keep doing this thing because I do continually have new things to bring." And I'm going to bring them to you and as long as you show up like that, I think we'll show up and listen. And I'll come on as a guest 10 More times if you need me too to fill those gaps. But that is you know, what I hear that I've received from you today is that really, this is about Living Courageously, and Living Courageously is about being authentic, learning, and sharing the journey with others.

Andrea Crisp 44:04
Yeah, it is. I've never been more excited to do more podcasts after this conversation.

Alex Street 44:11
Wow, get to it. She's up all night recording. Recording. I got episode 256. Oh, phenomenal. I love this. Uh, what can people expect as you know, this goes forward and the season's keep going? Where does this go?

Andrea Crisp 44:33
You know, thank you. Yeah, thank you for asking that. I think we're gonna keep growing. I think we're gonna keep you know, peeling back the layers of what's possible. And, we're going to do it imperfectly. And we're going to do it. Sometimes, you know, feeling a little clunky. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be picture perfect. This is, life is not that way and we're not going to be that way, we're gonna show up. And we're gonna just take steps together. And we're going to open ourselves to expand to more, and we're going to be open minded. And so I just I know that if you know the women, men listening to this, my parents, shout out to my mom and dad, who jokingly sometimes listen to...

Alex Street 45:24
Ma and Pa Crispy, is that what we call them?

Andrea Crisp 45:27
Yeah, they're like, "We do listen to the podcast!"

Alex Street 45:33
Yeah, not anymore.

Andrea Crisp 45:37
You know, like, Yeah, I think that, you know, it's, it's, we're growing, right? Like we are all growing. And if you're a creative, and an entrepreneur, and a coach, and somebody, or somebody just has a message, or something to share with the world, like, we're going to do this together, we're going to be courageous together, and we're going to keep growing, and we're going to, and my desire is that women around the world will position themselves in a way that will make a huge shift in the world. And that will require them to take a lot of steps of courage to live bravely every single day.

Alex Street 46:16
Well, I, I am so grateful for this opportunity, I, there was a there was a message that I taught many years ago around the word, encourage encouragement, and to encourage one another with love. Which, you know, is a is a verse, however, that triggers anybody, whatever in Ephesians, and it stuck with me.

Andrea Crisp 46:40
There's a third, you can listen to!

Alex Street 46:43
But there's this, you know, that it says to encourage one another, and, and I always dug into that word encourage and just at its very basics, it's really easy to see is that to encourage is to give courage. And as this being one of, and we look at what we can give each other, what we can share with the world. And for you showing up as somebody who from the beginning said, "I want to make an impact that's going to require courage from me", you tapped into something that you had, and then found enough of it, that it's overflowing from you. And now you are out here, and it's you are encouraging your listeners, you are giving courage out of an overflow of what you have found and experienced. And I just think that that is such a beautiful thing. And it's why you're right, this will grow, and will be will help people worldwide to make more impact than we could imagine. So congratulations!

Andrea Crisp 47:50
You have no idea what that just, thank you, you have no idea what that just meant to me. So thank you!

Alex Street 47:55
Right.

Andrea Crisp 47:55
Thank you.

Alex Street 47:56
Well you get to unpack that over the next 100 episodes, so go for it!

Andrea Crisp 48:02
And like, can I just say thank you for holding space for me, for being here and for allowing me to share my story. And the listener for being here. Whether you've listened to one or 200 episodes. And also I want to thank my buddy, Stephen Crilly, who's like, I feel like I cry talking about, who's like, edited every single episode, put music behind it. And just I'm grateful to have done it together. And with that before I start bawling big fat tears. Thanks for listening to the 200th episode!

Alex Street 48:43
This has been a real treat. Andrea, way to go. Congratulations! We all celebrate, whoever's listening right now. Just give one big clap for Andrea, and I'm sure that she will hear that wherever she is, sometime whenever this launches. This has been great.

Andrea Crisp 49:00
Thanks. Thanks, Alex and friend. Thank you for hanging out with us today. Until next time, remember you have everything you need to live bravely.

Alex Street 49:12
Ah, that's it.

Andrea Crisp 49:15
Thanks, bud.

Alex Street 49:16
That was good. That was fun. You know what I like?

Andrea Crisp 49:17
Yeah. What do you like, that is dark in here now?

Alex Street 49:24
That is happening in here too. Um, I have like, I think I asked you like three questions. But it was, it was so much more of like, you talk, that brings up something for, I'm like, yeah, that that makes me think of this. And then you just know when to come in and be like, yeah, like I didn't ask a question. I was like, Well, tell me about that. You're just like, you jump in, and then share your expanded thought on that. And then it comes back. It's just that's conversation right? And, and I think that's where it's fun and it flows and so, well done!

Andrea Crisp 50:06
Yeah, no, thank you. I appreciate that you. I knew if anybody was gonna be able to hold space like, I'm like, "Alex is going to be able to." And I have no idea like, honestly, I had no idea. So it surprised me as much as I'm like, let's see what happens?

Alex Street 50:23
That's great. I also had no idea, whether that's what you want to hear or not, not prepared. Just came in are like, "Alright, have fun."

Andrea Crisp 50:31
But yeah, but that's I think, and that, honestly, is kind of what I wanted, was hoping for I was like, because I think that, you know, like, it's great to have like, Okay, well, this and this and like, make it be perfect and polish and all that stuff. But at the end of the day that people are looking for something a bit different. And so yeah, this is the thing.

Kate 50:53
Thanks for joining us for the 200th episode. We are truly grateful that you have been along for the ride. There are a few people we'd like to thank Andrea, Alex, our production assistant, Claudia Henock, Stephen Crilly, who's produced all 200 episodes and written original music for the show. And me, of course, it's not awkward at all thanking myself.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 199 | Sourcing From The Future To Leave a Lasting Legacy

WITH ANDREA CRISP

 
And I think that’s the beautiful part about when you think about sourcing, you know, from the future, it’s like, you realize that every step of courage that you have to take in your life, is because at the end of, you’re actually making the decisions from the future, from yourself in the future. And, and right now you get to live in the present, but you can either access from the past, or you can access from the future.
— Andrea Crisp
 

About Episode:

Sometimes you have to take a look back and see how far you've come in order to take that next brave step in your life. In today's episode, I'm joined by Kimberly Valerie, Jessica Jovanovich, and Tyler Ranalla -- three extraordinary humans and coaches who have become my good friends. We talk about how our healing journey can inform our present situation, and what it looks like to manifest our future and leave a legacy for those who we have the privilege of impacting.

Connect with Andrea on IG: @andreacrispcoach @the.couragecast

Connect with Andrea via TEXT: Text the word COURAGE to 647-424-2429 CLICK HERE

To book a FREE 30 minute Strategy Call with Andrea: www.andreacrisp.ca/schedule

To enter the 200th Episode Giveaway, please send a screenshot of you sharing the podcast, subscribing, rating and reviewing. Send the screenshot to Andrea at andreacrisp@me.com.

Connect with Kimberley Valerie at @kimberley.valerie

Connect with Tyler Ranalla at @tylerranalla

Connect with Jessica Jovanovich at @jessica.jovanovich

Bio's for Panelists:

Kimberley Valerie

@kimberley.valerie

www.theedgecoachingmethod.com

Kimberley Valerie is a trained Social Worker, Certified in Subconscious Imprinting, Life and Success Coaching, Hypnotherapy, and T.I.M.E. Techniques. The E.D.G.E. formula is the system Kimberley created out of her own transformational stories that she now shares with others.

Tyler Ranalla

@tylerranalla

Tyler Ranalla, is a life-purpose coach who is also a father to three amazing humans, husband to Mayela, and is impacting so many entrepreneurs, and creatives in leaving a legacy for years to come.

Jessica Jovanovich

@jessica.jovanovich

Jessica Jovanovich is a mindset + manifestation coach. She specializes in coaching driven women on how to create the life and business of their dreams. As an expert in manifestation, she helps her clients step into their intuition, operate in their profound power, create from a place of ease & flow, and let go of the hustle and grind mentality.

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Sometimes you have to take a look back and see how far you've come in order to take that next brave step in your life. In today's episode, I'm joined by Kimberley Valerie, Jessica Jovanovich, and Tyler Ranalla, three extraordinary humans, and fellow coaches who have become my really good friends. We're going to talk about our healing journeys, and how they can inform our present situation, and our businesses and what it looks like to manifest from the future, and really leave a legacy for those who have the privilege of impacting.

Andrea Crisp 0:36
Hey, friend, are you ready to take courageous steps to create a life and business you love? Welcome to The Couragecast. I'm Andrea Crisp, mindset coach, author, and a multi passionate entrepreneur. For years, I was afraid to allow myself to shine, that was until I discovered that I could step into my own power, shift my mindset, and take ownership of my own destiny. Now I coach women across the globe who are ready to own their life and make a massive impact. Each week I'll share conversations with amazing humans who have been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. I'll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice to help you take brave steps in your own life and business.

Andrea Crisp 1:18
Hello, friend, welcome to The Couragecast. My name is Andrea, and I'm your host. And do I ever have a treat for you today? This month, we are in the lead up to the 200th episode, which is a huge milestone in life of any podcast. But it seems like a really appropriate time to be celebrating because I can feel this shift taking place in my life. And maybe you can too. And lately I've been asking myself, "How can I start sourcing from the future and making decisions about my life by asking my future self?" I know that sounds a little bit weird, right? But it can be all too easy to stay stuck in our past circumstances, and make all of our decisions from those experiences. But when we start to access from the future, the future becomes wide open to us. There are so many possibilities.

Andrea Crisp 2:13
So today on the podcast, I invited three of my really good friends to join me because of their influence in my life over the past year. And because quite frankly, I love what they're doing in the world. So let me tell you a little bit about Kimberley. Kimberley Valerie is a trained social worker, certified in subconscious imprinting, life and success coaching, hypnotherapy, and time techniques. And she's also just introduced the edge formula, which is a coaching system Kimberley created out of her own transformational stories that she now shares with others.

Andrea Crisp 2:45
Jessica Jovanovich is a mindset and manifestation coach, and she specializes in coaching driven women on how to create the life and business of their dreams. As an expert in manifestation, she helps our clients step into their intuition, operate their profound power, and create from a place of ease and flow, and let go of the hustle and grind mentality.

Andrea Crisp 3:06
And last but not least is life purpose coach, Tyler Ranalla, who is a father to three amazing humans, husband to Mayela, and is impacting so many entrepreneurs, and creatives in leaving a legacy for years to come.

Andrea Crisp 3:25
Friends, I am so excited for you to hear this episode. It is truly been one of my favorites to record, and in the lead up to the 200th episode, it is exactly what we need to hear as we are shifting and expanding our lives to source from the future.

Andrea Crisp 3:44
Well, I am super excited. We are at episode 199. I've got three of my very favorite humans on this conversation today. I'm so excited. The lead up to the 200th episode. I feel like I'm just gonna get a little bit of a clamped, I'm looking at your like amazing faces. Kimberley Valerie, Tyler Ranalla, and Jessica Jovanovich, welcome to The Couragecast!

Kimberley Valerie 4:08
Happy to be here.

Tyler Ranalla 4:09
So happy to be here, and part of this like journey and just being like, helping you take it to this next level, be like really being a permanent part of it. Like yeah, thank you so much!

Andrea Crisp 4:24
Yeah, no, it is my it is my honor to have you guys on like, when I was thinking about what what it's going to look like to reach this major milestone in my life, I thought about, you know, who are people that I really feel like have a message to share with the world, who are making an impact and maybe making an impact in a different way than each other. But we have been in a cohort together, Fast Foundations Mastermind, for a good part of a year and I have come to know you each individually and just absolutely adore the three of you. And so I know that you have so much to share with the audience. Today we're talking about all about sourcing from the future, and maybe people have heard what, what that is all about. Or maybe that's like, a term you've never heard before, and we're going to talk about it from three different points of view. And from what we can learn in order to actually make decisions from our future selves. So I'm gonna start with Kimberley.

Kimberley Valerie 5:24
Oh, I'm gonna start sweating!

Andrea Crisp 5:27
I'm like just yeah, yeah, don't worry, I'm already sweating, so.

Jessica Jovanovich 5:32
I'm glad you're going first, thanks Kimberley!

Andrea Crisp 5:36
So can't really tell us a little bit about who you are and who you serve.

Kimberley Valerie 5:40
Okay, thank you. Thanks. Again. Thank you, Andrea, for allowing me, invited me to be part of this instrumental moment in your work and personal life, really, because I know it's a work thing. But it really comes from us personally. It's comes from our person. So it is all of who we are. So who am I? So I when I'm asked that question like sometimes for ease, because who am I and what I do are two different things, right? I am a human being, I am a soulful human being. I am all the roles that I play wife, mother, sister, friend, grammy, like all those pieces. But what I do, and what I've done my whole entire life is I, I'm a social worker, a master coach, it didn't matter if I was like, I'm the oldest of five, twin, it didn't matter if I was rallying the troops of my siblings and taking care of them and leading them, or out on my own making my own way, I have always been, this is gonna sound really cheesy, but so I was born a twin. And I literally grew next to a human being, connected from the moment of conception, we were connected and grew in this space. And it really is where my purpose was, was really created in that moment. And that's to connect with other human beings in a way that brings influence and power to their lives, whatever that means.

Kimberley Valerie 7:03
So I've just kind of lived that, and express that in, in all that I've done in my life. So now what I do, I mean, I've been I've had a variety of different functions, but always in a place of bringing expansion, new growth, new experiences to wherever I go. So I've kind of a serial entrepreneur and social work. At one point, the funny thing is, is those two things really collided because I was working in this really grassroots, social work place. At the same time, I was starting to become really involved in business and amass wealth. And so I was really in this really kind of incongruent place, right? And so that was geology, and over the years have just evolved with the invitations that life has given me to evolve. And so now I'm working in the online, right?

Andrea Crisp 7:54
Now, I was to say, you've had a lot happen in your life too, circumstances, and how have they contributed to that?

Kimberley Valerie 8:00
Yeah, I'm certainly you know, I'm like every other human being, I'm no stranger to adversity. My childhood was very unstable. We were very poor. I was really severely abused as a teenager, young teen, hospitalized, and then removed from my family. I was rejected by my culture, because I blocked with while I was blonde, now I'm gray, blond haired, blue eyed, native ancestry, and spent some time living on reserve but didn't look like I fit in. So I had, you know, had those kinds of rejections and trauma as a child that started me off. You know, as an adult, I said, "I had a really good adult life, or have a really good adult life." And I always said, it was like, it was like, it was because my childhood was just wrought with all of this kind of like trauma that I got to like, I know I went met a wonderful man, and we have a great family. I was like, anything I wanted to do, I was able to do, but what I soon learned when I was, and so five years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And in that time, of a journey of exploring what that the whole situation, which is a whole other podcast, what I learned was the majority of how I had been responding in life, no matter how conscious I thought I was, no matter how intentional I had been living my life, I had great relationships with my family, we had moved through forgiveness, like all of that kind of stuff. I was a large part of how I was behaving was really out of a trauma response. And, and that there became some really deep learning. So those are kind of the highlights, I think, with a few other things.

Andrea Crisp 9:45
Thank you for sharing that because you know it it does really make a difference. You know, when we're telling our stories and that vulnerability and honesty of you being able to share you know where you've come from, I think will really make a difference as we even go through the conversation today because It's gonna inform why it is that you do what you do today and how you are sourcing from your future self?

Kimberley Valerie 10:08
Well, that's really..

Andrea Crisp 10:09
A huge difference where you were, e

Kimberley Valerie 10:10
Well that's and that's really what what were the click was for me. So in the first part of my adult life, I was just looking at forward, right? Anything I wanted to do. However, if I, if somebody else could do it, I still believe then it's for me too. If somebody else has achieved it, it's for me too. If it comes to my mind, it's for me, why not try? But here's the thing I did not look back, I did not have, I did not have any respect, or consciousness about the impact of the past. So now, you know, I'm in this kind of like, introspective reflective journey because of breast cancer as much as I wanted to reject that. Not the breast cancer, yes, but what it meant, like all the pieces that it meant, what happened is now I'm like spending some time healing, really healing from trauma, healing.

Kimberley Valerie 11:01
And now I'm, I'm seeing that what's happening is most of us get stuck in that space. When we start to heal the trauma, when we start to really like, when we're safe enough to start digging in and seeing how it's really showing up in real life, it can, we could stay there. And so where's this forward piece? Right? Where's this future piece? How could we unpack the past, and learn from that in a real impactful way that changes your soul, right, changes everything, and really anchor into the future. And not, and so that is really the sweet spot. So I love your topic, because that's what gets me jacked, is this thing anchoring into the future, is taking, taking the past, which is so funny, because my husband who loves history, he loves past everything. For the majority of our married life, he would say to me, you know who it was, he would find it so boring, because he's like, You don't you don't care about history, you don't care about, you know, we go on holidays, and he'd want to go, like we went to Italy he want to do all the things about history, right? And he made me swear, I would not complain, I would not roll my eyes. I would not because I and so now he's like, "Oh my gosh, you you you get why history is so important!" So it's kind of a funny story between him and I, but really understanding that we can't live there. We need to unpack some of that.

Andrea Crisp 12:23
Yeah.

Kimberley Valerie 12:24
Most of it at some point.

Andrea Crisp 12:27
Yeah,

Kimberley Valerie 12:27
but we can't live there. So how do we step into that future self?

Andrea Crisp 12:31
Oh that's good. We'll come back.

Kimberley Valerie 12:33
Okay.

Andrea Crisp 12:34
We'll come back to that. Yeah, that's good. Jessica Jovanovich.

Jessica Jovanovich 12:38
Hello!

Andrea Crisp 12:38
Friend, my friend! Tell us a little bit about, I mean, you've been, you've been a guest. So, the listeners know you. They probably love you.

Jessica Jovanovich 12:46
Oh, yeah.

Andrea Crisp 12:47
This is your second, second appearance on The Couragecast, which then you got to know I love you, or I'll see you in here twice. But tell us about yourself, and who you serve.

Jessica Jovanovich 12:57
Well, I'm happy to be back, thanks for having me back. And that episode we did before was great. So, um, we'll touch on some of that today, I'm sure. But like Andrea said, I'm Jessica, Jovanovich, and I'm a strategy and soul coach, focus heavily on manifestation. And so I'm kinda like, Kimberley, I'm like, "How do I introduce myself?" Well, and then I think of like, do I share random facts? No. Okay. Well, we'll keep a serious. No, so okay, how this happened. So now I'm a coach for entrepreneurs. But that's not where I started, I actually started, I've always kind of been an entrepreneur, and always kind of been obsessed with identifying difference makers in life, like what equals happiness? What equals results? How do we move the needle? How do we get from where we are to where we want to be, and like a big dreamer, but also a whole bunch of drives. So trying to find a balance of that. And so then when I started in network marketing, well, 11 or so years ago, that was like, the real time where I wanted to test all of this out. And in network marketing, everybody gets a similar strategy, like, this is how you do the thing. But it does not equal consistent, predictable results for everybody at all. And so I was implementing kind of a strategy and soul combo that I had identified, I guess, almost accidentally for my life, just because I'm a nerd and had tried to pay attention to the difference makers. And I got great results. I was able to build up pretty quickly in a couple of years.

Jessica Jovanovich 14:21
But I didn't realize how, how cool that combo approach was until people started reaching out like, "How did you do that? How can I pick your brain? Can I take you to lunch?" And that eventually led into this coaching situation because I saw people trying so hard, and putting in so much effort, and not getting results. Or I saw people wanting to focus on the inner work, the soul component, and not knowing how to take action. In fact, I would hear people be like, "Well, how do I like manifest and feel good? I feel good. And then I've got to like shift into a different gear to go to work." I'm like, whoa, whoa, this is like one in the same. This is about who you are being and so that's where the manifestation component comes in, where we gotta have a energy, our belief, dialed in and be taking action that's congruent with the results that we desire. So that's what I geek out about, teach people how to do all the time now, how to really take a combo approach to have results without, and really grow your business without that struggle and burnout. And you know, like nerd facts about me, I am all about just I love life. So ways to access and feel joy in the day to day is a big thing I geek out about. So like, in addition to helping people get results in their business, I, my clients will say like, how it's impacted their life. And the best thing is when people are like, I'm just so much happier, I live a more fulfilled joyful life. And that's really what manifestation is all about, because it's just intentionally designing your life. So that's who I am. How I help people. I also like love candy. I have a frenchie, love my husband, have three amazing kids.

Andrea Crisp 15:56
You're hockey mom.

Jessica Jovanovich 15:57
I'm a hockey mom, my son just won the championship this weekend! I'm still, I'm still, I still feel the the buzz from it. Like I'm still shaking from watching that final game. It went into overtime. Oh my gosh. So it was it was wonderful. It was wonderful.

Andrea Crisp 16:15
You know, and you've overcome some things too like you, your manifestation journey, like, you know, what brought you to that? Like, what, what in was a catalyst to to get you to learn about that and implement that in your own life?

Jessica Jovanovich 16:30
Yeah, so there's kind of like two parts to it. So to keep it brief, one was just the type of kid that I was having so much drive and determination. Like, I was like in eighth grade wondering about my college application? Well, this is so good on my college application, can someone track down NYU, and let me know what I need to have? Like, what eight year old thinks about that? I just am a nerd, you guys. And so there was so much drive. But then there's this missing, what about me? Like for what I'm checking all these boxes getting this, these hard classes? For what? For what? For what? For what? What's the point like, what am I after? And so there was kind of this breaking point where almost everything in my life had gone awry, all at this one moment. And I realized that something, something wasn't right, that you can accomplish all these things. But there was still that missing part of for what, so that's when I started looking for something different, something deeper, and I actually kind of by accident, started stumbling across different books, and where I started to develop the language that I was experiencing with manifestation.

