EP 189 | Cultivating Belief

WITH ANDREA CRISP

 
I really truly believe that we are created for a purpose. And we have things that happen, in life, circumstances, that may feel like they will limit us. But when we start to shift that subconscious programming from when we were kids, things we learned, how we grew up, that is when we can really start to learn that we can take control over those things.
— Andrea Crisp
 

About This Episode:

When you cultivate belief  in your life it shifts the way you perceive your circumstances and what is possible for your life. Today we are in episode two of the  four part series on cultivating our desires beginning with cultivating belief. 

Want weekly encouragement to live bravely?

Text COURAGE to 647-424-2429

or CLICK HERE

Connect me:

Instagram + Website

Want to work together:

Book a FREE coaching call

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Do you feel like you are bumping up against that upper limit right now? That you believe something that just isn't true about your life, and you're ready to change it? In the second part of our series, Cultivate Your Desires, we're talking about how to cultivate belief in your life. So get ready to shift those mindsets.

Andrea Crisp 0:24
Hey, friend, are you ready to take courageous steps to create a life and business you love. Welcome to The Couragecast. I am Andrea Crisp, mindset coach, author and a multi passionate entrepreneur. For years, I was afraid to allow myself to shine that was until I discovered that I could step into my own power, shift my mindset and take ownership of my own destiny. Now I coach women across the globe who are ready to own their life and make a massive impact. Each week, I'll share conversations with amazing humans who've been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. I'll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice to help you take brave steps in your own life and business.

Andrea Crisp 1:02
Hello, my beautiful friend. Welcome to The Couragecast. I'm so glad that you're here. If you are listening for the very first time, I'm so glad that you have joined me, my name is Andrea Crisp, I'm the host. But if you're a longtime listener, thanks for hanging out with me, I'm so glad that you continue to tune in every single week. And I hope that this is really providing some value for you in your life.

Andrea Crisp 1:29
You know, right now, we're in a four part series that I know you are absolutely going to love. Over the past few months, I've been really digging deep into what has been the foundational pieces for my life and my business this year. And I want to share those with you because I believe that when we are expanding, we can share what we're learning and how we're growing with others. And so I hope that this will give some value to your life to your business and help you to continue to grow. Because, you know, we're just headed into a brand new year. And I really believe that you can completely set yourself up for success. So if you haven't already connected with me, then I would love to connect with you in my brand new text community. This is something that I just started in October, and it has been so fun. I set out about two to three text messages a week, journal prompts, how to set intentions, affirmations, and even a few guided meditations, which we are going to do at the very end of this episode. So make sure you stay tuned all the way to the end because I'm going to walk you through a guided meditation today. In this four part series, though, we're having one every episode for this four parts. Last week, we did one as well. So make sure that you stay all the way to the end. But if you want to join the text community, just text the word "COURAGE" to 647-424-2429. And there will also be a link in the show notes.

Andrea Crisp 3:10
Okay, so last week, in the series, we were chatting about cultivating gratitude. And I want to know what you are grateful for today, my friend. Like think about that for just a moment. What comes to mind immediately when you think about what you're grateful for. Maybe it's the cup of coffee you had this morning, it could be the sunshine for me lately, it's really is the sunshine. It's also sometimes going for a walk with my dog and that she's been really well behaved lately. And it's all of these little moments that add up over time. And last week we chatted about cultivating gratitude, we talked about how we are grateful for the good things. But we're also grateful for the things that we're learning. So if this is something that you really want to dig into, I want to encourage you to go back to the last episode, and take a listen to the first part of the series on cultivating gratitude.

Andrea Crisp 4:06
But today we're gonna be focusing on cultivating belief. So for years, like friends, like I can't even tell you, for years, I focused on cultivating disbelief in my life. If you've ever heard of Tony Robbins, he talks about this one statement all