Jessica Jovanovich 17:33
And then if we fast forward a few years, I went through a really painful divorce. And there was a lot that went on behind closed doors that, you know, I don't really talk about publicly that was very, very painful. And it was this opportunity for me to really put into practice what I had learned, it's one thing to do it in a business, it's one thing to do it for yourself. But this was like a whole different level. And I really have created a life that I'm so thrilled to be living that I absolutely love. And then that brought me to meeting this incredible man, my husband today, who is just like the best, we have a happy and healthy marriage. And that wasn't what my eyes were set on. It was kind of a natural byproduct when we prioritize intentional creation of our life. So those hard points in my life, kind of going into adulthood and realizing, "Wait, what's all this work for," kind of looking for this deeper meaning and then being in this really excruciating, heart wrenching time in my life, where, again, kind of met with, "I have all these accomplishments? But what else do I want to be implementing? What kind of life do I want to create?"

Andrea Crisp 18:36
That's beautiful. Thank you.

Jessica Jovanovich 19:05
Thank you!

Andrea Crisp 18:39
Tyler, the man of the hour here is joining all these women, his wife is about to give birth to their third baby. Well, it's not actually baby because your daughter's not a baby. By your third child, you're you guys are raising an amazing family. And Mayela is almost almost about to pop here. So thanks for being here.

Tyler Ranalla 19:06
I'm so glad. I know. I messaged you a few days ago, and I was like, "I may or may not have a baby in my hand while we're recording this, so."

Jessica Jovanovich 19:15
Now, now she's just in the delivery room, but he stepped outside for this. Just kidding, just kidding!

Tyler Ranalla 19:23
That was really happening.

Andrea Crisp 19:25
Yeah, very easily, very easily, kind of. Okay, so tell us a little bit about who you are and who you serve.

Tyler Ranalla 19:31
Yeah, so I, I firmly believe that like, who we are, like we do come into this world with a gift, and like a piece of us that we're like, meant to serve. But I think that the ways that we employ that gift always evolves, and that's another like, essence of who you are. So I think my gifts that I've uncovered so far is just like huge heart for kindness and also as a creative, but the ways in my life that I've, I guess, implemented that I've been able to share those gifts has been as a father, you know, as a son, as a brother, as a husband, and also as an entrepreneur and a business owner. And so yeah, that's a bit of who I am. And then who I serve, is also forever evolving. For nine years, I documented people's weddings, with photo and video, and I did marketing and branding for a long time. And now I'm a coach. And even when I started with coaching, it was much more around like, how to, I want to teach people how to have peace and happiness along the journey. Because like you were talking about, Jessica, that was something for me, too, that was missing for a really long time. And, but as I've gotten into this scene, what I have learned in the past, now coming up in new ways, and supporting people, with their businesses and their marketing. And so it's really, it's like forever evolving. By I guess, if I had to boil it down to my goal is to serve those who serve others, and to help them kind of unfold and be who they're meant to be.

Andrea Crisp 21:20
Yeah, you talk a lot about legacy, leaving a legacy, what does that mean to you?

Tyler Ranalla 21:25
Legacy is what we leave behind. And that is not not just what we leave behind when we are not here anymore. But also what we leave behind in every interaction we have. On a day to day basis.

Andrea Crisp 21:45
Yeah,

Jessica Jovanovich 21:46
That's good.

Tyler Ranalla 21:48
That's really good. I know, right?

Kimberley Valerie 21:50
Can I write that down?

Tyler Ranalla 21:52
Write it down? You know, it's cool. It's so it's full circle is that the person who came up with the name legacy coach is Kimberley. We were call and said, "I think your legacy coach", I wouldn't even be really having this conversation without that.

Kimberley Valerie 22:05
Oh!

Jessica Jovanovich 22:07
That's cute.

Andrea Crisp 22:09
Yeah, you know, it's so interesting to me. Because when we think about like, you guys have things that you've each brought up like intentionality around, you know, healing, and, and using our story and using what's happened and not, not bypassing, you know, that healing place, but also then, creating a life that we do love so that we can leave an indelible mark on others, I think is so important. You know, you guys are all parents, grandparents, I'm the only single, non-kid, I've got a dog.

Tyler Ranalla 22:47
It counts!,

Andrea Crisp 22:48
And it does count. But you know, it's really something very interesting that has actually, I've been ruminating on for for quite some time now. And, and that is, you know, when I'm thinking about sourcing from the future, and I'm thinking about myself, I'm like, "Well, I don't know that I'm going to, you know, biologically have any children at this point in the game? If I do, I'll be big surprise to me." But when I think about that, I'm like, Okay, well, how do I leave, you know, behind this, this legacy. And I realized that, it's, it's not about just having your own kids, and about, it's about energetically what we're putting out into the world. And how we are allowing ourselves to be, so what I do in my life is going to impact generations and generations, even if it's not through my own biological children. And, you know, for me, you know, there, there used to be a time where I was like, "Well, I don't know how to source from the future, think about like my future, because it's like, it feels like it's just me solitary." And so somebody may, you know, connect with one of us on this on the conversation be like, you know, I'm at this stage of my life, or this stage of my life, or this stage. And, you know, it doesn't matter what stage of life you are, or where you're at, you get to leave something a mark on the world, and how we live and create our lives really makes a difference.

Kimberley Valerie 24:16
It really does.

Andrea Crisp 24:17
I just want to

Kimberley Valerie 24:17
I really like what Tyler said though, about, like, in the past, I would have thought of legacy is like something you leave behind, like when you pass on, right? Like, I think the majority of us think of it in that bigger kind of macro way. But really as like the legacy of like, every interaction you're having, you're leaving some kind of imprint, or some kind of ripple effect, right? So really looking at those as legacy moments as well.

Jessica Jovanovich 24:43
I think that's really powerful too, because it allows us to be more intentional. Sometimes this idea of legacy seems so far off, like you almost cross your fingers and hope that your funeral they get it right, or that you got it right. But then this way, it's like, "Oh, every interaction that really allows us to be accountable for how am I showing up, who am I being? What's the energy I'm putting out there?" If that's how we're talking about legacy, that's more tangible, that's something we can adjust if we don't totally dig it right now, that's, that's something really exciting to think about. That's why it's definitely going on a post-it-note.

Tyler Ranalla 25:13
Right? Yeah, it's it's powerful. Because your, your ripples that you are creating, every day in this ocean, we call life, they are things that are also self sustaining. So it's like every moment, there's an opportunity to create a ripple that will self sustain into the future, into other people's lives that you will never ever know. And so it's like, what it's like, yeah, with awesome power comes awesome, awesome responsibility. It's not quite the quote, but it's it in that,

Jessica Jovanovich 25:48
That's the quote, that's the Tyler quote.

Tyler Ranalla 25:51
Everything's awesome. I have kids like Legos, you know? So, but yeah, it's, it's, you recognize that, if you even if somebody does have kids, there are moments and I, this happens to me where like, I can look back and be like, "You know what, that in that moment, the ripple that I made, did not lead to the type of legacy I want to leave." You know in those moments with kids and different actions, like, I was on a podcast with our mutual friend, Cory Phelps. And she was, we were talking about legacy, and she was like, "Yeah, if you're, you know, in traffic, and you flip somebody off, it's like, you don't know what, like, what impact that may have on their life, or what what the how that energy will carry through?" And it's, um, you know, the answer is bring it back to this, tell me again, what it is the taking from your future?

Kimberley Valerie 26:45
Sourcing, especially from the future,

Tyler Ranalla 26:47
That is like one filter, to be able to say like, and there's something about legacy that automatically makes it not about you, that I think is really powerful. But that's a way to be able to kind of, yeah, future pace, like what could this create for my life? Or those around?

Andrea Crisp 27:08
So let's, let's go there, because I would love to hear when you think of each of your lives, and you know, the work you're doing right now, what is that, what is that future imprint that you are believing? Or you're you're making right now? Kimberley?

Kimberley Valerie 27:24
Oh!

Andrea Crisp 27:24
Would you say for you?

Kimberley Valerie 27:25
Dang, pick me first.

Jessica Jovanovich 27:27
Thanks Kimberley!

Kimberley Valerie 27:30
In that question..

Andrea Crisp 27:31
She was just like, she was like, yeah..

Kimberley Valerie 27:33
Like, they can ask me

Jessica Jovanovich 27:35
She's gonna go journal on that and be back in an hour.

Kimberley Valerie 27:39
Let me Google the answer. Uh, question again, Andrea?

Jessica Jovanovich 27:42
Even better!

Andrea Crisp 27:44
When you think about the the mark that you're making right now, like, what what is that? What is that ripple effect that you are making?

Kimberley Valerie 27:52
You know, I think the ripple effect that I am making, is that equipping the kind of next generation and coming up, those that are coming up to be able to carry on this bigger messaging about. I know there's a business aspect to it, right? Like we're all building businesses, and earning income, and creating wealth. But there's this bigger picture of I want to say like, it's like a gathering of the masses, so that getting the message out that people do not have to stay with which they are born into or stuck into, that there's a way out, and as we all create these messages, and so it really just helps kind of create that collective consciousness. But also, the more people that do it, is that the more it comes into the awareness of the next person that maybe doesn't understand that their life can be different.

Kimberley Valerie 28:42
And so right now, for me, my real focus is on building up coaches to be able to help facilitate that forward movement at the same time as working through the past stuff, right, helping people remove and release those past anchors to source and move into their future, as opposed to just telling people what to do. Right, so this is kind of like now I'm going to kind of get a little harsh on the coaching industry. Because their coaches are, we all, there's a million of them and all different kinds. But I come from a place where we were actually was trained on conversation, like how to facilitate actual conversation internally, instead of telling people what to do, right? So so many times we're called to coach from our own experiences, but we don't actually know how to help somebody else discover their process, because it's, it's not about me telling you, you know, Andrea, this is how I got through ABC, so this is what you need to do. That is not going to be helpful to you. All that does is keeps continuing the story in your head that you're not good enough where you're at, right? You're still externally sourcing. So that's kind of where I'm at in this phase of my life, my age, my profession, and taking all of those years of lived experience professional training, and my own personal kind of growth and opinions.

Andrea Crisp 30:11
So it's really about like, equipping somebody else and giving them the tools to be able to like source for themselves. Like, you know, say give them a fish, feed them for a day,

Kimberley Valerie 30:22
It really is a Jesus mantra, right?

Andrea Crisp 30:26
You're welcome.

Jessica Jovanovich 30:26
That's good too! Add that to the post-it-note.

Kimberley Valerie 30:30
And that's really where I feel because for years, like I worked for years front line with people in the trenches. And that is not my space anymore. I've even tried it in the online space, I even tried to, but that's my I'm now at a place where I feel like I'm equipping soldiers and equipping the next generation of coaches, I'm doing in the online space. And that's new for me, because I'm a brick and mortar business about three brick and mortar businesses. So yeah.

Andrea Crisp 30:59
No, I love that. And you know, it's so funny, because there's so much of why I went into coaching was for that reason, because I was working within the church. And it was all about telling them what to do, and telling them how to lead and how to be better leaders, instead of teaching them how to figure that out for themselves. And that's where I was like, "This is not working." So, I love how you are taking that and taking it a step further, and saying, "Okay, and I'm going to teach coaches how to do that in a in a really beautiful way." So that's, that's awesome. Jessica, ripple effect, how are you like throwing those pebbles in the pond and (ripple sound effect).

Jessica Jovanovich 31:39
Exciting to think about! You know, something that I've said to my clients before, and something that if I really think about, like, what am I doing, why am I doing this, that will bring tears to my eyes, is is really helping people own their power, live in their power? I think that so many...

Kimberley Valerie 31:55
Amen!

Jessica Jovanovich 31:56
Yes! So many times people...

Andrea Crisp 31:59
About to have church up in here.

Jessica Jovanovich 32:01
I like it, the podcast church. So like, so many times, people are outsourcing their powers, because they're not either they're not trusting themselves, they're looking for somebody else to tell them what to do. Maybe that's a church that they grew up in, and that was what was modeled. Don't trust yourself, someone else has the answer, or, and there's so many different ways that this shows up. But I find that again, and again, and again, in my coaching, it's like getting back to helping the person all have their own power, stand in their power. And from that place, you have alignment, which then will help you determine through intuition, and from that clarity, the next aligned step for you. That is a million times more powerful than anybody giving suggestions. So when I can, you know, help people stand, learn how they can stand in their own power, I believe that the ripple effect of that changes the world. And that's what I have said like, out loud to myself, and that helps me and causes me to be committed to this work into my own progress, and my own expansion, so that I can be clear in what I'm doing, and help other people stand in their power too, so that that that ripple just continues on and on and on.

Andrea Crisp 33:13
The beautiful thing about when people are standing in their own power is, is they let go of the comparison. They let go of the need to to be competitive, because they are sourcing from within, and finding the answers. Like one of the things I was thinking this morning, as I was journaling, actually, I had had kind of felt like a rough weekend where it was just like, oh, just the weight of like life. And this morning, I woke up and I was putting on some music and I was listening, I was just having this quiet time. And I remember just thinking feeling this like Divine Presence, and just like completely permeating my whole being, and how connected I can be to the Divine, to source, to God, whatever people refer to that. And when I am connected into that place, and I'm in my own power and I'm sourcing from that place, I'm not worried about what other people believe. I'm not worried about, you know, whether or not I'm here or there or the next place, because I know whatever's coming through me is because it's coming through that that place, that divine source, you know, collective consciousness, whatever it is you term, and so I love that I think that just helps us to be able to stand in our own power. And people sometimes get caught up in wearing,was it my power, is it GOD Power? Is it you know, it's like well, whatever kind of you know, it's all the same, but when we're connected, in plugged in, that's that's where it's coming from.

Jessica Jovanovich 34:49
Well, and I think, I can I wanted to add something to that like, no matter what word you describe, whether it's God, higher power, Source, inner being, it's that that point of clarity within yourself. So whether that's where you're communing with God, the universe, with yourself, it's, there's an undeniable moment of clarity that you are in peace and stillness that is an indication that you're owning your power. And then there, yeah, that that comparison is not relevant. That fear of judgment doesn't come up because you are in your clarity, or in your zone. And so what comes out is just authentic and real and true. It's not the second guessing the second thoughts, or any of that, it's just, and that's how you can kind of know for yourself if you're there or not. And the more you practice it, the easier it is to be in that place. And to go there first, when, then you have a decision to make or you're wondering what to do to grow your business, or you're wondering how to heal from this wound from the past, like, what is the right journey from you? It's practicing. Okay, now I can tell him in my power, I'm accessing that clarity.

Andrea Crisp 35:52
Mm hmm. Yeah. Which is, you know, we hear so often that it's like, okay, just go to a strategy or, like, try to do this, or try this thing. You know, which is puts us back into that, you know, try, try, try, try versus Wait, and allow, you know, in that allowing space, so I love that. Tyler, what ripple effect are you making?

Tyler Ranalla 36:14
Yeah, I get well, before I answer, I was just I like what Jessica said about people outsource the power. So I think my biggest part of the the punch line of this is like you source your future by insourcing your power.

Kimberley Valerie 36:26
Mm hmm.

Tyler Ranalla 36:28
That was pretty good.

Jessica Jovanovich 36:30
Tyler, just showing up with the quote, right? Yes, I did not know this about you, my friend.

Tyler Ranalla 36:38
Right? But I'll share another one. Yesterday, I thought this is this one I could add, which was, "The most selfless thing you could ever do is love yourself." Which I guess is my answer, in a way is I have a commitment now to like love myself. So that I can come from that place deeper within when I support people.

Andrea Crisp 37:03
Why do you think that helps?

Tyler Ranalla 37:06
Well, the loving yourself part?

Andrea Crisp 37:10
Yeah!

Tyler Ranalla 37:12
I want to make sure that even without my words, energy I bring into any interaction is a sense, where people can feel when they leave it in some way loved, right. And in that space, recognizing their own power, their own connection to another power that's already within them. But I know even for me in the past, when I haven't fully loved myself, if and if a, if I was in a conversation where I was trying to in some way have that conversation be proof that I was worthy of love for something. Right. And I was in that space of ego or validation, or approval. I was like, directly disconnected from that deeper part of me, right, the flow, or the source, or communion with God. And so really, that's what legacy has done for me. It's it like, right away, taps me into, this isn't about me. But that's why that's so important as it is then then I don't need anything from anybody else. And I get to just show up.

Andrea Crisp 38:24
I love that. And I think that's the that's the thing, right? Like when we love ourselves, then we're not looking for everybody else to bring in.

Kimberley Valerie 38:34
Fill those spots,

Andrea Crisp 38:35
All of these things, yeah.

Jessica Jovanovich 38:37
Those deficiencies and the weird things that we do to overcompensate for those deficiencies. It takes us off our path that takes us out of our power.

Tyler Ranalla 38:45
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 38:45
Yeah.

Jessica Jovanovich 38:46
Cuz there's all sorts of confusion.

Andrea Crisp 38:49
And why do you think, Kimberley, that that, like when we think about, like, you know, the past and trauma? Why do you think that, that people tend to want to go back down that road? Instead of like, maybe, you know, loving ourselves? What, why do you think people are stuck there?

Kimberley Valerie 39:04
I think people get stuck in the ish and the muck of it. That's what I think. I think that it can be, you know, and, you know, I started off this interview with you sharing a real significant trauma, right? Like, it's like, it's a kind of blood and guts kind of, but trauma is really just something that shapes us, it can be anything, it could be as simple as your first day of school and leaving your family for the first time. That could be something that sticks within your, your cells, your DNA. And so I think because we, so when we go back to those places, there's some, there's some emotions that are there that need to be either released, or expressed or well and all of those things as well as the learnings, right? And then taking the that time to really be able to say, "Okay, what are the learnings in that, that now if that hadn't happened, or how would that serve me in these ways?" Right. And I just think that as human beings, we have a tendency to stay in the muck longer than we need to. It's like, we feel like we need to like, like, stay and swirl in it. And, you know, we've all had spins, you mentioned, like this weekend, it was a little bit a bit heavier weekend for you. So if all that combines, it can really, it can really keep you stuck for a while, you know what I mean? And so I don't know that we intentionally want to stay in those places. I think that the this, the unconscious, part of our subconscious mind is always tried to protect us, and reinforce things that we don't really want to believe anymore. So there's a lot of different factors that can play. Some people are really used to taking, this is a really, this is going to be a bold statement people, some people, some people are using it...

Andrea Crisp 40:53
Not a post-it-note.

Kimberley Valerie 40:54
Right? Some people are so used to be a victim of circumstance, whatever it is of an external thing, that that's where they get their power from. And so they stay in those places.

Andrea Crisp 41:06
Yeah, yeah. When you move past victimhood, Jessica, and you are creating a life you love. Where, where you going? Like, how are you doing that? Like, maybe someone is in that place where they have identified as a victim, and now now no longer do? And they're like, "Okay, I want to create something out of my life. And I'm not sure exactly how to do that, or where to start", what would you say to them?

Jessica Jovanovich 41:37
You know, I think that's a great question. I think there's several answers to it. But I think I want to say this first, that having gone through lots of different types of traumas, of varying degrees in my own life as well, which I think every human has, I think it is important to get clear for yourself, what is the modality of healing that's appropriate for you, you know? Is it do need to go to some talk therapy, is there another type of therapy, like go get the help that you need, you are worthy and deserving of that help. And sometimes that therapy, sometimes there's a book that will bring about that healing, there's varying ways that you can experience it, but it's not one size fits all.

Jessica Jovanovich 42:12
So I want to say that as kind of the, the overall principle here,

Kimberley Valerie 42:16
Yeah.

Jessica Jovanovich 42:17
Now when you're at this point, where like I actually had, and I know, you've heard this story, I may have even shared it on our podcast episode, where I had gone to London for a weekend, like literally flew 10 hours, was only there for two nights, three days, away from my three little little kids. And it was I was finally away from all the noise of my life for just a short time. And I thought I was going to have this fabulous trip, I had my foot tall my camera, I'd rented a lens, I was an photographer, photographer before I started in network marketing. And instead, I was there and was alone with my thoughts and realized how off course my life was, and a big theme of that was that I was continually living as a victim to my life.

Kimberley Valerie 42:58
Mm hmm.

Jessica Jovanovich 42:59
That although I had such a desire to be happy, it was like this. I kept going back into the cycle of like, "I want to live a happy, fulfilled life. Oh, but look at all this shit that's happening that's holding me back, and going back and back." And there was something about that, where it hurt bad enough. Well, I was walking up the steps into the museum, sobbing with an umbrella. And my photographer as this tourist, that I, it was this line in the sand moment where something had to change. And when I flew home, my life was never, ever, ever the same again. But what really changed, it wasn't just this heart heart, tug trip, it was I decided it was time for me to take responsibility for my life. I could no longer sit and point at who had done what to me, and why I was in what situations and what this relationship was doing. And instead, if I were to take back my own power, that also meant I had to take responsibility for how I was showing up how I was reacting, responding, take my healing into my own hands. And that changed everything.

Jessica Jovanovich 44:00
But that had to be the principle for me number one: 100% responsibility for my life. That didn't mean that things that had actually happened to me were my fault, but I was taking ownership of how I was responding, and what I was doing next. So it was kind of this energy of, of acknowledging what is and then saying, "and now what," and I had never had the true forward, "And now what I'm in charge, I'm this already here. I'm creating something new." That that was the shift.

Kimberley Valerie 44:29
Oh, so beautiful.

Jessica Jovanovich 44:32
Thank you. Thanks, Kimberley. So really, that that was the biggest change for me.

Andrea Crisp 44:41
That's powerful!

Jessica Jovanovich 44:41
But a big change, but let me say this too. You don't have to wait for a big thing to happen. You don't have to wait till this weird trip to London that like gives you this awakening. You can hear this podcast and you can decide, "Hey, I'm ready to own my power a little more. I'm ready for my healing journey. I'm ready to change the legacy that I'm living." And you can decide in this moment that you're going to shift. And again, prioritize your clarity. And maybe take this responsibility of what you're wanting to experience in your life. And start now, don't wait for this big huge earthquake of a situation, you can just simply decide now.

Andrea Crisp 45:17
And you know, to that, because I love how you're both just expressed that. But I also think with that, it's like, oftentimes people are thinking, Well, when I get to this place, then I will be able to own, and I'll move past it, you're owning, and taking responsibility in every step of the journey. So if it's, you know, actually saying, "Okay, I feel like I've been a victim in my life, and I need to go to therapy, and I need to work through that." You're taking ownership. If you have gotten the healing you needed, and you're moving past that, and you're working on a different modality. And you're getting a different type of healing and transformation in your life. You're taking ownership. And when you start to, you know, work in your life in a new way through manifestation. You're taking ownership. And I want to say that to people, because I think sometimes we think we got to wait, we're waiting until this like elusive time, where it's like, "Okay, now, okay, now. Okay, now", you know, like, and no, it's it is now.

Kimberley Valerie 46:22
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 46:22
This moment, you get to take responsibility, and you get to take charge, and you get to say, "Yeah, this from here, right now, I'm owning this." Tyler, for you, what does that look like? When you think about like, you know, you're dad, you're husband? You know, when you think about taking ownership in your life, like, what does that look like? And how does that make a difference in your, in your business and in your family?

Tyler Ranalla 46:50
Yeah, well, similar experience of Jessica, there was a moment, a very specific moment, when the cosmic two by four hit me hard enough that I listened and realized something really needed to change. And if I look at those, you know, as those different chapters of my life, it before, you know, Jessica, you talk about blame. It's like, when you blame others, it takes the you kind of out of your breakthrough, and it is taking that ownership. And I kind of want to ask Jessica question, if that's okay, which was: What is, did you have to recognize the, like power within you before you can take right because if someone you know, if they're pointing out there and looking for people to blame in the most subtle ways, when you bring it into yourself, and you recognize, "Oh, this is up to me", you have to like, one have compassion for not being able to have that before and then to also recognize how powerful you are, how it to what degree did you have to believe in yourself before you were able to kind of take ownership?

Jessica Jovanovich 48:00
You know, again, that's a great question, and I think it'll be different for everyone. But I do believe when we have these cosmic two by four experiences, when we have these moments where the bullshit can subside. Like for me, I had to be in a different country and away from the noise, we have an uncovering of who we really are. Because this work isn't about trying to be someone we're not, it doesn't mean that we are broken, like it's a remembering, a coming home and expanding of who we really are. And so I think in those moments, we can sense that, so we don't have to overcomplicate it, we already have the power, and it's just then making a decision of, I'm ready for something new. And then the steps will, you know.

Kimberley Valerie 48:41
And I would just like to add, so for the person that's maybe like, before having the awareness, if you don't know, you don't know what you don't know. And when to start stepping into this place where you're like, wondering about the noise, or like you get in a place and you're like, "Wait, I haven't heard this kind of, I haven't heard myself, I haven't heard my own thoughts or whatever it is", you've already, that shift, that change is already starting because you've gone from like not knowing, right? Because there's people that aren't in that, it's not even within their realm at this point. But as soon as that internal shift is made, so suddenly that they start maybe being curious, "Why am I being angry all the time or whatever, why am I not happy? I have this this this", that shift has already taken place. So where those moments of clarity shows up for each individual is different. It could be, yeah, a slam across the, I think yours was the back I think Tyler, right? That took you like, mine was cancer or whatever. It could be as minor as you going for a little trip all the weekend. I had a absolutes wild moment on January 2, 2022 at 2am that absolutely blew my mind. I had gut wrenching pain in the middle of the night and maybe get up and and the awareness I had in that moment because you know what, eight months before that, I'd already started the little niggle thought, right, somewhere deep down inside. So I think that that part we don't really see, person to person. But when that little shift of like, you don't know what you don't know, to like, what is that, that wonder? That's where the magic starts.

Andrea Crisp 50:19
Now I'm curious. I'm curious, what did you learn?

Kimberley Valerie 50:23
Me?

Andrea Crisp 50:24
Yeah!

Kimberley Valerie 50:25
Oh, I have a whole podcast on it, honey, it is gigantic.

Andrea Crisp 50:31
Like, she's like teasing with that.

Kimberley Valerie 50:33
I have recorded it in my private Facebook group, and then I have a, my husband and I have a podcast together. And he, I am recording it and releasing it in that because it was pretty powerful was pretty powerful.

Jessica Jovanovich 50:47
So stay tuned.

Andrea Crisp 50:48
Yeah, I was like talking about a story...

Jessica Jovanovich 50:51
I want to...

Andrea Crisp 50:52
Right there!

Jessica Jovanovich 50:52
I want to say something with what you said, Kimberley, because I think that's so key, like just this. If someone's listening to this podcast, you're already in the habit of wanting to understand yourself better. You're wanting to increase your awareness, and that journey is never done. It's not like all of a sudden you're there, and it's perfect. It's like this beautiful little practice of like, "Let's capture my attention. Oh, I'm curious about that, oh, I'm gonna lean into it." Like, that's what, that's what transformation is all about. It's these little, these little steps done. Even if you have this cosmic wake up call, it's still these little steps that create the transformation. So you're, you're on your path, you're on your path.

Tyler Ranalla 51:30
That's it. This is called The Couragecast, right? And I think any, any transition in life always begins with a question: Could this be different? And sometimes the most courage you can have is just asking that question. And if you all you're, you are already in that space, of exploring, and that just listening to this is an act of immense courage.

Andrea Crisp 51:55
And what you guys didn't realize is I'm actually interviewing you for, to become the host of The Couragecast.

Jessica Jovanovich 52:03
I'm in! Oh, wait, did I make it?

Andrea Crisp 52:04
200th episode, guess what, new host!

Tyler Ranalla 52:06
By ourselves?

Andrea Crisp 52:08
Yeah!

Jessica Jovanovich 52:09
No one else could ever host this, Andrea, we need you. We need you to guide us all along.

Andrea Crisp 52:15
Thank you. You know, it was so funny, I was thinking about, you know, where I've been, you know, you know, when you get to a milestone in life, you obviously look back, right. And the importance of, you know, looking at this sourcing from the future, for me, also looks back at episode one. And also the year before episode one, when I had this idea to have a podcast, and an idea in my mind of how I wanted to, you know, empower other people, and how to share stories of women who are overcoming these immense odds in their life, and how things have shifted and changed in 200 episodes, because obviously, I've shifted and changed in 200 episodes.

Andrea Crisp 53:02
And the stories, some of them are very similar to one another, but yet, so very different, because it's lived experience from somebody who is telling their story. And who is, you know, having that awareness, as you guys have mentioned, and, and being intentional with our lives. And I think that's the beautiful part about when you think about sourcing, you know, from the future, it's like, you realize that every step of courage that you have to take in your life, is because at the end of, you're actually making the decisions from the future, from yourself in the future. And, and right now you get to live in the present, but you can either access from the past, or you can access from the future. And when we're accessing always from the past, we are probably going to be making decisions that are not going to bring us into that courageous place. But when we're taking action from the future, it's going to help us to say, "Okay, yeah, I can get there. I can take one more step. I can keep moving forward." And when I think about you know, like, what is beyond the 200th episode, like, do I have any more? I think Alex and I talked about this in in the 200th episode, which you're gonna hear on the 22nd. But it's all about like, is there more like, do I have anything else left to say? And, and I wonder about that sometimes, like, I wonder like, how much more growth is there? And I want, I want to ask you guys that question. And I want you to just to speak into that for yourselves even, like when you think about your own life, and how much more there is for you, what would you say, and I'm not going to ask anybody specifically to jump in this time. I'm going to let you so whoever wants to go.

Tyler Ranalla 54:50
I love this question so much, and it goes back to what we said about that. Like, you know if you have this power inside of you, that is in some way not you, you have a connection to something that is limitless. Like life is progressive, it is forever evolving. And you have that wonderful choice to continually grow and expand, and there, there is never a stop to it. Like forever available and expansive.

Andrea Crisp 55:32
Yeah, that's good.

Jessica Jovanovich 55:33
You know, I love that. And I want to clarify one thing, because it's like, how much more is there? This isn't about to dos. This isn't about the grind. This isn't about the work. This isn't about earning your worthiness, earning your worth, becoming enough. This is, this sourcing from the future is this limit, limitless, beautiful, expansive place. And, you know, when we are in alignment, we're primed for max expansion, and frankly, life would be freaking boring, if not. Like how would we want to play this game of life if there was like, "Alright, already at the end? There you go. You passed. Go, you got $200. You're at the end of the Candyland slide." Like all those things. You're like, "Well, I was fun." Like, that's not fun. We want more expansion. And who is it that. I just heard Tony Robbins say this, like, "If you're not progressing? You're not what was the it's like, you're not happy? You're not alive, you don't feel alive..."

Tyler Ranalla 56:23
Not growing, you're dying?

Jessica Jovanovich 56:24
Yeah, it's like people are progressing, and intentionally putting their mind to progress -- are fulfilled. That's where our fulfillment is found, because we are becoming more of who we already are. We're discovering who we already are. And we do have this choice where we can make decisions in our life based on limitation of the past, or we can tap into the unlimited possibility of the future. And every day, we get to decide which direction do we want to go! And the expansion -- do that, it's like way more fun!! So, I, to answer fully your question now I think, never ending, just keep going well, it feels good. And just be on this journey of discovering, showing up more authentically, more real. And you'll notice how your whole like soul just continually expands beyond what it was, you know, on episode one, episode 200, episode 2000. Well, I'm inviting myself back, we'll be here episode 2000, Andrea.

Andrea Crisp 57:20
I better be recording every day for that.

Kimberley Valerie 57:24
I think the one, two things that keep coming up to me is like, don't try not to be in a state of conclusion. A fixated state of conclusion, where you think, you might think, this is it? Instead, it's, again comes back to that curiosity, that explorative kind of question is like, what else is possible? That I haven't experienced that I'm not aware of, that I haven't entertained. You know, again, it pairs with what Tyler and Jessica said, it's, it's not about reaching a destination. It's really just the continued expansion for creating a life that you love now, in the moment where you're feeling fulfilled, that you're making an impact, if that's what you're drawn to and influence and all those kinds of things. I think the removal of conclusion is really the beginning of the expansion and being that that curious state.

Tyler Ranalla 58:21
Love that.

Jessica Jovanovich 58:21
That's so good. That's so good.

Andrea Crisp 58:24
These are like I mean, I don't even know what to do with all this. This is so good. That's it's kind of blowing my mind, right? Not that I'm, not that I'm surprised I asked you guys on here for a reason. I knew that I was going to get this kind of magic. So I do appreciate it.

Kimberley Valerie 58:37
Okay, so can we go on a speaking tour together? Should we should be?

Andrea Crisp 58:41
Yeah. Live retreat?

Kimberley Valerie 58:44
Take the show on the road.

Andrea Crisp 58:48
You know, I think the person that's listening today, whoever is listening to this episode, and however they stumbled upon this particular episode, which is 199. And, you know, maybe you came because you listen to Jessica's podcast, or you're part of Tyler's sphere of influence, or you're in Kimberley's coaching program, and you're listening to this, I want to invite you into this space for yourself to to really source from the future and to know that you already have everything you need right now. And the growth that you're gonna experience is just going to keep going, as each of these amazing humans have said. I feel so honored to have like shared this time with you too, I, when I think about moving forward myself and taking the podcast in even a more expansive direction. I'm so thankful and grateful that I get to do it with you guys, and I love for you guys to leave even just one last thing, you know, morsel, anything that you want to say that you haven't already to share with the audience today?

Andrea Crisp 1:00:10
And there was silence.

Andrea Crisp 1:00:11
You know, I know right?

Andrea Crisp 1:00:13
How in the world are the three you quiet?

Kimberley Valerie 1:00:15
I'll go first, is the morsel for the person listening or the people listening? First of all, Andrea, I just want to say what a message of hope, how you explained. And what you said, just prior to this is that I've just really, I started to just feel the hope that you were leaving. And what you're imparting. So this is beautiful. But what I would I what I would always say is, just start being curious. Just start with curiosity. I mean, it seems very simple. It is very simple. It's not easy. But be curious.

Andrea Crisp 1:00:55
Yeah, that's good.

Jessica Jovanovich 1:00:57
All right, I can go next. And yes, I second what Kimberley said, I just was soaking up all of your last words, just in letting them be in my soul, because you just always bring so much hope and soothing, peaceful words, on your podcast. So thank you for that. Mine are some questions. I think if were that I that we can journal on that we can ask ourselves. So it goes right along with that curiosity thing that if we're sourcing from the future, if that's the theme of this podcast, then we got to start thinking a little differently, too, right? And that's really about who are we being? And so we can say, "Who do I need to be to have the things that I desire?" So instead of just trying to be in the same state, and have a different type of life, we can kind of jump into that elevated state, that expansive state and say, "Who do I need to become? Who do I want to become?" And that's like, the most fun question, Who do I want to become if everything's possible, if I'm picking from the possibility of the future, where it's unlimited, who do I want to become? And then really saying, from there, who would I be? What would I do if I already had this outcome I desired, and really dwell in that state on day to day that kind of lets you get out of the previously reinforced pattern of life?

Kimberley Valerie 1:02:11
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 1:02:11
Hum.

Tyler Ranalla 1:02:13
Nice.

Andrea Crisp 1:02:13
Yeah, that's good.

Jessica Jovanovich 1:02:14
And I love you. I love all the listeners. Can I end that?

Andrea Crisp 1:02:20
Yes, you can.

Tyler Ranalla 1:02:22
Um, I guess the only thing is, as someone starts to really play with sourcing from your future, is to let go of the need to have the answers and the entire roadmap. I think for just, you know, grow, grow where you're planted, to see what's the next right step. And I think the best way to figure out what the next right step is, is just to follow to the joy, I think the language of our intuition is joy, and just look at what's the next thing that could bring joy, and just follow those breadcrumb trails. I think that's how I've sourced from the future is from that feeling of joy, and then just going from there and being available, and trusting, and it's when I have tried to have all the answers that I've had the most resistance. So that's just the last bit I would want to add.

Andrea Crisp 1:03:23
That's good. Oh, man, thanks. You know, it's when I was teaching back in my, I think my second year of teaching, I remember having this moment, and I've shared it on the podcast before, but it's been a while. I remember having this moment, one of my students came in and was playing the guitar, and he was learning and he was getting better and better every time he came into the classroom and would play. And I had this moment when I was sitting there thinking that I wanted to be doing something different with my life. I didn't want to be a high school music teacher. I wanted to be a singer-songwriter, and I want to be on a stage and I wanted to be singing in front of 1000s of people lights on me was the goal. That was the dream. And I remember having this moment, I sat at the piano. I was I feel like I cry every time I think about it. And in the still quiet moment, I had this the voice, this inner voice said to me, if you will invest into your students, you'll have a bigger platform than if you've ever did it on your own.

Andrea Crisp 1:05:07
And I remember thinking, that was the moment, that was the line in the sand for me where I, I said, "Okay, I'm not making this about me anymore. I'm making it about them." And 200 episodes in, and I don't know, if I could have said it any better than Tyler. I think it's about you as a listener, and where you're going in your life, and what you have to offer the world. And as long as I can, I'll keep bringing you episodes and amazing guests like these people here. But one of my gifts that I've known as, as long as I can remember, is not just courage, but is to encourage. And so if I can encourage, I'm going to encourage these three amazing humans. But I want you to hear something for you, because whatever I'm going to say is probably for you, too.

Andrea Crisp 1:06:06
So, Kimberley, I am so grateful and thankful that you are in my life, for your voice, for your uniqueness, and for your ability to see past and beyond what others can see and speak truth, and keep moving things forward. And never, never saying die. But you have this kind of Energize, Energizer Bunny about you where you're gonna keep going and going and going. And I find that so, that quality is so inspiring. And I'm so grateful for you, that you've continued to reach out and to be a friend, and to be a mentor and a coach. And I just want to say thank you.

Kimberley Valerie 1:06:52
Thank you.

Andrea Crisp 1:06:52
And, Jessica, I want to say thank you for continuing to impart wisdom into my life, for leading and guiding in such a beautiful and magnetic way, showing me what is possible. And I'm continually inspired by your life. And so I want to thank you.

Andrea Crisp 1:07:15
And Tyler, for your ability to draw people in with such a kind heart, and to speak words of wisdom in a way that don't, that doesn't feel like it's forceful. It just feels like it's so beautiful. And it's holding space for others in such a wonderful, wonderful way. And so I want to encourage the three of you as you go out, and do amazing things and take brave steps in your own life that everyone listening can do the same. And I'm so grateful to have you on the 190th episode of The Courage cast.

Kimberley Valerie 1:07:54
Thank you.

Jessica Jovanovich 1:07:54
Thank you.

Andrea Crisp 1:08:00
As I ball my face off, well.

Tyler Ranalla 1:08:06
Is the recording still?

Andrea Crisp 1:08:07
Still recording. I won't play this. Thank you so much.

Tyler Ranalla 1:08:15
That was beautiful. That was a really exciting episode.

Jessica Jovanovich 1:08:20
I'm excited to hear it.

Andrea Crisp 1:08:22
Me too. Me too. I kind of knew I was like, I'm like, there's going to be magic to happen. I feel like in the past couple episodes, I've just come in with an openness for this magic. And magic has happened each and every time and I'm, I, even though I said it on, you know, the recording, but I am truly grateful and honored to have you. And I'm grateful that you're in my life and honored that you're in my life. So, I just want to honor what you do in the world. And say thank you.

Jessica Jovanovich 1:09:01
We love you. Thank you letting us be here for you.

Andrea Crisp 1:09:05
Okay, friends, I have all the warm fuzzies right now and honestly, I have never felt so grateful for the people in my life, and for you as well. Even if we've never met in person before. I want to thank you for being on the journey with me and I would love to connect with you over on Instagram you can find me at @andreacrispcoach or the podcast @the.couragecast. And I'm also going to make sure to have the links for Kimberley, Jessica, and Tyler in the show notes so that you can connect with them as well listen to their podcasts, watch their all their amazing things on social media, and I just want to thank them for hanging out with me.

Andrea Crisp 1:09:49
Our 200th episode airs on February 22, 2022. And I cannot wait to share it with you. So don't forget that we're gonna be doing a giveaway, and if you share an episode by screenshotting that you've listened to it and tag me on Instagram, you're going to be entered into the giveaway. Another way you can do that is by rating, reviewing, and subscribing, screenshot that as well and tag me and you'll be entered in for a bonus entry. So, until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Andrea Crisp 1:10:25
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music by Steven Crilley. Production by Claudia Henock.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 198 | Why Women Need To Build Wealth And Be In Positions of Power

WITH CAYTIE LANGFORD AND AMANDA CAHILL

 
Opportunities presented themselves to me but I never stopped to ask myself...is this what I actually want?
— Amanda Cahill
 

About This Episode:

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what you really want out of life? On this episode of The Couragecast, we are going to talk to two amazing women who asked that very same question for themselves, and how they learned that they have the power to ask for what they want for their lives.

Caytie Langford went from being entry-level to executive in less than 12 years. She used to sit in her corner office every single day crying because she knew she wasn’t in the right career anymore. She kept asking herself, “Is this it?”

Amanda Cahill was a rockstar who not only became the first woman in her family to go to college but also get an MBA. Her career was taking off fast and she had all the boxes checked, but she kept asking herself “isn’t there more?”

Together, they created Bold Women Society to build a community and platform for ambitious, mid-career women who are searching for more!

Connect with the Bold Women Society on IG: @boldwomensociety and on LinkedIn: Bold Women Society

Connect with Andrea on IG: @andreacrispcoach @the.couragecast

Connect with Andrea via TEXT: Text the word COURAGE to 647-424-2429 CLICK HERE

To book a FREE 30 minute Strategy Call with Andrea: www.andreacrisp.ca/schedule

To enter the 200th Episode Giveaway, please send a screenshot you sharing the podcast, subscribing, rating, and reviewing. Send the screenshot to Andrea at andreacrisp@me.com.

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what you truly want out of life? As women, we tend to follow the norms when it comes to our lives, but then find ourselves in a job or a relationship that is not truly what we want. In this episode of The Couragecast, I'm chatting with co founders, Caytie Langford and Amanda Cahill, of Bold Women Society about why it's so important that women realize they have the power to ask for what they want, build extraordinary wealth, and position themselves in seats of power.

Andrea Crisp 0:31
Hey, friend, are you ready to take courageous steps to create a life and business you love? Welcome to The Couragecast. I'm Andrea Crisp, mindset coach, author, and a multi passionate entrepreneur. For years, I was afraid to allow myself to shine that was until I discovered that I could step into my own power, shift my mindset and take ownership of my own destiny. Now I coach women across the globe who are ready to own their life and make a massive impact. Each week I'll share conversations with amazing humans who've been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. I'll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice to help you take brave steps in your own life and business.

Andrea Crisp 1:11
Hello, friend, welcome to The Couragecast. My name is Andrea, and I'm so glad that you're joining me today, we have such a great episode lined up for you today. And I almost can't believe that we're two episodes away from airing the 200th episode, if you have not already gotten in on the giveaway that we're doing, you still have time to jump in and tag an episode, and rate and review the podcast and screenshot it. And make sure to tag @the.couragecast to be entered into our 200th giveaway.

Andrea Crisp 1:46
You know, I don't know that my mind is completely registered that we're here at this point. But when I look back four years ago, to the beginning of the podcast, it was a moment in my life when I got serious about what I really wanted my life to look like. And it kind of like honestly, like the journey of starting the podcast, you know, really opened up something for my life. But even then I had no idea how to do that. I just know that it needed to change, I knew that something needed to happen. And maybe you've been in that place in your own life where you know, there's a change that needs to take place, but you don't have any clue what you want, or whether or not you can ask the question of what you want. And maybe you're secretly wondering if it's kind of selfish to ask the question and up end your life.

Andrea Crisp 2:38
Well, today on the podcast, we're talking exactly about that. You know, I talk with many, many women all the time. And one thing always stands out to me. There are so many of us that grew up in this culture where we were given opportunities, and we could make a choice about what we wanted in our lives. But once we made that choice, it was almost kind of like we had to follow through with that, and there was never any deviating from that plan. And when you really think about it, the choices were quite limited. But then maybe you got to a stage where you were like, "You know what, this is not exactly what I want, like this is not fulfilling this is not making me happy. I'm you know, bit miserable. I feel a bit stuck." But then it's like, "Okay, can I ask the question like, What do I want, or I'm too afraid to change things to up, end my life and make a big, you know, shift?"

Andrea Crisp 3:34
At the beginning of 2021. I joined this Mastermind called Fast Foundations, have talked about it quite a bit on the podcast. And it was so pivotal for me, because I have grown so much this year because of the amazing connections I made within the Mastermind. And every one of those incredible people were getting uncomfortable. They were asking those hard questions. And there were two women that I met at the very beginning, and I connected with them right away. And today I'm having them on the podcast because I want them to share their story and I believe that they have something really important to share with us.

Andrea Crisp 4:15
So I'm gonna tell you a little bit about them. Caytie Langford went from being an entry level executive in less than 12 years. She used to sit in her corner office every single day and cry because she knew she was not in the right career anymore. She kept asking yourself, "Is this it?" And her friend, Amanda Cahill, was a rock star who not only became the first in her family to go to college, and also get an MBA, but her career was taking off fast, and even though she checked all the boxes, she asked herself, "Isn't there more?" Together they created Bold Women Society, a community and platform for ambitious mid career women who are searching for more. And I adore these women. They are so incredible. They are really I'm making a huge shift in the lives of so many women. And we were recording the episode I honestly got chills because I had to stop and think about, you know, even at this point, "What do I truly want out of my life? What do I want out of my relationships? And what do I want out of my business?" And at the end of the episode, I'm going to leave you with some questions for you to take those steps in your life as well. Some of the same questions I'm asking myself, I'm going to leave with you. But it all starts with asking, What do you truly want? So I'm thrilled to share my conversation with Caytie Langford.

Andrea Crisp 5:38
Hey, guys, I'm so excited to have you both on The Couragecast is so fun, because I'm actually looking at you guys right now. Both Amanda and Caytie, and you guys are side by side. And it's fun, I'm not sure who to look at, because you both are these beautiful, bold colors, and showing up as your amazing selves. And I'm so thrilled to have you both on The Couragecast. So welcome.

Caytie Langford 6:02
Thank you, we are so excited to be here. And so excited to get you ready for your big 200th episode that's coming up in a few weeks.

Andrea Crisp 6:12
Yeah, I'm excited to have you both, you know, we have been for those who don't know, we have been in a Mastermind for a good part of a year together. And we all got connected back in spring of 2021. When you guys were launching something brand new, which we're going to hear all about, Bold Women Society and how that all came into being. But before we get there, because there's three of us on the conversation today, you know, just to make a little bit easier, I'd love to know just a little bit about you, personally, your background. And, you know, why is it that you wanted to step into this space in your life right now? So I'm gonna go ahead and I'm going to start with Caytie. Just tell us a little about yourself, and why is it that you stepped in?

Caytie Langford 6:59
Yeah. So I'm Caytie Langford. I am the founder of Bold Women's Society, and I get to partner with a super badass, Amanda Cahill, which you'll meet in just a second. So my story is, maybe like some of your audiences. I found myself about 14 years deep into a career and I had gone from entry level to the C suite in about 12 years. I was literally sitting in my corner office every single day crying. I was at the place where I woke up, I was 35 years old. And I thought, "Is this what my life is supposed to be?" And I was that woman who had consistently been promoted, promoted, promoted, and recruited to different organizations. And I remember I was sitting in a meeting, and I was talking with a couple of women, we were in the middle of a capital campaign, so you're talking about raising money. And there was a moment within me that said, "This is not it, is not it." And I came home and I had several conversations. My mother was one of them. And she said, "Listen, I'm very worried about you, you're so stressed." My husband said, "There's something going on."

Caytie Langford 8:13
So two weeks later, I quit that job. And I walked away from absolutely everything. I had walked away from the career that had completely defined me. And I had no idea what I was going to do. So I, I took six months to really find myself. And Amanda and I teach a lot about getting clarity in Bold Women Society, and that's really what I was trying to do was get some clarity. I decided to become an executive coach, and fast forward a couple years, I'm coaching all these amazing women. And I'm burnt out. And I'm like, "This isn't it either!" And yet, there's something inside of me that wants to impact the lives of women. So I started Bold Women's Society. And I got a text from my friend Amanda, who I had coached several years earlier. And she said, "What is this? I need to know about this?" We jumped on a call. I told her, I was recruiting advisory board members, and she asked me, "Can I do that? Let me-let me be on your advisory board!"

Andrea Crisp 9:12
I love I love how she just like took charge. She's like, "So, put me in!"

Caytie Langford 9:17
Absolutely it. She'll tell you about that. And so a couple weeks later, she called and said, "I have this really crazy idea. I want to be your business partner, and I want to do this with you." And so we became business partners. And the reason why I personally do this work, is because I believe that we as women have big, bold, gigantic things to do in this world. And specifically, I believe that we need to have positions of power and leadership and we need to be in control of money, making money so that we can have influence and so that for me is why I do what I do. And I'm super pumped that I have the most amazing partners, because doing it alone was lonely. So doing it with somebody is incredible.

Andrea Crisp 10:07
I have chills from what you just said honestly. That that's amazing. That's amazing. And then so here you were, Caytie, you were, you know, it was so funny. Like, I was like, I didn't even know what a C suite is like, "Okay, I don't come from corporate." So I come from more of the creative world. I'm like, "What is the C suite?" I had to figure out what that was when we first talked. But I know now. And it really was interesting to me, because I thought, wow, you'd really risen. And you probably had accomplished what so many women wanted to accomplish in their in their lives and in their careers. And then you're like, there is still more.

Caytie Langford 10:45
Yeah. I mean, Andrea, I was my goal, where I was headed, was the CEO of a nonprofit. And I had worked for some of the best nonprofits, not only in Dallas and in Texas, but that in the world. I mean, I worked for top notch people. And, and that's where I was going to be. That's what I thought I was going to do. And the goal was to get there by the time I was 40. And there's when when you get to the place where you go, "This just isn't it," it's a scary place. It's a lonely place. And this is one of the ways that Amanda and I connect, is that when you start to tell people, maybe this isn't it, they think you're crazy. Because from the outside, they're like your life is freaking amazing. Like, what are you talking about?

Andrea Crisp 11:42
And so insert here, Amanda jumps into the equation, and she asks you to be part of this amazing organization. So Amanda, tell us like what prompted you to make that call?

Amanda Cahill 11:58
Well, it's such a crazy story. And, you know, I'm a little bit different from Caytie, and that I'm still working a more corporate career, it's still accelerating, accelerating very quickly, I'm still in a very much a growth phase. And I found myself in my career, you know, eight or 10 years ago, moving up very quickly, expanding my network, building a lot of clout in my industry. But I found that I was doing a lot because people tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I think you would be good at this." Opportunities presented themselves to me, but I never stopped to ask, "Is this what I actually want? Do I actually want this? Or am I doing it because somebody thinks I should do it?" So I started to question a lot. And because I had grown so quickly, so fast, everybody was like, I don't even understand where you're questioning things. You have a great career ever. You're checking off all the boxes from the outside looking in, everything looks perfect. We are crazy. What are you? What are you even thinking that you want to you want, you want more for your life?

Amanda Cahill 12:52
And that's when I started investing in coaching. And funny, funny story, Caytie was actually the very first executive coach that I ever hired.

Andrea Crisp 13:00
Really?

Amanda Cahill 13:00
And when Katie and I started working together, people who know me now probably don't even believe this. I was at such a low place, my confidence was so low. My belief in my abilities and what I brought to the world, I remember, there were calls where I was on Caytie, and she would ask me something, and I would almost be in tears, because I couldn't say what I liked about myself, I couldn't say what value I brought to an organization or to the world. And so it, it really prompted a lot of digging in a lot of personal development. And a lot of asking, "What do I want? What does Amanda want? Who is the woman that I want to be?" And in doing that work, I kept coming back to, you know, I, I have found so much joy over the course of that personal development journey, and so much happiness and fulfillment, but I knew that there was something else and I kept coming back to I want to help other people feel what I'm feeling right now. I want other people to realize they can take control of their life, they can ask themselves, "What the hell do I want? What do I want to do with my life," and they can actually start rewriting the script. If you don't like something, you can change it.

Amanda Cahill 14:05
And so it's so funny. I never knew what the outlet was going to look like. And then as Katie said, when I saw her pop up with Bold Women's Society, I reached out and I'm like, "What, what are you doing here? Let's let's talk about this." And my life motto is the answer is always no, until you ask. So I conveniently asked if I could be on her board of advisors, as she said, and then, you know, five or six weeks in I just I resonated so much with what we were doing with Bold Women society. And I said, "This is it. This is what I should be doing with my life." So probably one of the scariest things I ever did was reach out to Caytie and say, "Hey, I have this crazy, bold, audacious thing that I want to ask you. I don't even know if you'll entertain it. But can we can we chat about it?" And of course, she said yes. And we're here today. But moving through that and getting to this place. I can honestly say, I am so thankful every day that I didn't let that fear stop me from saying, "Who am I to reach out to somebody who's already a founded this this wonderful, you know, company, and think that I'm going to partner with her after she's already established it." And I'm so thankful that I pushed past that because we impact women every single day. And I'm getting to fulfill that void of bringing joy and happiness and fulfillment other people's lives as I was able to do.

Andrea Crisp 15:18
You know, I love what you said about, you know, really recognizing that you were asking what you wanted in life. And I think that so many women sit back and they they say to themselves, "Oh, I'm just going to do this, because I should do this, or I feel like, my, my family or my spouse, or my job is dictating something. And this should be the course of my career in my life", and they just let it happen. And you are asking this question, "What do I want?" And whether or not you are in corporate, whether you're a creative, whether you're an entrepreneur, you get to ask the question, "What do I want?" So I want to ask both of you, because I think this is a really big thing. When you think about what is it that you still want? That that's kind of on the horizon for you? Like, is there something that you're like you're looking you're like, "Yeah, like there's, there's still this risk that I want?" Who wants to jump in with that one first?

Caytie Langford 16:24
Go for it, Amanda. I'm getting teary eyed.

Amanda Cahill 16:28
I know, I'm like it always it always it always. It always creates this pause when we get to tell our stories like this, just a reflection that we have on that. But what's the next big, you know, scary thing that's on the horizon? And honestly, Katie, and I had a conversation yesterday about this and was thinking about it all last night, and it's what's next level for what we're doing at Bold Women Society? How do we truly take Bold Women Society and make it a household name, where generations upon generations can come back to the Bold Women Society Foundation and our mission and what we envision for the world where just every woman is unapologetic in the pursuit of her dreams, because she's confident, you know, she has confidence in her ability to be bold, she has that courage to be authentic. And she has that power that comes from being supported by a community of like minded women. How do we make that happen on a real world scale? And those are conversations that Caytie and I have all of the time, and we obviously don't know the answer to those questions. But that's why, you know, we get involved with groups like the Mastermind, where we met you, Andrea, so we can start to open our mind to the possibility, see what avenues can we even can we even consider? And so I think, for me, that's the biggest thing that that's been on my mind and continues to be on my mind.

Andrea Crisp 17:46
I love that. And what about you, Caytie? What would you say? The answer is for you whether that's both for Bold Women Society for you, personally. What does that look like for you?

Caytie Langford 17:57
Yeah, absolutely. So I think it's interesting to go back just a second. So Amanda said she was really brave and asked me to join my company, right? Well our company now, but I think it's really important to note that Bold Women Society was an idea. At that point, we weren't really anything. I mean, we hadn't even made $1 yet. And so Amanda's fingerprints are completely all over this. And one of the things that we have really pressed upon each other and ourselves is, what is the biggest thing that we can do. And one of the conversations we had yesterday was, we're not just going to be a coaching and training and development company. We think that's important, we know that we need to impact lives, women's lives individually. But for us, there's something greater out there. And we're toying with a couple of ideas, and we're gonna sit down and talk to some mentors and, and some people we really trust. But I will tell you this, going back to what I said earlier, it really for me is about putting more dollars in the hands of women,

Andrea Crisp 19:14
Girl.

Caytie Langford 19:14
Putting more dollars in the hands of women, we need women, we need women to control more wealth, we need women at the seats of tables. And so if we're going to be bold, it can't just be at an individual level. We've got to figure out how do we do that on a bigger stage. And I don't even know we don't know exactly what that looks like. But I will tell you, Andrea, the things that we are talking about and thinking about, I texted Amanda this morning and I said I am really scared. Like I'm real scared, like like some of the things we're talking about are so big. And that is how we know that we have to keep kind of pulling the string, if you will, to see where those thoughts are going to go. So, but at the end of the day, it's about women and money, and info and leadership.

Andrea Crisp 20:05
I love that one of the things, I'm gonna answer the question there to

Caytie Langford 20:09
Do it!

Andrea Crisp 20:09
for myself.

Caytie Langford 20:10
Yes.

Andrea Crisp 20:10
Because I'm like, I want to say what my thing is.

Caytie Langford 20:13
Yes!

Amanda Cahill 20:15
The floor is yours Andrea.

Andrea Crisp 20:17
So here we go. You know, I listened to a podcast, with Lori Harder and Amy Porterfield not very long ago. And I, of course, Lori is one of our mentors in Fast Foundations where we're a Mastermind, in part of the Mastermind. But Amy Porterfield has also been a mentor of mine over the years. And as they were talking, I was listening to Lori talk about her female funded business and how she was getting women ambassadors. And I have been probably sitting on the back seat of thinking, "There's no possible way I could ever be in the driver's seat when it comes to wealth. And if I can't be, then how would I ever inspire other women and invest in other things", but something about listening to them talk about it actually lit a fire under me. And it lit a fire under me to be like, "Okay, so in my sphere of influence, where I am, How do I get wealth in the hands of the women that are in my sphere of influence? How do I get wealth in the hands of interns, and virtual assistants that work with me around the world, and get wealth in their hands, that that impacts their sphere of influence and their communities." And it changes the way we are operating in the world. Because not only is it about wealth, it's about abundance. And it is about holding this space for more...

Caytie Langford 20:17
Yes,

Andrea Crisp 20:21
...expansion. Because when we hold space for more expansion and more wealth, that is just opening the doors for the girls coming after us. And for for women to just be stepping into that place. So I love that you guys are on that train. I'm right behind you in the car behind you. And I'm super, super excited. I didn't know this is what we're gonna talk about, but I love it, so.

Caytie Langford 22:30
You know what, here's the thing, what we're going to create, what we're going to do, you're not going to be in the car behind us, you're going to be on the train with us.

Andrea Crisp 22:39
Girl, okay!

Caytie Langford 22:41
That's what's happening. We, we don't want people, we don't want other badass women to be behind us. We're like, no, no, we're going here together. We're doing this together.

Amanda Cahill 22:54
Absolutely

Andrea Crisp 22:54
Yeah, that's good. That's so good. You know, and I love the fact of thinking about, you know, I was just thinking about one of my interns today. And, and, you know, she was asking me all about, you know, mindset, and how do I shift my life? And how do I create a business and, and I was just really thinking about where she is in the world, and maybe the opportunities presented to her, not presented to her, and thinking, I have this opportunity right now. And it's a small opportunity to, you know, help her shift her mindset about her life to create what it is that she wants. And you are, you know, running this beautiful group right now this this Bold Women Society, and helping women take those steps. So I'd love to chat about that. And how are you, you know, raising up the next generation of women? What is Bold Women Society all about? So I don't know who wants to take that that question, but I'll leave it to one of you.

Amanda Cahill 23:54
I'll kick it off. And then Caytie, I'll send it over to you just just a couple of things, I think it's important to to just lay a framework for who we are and what we even do, right? I know, we haven't really talked about that much either. And so our our idea of Bold Women Society, and what it currently is today is that it is an online community. And we have a spotlight on bold stories, it was very important for us to create an outlet where women could share stories, everyday women, the woman next door, the you know, your friend down the street, your colleague who's always quiet at the office, but you know that every single woman has a bold story inside of them. And we wanted to have a platform and an outlet for them to be able to do that. Now how we facilitated sharing those bold stories has changed and evolved and it will continue to evolve. But that's such a framework for what we do. Because our mission every day is to make sure that we are inspiring confidence in women and we want to help them release any narratives, beliefs, barriers, any lies or anything they've ever told themselves, that limits them from pursuing that life that they want to create, from that dream that they have on their heart, whatever that is, which changes over time too, right? So we want we want women to know that you have permission to you can be going one way and your life could be heading one direction and you have permission to make a turn. You may be going to same destination, but the route doesn't have to be the same, or you could be going in completely different way. But we want to let them know that like, that's okay. And we're going to help them be able to do that. And Caytie, I'm sure that there's something you would want to add there, too.

Caytie Langford 25:31
Yeah. It's just fascinating. Andrea, when we think about you know, you, me, Amanda, our contemporaries, what we were told, right, so we're not the baby boomer generation, we're not older Gen Xers, were younger Gen Xers, and an older millennials and, and glass ceilings were broken for us. And we were taught that you could be anything you wanted to do, that going to college was a good thing, that having a career was a good thing, right? We weren't necessarily told the things that those were bad. But yet at the same time, we were told a lot of should. And you mentioned this earlier, Andrea, you should go to college and get this degree. And then you should go to work and get this promotion and this job. And there are a lot of women that we help and we work with that are stuck in should land, that they just think, well, that's what I'm supposed to do. Well, that's what that's what I was told to do. Right? And so limiting beliefs and mindset. It's funny, I don't think we necessarily set out to work on that as much as what we realized that we have to. It was several years ago, when I was still just one-on-one coaching. I tracked over 100 conversations that I had with women, specifically coaching conversations, asking 100 different women, what is stopping you from going after what you just told me that you want. 100% of them said, I have a lack of confidence, or I don't feel confident enough to do that. So we work on mindset, almost as much as we worked on like actual strategy tactical, like, here's how you lay out the plan and do the work. Because, you know, as women, we not only have the shoulds. But then we also have everything that society has told us, right? Like, you got to wear this, you got to live in this neighborhood, you got to drive this car, you got to be thisyou g thin, you got to be this tan, or this color, or right all of these things that you got to be and so a lot of what we do, for lack of a better term, and we'll have to come up with a better term, we kind of have to deprogram people.

Andrea Crisp 27:56
Oh, 100%.

Caytie Langford 27:56
And we've had to do that on our own. Right. Like, again, I sat in my house for six months crying every single day. And I thought, I can't do this. And before I started Bold Women Society, I thought, "I can't do this." And Amanda shared with you her story of, you know, I remember the day I asked her, "What do you like about yourself?" And she's like, "I can't answer that." And the question actually was, what do you love about yourself, and she said, "I'm not even sure I can tell you what I like about myself." So we have a lot of deprogramming, a lot of rewiring our mindset, and using, you know, the tools and strategies that are out there to help women move past that. So that's how, and hopefully what we're doing. You know, I don't have any kids. Most of our clients have kids, but goodness gracious, we'd love to hope and believe that they're teaching their kids some of the mindset tools, some of the, that they're talking to their daughters about, what do you love about yourself? You know, we hope that's what's happening.

Andrea Crisp 29:06
You know, it's interesting that you bring that up, because, you know, I don't have children either. And there is when I've been thinking about you know, leaving that legacy behind and leaving you know, what it is that I've the imprint that my life has, you know, had on the world, thinking, "Okay, well, what's that going to look like? Right?" And you know, just reading up on some some different things energetically and how we are actually imprinting generations, energy energetically, and whether or not they are through our own bodies, children coming. It's the children of the generation are coming, and are going to be changed because of us. Whether or not we had physical children are not or raised children in a home in some way. And that has been such a beautiful thing for me to to know that I could feel like I'm doing it on my own, in solitude, you know, but at the end of the day, energetically, it's going out. And it's making an impact. And it's changing a generation. And, and that is a beautiful thought. And really brings us all together, right? And that's kind of where I want to lead us next is, you know, for so many people, for so many women the thought of maybe even working together, you know, you're you've both co founded this this beautiful, Bold Women Society be like, okay, to women, you know, like, you know, statistically they'd be like, "Okay, well, is that actually going to work? You know, two women working together?" I personally believe yes. But I want to hear from you guys. What does community mean to you? And how is it? How important is it that you guys are really building something using the two of you, as co-founders?

Amanda Cahill 31:02
I love this question so much, Andrea, we get asked a lot about our partnership and how it works. And I feel this way. And I believe that Caytie does too, so we've talked about it a lot. Our partnership has been for the seamless, for the most part. And we did a lot of due diligence in the beginning to figure out can we actually work well together? What is this going to look like? We did a SWOT analysis on each on each of us, and that's, uh, where you break down your your strengths, your weaknesses, your opportunities, and your threats. And basically, we brought our strengths and our weaknesses together and said, where do we complement each other? You know, when I have a strength here, does that help pull something where Caytie doesn't have a strength and vice versa. And what we found out is that we complemented each other so well, that it became this seamless partnership. And it's kind of it's evolved over time where in the beginning, we're both you know, we're both A Type personalities, we both want to get things done, we're we're both very high achieving individuals. But at the same time, we allowed each other to shine, and what I love the most about our partnership is that we've been able to push each other. During those times, we were just talking about this yesterday, how when maybe I had fallen off a little bit, and I was and I was lacking confidence or I, you know, wasn't clear about what I was doing, where I was afraid or something, you know, whatever, whatever was coming up, Caytie was the strength behind to lift me up.

Amanda Cahill 32:35
And the same thing when Caytie has had those moments, where she was like, "You know what, I just I need a day I'm not feel you know, something is off," then I was there to be the pillar for her. And I think that's what's so beautiful about what we're doing. And what's so fascinating about having a partner who believes in the mission and the vision of what we're doing of Bold Women Society so much, we're in it so much together every single day. And me personally, when I first started in my career, it was very catty, it was woman out for a woman. I remember being thrown under the bus, people stealing credit for things that I had done. So many things that made me think, "Do I even want, what am I even doing? Why am I here? Like, this is awful." I hated feeling like that every single day. And I knew that I never wanted another woman to feel like that. So it's so important to me and my values, that when we link arms, I know that we can do so much together than if we're trying to squash each other. And it's such a big pillar. And what we teach in our community is that we're all winning. There's there's the word we're not competing. It's what do you always say, Caytie, you always say it's collaboration over competition.

Caytie Langford 33:44
Yeah.

Amanda Cahill 33:45
And that's what we believe. And that's what we embody in Bold Women Society. We're always telling each other we're sharing each other's wins. We're lifting each other up. And that's, that's the beautiful thing about having a community, right, is that you have those, those people that you can lean on, when maybe you don't believe in yourself, you have hundreds of women who were like, "We believe in you, we will be your strength until you believe that yourself."

Andrea Crisp 34:10
That's good. Yeah. Do you want to add anything to that, Caytie?

Caytie Langford 34:14
Well, I just think it's interesting because I went to an all girls school in high school. And so I have been asked this question hundreds of times, like, "How can you be around that many women?" And what's funny is I went from high school to a sorority to working specifically in women and girl organizations, with women donors, like women and girls is a theme throughout my life. And I think the thing is, is that I've seen it work so beautifully, so many times. That when people say to me, "It won't work," I'm like, "Wait, wait, wait, wait wait! It will work. You just either haven't been in the right situation, or you have a limiting belief that it won't work." And so, yeah, that's a that's a huge part of it. And, and I think that we as women, having done this work now for so long, we want to be in community. We want to cheer each other on. We want to know, I'm not alone, right? It's why Alex Street always tells us tell your story, because your story makes somebody else go, "Oh, it's not just me."

Caytie Langford 35:29
And so I think that again, going back to all the shoulds of women right now, we need to get together, we need to look at society and be like, "Y'all think we should do that? No, we're not going to. And this is what we're going to do instead." And so it's imperative, you know, that not only collaboration over competition, but we also say, inspiration over comparisonitis. Don't look at what the woman is doing next to you and say, "I can't be her." You're right. You can't be her, you're never going to be her. But what can she inspire you to be for yourself? What best version of her can that inspire you to say, "I can be the best version of myself," and, and I think that's another reason why the partnership with Amanda and I worked so beautifully, because I truly believe at the end of the day, we look at each other, and we're inspired by each other. And we like each other. And we think I told Amanda yesterday, I said, partnering with you is one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life, because I don't want to let her down. I don't want to disappoint my partner. So in doing that, and having that relationship, it forces me to be the best version of myself, to show up for the women that we, I believe have to impact. So it's a non negotiable, you have to figure it out. And it can happen.

Andrea Crisp 37:00
I think the more we are around women who are rising, and who are stepping into the fullness of their own personal power, that we begin to let go of that comparison mindset. And it's it's only in lack, that we are really, you know, looking to others that you know, in comparison, because we're like, "Oh, I don't have that. And I want that." And when we start to step into who we are and have that confidence, then it's easier to be able to cheer somebody else on because it's not going to take away from anything about me. In fact, if anything, your success is going to add to what I'm capable of doing as well and give me gives me permission to be myself and to expand in my own life, and in my own business, whatever that looks like.

Caytie Langford 37:59
Absolutely. And I think that it's a choice that we make. And I will tell you one last thing, if there is a toxic woman in your life, because there are some right? Move away from them.

Andrea Crisp 38:15
Exactly.

Caytie Langford 38:15
Find another tribe, find another community, right? Like we've all there are women in our in Amanda and I's life that aren't in our life anymore, because they're not, they don't need me. And I used to feel so guilty about that being like, "oh, no, I have to pull them along." No, I don't. And you don't either. You don't either. You deserve to be everything you want to be. And if somebody can't get on board with that, it's okay that they were only in your life for a season or a reason. They're just not lifetime people. That's okay.

Andrea Crisp 38:48
No, that's good.

Amanda Cahill 38:49
Absolutely. Absolutely, Katie, because I mean, at the end of the day, I always say life is too short to be anything but happy. And I think when you start comparing yourself to somebody else, or saying I could never be that I could never do that. A lot of times that's stemming from the fact that you haven't gotten clarity on what it is you want for your life. Because I guarantee you once you figure out what you want for your life, the woman that you want to be what you're aspiring towards. Everything else is just, oh, okay, everything starts to align and you realize, "Oh, I'm here to learn from this person, or can you see what she's doing? How amazing is that?" That helps me see that this dream that I have over here that I can absolutely have it because I see her doing that thing right there. Even though it's different from mine, and I don't have to compare myself to her anymore. It's that inspiration piece. But it all comes back to what do you want for your life?

Andrea Crisp 39:43
Yes. That's it that's it. What do you want for your life? You know, I when I think about you know, whoever's listening to this today, you know, they have had the, the opportunity to hear two incredible women who have been super successful in their lives but have also chosen to be risk takers, and to do things differently, and to, you know, step back at times in order to reevaluate where your lives are going and say, "You know what, there can be more for me, if I, you know, redirect." And, you know, it's not just you, Caytie and Amanda, who are taking those bold steps, it's, it's women listening to this podcast today that are, you know, in the middle of maybe something that we talked about, maybe they're in that decision phase, maybe they're in the clarity phase, maybe they're, you know, getting the courage, or the confidence that they need to step out. What's one thing that each of you would say to that woman who is moving in that direction? If you were to tell her something from your heart that, you know, is really true to you? What would you say to her?

Caytie Langford 40:57
Yes, so I'll tell you the exact words that when I didn't think I could keep going, I called my grandmother. And I asked her, and I hear her words every single day, and it is, "You just keep going, you just put one front in front of the other. You just go day by day, just keep going." Because there is something amazing on the other side, there's a lot you're going to learn in between, but just you can do it, just keep going.

Andrea Crisp 41:29
That's awesome. And then what about you, Amanda?

Amanda Cahill 41:31
My, my favorite that's come with me, I actually heard from a professor in grad school. And it was, "Don't let insignificant people make a significant impact on your life." And I think that's so important for women, especially, but just for everybody to keep that in your back pocket. And just remember, "Who are the most important people in your life, if your life was a movie, you're the main character, but who was the supporting cast? Who are those family members, those friends, your mentors, the people whose opinion you really matter that people that you look up to, that you care about?" Those are the people when they say something that matters, but everybody else, they don't, they don't matter. You know, if you're looking at the end of a movie, you know, there's like taxi driver number four, or bouncer number two, like who are those people have no significance on your life. So don't let them make an impact on your life. Don't let somebody that's insignificant crush your dreams, and what you want for your life.

Andrea Crisp 42:32
You guys have been so inspiring today, I'm so grateful that we got to spend this time together. And honestly, to see how Bold Women Society has just really even elevated over the course of just this year. And moving into, you know, your next step in the vision, you know, is is really, really, truly inspiring to watch. And I'm so thankful and grateful that we have been in the same circle together for this time. And, and so I just want to say thank you for being on The Couragecast. And I really am so grateful that you guys are part of this 200th celebration, you know, because being bold women, you know, we're called The Couragecast. And I was thinking about you guys are you know, about bold, and we're about courage. And, you know, it takes a lot of boldness to be courageous in your life, and stepping out and doing those big moves in your life to impact and influence your communities, your homes, and to put you know, wealth into the hands of women and families that will change the world. And you guys are, you know, spearheading that that beautiful movement. And I love that. Caytie, let me ask you, where can they connect with you guys?

Caytie Langford 43:56
Yeah, so where we love for people to connect with this is in our texting community. We send out bold daily tips and tools every single day. So you can text the word BOLDLY or HELLO to 214-949-4715. And Amanda and I will give you a little bit of a little bit of boldness every morning. We love doing that.

Andrea Crisp 44:28
I love that. Yeah. And I will put that phone number in as well as the link in the show notes so that people can connect with you, and if they want to connect with you online, Amanda, how can they do that?

Amanda Cahill 44:40
Yeah, it's pretty easy. All of our handles are at Bold Women Society across all platforms, although we are not on Twitter, but if you want to find us on IG, Facebook, or LinkedIn, Bold Women Society is the handle to go to.

Andrea Crisp 44:54
Guys loved having you here today. Thank you so much for being on The Couragecast today.

Caytie Langford 44:59
Thank you Andrea!

Amanda Cahill 45:00
Thank you so much!

Caytie Langford 45:01
And congratulations on your upcoming 200! We are just we're honored to be a small part of the lead up to that incredible, incredible feat.

Andrea Crisp 45:12
Thank you. Wow, I loved talking to those incredible women. I'm I'm just really honestly, sometimes I feel like it's a bit surreal that I get to have these conversations with people. But I know I'm probably not the only person that's listening to the podcast asking, you know, herself, like, "How do I get on the, the front of the train?" Right? And, you know, I was thinking after Katie said to me, "You know what, you don't sit in the car behind me sit in the car with me." And that is so true, right? You know, it's so easy for us to, you know, put ourselves behind somebody else. And really, we should all be linking arms and going together.

Andrea Crisp 45:54
So I want to leave you with this. Maybe you have a desire in your life, and you really want to, you know, see something happen. Or maybe you're at that point in your life where you, you just want to ask the question, "What do I truly want?" Here's the thing. It's not just for the woman next to you, it's not for the the woman that you admire from afar. Having a life that you want, that is truly fulfilling for you, which includes financial abundance, and also includes stepping into your personal power, and really owning who you are. That's for you. That's for you, my friend. And here's the thing, it's the first step, the very, very first thing that you're going to do is actually believe it's true for you, and give yourself permission to say yes to yourself, and ask yourself, "What is it that I truly want?"

Andrea Crisp 46:48
So maybe you're at that place right now, where you are feeling a bit overwhelmed with the possibilities, like maybe you're an ideas person, a visionary, and you're like, "Whoa, like I have all these things are going through my mind, and I'm not really sure what to do next." Or maybe you feel unfulfilled, and you feel like I have to ask this question first. Clarity is the first step. Wherever you're at, getting clear on what you want is the very, very first step to the catalyst of making those changes and activating the confidence in your life to take bold steps of courage. So right now, the waitlist is open for the conference accelerator, which is like one of my very favorite programs to run. It's a group coaching program. It's a six week container for women who know they're meant for more, but are not sure how to take that next step or how to ask those questions and activate the confidence in their life.

Andrea Crisp 47:43
So if that's you, if you're someone who wants to step into their personal power, who wants to share their story, start a business, you know, really get some momentum and traction in your life personally, to really move forward, then this program is for you and the waitlist is open, I'm going to leave a link in the show notes for you to click on so that you can connect with me, you can either jump on a call with me or you can just leave me your email. And I'll know to connect with you. And if this is something that resonates with you, then I know this is something you're not going to want to miss out on. Friends. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I want to thank Amanda and Caytie for sharing the 198th episode with me we are two episodes away from the 200th. And I'm just so so excited. So we have an amazing episode next week with an incredible panel of people. And then of course, we're gonna have our 200th coming up. So until next time, remember, you have everything you need.

Andrea Crisp 47:44
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music by Steven Crilley. Production by Claudia Henock.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 187 | Cycle Syncing Your Business

WITH MELISSA RODRIGUEZ

 
And we’ve been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, we’re told to be perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine, and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It’s a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn’t work.
— Paige Lawrence
 

About This Episode:

Do you feel like you’re always working against the flow?  As women we’ve been taught to work in a world designed for men. And that does not always work with how a woman’s body functions. Today I’m chatting about our menstrual cycles and how we can work in ease and flow when it comes to syncing our business with our cycle. 

Melissa Rodriguez is a Cycle Syncing Biz Coach. She helps female entrepreneurs lead with more ease, fun, and flow by syncing their life with their cycle. 

Connect with Melissa:

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Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Today we're talking about a whole new way to approach your business, and that is through understanding your body by syncing your cycle with your business. And my friend, you are going to love this episode with Melissa Rodriguez. So get ready to learn how you can start understanding your body and listening to your body more so that you can be more productive, and have more ease and flow in your life.

Melissa Rodriguez 0:30
So much of it is worthiness and worthiness around what work justifies certain results. And we've been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, we're told to be perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine, and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It's a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn't work.

Kate 1:01
You're listening to The Couragecast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 1:17
Hey there, welcome to The Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, and I am your host. And friend, do I ever have a treat for you today. We are going to be chatting with Melissa Rodriguez, who is a cycle syncing business coach, which we're going to get into and you are going to love her. Honestly, this has been one of the most pivotal things that I have done for myself in the past few months, which is taking a look at how my body is working, how it is designed, and how I can move in ease and flow in my life and business when I am taking a look at my menstrual cycle. That is not anything I thought I would ever talk about here on The Couragecast. But here we are. And you know what I've realized that our bodies are so beautiful and created so intricately. And really, we are working on a cycle that is different than men or those that don't don't have a cycle. And so we have to learn how to work with our bodies. And, you know, really lean into those energies that fuel us, whether they be masculine or feminine, or even just leaning into our own divine essence, which is something I am also learning about. So you're going to love Melissa Rodriguez, you're going to love all of the things that she has to teach us today about cycle syncing about how you can do that with your business. And one of the best times for you to be planning and launching things in your life in your business. And this is what I'm working on right now in my own life and taking notes every single day about how I feel, and how creative I am and all the things. So you're gonna love this. So I'm so excited for you to meet Melissa Rodriguez.

Andrea Crisp 3:24
Melissa, thank you for joining me on The Couragecast today. I'm super thrilled actually to have you back. Not only were you a guest already, but I lost the episode. And you so graciously are back joining me from Spain to chat with me again. And so thank you for being here.

Melissa Rodriguez 3:44
Thank you so much for having me. I am, I'm sure the universe had its reasons. Although I can imagine it was still very frustrating. And apart, I'm very happy to be here talking to you again.

Andrea Crisp 3:59
So you're a cycle syncing business coach. And I have had a lot of conversations since our last one with other people who have been really you know, interested in, you know, how our cycle, you know, works with our bodies and how it works with our businesses and just all the things especially even as we age and how things are shifting and changing. And so, even since our last conversation, I have even been thinking about it more and more and more. But someone listening to this right now maybe like well, what is that? Like? What exactly is that? Like? How? So why don't you just go ahead and tell us a little bit about who you are and how you serve people in your business.

Melissa Rodriguez 4:42
Okay, amazing. I would love to. So my name is Melissa Rodriguez, and I am a serial entrepreneur. I started a few different companies in my life and currently I run a few different companies. One of them is a company in the real estate service industry in the UK. One of them is a digital marketing agency. And the other is I just said cycles syncing business coaching for female entrepreneurs who want to incorporate their cycle into their business and their lifestyle. So they can run their business with more flow, with more ease, have more productivity and basically do things and optimized time. As women, we know because we've done it that we can do things, we can do anything, right? We're superheroes, and we can do anything at any time of a month. But there's so much power in knowing which times are good for which things, and using that, leveraging that for your business.

Andrea Crisp 5:39
Now, I'm very curious, like, how did you get into this? Like, what was the catalyst for you even to become interested in, in your cycle and how it it works with your business and in yourself?

Melissa Rodriguez 5:52
Sure, okay. So I think on my path, as an entrepreneur, I definitely had a lack of feminine energy in my life. I'm also, I come from an immigrant family. I was born in Venezuela, but I grew up in the UK, my mom was also an immigrant, she, her family moved to Venezuela, from Spain, right after the Spanish Civil War. And if you if you know, any immigrants, you'll know that there's a certain kind of hustle culture. Because you know, when you move to a different country, different culture, there seems to be like this, this culture, and it's often true, they have to work harder than everyone else to get anywhere in life. Okay, so that was kind of very much ingrained in my family that was very much ingrained in the way I grew up in it, I felt that it was something that was much more prized in my family than feminine energy, and we all have masculine and feminine energies. And they work best when they're in balance, right? And I believe I, because of a myriad of different reasons, I grew up in a household with a lot of love, I felt very loved. I don't want this to sound like oh, I wasn't raised right, or anything like that. It was definitely a lot of love in my household. But I definitely felt that there was I somehow ended up with a lot of excess masculine energy, and not enough feminine energy in my life. And that was kind of leading me to burnout, to not feeling satisfied, find it very hard to be creative.

Melissa Rodriguez 7:13
And it was actually, but four or five years ago that my finances, my personal finances, were in a mess, okay? And I ended up working with a finance coach. But she wasn't just any finance coach, she was a feminine finance coach. And she taught me many things about bringing pleasure and bringing feminine energy into how you handle your finances. And one of the many strategies and tools that she introduced me was, and it wasn't something that she specialized in or anything, but she kind of said, you might want to look into working with your cycle as well, or maybe even just taking off the days that you're on your period, those cycles syncing is so much more than that. And it was her suggestion that got me reading got me investigating. And yeah, after experiencing the positive results, that brought to my life into my business, then I wanted to help other women with this too.

Andrea Crisp 8:04
You know, I find that fascinating, because, you know, when you thinking about finances, like my first natural inclination is not to think about my cycle. You know, but when we think about our, you know, our business, in our finances, you know, like, I have never really thought about that. I love that you bring up money, because I don't think about money when I think about my cycle. But it makes total sense that it would have something to do with, you know, our finances, how we feel about money, how we feel about entrepreneurship, how, you know, we are kind of living in that space. And, and so how did it? How did it shift your own view of money, and also how you were incorporating that in your life, like when you're talking to her, like, you know, implementing these strategies, you know, with your finances, and then through your business as well.

Melissa Rodriguez 9:07
Sure, so I think the key there is remembering Andrea, that we are emotional beings, okay? And although we tend to approach our businesses and our money with this, society tells us that we should approach it with this hyper rational, just make more money than you spend, just look at the numbers kind of approach. And obviously, that's important. But we must remember that we're, we're emotional beings, and generally when we have money issues, or at least it was a case for me, it wasn't a case of not knowing how to handle a spreadsheet. It was more of a case of I had limiting money beliefs that were probably related to how I viewed productivity and business in general. So there were fundamental beliefs that were affecting my money, and that were affecting my productivity. And, and the work that I did with her and the strategies that I, you know, I use with her and then with other coaches that I worked with, and the books that I read, the inner work that I did was all about going to those, those core beliefs, right, that affects every part of our business of our lives or finances. And still working on this, I'm 100%, not perfect at this, but just going going to the core of those beliefs. And so much of it is worthiness and worthiness around what work justifies certain results.

Melissa Rodriguez 10:37
And we've been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, so many things were told to be perfectly consistent, right, perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It's a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn't work. For most women, it's especially true for men, it doesn't for a few men won't either. And maybe for some women it does, as I'm generalizing here, but for those of us who thrive off of feminine energy, it doesn't, it doesn't work, it gets to a point where we either get bored or burnt out, or simply our hormones get in the way, because our hormones affect so much about how we feel emotionally, and how we view risk and how creative we are all these things. So how can you be perfectly consistent during an average four week cycle, when you have inconsistent resources to work with? Right? It doesn't work that way. So instead of trying to be consistent with inconsistent resources, and not saying it's impossible, how about you just work out when you're going to have different resources, and sync the things that you need to do with those resources. So you're optimizing things and you also feel it's easier. Because if you're, if you're trying to be consistent, do things the same things, day in and day out. It's an uphill battle. So it's a battle against yourself.

Melissa Rodriguez 12:05
And it implies this massive lack of self awareness as well, that you're, it doesn't make sense to expect consistent results, when you don't know where you are, how you're feeling, what, where your best is going to serve that particular day. So in the same way that you probably wouldn't set a meeting at 3am, right? You wouldn't set a meeting at 3am, because you know, you know, you have a daily cycle. And that daily cycle involves hours of sleep. And during those hours of sleep, you're not particularly suited to meetings. And I'd say you could do them, you could probably do a meeting, if you set it at 3am, if you really wanted to, you could set your alarm, you could get up you could do your meeting. I'm not saying you couldn't, but what would that do to the rest of your day?

Andrea Crisp 12:47
You know, it's interesting you say that, because well, the first thing that comes to my mind is I have a voice student that I have at 7pm. And it's really funny. It's kind of like our compromise, 7pm at night, because he is a night owl. And I work in the day and he's my last student. And I never take anything usually past that time. But I noticed in the winter, I would get exhausted because his actual lesson in the winter was 7:30 to 8:30. By 8:30, I was done. I was like I'm done. You know, because I would get up early in the morning, I would have all my really good energy in the morning, I would be productive. And then I'm you know, holding off until 7:30 to actually hold one more lesson. And then feeling so exhausted and depleted. Even though he's a great kid, I love teaching him, nothing about you know whether or not you know, I want to be teaching him, it's really just my own level of energy at that time is very, very low.

Andrea Crisp 13:56
And I've even noticed, you know, because we've talked before I did a launch. Well, I did a couple of launches in a row. The people who listen to my podcast, they know that I just kind of like tell the things as I go. But I did three launches this summer. And launch number one was was kind of an organic type feel. I filled the group with eight women, it was amazing. And then the next one was following it right after right at the end. And I filled it with six and it was again it was really good. Got to third launch. I'm exhausted. I have now launched two different groups. I have spent a lot of time just doing that. But here's what happened. I got into a scarcity mindset. I got into, I need to get this done, you know, we're on a roll. I should just do it, you know, make sense. And everything on paper that would say okay, we'll launch during this time and I looked at the calendar as far as like the dates and will it match up for holidays and all these kinds of things. And I decided I was gonna launch. Well, I'm not sure what's going to happen. We still carts open for another week. But I don't have a person in it, not one.

Andrea Crisp 15:09
And the first two sold out right away. And the third did not. And, you know, so of course, my first inclination is to sit back and go, "Okay, I could easily go into that scarcity mindset again." But I also realize I'm like, "Okay, I'm obviously, what I'm putting out. Is, is not I'm not energetically aligned with it." And I feel like I wasn't paying attention to working in my masculine and feminine energy in a way that would serve me best. And so here I am, thinking, Oh, no, what have I done? And what am I going to do now? And I'm, I'm at this like, kind of crossroads, honestly, where I'm like, okay, like, I don't want to not learn the lesson. I feel like the lesson is actually more important than anything at this point. For me to go, How do I operate optimally, as best as I can really, in my own business, when I'm, you know, trying to think about my cycle, my masculine and feminine energy, and you know, especially as entrepreneurs, when we're launching programs, or we're working with clients, or we're, for me recording podcasts, or speaking events, all sorts of things like how do we where do we even begin? I mean, I know that's a loaded question. But that's kind of where I'm at. So I'll just leave it with you.

Melissa Rodriguez 16:34
So I think a good place to start would be to start with that self awareness of, you're telling me or you're expressing a vision of what you would like it to feel like, to look like, and to feel like, and first of all, you need to know like where you are. Okay, so where are you right now? What strategies focused on the positive and celebrating the positive? What strategies do you have that you're doing really well, right, which, and you probably have those, you'll have a few that are masculine and feminine too there. So, I would start with like an inventory of what's going well, what do I feel is missing, and then an exploration, it's not something somebody can tell you, it's something that you need to experience for yourself, because it is different for everyone, you can obviously have guidance during the process of somebody suggesting and helping you evaluate. And that's what I do with my clients when I coach them as they navigate this in their businesses. But it is a case of, "Okay, so if I identify that there are certain business activities that are draining me, first of all, do I need to do them? Do they need to be done? And if so, do I need to do them? And if that's the case, then what would it look like for this activity to be in the feminine and not the masculine? Or what would it look like for this activity to be pleasurable? And sometimes it can be something as simple as a ritual you do before the activity, or where you do the activity, or even what playlist you have on during the activity. These are all little simple things.

Andrea Crisp 18:03
Really?

Melissa Rodriguez 18:04
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 18:05
So like you can like say, "Okay, like if this is something that right now I know I need to be doing." Or then I can switch up something about it to like, maybe put me in a different energetic space to hold hold that.

Melissa Rodriguez 18:19
Yeah. Sure. So for example, what, do you have any activities in mind that you're, you're thinking of right now?

Andrea Crisp 18:28
Emails are still a big part of what I do, writing, during the copy. And I find for that particular task, I'm either in the flow in the zone, or I am not. And it's like I can, I can know right away. If it's like, oh, yeah, it's coming, type type type, I can do three emails, like to just bang them out. Or I could sit there for an hour and go, What the heck am I gonna write, I should have bought the Copy Care from Marie Forleo, you know, like, go through the list of like, things that I you know, like, I should have bought that, that probably would have helped me. But I think that I like you said being self aware, and taking inventory of those times that I have had success in a way that feels really good like for writing emails, it's like, oh, well, when did I write them? What was what time of day was it? You know, what was where was I? Yeah, where was I in my cycle? What was playing? I never thought of any of that, to be honest with you.

Melissa Rodriguez 19:34
All that is going to influence how creative you feel, and I'd also add just if if you know if you because you already know before you sit down, you know, I'm gonna sit here for an hour. And anything I write is, because you already know, you can already feel it in your body when you're not in that right flow state and there's nothing wrong with that. So A: do not beat yourself up over it and B: Don't even try like it's more productive at that stage, go for a bike ride, like, go for a walk, go buy yourself flowers, go dance for 15 minutes, call friend. And you never know, maybe within 10 minutes of that, you'll actually be on your bike riding, okay, I need to stop because I'm, like, going through these fields. And I realize that I know what I want to tell my community and you write down a couple things in your phone, that's going to make it easier for you next time you sit down, like, Okay, I already know what I want to write about. Or you talk to your friends and, and you know what, maybe the hour passes, and you don't write anything, you don't get out of that, that energy state. But if you leverage the times that you are naturally in that energy state the most, then it's not going to matter the times that you're not, because you'll have produced enough content and enough emails. You have written enough emails in the times that you were naturally in that state, or that you did things to get you in that state.

Andrea Crisp 20:59
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Because then I also feel like even yesterday, I went in the morning, because, you know, I was dealing with this whole launch thing and thinking, Okay, we've got a week left for cart closes. And it's Thanksgiving Day here in Canada. And I'm going through all this in my mind. So sat down, and I, one of the things I wrote down in my journal was today, I really want to be a powerful creator, and co-create beautiful things in my life. And where most of Canada was taking the day off yesterday, I had things scheduled, I had a podcast recording, I had two connection calls. And it was fine because I was feeling good. I was like, you know, I was in the right. I, I blew through those calls, and was like, "Oh, this is great." I had enough energy for the things I needed to do. I went and had a beautiful dinner at my aunt's house and had some great family time. And at the end of the day, I remember thinking to myself, you know, this is what I want it to feel like, all the time, or as many days as I can, where it feels like I, and one of the things I did, and I even did this this morning already, is I left my phone upstairs, and I have my my Apple Watch, which you know, if I need, you know, something right away, and somebody needs to get ahold of me, but other than that, I'm like, I don't have the distractions of getting on to social media, you know, sitting after something and scrolling and you know, shifting my energy by checking something.

Andrea Crisp 22:29
I can stay in that flow state, and accomplish the thing that I want to accomplish. without consistently going back and forth, you know, in and out of different things where I'm like, "I don't need to post on social media right now. I can post on social media when I'm feeling it." And I need to, I don't need just to be looking at it and like having almost like energy leaks and just draining my energy. So I really kind of feel like that coupled with knowing what my cycle is, will be helpful. But one of the things I do want to ask you, because we talked about this last time, and I'm super interested, is you talk about it in seasons. And you talk about your cycle in seasons. And I'd love for you to tell us about like, what does that mean when you're looking at your cycle, and the other thing you said, which I still have thought about lots is that it doesn't necessarily pertain to men and women, and i it pertains to how you identify. Because some, you know, whether you are male or female, biologically, you can identify a certain way and have that energy. So can you talk a bit about both those things?

Melissa Rodriguez 23:45
Sure. Okay, so I'll start with the seasons. The reason I like to talk about it in terms of seasons is that many people, when you think about when you first hear cycle syncing you probably think, Oh, my cycle is three to five days that I got my period, right? And that's and that's it? Well, but the cycle is 28 days on average cycle, where you have four distinct stages, like the four seasons of the year, the weather, so and they actually bear similarities in the characteristics they have and the way that we go through them. So I'll go through the four seasons, just briefly so that you understand what what I mean. And I am going to relate this to the biological side of this, because for those of us who work with our cycles in this regard, we're not just working, you know, with our feminine energy, we are also working directly with our hormones because our hormones affects how we feel about things, how we view things.

Melissa Rodriguez 24:41
So we have your winter, which is when you get your period, and the time for resting, for hibernation is time with increased intuition where we can tap into different gifts like being able to evaluate things in a different way. It's not a time for taking action, but it can be a time to have some life changing reflections about your life and your business. Then you have your spring, after winter comes the spring. So there's that new beginning, that kind of energy where things are starting to speed up to warm up a little bit, you have more energy, it's a great time to learn new things, to start new things, to set new sessions to set new goals.

Melissa Rodriguez 25:16
Then you have your summer, which is a great time for enjoying and for communicating, and for really being in that kind of outward energy with your clients and with your team and with your community with the world. It's when biologically you are you're ovulating, okay? So if you are a woman who ovulates, your body is saying, "Hi, I'm ready!" And that comes through in different ways, right, that comes through in the way you talk, there have been studies and that show that women even walk in a way that men find, that heterosexual men will find more attractive during this time. And that even that are faces are more symmetrical or more attractive. And I do not know how that works. Do not ask me, but basically, more attractive during this time. And that's not something you know, unless you are looking to be impregnated, and that's great. But if you're not, if you are just looking to move forward in your business, you can use these, this magnetism of the summer to make leaps in your business, or in your life,

Melissa Rodriguez 26:16
Then comes a fall, which is a little bit of a longer season for, it's a longer season. And it's a season for getting into the nitty gritty of things, for attention to details, for actually following through and all the intentions and goals that you set. And for it has a different sort of creativity, you have different sorts of creativity. I mean, creativity is feminine energy, in a very pure form. But it comes in different kinds of ways during this time, the creativity comes through in spring is more of like an ideas kind of thing. It's not a following through creativity, and in your Fall, you've got more of a following through kind of creativity. I would suspect that, for example, if you're writing emails, then you're early Fall is a great time for that. And then you're back to Winter. So those those are the four seasons that that we go through every month, and that we can really lean, if we lean into them and look for ways of embodying them, we can really leverage those superpowers that are available to us in each season.

Andrea Crisp 27:15
Yeah, that's really fascinating. Yeah. So how does it work with the, you know, with men and women then in that, that context?

Melissa Rodriguez 27:22
Okay, sure. So, in what what of what I've been referring to is a very much a hormonal context, okay? If you are a woman who does not have that hormonal cycle, because of menopause, or because you just don't have it, or even birth control, birth control, hormonal birth control, IE the pill affects the cycle, because essentially, it stops ovulation. Okay, so if for any reason you do not have this cycle, feminine energy still has the cycle, because essentially, it's a cycle of creation, right? It's a very natural cycle, I have a client who does not have a period yet she identifies as a woman, what we do is we work with the moon. So many, many ancient cultures, and even a few studies have shown that we're, we're somehow went to the moon, I think it's something that we haven't yet understood. But it's there. And it's there if for other species and animal kingdom as well, but the moon affects their fertility and things. So it's there's, there's a connection there, and leveraging that. So leveraging, you know, new moon intentions, and rituals for the full moon and all these things can help. That's that's how I usually work with people who do not have that period. I haven't worked with men on their feminine energy cycle at all, I'm just here, top my head. If a man maybe does identify more with feminine energy, than with with masculine energy, then again, you can either take the moon approach, or you can take the really diving into that self awareness approach. If you really dive into that self awareness and start tracking how you feel every day for like, three to six months, you might see patterns, right? You might see patterns, you might see the seasons without even noticing. And then you just might know for yourself like I have a Spring that's 10 days long, and then I have a Summer that's five days on you hurt you, you might be able to see patterns in here. And that's what I would suspect if you are kind of looking to use that feminine energy that you you'd see it that way. However, I do believe that that a lot of men and a lot of people will thrive more of that masculine approach of that, you know, day in day out consistency approach, if especially if you are a man who has a male permanent cycle, you have that testosterone high in the morning just gradually increases throughout the day, then you might thrive off more just going with that biological imperative that you have in your body.

Andrea Crisp 29:44
It's so fascinating to think about how different biologically men you know, their cycle, their 24 hour cycle, versus our female 28 day cycle. It's so different because once I started to learn about this, and I mean, obviously, I feel like I'm just like, you know, scratching the surface, even with this conversation, but, you know, thinking about how we are functioning in a world that is very built for men, you know, especially if you have a job, and you work outside the home, you know, is built for, for men to thrive and women not as much. And so it's really interesting to think about how we can become more self aware, and, and start learning our bodies and listening and being a little bit more intuitive to what our body is telling us. And, and even for me, it took even after having conversation with you, it took an instance in my life for me to kind of get to the end be like, Okay, this is really just not working. And for me to go, "Okay, I need to slow this down. And I really need to start listening. Because I think that if I listen to my body and become a little more self aware, I will know when the right times to do different things will be for me, you know, to help." And it's like, I think you've said this before, but maybe not today. But it's like there's some things we just know we do, do on an everyday basis. Like those are things that we we do, we get done, we you know, if you have a family, you feed your kids, you know, like, there's certain things that just have to happen. But but there are a lot of other things where you know, especially when it involves creativity, and that really can be best served, we understand our bodies.

Melissa Rodriguez 31:29
Sure, or even for the things that we have to do every day, you said the example of feeding our kids. What if you meal prep, when you have more energy? Do you know there's going to be a week where you are going to be more tired? Can you make meals and freeze them? Is it, I mean, there's not going to be a way for everything you cannot you know, batch brushing your teeth, for example. And I'm not suggesting that there are definitely ways that we can get creative, even with the things that we feel that we have to do every day. And I invite you to ask yourself, "Do I really? Or is there a way that I can make this easier on myself when I know that it's not going to be easy for me? Is there a way? Is there any way that I can ask for support? Or is there any way? How can I set this up differently?" So I think where we sometimes got stuck in boxes of how things have always been set up, or how we've always done them, or how everyone else, quote unquote, does them. And just you know, taking a step back and asking yourself like, Okay, first of all that self awareness? And then is there another way that I can achieve the same or even better results without having to do this without working against myself?

Andrea Crisp 32:37
Now, one question, you know, especially for women who are working in teams. So if you have someone that works for you, and you know you're doing a launch or whatever, and say you've got a OBM and you know, they're in one part of their cycle, where you know, like, how does that work? Like, how do you try to like navigate working with other women when you're cycling, and you're?

Melissa Rodriguez 33:02
Sure, so it's interesting. I think there was one point where I literally synched up with 80% of my clients and my team. It's funny how even when we were working remotely end up syncing up, we're also synced up with the moon at something super interesting that happens when you when you're like in a specific type of alignment. So I guess I've been mostly lucky in that regard that I've been fairly synched up with the woman that I work with both my clients and my team, but let's just take the hypothetical scenario that you're on, but completely different schedules, your OBM is, you know, she is ovulating whilst you're on your period and vice versa. So when you most need her support, because you're in that outwards, launch kind of mode, she's in that rest mode. Okay. So there, I think it really is just about planning ahead. Okay. So planning ahead and making sure that, that you have other people in place for things that are most important in the case that you, that you are asking your OBM to to work those days, you don't have a choice, you know, these are things that cannot be prepared in advance, these are things that cannot be done better. And whilst then it's how do you have that self care? So that person is ready to give 100% on those few tasks that cannot be they cannot be moved. Okay, so how do you make sure that person, how does that person make sure that at the end, it's a personal responsibility? How does that person make sure that she's taken care of, both before and after that extra self care that extra, like, I'm taking naps, or I'm resting, doing the things that fill my cup, so that when I do show up for those few things that you need from me on these days, then I will be there 100%.

Andrea Crisp 34:46
So there's a lot of having conversations, right, like it's a, cause, I mean, this I would indicate to me that there's a lot of conversation around our periods, talking, you know, things that we've not always talked about, really openly. Because I mean, if you know, you're synced up with your clients and people you work with, obviously, then you're having conversations about that with them because they're your clients. But, you know, like, especially I'm thinking like, I don't know, like, I don't know, if I'm synced up with people. You know, I know that when I spend time with people a lot, with women a lot. But one of the things you said, really piqued my curiosity, and you said, syncing up with the moon. And that that's almost like a, and then he's, I can't remember the word you use. But can you talk a little bit about that? Like, how do you sync up the moon? How did you know you're synced up over the moon with the moon?

Melissa Rodriguez 35:37
Okay, so back when we lived in smaller, in small tribes, like 150 people, and we were also very committed, we didn't have this artificial light and everything, most women would sync up their periods with the moon, like accident, that they didn't mean to obviously, they didn't say, "Hey, let's sync up with the moon." But naturally, they would find that they were bleeding either on the full moon or the new moon. As you know, the the moon has 28 day cycles, thanks, can't remember is 28 point something 27.4. It's not exactly 28. Otherwise, rolls be a full moon and same day of the week, it's not exactly 28. It's something point something around 28. And the average female cycle is also 28 days, and we would sync up with the moon in a natural way, and get this, right, women would, for those days, and on many tribes, they would go into a tent, and they will just have be on their periods together.

Melissa Rodriguez 36:29
And they will use that time to really like let go, okay? So they would like leave them and do their thing. And they would, they would let go, they would use that time to like cleanse and do different kinds of rituals around their period, all these things. And interestingly, the so some woman would sync up with the other moon. So if you didn't sync up with the full moon, you'd sync up with the new moon. And they would be the woman who would take care of the others. Right? So during that time, so there's also benefits, like we were saying right now. So if you're if you're on your period, when your OBM is ovulating, or vice versa, it's also I'm going to take care of you, and then you're going to take care of me kind of thing that used to exist in times with with these tribes, the moon in the period. And it's interesting that many women affectionately call their period their moon, because there's there's definitely some sort of relationship there. I'm not, I don't know what it is, I think, would be super interesting, if science, you know, decided to study it more. But yeah, it's interesting. And I do think there's one study that shows that when woman are more connected to nature and have less artificial lights and live in place with less artificial light, that's when they most start to sync up with the moon.

Andrea Crisp 37:40
So fascinating, that I now I'm gonna totally like, pull my app out afterwards. See where I am at.

Melissa Rodriguez 37:48
Get, so, get this app called Stardust. And I recommend this app. It's a great app, it's called Stardust. And it's kind of a cycle tracker, and also tracks moon. So you go into it and tells you where you are Kind of hormone wise. And it tells you where the moon is, as well. So I highly recommend that.

Andrea Crisp 38:06
Okay, that, you know, because even I've noticed, like, as I pay more attention to my body, like in the summertime, like, here in Canada, I'm in the northern part of Ontario. So it's lighter, longer. 5:30am it's light and 10:00, it's still light, but then the sun goes down. And I noticed that like, I wake up, right with the light. I'm up. Whereas now right now it's like seven o'clock, and I used to like set my alarm and be like, Okay, I'm going to still get up at 530 in the winter. And so like, I can't get up in the morning, I'm a morning person. But I have let myself sleep until I wake up instead of making and it's really interesting because I noticed even with the, the light and dark, how my body is, if I don't manipulate it, and I'm doing it mostly just to see like, what happens if I'm just letting my body you know, when I tired I go to bed, you know. And when I wake up, I wake up and just being, being more aware because if I do you want to have a life that I really, really love and I want to create a business and a life I love. I want to do it feeling really good. And I want to do it feeling energetic, and I want to feel like, feel all the amazing things that life has to offer. And also do it in a way that you know I can support myself financially because I'm productive in the moments I need to be most productive. And, and I think that as women is something that if we pay more attention to, then we will have, have a better understanding about how we can do that and not just operating fully full on masculine energy. Like as you said before, so so fascinating. I think we there's so much more we can talk about and really even continuing to dive into this work? How do people work with you? Like, how does that work? So let us know.

Melissa Rodriguez 40:09
Sure, can I just add one more thing that came to mind while you were saying that?

Andrea Crisp 40:14
Absolutely.

Melissa Rodriguez 40:16
Because I totally resonate with you there that you want to feel good on the journey. And it's so important because how you feel during the journey and in the process, is how you're going to feel when you get the result. So sometimes we tell ourselves that we're going to feel better when we achieve X, or Y, or Z, or whatever. And that's not the case like those when people talk about having reached certain goals, and that they weren't as satisfying as they were expecting them to be, I'm willing to bet in most of those cases that they didn't enjoy the process of getting there. I think it's amazing, I think it's, it's beautiful that you are prioritizing that because that's going to mean that when you get there, it's going to feel, it's going to feel great. If you feel great during the process, it's gonna feel great when you get there. Just wanted to add that in, because I totally resonate with that.

Andrea Crisp 41:05
I love that. Thank you for adding that.

Melissa Rodriguez 41:08
And yeah, and that's mainly, you know, this is what I help my clients with, you can find me on Instagram. My handle is @melissa.r.j, can go to my website, melissarj.com. And yeah, at the moment, I do have spots for one on one cycle syncing, business coaching. So whether you just want to incorporate this into your business, or you have a launch coming up and you want, you know, this strategy in your launch as well, I do have a marketing agency. So I love combining these things, cycles and marketing for launches. I absolutely love that. And I do have spots available for one on one coaching for that. So just just get in touch and we can hop on a call.

Andrea Crisp 41:49
Well, thank you so much, like this is, it's fascinating, super fascinating. And I hope that we can talk again, and you know, learn more and even as you're working with more clients, and you find out more information. And please come back and continue to share because this is super, super fascinating. So thank you.

Melissa Rodriguez 42:10
Thank you. I love love joining you again, Andrea.

Andrea Crisp 42:15
Okay, wow, I never thought that I would be talking about my period on The Couragecast, let's not something that was in my mind at all. But here we are. This is where we are now. And I'm so glad that I did. And honestly, friends, like this has really been a game changer for me, because I have spent the past probably several weeks since I talked to Melissa, writing down how I feel every single day, what my cravings are, how I'm feeling to feel creative. I mean, some days I forget, and I, you know, just keep picking up the next day and start writing it out. But it's really made a difference because I'm being more aware and conscious of like how creative I feel, or do I have energy or when do I have energy when the times in the day I have energy. And it's really making a difference in what I'm doing and how productive I am because I feel an ease and flow at different times depending on how my body is working. So I want to encourage you that if this is something you're really interested in, please connect with Melissa because she would help you to go through that process of discovering how you can start tracking your cycle, to work with your business and your flow. And I will leave all of her links in the show notes and so you can get a hold of her.

Andrea Crisp 43:38
Before you go today, friends, I have an exciting thing that I want to share with you as well. You know, I have just created a brand new text community. And I would love to invite you to join. You know what so often we can feel discouraged and not take those steps have courage and bravery in our own lives. And so I want to encourage you every single week through a couple of text messages. And so if you want to join my text community, and receive encouragement, how to create intentions for your life, and even some guided meditations along the way, I want you to go ahead and text me at 647-424-2429 and I will leave that link as well in the show notes for you, so you can have it and you can text me the word COURAGE and we'll be able to connect with one another there. Until next time, remember you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 44:36
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

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Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 185 | Busting Through Your Limiting Beliefs

WITH DENISE WESTER

 
At the core when I really started to dig deep I felt like I didn’t deserve good things, I was not worthy, I did not have a true sense of worthiness. Because I believed I had to earn it or that I had to do something to achieve it.
— Denise Wester
 

About Episode:

Is there something in your life that you've been wanting for a really long time but it just seems so impossible to attain that you've given up? Maybe you gave up because you figured you could never afford it, or that it was completely out of your reach or it could be that it goes a little deeper and you don't feel like you deserve to have it. In this episode we are talking about the power of faith when it comes to receiving what you truly desire.

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Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Have you ever found yourself in a position where you continue to hit the same obstacle over and over again, wondering how you're ever going to make it through? Well today on the podcast, I'm talking to life coach and the author of Busting Through, Denise Wester, about how you can start to reframe those mindsets, and really take steps of courage in your life.

Kate 0:26
You're listening to the courage cast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:42
Hey there, welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, and I am so glad that you have joined me today. We have a really special episode for you today. You know, I love stories of women who are willing to take brave steps in their lives. And that is exactly why I started this podcast four years ago. And today, talking to Denise, reminded me about why I did start this podcast and why I think it's so important for us to be reminded that no matter the circumstance in your life, no matter where you've come from, what you're facing in your life, you can make a change, you can take steps of courage, and you can move through those limiting beliefs that you feel have been holding you back in your life. And so in this conversation, we are going to be talking about some of those beliefs and how Denise has gone in her life from being a welfare mom, to really shifting her life, taking charge and becoming really the CEO of her own life. And now she's a coach and an author. And she's helping women to really bust through their own limitations. So I'm really, really excited for you to hear this conversation with Denise Wester.

Denise, welcome to the Couragecast. I am so thrilled to have you on today as a guest, and to talk about your book, your brand new book, Busting Through, so welcome to the show today.

Denise Wester 2:18
Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to have a conversation with you.

Andrea Crisp 2:24
Yeah, now we have had an opportunity to chat a couple of times over the past few months. And I was I was just joking with you just a few minutes ago. You know, when you're recording a podcast, you never know what is going to happen in life. And in so I often talk about here on the Couragecast taking big risks and doing, you know, things that seem out of our comfort zone. And not very often do I have a time where I lose episodes. But our previous conversation got lost. And so this is our second conversation. So thank you for having two conversations with me.

Denise Wester 3:05
Yes, it's a great lesson and not get yourself you know, overwhelmed or bogged down and just moving forward and carrying on and keep going forward. Yes.

Andrea Crisp 3:18
Yeah. And it's it's funny because I think a lot of times when I'm talking to people about you know, taking those brave steps and, and really moving out of their comfort zone, you know, the the first thing that comes to mind for people is those limiting beliefs that we have around the different things in our lives. And a lot of what your book is about is overcoming those beliefs and overcoming the obstacles in your life. And so what a great segue. So I'd love for you to share a little bit about who you are and about who you serve. And then we'll get into the book here in a second.

Denise Wester 3:58
Yes, well, I am a, my book is called Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous to Take Action, Get Unstuck and Find your Personal Power. And I came about writing this book these methods in this book because I've been through multiple pivots, job pivots in my life, I was raised in restrictive religion, not knowing who I was, always being judged, Left that and got married, divorced, bankrupt, welfare mother for not knowing made so many mistakes, so many wrong turns. And then finding myself later into a beautiful job I was so happy with and getting into a horrible car accident that took me years of recovery. So I came through all these with some great tools and I just wanted to share them with my readers to help them pivot and help get unstuck and be courageous and find their power.

Andrea Crisp 4:53
And I love that you have just recently released this book, and you've gone through a lot of tramsition, even in your own life through the pandemic. And, you know, one of the things that I think a lot of people struggle with, is the ability to pivot. And when you think that there's something going on in your life, and you, you know, you have hope and your, your, you're thinking, "Okay, I'm going to count on that to be the case." And then all of a sudden, you can't count on that anymore. How has that informed your life, you know, being able to make those transitions and those pivots in your own life.

Denise Wester 5:35
I think that's why it's so important to have goals, you know, to always keep your eye on the prize to have a great vision of where you want to be. And that way you don't get stuck, you always know where you want to go. And that is when you have, you know, job layoffs. And you have situations that we're all kind of going through right now. You know, where you want to end up, you do not want to end up, you know, when I was on welfare, you know, the welfare office was telling me this is where you want to be, this is where you all you got, because you're not educated, you have nobody to watch the kids. But I was like, No, I want to show my kids that you can move out of this, you can go forward, you know, taking steps to get an education, find a job and taking action. When I was offered a job and that sort of thing, instead of state saying "Well, okay, I'm going to be taken care of, I'm just going to stay here and not take action." I took action on opportunities that came and so that is where I think a lot of people right now is the time to if you are an employed to rethink, you know, where you really wanted to be if you were in a job that you really were passionate about, is it time to get re educated in something else. I've met so many people through like the mastermind that you and I were just in. And now I took my life coaching course, there's so many people that were like, I'm done, you know, in this what I've been doing, I am going towards what I'm passionate about. And so that's a time that is exciting. And that's why you have goals, because you can reanalyze, what am I been doing? Is that really where my heart and my passion and my vision is?

Andrea Crisp 7:18
You know, right before someone is going to make that choice, because I think that's an important distinction is whether or not they're going to make that choice, whether they're going to have radical responsibility for their lives. Because by the sounds of it, that's what helps you is taking that responsibility. Why do you think that people don't do that? Why do they stay in the position they're in, versus actually moving towards what they truly desire?

Denise Wester 7:52
I think there's several things and I think one of the main ones is can can be fear of the unknown. And fear is interesting, if you really look at it. Our bodies has this reaction, to fear to keep us safe, to not, you know, walk off the cliff, you know, and to keep you within those kind of safe boundaries. But unfortunately, we get those still those fear responses when it comes to change, or when it has triggers to old responses that you are in your life, you know, old stories that keep coming back, old, you know, you know, things we keep telling yourself. We have 6000 thoughts a day. And how many of them as you start really listening to those thoughts are negative saying, "You can't do this, you know, it's insane, that I'm stupid. Why would somebody hire me? How come you know it?" All those different things are going through your head. And so those will stop you. And so that's why in my book, I started talking about reprogramming those negative thoughts, reprogram and overcoming those stories and those fears, so you can start moving forward and stop being paralyzed. And as you have a whole course on confidence, building that confidence, so you feel strong in taking those actions.

Andrea Crisp 9:08
Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think that's a huge step right at once you've made the decision that you are going to reframe the thoughts, then it is taking action to implement it and integrate it into your life. Now I kind of want to go a little bit backwards into your story because I find it so fascinating. You were a single mom, and you were on welfare. And you're told that, you know, okay, well, this is it. This is kind of where you're at, you know, just kind of take the system and take the assistance. And that was that. You know, when you had when you heard those words, how did you feel and how did you decide at that point that that wasn't going to be where you were gonna stay for the rest of your life.

Denise Wester 10:01
Oh, I remember that. I still remember that feeling. I hung up the phone and I was just blown away. Because I was so excited. I was like, I got my stuff together, my kids, we were in our routine. And it took a lot to get there after, you know, making so many bad decisions. I just like we've got this routine, I thought I was excited. I was gonna call the welfare office and say, Okay, I want to go to work. You know, what, can you help me, you know, and they're just shot me down. And I got off the phone. And I was just blown away. I was just like, No, no, I am not staying here stuck in the sack, same place in this, you know, all I could afford with this moldy, wonky little rental. It's like, no, I wanted more. I knew there was more. I knew I was capable of more. Yeah. And so that's where, you know, I saw in the newspaper, there was a Woman in Transition program at the local college, I requested to be participate not and I was granted that and that was a step in the direction. So just listening, looking through the newspaper, you know, there's opportunities, and I was just open to them to saying yes.

Andrea Crisp 11:10
And just even being open to the opportunity kind of led to taking one step. And then another step.

Denise Wester 11:17
Yes. Yeah, I mean, I got and that Women in Transition program, then, you know, it was so interesting that I was at the courthouse getting my divorce, and the lawyer that was my family lawyer that helped me get the divorce. He was like, Hey, you know, I have this little position, part time position opening up, would you be interested in it was in real estate escrow, which I've never done before for an attorney. And I said, "Yes!" And you know, so I, he was part time, because I was great, because I was going to school the other half the time, and he was totally great with that schedule. And knowing that I had kids, and I had to, you know, take them to and from pick him up from preschool and stuff like that he was totally okay with that. So it's just saying yes to opportunities. I didn't stop and fears like, well, I don't know a thing about escrow. I don't know what it means to work for an attorney. But he just saw something in me that he wanted to nurture and help grow. And I said, Yes, and so that was just another great opportunity that, you know, got me going forward in my new careers.

Andrea Crisp 12:21
You know, one of the things that has come up for me over I guess, the course of, you know, years, and in fact, one of the things that I'm working through my own limiting beliefs, and I'd love to hear your input on this is getting to a point in your life or in you know, when you're doing something, you have a goal or a dream, and you continue to bump up against the same mindset, or the same issue continues to happen over and over and over again. And I want to know, you know, for you, how have you been able to deal with that, you know, if it's something that is something that just seems to never go away? Or it's like, how is this continuing to happen over and over again? What would you suggest to someone who is is finding themselves in that kind of situation?

Denise Wester 13:11
That's very interesting, great question, because that does seem to happen. And I'm a firm believer in really digging deep in your stories, and digging deep in helping those stories. And I have different tools in my book about digging deep into your stories as to why this keeps happening. So it's kind of start unpacking your dialogue, what's going on in your head, for one thing, and getting clarity. And clarity is with journaling, and also meditation, really diving deep into your stories, because if there's something that keeps happening, there's something in your dialogue that is keeping you stuck there that you have to work through. And it's kind of can be hidden for a long, long time. And you note and keep working through it. And meditation and journaling can really help get some clarity on maybe you're looking the total way you're trying to force something to happen that's just not in your synchronicity for you or certain deputy for you or anything. That's something that's just you're fighting against some force that wants you to go the other direction.

Andrea Crisp 14:19
It's so funny you say that because for many, many years, I think I was one of those people who I did force things. And I did, I didn't think that was a bad thing. Like I thought it was just being, you know, self motivated and making things work and really like hustling and, you know, this is even before I had my own business, this was like, pre entrepreneurship. And, you know, now realizing, as an entrepreneur, you can either be in the camp where you're always striving and hustling to make something happen, or you can kind of be in the camp of allowing it to be easy and have a flow. And as you said, you know, synchronicity, or really just allowing, you know, the universe to guide you. And, and, you know, both of us have had our own stories when it comes to really being internally led, you know, with religious beliefs, and also, you know, transitioning out of those. So how have you been able to, you know, transition your own story, releasing some of those religious beliefs that you had in order to actually move into the next season of your life?

Denise Wester 15:40
Well, yes, you know, it was when I left that religion, it was really interesting, it was such a restrictive religion, some people call it a cult, and it was really hard because I you don't have any of your own beliefs, you don't have you finally get to have a belief of your own. And it was really interesting, I just would start asking my question, self questions, you know, it's like, Hey, I can actually form my own opinion on this, you know, and start getting my own spirituality. I feel like I have a better spirituality with God than I ever did before in my life. And it was, it was through baby steps, you know, it was through you know, I think you know, getting beaten over the head with it, not seeing it, you know, for so long because I was so against anything religion for a long, long time, but then finally coming to my own, and being open to things and here's the story that happened.

And it was really like, I had this customer that just pushed my buttons. And just every single time I encountered her, she was just she lied to me. She was cheating. She was trying to cheat the company. And it was so frustrating. And it was really good business. So I couldn't tell them to go well, you know, we don't want to do your business anymore. It was a huge profitable business for our company. And I remember it was like a weekend and I was just crying. I was crying at my desk, because because she just had just drove me absolutely crazy. I thought okay, I'm going to walk away from a desk, I'm just going to I'm going to turn on the TV and just vegetate here. Now just flicking through the TV in there on PBS, I seen him a zillion times, and his wonky sweaters talking and I'd never ever stopped before it's like, but I for some reason I stopped and it was Wayne Dyer. And he was promoting his book Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Problems.

And I was just transfixed here it is I thought he was speaking to me because I was having so many problems and with this person and from work and he just shared a whole new light on it, you know, on I was just pushing so hard I was bumping my head up trying to sit think I can control this person, or change who she was, or try and but you can't, you can't and so I just let it go, I let go of trying to control the situation, I let go of that she is who she is, I'm going to be me and I'm going to start just telling her that I can't do that I'm going to put boundaries on how she was treating me and talking to me. And it totally pivoted my life and that relationship with her and I just from then I was just like a sponge to looking at things differently. And that is you know, even like situations now my children you know, when it's a lesson, my children are grown and they're adults. So I'm not trying to control their life and their situations they're making choices for themselves. So as you know, we go through life we are seeing different things that we're trying to contribute. Going back to your question about how do we when we are bumping our head against something you know how you go forward you go forward by staying true to yourself being honest with yourself and quit trying to control the situation to being what you think the outcome should be. Kind of opened to your eyes to a new path to your ultimate goal you know, and it could be right in front of you, but you're bumping your head thinking you need to go this certain direction. So opening your eyes, being aware to there could be something right in front of you that saying this is the way to go but you are trying so hard to control and that will then that kind of led me to my spiritual path you know, Wayne Dyer listening to him and, and just my meditation and my path to spirituality again.

Andrea Crisp 19:31
You know, it's funny you say that because I wish that I had learned that lesson a long time ago. That is something that I you know, I think of when I was in the states for many, many years. I really wanted to be there and I was kind of hell bent on making sure that I had a visa to stay in the country. And so I was you know, paying, like tons of money for immigration lawyers and You know making sure. And I was so fearful of coming back to Canada and having to be in a place in my life where I you know didn't want to be that eventually that ended up happening I almost I manifested my the worst case scenario because of my fear that I would have to do that and it was really interesting because you know upon reflection. This is way later on, but upon reflection and looking back and thinking to myself you know, I was forcing something to happen and trying to control that outcome, trying to make it happen and at the end of the day, I ended up with the thing I didn't want which was you know, moving back to Canada funny enough that same thing is really what I needed was to come back and so oftentimes I think we are trying to make something happened trying to control the situation and in the process you know, becoming you know, anxious and depressed and worried and you know, having all of this fear when really if we just release it we can realize that there's something even better and as I'm saying that I'm thinking of a particular situation in my mind in my life right now where I'm like, who should probably apply that right there to that particular situation?

Denise Wester 21:21
There you go! Yeah, yeah you know it's it's so interesting and it's it's when you have a spirituality and it's always you know, you got to remember. I don't know my Bible that well any at all, I didn't pay attention too much to that but I always do remember it's like you know throw your burden on him you know throw your burden on God and it is sometimes that is really really important to not be taking all this sometimes on for yourself and into put things out to the universal a little bit. You know, and I always say every single day, "Please," don't out loud I say every single day, "Please guide me to see what I need to see to be doing what I need to be doing so I can serve you." You know I always think my mind is you got to be in a mindset of serving What can I do be doing to serve so you're not you know out to your own gains you're out to serve and I think you will always be steered correctly if you think about.

Andrea Crisp 22:13
Now I have a question for you and I'm not sure how this is gonna go but I'm just gonna put it out there anyways but I don't know if this is something you were taught growing up, you know in your religious background, but you know really doing the will of God I don't know if that was something that you know you heard a lot but where does that fit in now because you know I would imagine that you feel like you are divinely led, you are you know lead by source, universe, higher power, but is that different than the will of God? That you maybe you know subscribe to as a belief prior to?

Denise Wester 22:55
Well before in part of the religion, that is it was kind of you know, I had a different God at the time did at the time I, thinking about it's a great question, god, this is going to get deep here at that time I didn't have a relationship with God at the time I just felt it all you had all these rules and you're doing all these rules for God and the religion and to be you know, you have to be out there trying to save people you have to be knocking on doors you have to be putting your hours in. You're never doing enough, you're never doing enough, never doing a right. So to me that I never was really had a relationship with God or was thinking about doing it for God or had a spirituality because I was just, you know, stressed out space of never doing enough and being judged and put up on the podium when you're like 10- 11-12 years old, and giving talks and things like that, then they critique you on them.

And so it's just it was just a different, you know, reality, then versus now. You know, it's like it took me a little while to even realize that I do still believe in God, you know, and I know people that don't believe in God, they're atheists, but they believe in different higher powers which is awesome that they've been able to come to that, you know, a realization that it's fine. I don't judge anybody or for what they believe. I just want them to know that they have it in them to have a spiritual connection of some sort. And whatever that means to them and for me, it means God and I totally believe that it he is there or she is there, whatever you want to believe that is and that I do have spirit guides and we have people there and souls they're looking out for us and guiding us and me if you can connect into that. You will be amazing when you start feeling that connection with that and it just lightens your life and brings love to your heart to know That you have that higher power there in your life, it's a totally different relationship than I ever had as part of a religion. Yeah, it

Andrea Crisp 25:10
Almost sounds, you know, like, being synced up, like imagine being, you know, when you're, when you're plugged, you know, right in, it's like, you know, you're not trying to make something happen, but you are, you know, kind of going with what that power source is. And I love that, that thought because I think that's something that comes up a lot with with people, especially when they have maybe left a religious belief system, you know, whether that be, you know, any kind of religious belief system. And I think that finding a new paradigm for, for belief is is, you know, a really big transition, especially when you are actually moving forward and you know, as an entrepreneur, and really understanding Okay, well how do I subscribe to, you know, some sort of help, whether it's God or source or higher power however, that looks. So yeah, I love that. I love that you, you know, you, you feel like you have more depth now than you did even before.

Denise Wester 26:21
Much more depth, much more depth. Yes, yes. And I just, and you find that through to me, I get my joy, and I get my connection is when I'm out in nature. And when I ride my bike, you know, I'm out in nature, and I just feel such a synchronicity with, you know, the creation around us. And when I do my meditations, I'm quieting my body, so my mind is alert. And I just, I just feel so it's divinely inspired. And that's how I wrote my book. You know, by bike rides in my meditations, I just felt so divinely inspired to put these words that have helped me and methods on a piece of paper, just to help you know, for a long time, it was really hard for me the idea of getting the book out because it's like, "Oh, this is so much of myself to share." But then I realized if I could just help one person, you know, that was stuck like I was that could read the story, read these methods, and use the tools and it can help them then that is a beautiful thing that I need to do.

Andrea Crisp 27:23
I love that. Well, where can they find your book? And how can they connect with you?

Denise Wester 27:29
My book is on Amazon, it's the whole title is Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous, To Take Action, To Get Unstuck, and Find Your Personal Power. And yes, and I'm on Instagram, @deniserwester, Facebook, and there's a link on my Instagram that will connect you to the book. And I also have a freebie, little one sheet on busting through procrastination. So you can connect to that through my Instagram link and through my website, too. So look forward to any connections and those who purchase my book get to, I have a private Facebook group to further support collaborate, and I put more journaling prompts on there and weekly inspirations and it's a community of like minded, who have read the book. And we're, I wanted additional support, and celebrate wins and breakthroughs and be there for each other. So you get to get on that when you purchase my book, just send me an email to pr@denisewester.com.

Andrea Crisp 28:29
That is awesome Denise, like I am just I'm just thrilled for you that you, you did this, that you took this big step I know that, you know, when we were in mastermind together, this was kind of the process that you were in and to see it actually come out into the world and have his birth. And it's really exciting to see. And I encourage you to go ahead and make sure you do purchase her book on Amazon and connect with her. Denise is an amazing human. And so you will you will definitely be inspired by her. So thank you so much Denise for being on the podcast. And we'll make sure all the links to your Instagram and website are in the show notes for everybody to access.

Denise Wester 29:13
Thank you so much.

Andrea Crisp 29:15
Well, I just loved having that conversation with Denise. And honestly, it was even better the second time around, which of course is always the case, right? When we are trying to control things, oftentimes those are the moments when they just don't really work out as planned. And we can get discouraged and defeated or we can find another way through, which is exactly the lesson that I have been learning in my life is how do you start seeing things differently when you are bumping up against the same thing over and over and over again? Reframe that mindset. Find a new solution, look for another way around and be divinely lead in the process. And so I want to thank Denise for reminding me of that today reminding us all. So, if you want to connect with Denise, you can find all of her information located in the show notes, as well you can connect with me at @andreacrispcoach and @the.couragecast. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 30:27
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

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Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 183 | The Truth About Love + Entrepreneurship

WITH AMBER DALSIN

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Many couples when they’re talking about what they want, they focus on how they’re different. And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually do we agree, that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there’s going to be places where you’re not growing together,
— Amber Dalsin
 

About This Episode:

Have you ever wondered if you can have it all? Or do you feel like you have to sacrifice your love life to have a successful business. In this episode of The Couragecast I’m chatting with Couple’s Therapist Amber Dalsin about the fears that hold us back in relationship, how to have our core needs met, and choosing a partner that will be able to support the dream. 

Amber Dalsin is a psychologist, couples therapist, educator and author. After 10 short months of marriage, she found herself single and living in her boss’s dark basement. From a place of loneliness and deeply wanting to be loveable, she hit the relationship research to find the exact tools to help her cultivate self confidence and create a love beyond her wildest dreams.

Connect With Andrea:

Instagram + Website

Connect With Amber:

Instagram + Emotional Intimacy Cheat Sheet

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Relationships can be messy at the best of times, but especially if you're an entrepreneur or a small business owner. Today on the podcast, we're talking to couples therapist, Amber Dalsin, all about how to grow together as a couple, and how to choose the right partner for you, when you're an entrepreneur.

Amber Dalsin 0:20
And many couples, when they're talking about what they want, or where they're growing, they focus on how they're different. They focus on where they're not seeing eye to eye. And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually do we agree? Where actually do we have some shared goals and some shared dreams that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there's going to be places where you're not growing together.

Kate 0:45
You're listening to The Couragecast, a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week, we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author, and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:59
Hello, friends. Welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host. And I am pretty excited to bring you this conversation today with Amber Dalsin, which is a very long time coming. Honestly, I think we recorded this episode back in the summer. And it was one of my very favorite recordings because Amber has such amazing knowledge about relationships, and especially when it comes to being an entrepreneur, because that can be really messy. And if you're not really choosing the right partner for you, or navigating your relationship with understanding your core values and what your needs are and how you need to be supported, then things might get a little bit out of hand. So I'm super excited for you to take a listen to this episode. It was originally aired on Instagram as part of their Courage Creator series. And today it's on the podcast and I'm thrilled to bring you Amber Dalsin.

Hey everyone, I'm back for another of our Courage Creator series today. I'm really excited because I've got an amazing guest to share with you today. Amber Dalsin, she is a psychotherapist and she's also a relationship expert. We're going to be talking all about what happens when you are struggling with having really hard conversations with your partner, significant other and how does that work when you're an entrepreneur and you're business owner, so we're gonna have a really great conversation. So she's gonna be here in just a second. Hey, Amber.

Amber Dalsin 2:50
Hi, how are you today?

Andrea Crisp 2:53
I'm good. I'm really excited to have you on I absolutely love this topic. And we're talking about the struggle that partners face when they are having these really tough conversations about their relationship, which I'm sure includes money in entrepreneurship and being business owners especially like after a pandemic, when things have so vastly shifted. I'm sure there's a lot of people who are in these positions where they are asking themselves these questions. But before we get into it, I'd love for you just to kind of tell people who you are and a little bit about who you serve.

Amber Dalsin 3:36
Yeah, absolutely. So as you said, I'm Amber Dawson. I'm a psychologist and couples therapist. And I'm the founder of ember relationships, psychology, where I love helping couples create connection and clear communication through simple framework so we can feel loved and heard. And part of why I do this is ultimately in my life. Being loved, the desire to be loved, and to fit into belong was something that I just didn't feel like I had, I grew up in a family system where my brother was a drug addict by the time he was 13 years old, and no fault of my parents, great parents. But as a result of that, I don't think any parent is ever equipped to handle a drug addict at 13. And I was just left alone, left to my own devices. And I didn't understand why I didn't get the love or attention or care that I wanted. And being 15 at the time myself, I thought well, I'll just get this through men. But it worked until it didn't work and I didn't know a lot about relationships. All I knew is that I deeply want it to be loved and I didn't have the tools to create that. And so now I have the tools now, I have a love beyond my wildest dreams I feel like I could write a fairy tale about and I want couples to also have the tools to build a love that they dream up because we are so wired for love. We are wired for connection and belonging but because we have fears or lack of skills or tools, so often we don't know how to get and keep that love that we dream of. So that's my goal is to help bring that to couples and make it a bit more accessible so that we can all have our little fairy tale whatever that looks like for us.

Andrea Crisp 5:02
We were talking just before we went live about, you know what that looks like when we're in a partnership with someone, and we're bringing in our own fears or insecurities and having those really tough conversations. I'd love to know, like, what, what are the big fears that you think, are holding people back, especially in entrepreneurship, you know, so maybe one person is an entrepreneur, and the other person is working their nine to five, and all of a sudden, you know, there's these questions around money, and how long are we going to be doing this? And what are some of the things that come up when you're talking to couples, or even people that are in that space?

Amber Dalsin 5:45
Are you asking from the perspective of the person who's starting their own business? Or from the perspective of the person who's not?

Andrea Crisp 5:50
Let's Let's go with the person who is starting their own business? Or is in the middle of that? Yeah.

Amber Dalsin 5:58
Gosh, I think there can be so many fears, right? I think starting out a new business. There's a ton of hurdles, I think most of us are already, you know, we can have that fear of like an imposter, can I really do this? Who do I think I am to be doing this? And so we already have our own vulnerabilities about who are we to be doing this? And are we going to make it? We can have fears and vulnerabilities around? Are we going to make the finances fears and vulnerabilities about being a failure? Or what will it mean, if we don't succeed, what will be left? Will our partner go? Will our partner be able to provide the emotional support we need through this? Will we be supported? Are they gonna be on our team? And I think there's so many different fears that you can have an interpreted, depends on your situation, your finances, your relationship, but I think a lot just around succeeding, getting the support that you need, and what's going to be the impact of whether or not you don't whether or not you succeed in the way that you want to. I think there certainly can come come up a number of fears, especially when we're diving into something where the future is uncertain and unknown. That is the perfect formula for all sorts of fears to emerge or arise.

Andrea Crisp 6:58
Yeah. And I mean, just as you're saying, you know, like, you're not only dealing with your own fear, but you of success, because I know like, if you're an entrepreneur, you're going through this these mindset shifts all the time about, you know, can I do this? Can I step into this space? What is it going to look like? Who do I have to be to be this person now? And then you're shifting, changing, and expanding? And maybe your partner is, you know, over here going, what is going on here? Like, do you see, you know, potentials where they they kind of start going apart? How do they, how would a couple, I guess, navigate staying together and keeping those values, or shared values when one person's really really growing in an area? And maybe the other person is staying in that space?

Amber Dalsin 7:51
Yeah, great question. I think this happens all the time, whether it's entrepreneurship or anything else, because throughout life, I mean, you're lucky if you and your partner go through something and you grow at the same rate, and at the same time, but that's usually not what happens. You know, we go through different life events, and they impact us in different ways. And we're catapulted into grow sometimes, and we don't want to be, and very often we don't go through growth at the same rate, or the same time that our partner does. And couples are always forced to be renegotiating every new gap, renavigating how do we grow through, go through growth and grow together, not apart. And there may be phases where you grow to part grow apart a bit, but then can you grow back together. So the best way that I think that we can do this is through conversations, and men and women as a sweeping over generalization here, but it's also supported in the in the research have different styles about how we communicate how often we want to communicate what we want to communicate about. So just remember that how you communicate in your relationship is going to be different for every relationship.

There are some females who don't love to talk and share and be vulnerable. And there are many females who love to talk and share and be vulnerable. There are some males who don't want to talk about anything, they only want talk about sports and politics and that's it. There are other males who are very open to talking about the relationships. But as a sweeping overgeneralization, females usually are the ones who want to talk about the relationship, they're usually the ones who are managed the emotional labor in the relationship. And so more often than not, the woman will be responsible for typically bringing those things up and having them be worked on. Sure there are men who do that. And we don't want to say men don't need to be part of that equation. They shouldn't be just recognizing also that there's differences for whatever reason, maybe it's biological, maybe it's socialization, but we've got some differences there.

But the thing that couples need to be open to is having conversations about how one person's dream impacts them both and there's a few mistakes that people make sometimes when they're going to have conversations. Some of these mistakes include like steamrolling your partner and just you sharing the way you think it should be and assuming for agreement or assuming that they're going to get on board where, you know, maybe they have to digest maybe they thought all along that you too would both be having a nine to five and they're shocked to hear that you want leave your nine to five. And they need some time to get their mind onboard with that. So just because you brought up an idea, you understand the idea, you have thought through the idea, give your partner some time to adjust and adapt, because it might not be that they don't support you, it might just be a radically different vision than they have in their mind's eye. Because whether or not we realize that sometimes, we all have dreams and beliefs and goals about what our future is going to look like.

And if you've been in a long term relationship, you can't help but create goals and dreams based on your partner as well. And so when we're going into this, it's really important to share our side, but also ask about our partner's side, their point of view, without judgment, without criticism without blame without, you know, accusing them that they're not supporting, but giving them the time and space to voice their concerns, their opinions, even if you radically disagree, because one of the things that would influence that it's kind of irritating is we actually have more influence with people, when we get them to feel seen, heard, understood, we validate their position, before we get that agreement in ours. And most of us when we're feeling like super gung ho, and supercharged on the vision on the path that we see, it can be incredibly frustrating when our partners aren't there with us, we want the support, and we want it now. And when they, you know, offer resistance or reluctance or fears or feel unsupportive, or have criticisms, we're like, how dare you. And the last thing we want to do is hear them.

But what most couples if you work hard to hear each other, even if they're very differing views. So I always like to say, the measure of success isn't if you start out in different books, you're not gonna be on the same page, it's great if you and your partner talk and you're on the same page and the same book, you get two thumbs up. But most people, if you're going through a radical change, or you're growing in different directions, you might start out in different pages of the books, I mean, different books, different pages of the books, and I think the measure of success isn't where you start. It's where you finish. So if you're bringing these things up, and you're talking about it, and you want to grow together, I think it's really important for both people get the opportunity to share their beliefs, values, goals, dreams, fears, even if these things are founded in logic and reality or not. Yeah, and then figure out what are your shared goals or dreams? What do you have in common, and work to get at least in the same book, if not the same chapter if not the same page. And many couples, when they're talking about what they want, or where they're growing, they focus on how they're different, they focus on where they're not seeing eye to eye? And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually, do we agree? We're actually do we have some shared goals and some shared dreams, that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there's going to be places where you're not growing together?

Andrea Crisp 12:51
Yeah. Now, you know, when a couple stays together, or one of them is having tremendous success, because I've seen both. So I want to address both sides, where an entrepreneur all of a sudden has this like accelerated success and is making a ton of more money, maybe then the partner, or the the partner is in a business, and they are having a hard time. And the partner now is like, "Okay, well, I need you to get a job." So like, those are two different sides of the coin. But could you address both of those, because I feel like, there will be people who find themselves like all of a sudden, they feel like my partner really, really wants me to get a job, and I am having resistance to like going back to a nine to five. And then on the other side, they're making a ton of money. Yeah, and now they're like having to explain like to their partner who maybe is making less now. So what do you say to that?

Amber Dalsin 13:51
Well, I think anytime we make a change in our relationship, we're always going to have to be adjusting and re navigating the roles that we're in and the experiences we're having. So I think I guess I'll start with if you're making less money, and you feel the pressure by your partner to get a job. I think this is going to look different for every single relationship. And remember, no one is in your relationship. But you and I think this again, comes back to some really difficult conversations that might not always be the most pleasant to have. But instead of thinking, "Okay, they want me to get a job," I think it's important to sit down and to talk about what are the core needs here. So is the core need to be financially secure, to pay your bills, tend to know that we're headed toward a shared vision, to save for retirement. And then once you understand the core goals you both have, there can be more flexible ways that you think about meeting those needs. So maybe your partner can say look, I can financially be in this position with you where you're not bringing in money, I can handle that for three months, or I can handle that for six months. I can handle that for one year. So you can talk about timelines or time durations of not getting a job. You can talk about, you know, minimum amounts of cash flow to be bringing in so you don't have that pressure. You could be talking about is there a part time job where you could do half and half or another thing that you could wants to have some money coming in.

So I think it's not always a conversation that is so cut and dry like you need to get a job or you don't need to get a job, although your partner might say that, figure out what the core need is, is the core need security? Is the core need contribution? Is the core need saving for retirement is their core need? Is it the lasting financial legacy? Once you figure out that core need is for you both, you can compromise on how is that done? Certainly doesn't mean you're going to just always have these free flowing easy conversations or compromises smooth. Probably not because you're probably both going to be triggered. But you might need to keep coming back to what temporary compromises are, what things can you agree on for now, and maybe follow up and revisit in a week or a month or in six months, so that you keep working towards what you need. And your partner, here's the thing, your partner might want you to get another job, that might be their preference.

Andrea Crisp 15:52
Yeah.

Amber Dalsin 15:53
But if they're willing to tolerate the distress of perhaps that entrepreneur not making the income, and their preference would be to get you to get a job, but maybe you just, the person who is the entrepreneur, would just need to tolerate the distress of their partner not liking where they're at. And together, your joint agreement can also be we agree to not like it, or move forward until it feels better and revisit that in a number of months. So sometimes agreement and solutions doesn't mean liking. Sometimes it means accepting the problems and the pressures that you have, which isn't always the most desirable outcome. But John Gottman, and their research are the Gottmans and the Gottmans is doing their research have found that 69% of relationship problems aren't solvable, that means that only 31% of relationship problems can be solved. And so sometimes the antidote is accepting that your partner doesn't like where you're at, and you don't like where they're at. And you move forward. Anyway.

Andrea Crisp 16:49
Wow, I didn't realize that. That's that is, okay. Now, okay, so for the person, we've been talking a lot about people who are in partnerships and relationships, but for the people who are maybe not, I would love for your thoughts, because they're going to set themselves up, in a way, in a relationship where they have a clean slate, how can they set themselves up for success? By really communicating well, with a new partnership? And how, how do they actually, like I mean, I, you know, this is purely selfish on my part, I'm single. So tell me what I'm going to need to do to set myself up for success in my next relationship.

Amber Dalsin 17:33
Great, great thoughts. So I think one of the first things you need to be considering when we're dating is choosing a partner that matches the emotional availability that you need. So right from the outset, we're getting clues from certain people, if they're willing to talk to you, if they're willing to have some difficult conversations or not, or if they're throwing up flags that they don't want to talk, I think right away, because in early relationship, we are swept away with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, pheromones, and we can fall hard and fast for no good reason other than, like our biology said so, our biology is incredibly powerful. And the initial stage of falling for someone, it can be like red flag, red flag, flashing red flag in your nervous system is like, what red flag, I don't see it. Just kidding. Like, I will flood you with more pheromones, you don't see any red flags.

So I think the first thing to be aware of is just how powerful our biology is. And recognizing that that is gonna, if you meet that person, and we've had this experience, you meet someone, and your biology just loves them, they might not be that great in any other way, but your biology is like lit right up. You're literally going out for like a Christmas tree and you can't calm that down. You can't unplug it, no matter what you try to do. So it's just to recognize that that is a biological thing. And it does not always mean that partner is great for you. In some cases, we lean up even more to the people that aren't great matches for us because it actually sparked some anxiety in us. And then when they show up in the way that we want intermittently, then we get reward and we get relief. And so we get even more sparks sometimes for people that are poor matches for us. That being said, we can also get sparks. Yeah, so we get sparks for people that are great matches, and we can get sparks and sometimes way more sparks from people that are awful matches for us. So we don't want to just buy into it feels good, therefore, it's right. We need to have the hat of like, of course, we want it to feel good. We want it to be a little bit of magic. That's part of the fun of dating and falling for someone. But we also have to balance that with a bit of the logical hat or the hat that is maybe you know, the check marks of what we want. Now it's not all checkmarks because when you find that right person for you, they're going to check boxes you never even knew you had and they're not going to check boxes that you thought were important to you and you're going to choose that person or not.

But you want to get really clear on what are the values what are the goals that are absolute deal breakers for you. So for me in my personal life, I know that I'm I mean, I talk for a living, I know that I need someone that can have an emotional conversation with me, at least sometimes. Now, my partner, we're not having emotional conversations every day, not even every week. But when I need to keep tanned, we have incredibly different preferences for how deep or emotional conversations about relationships we want to have. But he'll have an incredibly deep conversation with you about sports or politics. Now, I think there's a lot of people in this world that wouldn't say those are deep conversations or superficial, but for him, they're incredibly deep and meaningful. So we have to make sure we're aware of what our expectations are. So we need to know our expectations about emotional availability, first and foremost, because you cannot make someone love you, or care for you, or give you Words of kindness or touch that isn't prepared to do so. If they're not going to do it, they are not going to do it. And like, Yeah, sometimes it can be learned, or sometimes they will change. But more often than not, if someone has a pattern of behavior over time that says they are not available, probably not going to be.

So the first thing is that be aware of what you need in terms of emotional availability. Then you want to consider how do they speak to you ultimately, because the some of the biggest predictors of relationship breakdown aren't the problems you actually have. They are how you talk about the problems that you have. So some predictors of relationship breakdown or what you call harsh startup. So that's what it sounds like. It's starting a conversation with harsh words, clipped marks, criticism, or contempt.

Andrea Crisp 21:32
Yeah,

Amber Dalsin 21:33
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are so bad for relationships, the goblins have turned them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So these are overlapping categories. So like I already said, harsh startup has criticism and contempt. Those are two of your four horsemen. Another one is defensiveness, or stonewalling. And let's be clear, even the best relationships do those sometimes. So if someone does those, sometimes, it's not like, Whoa, red flag!

Andrea Crisp 21:57
Right? That not run for the hills? But?

Amber Dalsin 22:00
Yeah, but if that's a dominant pattern of behavior over time, probably not great. So those are the top two predictors of divorce, harsh startup and the four horsemen and I could go on and on and on with those. So you just want to be aware of "Are these the dominant patterns?" Because if they are, that's probably not great. And then just recognizing every partner comes with a set of problems. Everyone does. Yeah, and choosing a partner is choosing the problem that you want, and choosing the qualities that you want. So I think it's really important to be discerning when you go in like, okay, yes, that's a flag. Is that a flag I can handle? Or is that a flag that's going to be an incredible deal breaker? So I'd be going in with a bit of like, what do I really want what's really important? Knowing what I'm flexible with knowing like, there's absolutely no way I'm going to tolerate that, and then kind of going along with it. And I think when it comes to the long term, like is this person a great long term mate.

So give yourself a little time if you're noticing those love hormones beginning to fade, as they eventually do. Is the relationship still filled up with good positive feelings, even when kind of all those chemical signals in your body were off? Because what we know in the relationship research is in day to day interactions, you need a ratio of 20 positive things for every one negative thing to have a neutral balance. And in conflict conversations, you need five positives for everyone negative to have the complex conversation generally steer in a positive way. So as those love drugs fade out of our nervous systems, is there still positive things happening in relationship? As you know, there's still phases across the room? Are they still using nurturing touch? Do they still call? Do you still have conversations? Are they still emotionally available in some ways? Are they still doing these things that fosters the loving feelings? Or are they the kind of person that when the love drums go away, they're like, no, they have the mentality that love should be easy, or it should always feel genuine, like love could be easy, and it could be genuine, if you're creating the rituals and the habits, that puts those things in place are they're second nature.

So those are some of the things I really look at, does the good feelings persist? After you know our our neurobiology is in firing as strongly, so those are some of my initial thoughts when you're headed into a relationship when you're dating and you're thinking okay, is this person a great match for me, and I think, yeah, just early on, pay attention to the flags if you can, and it doesn't mean you have to end a relationship then in there. But if your friends are bringing things up, if they're like, Oh, you know, I noticed your partner like drinks the lot like more, be careful that you're not like, "Oh, yeah, I only drink a lot but it like makes them really fun and like they're they're just really great with their friends," and like notice what your friends are saying. Because sometimes when we're filled up with the love drugs at the beginning of relationship, anything, any concerns anyone brings up we can have a rationalization or an excuse for because, like we're lit up like a Christmas tree inside. So just noticing what people say. Analyzing it also recognizing in the early stage of relationship, like we're not the greatest Judge of things because we're so flooded with our own pleasure hormone. So it's just an ongoing evaluation.

Andrea Crisp 25:25
This is like been like, gold. Really, I mean, we've covered pretty much everything we can cover, as far as like in relationship or when we want to be in start being in a relationship and kind of how to navigate those conversations. Where can people find you if they want to connect with you? And maybe even there have questions that they have specifically related to some of these things?

Amber Dalsin 25:51
Yeah, absolutely. So two places to find me if they're listening to this on the podcast, you can head over to my podcast, which is Relationships Psych the podcast. Alternatively, you can find me on Instagram, I spent a lot of time there, which is @emberrelationshippsychology, EMB, E, R, relationship psychology, so you can find me there. And if you're in the province of Ontario, and you want therapy, you can go www.emberrelationshippsychology.com, and figure out how you can book yourself in for a session. So that's how you can find me, and I love seeing people on Instagram. That's the best place if you have a question. It's a comment or you can put it in the comments or send me a DM I can't give direct advice on there. But you'll see it show up in different ways, or I can answer your question vaguely. So, you know, that's the best way to find me if you have some more questions.

Andrea Crisp 26:35
That's amazing. Thank you so much for hanging out with me on Instagram, and also on the Couragecast. And I can't wait for this to go live elsewhere, as well. But for those of you who joined in today, or watching the replay, thanks for tuning in, make sure you connect with Amber as well here on Instagram and have a great weekend.

Amber Dalsin 26:57
Yeah, you too. Thank you so much for having me on. It was an absolutely delight to speak with you this Friday.

Andrea Crisp 27:03
Wow, wow, wow. Honestly, I love that conversation. You know, I am a single woman, talk about this all the time. And, you know, when I think about being in a relationship, there have been a lot of barriers and obstacles that I've personally had to really think about in my own life, that have perhaps kept me from really getting into a relationship. And talking to Amber was really eye opening for me, because it made me realize what it is that I truly do desire in a relationship. And maybe you're in that place in your own life. And you can be navigating this single, as a couple, you know, or even struggling to figure this out. Maybe you're in a long term relationship, that you've recently become an entrepreneur, and trying to figure out how does this work. And the one big takeaway that I really, really I'm coming away with is really, that it's all about communication. And it's all about being honest about where you're at, what you need, and how you can be supported or feel supported by your partner, when it comes to choosing a partner, when it comes to being with your current partner, or even really explaining to someone you really love about what you need moving forward so that you can truly follow your dreams. And that's what it's all about, right? I think we can have it all. I do really believe that, I do believe that it is possible for us to have amazing partnerships, and amazing businesses all at the same time. So I want to say thank you to Amber, for coming on. She's a wealth of knowledge. Make sure you do follow her over on Instagram, she's got amazing reels, tons of content that she pushes out every single week. And if you're in Ontario, and you're looking for a couples therapist, she's your girl. So thanks, Amber for being on the show. And I'm so glad that we got to spend this time together friends. Also make sure to connect with me, over on Instagram. You can find the podcast at @the.couragecast. And you can find my coaching account at @andreacrispcoach. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 29:35
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Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?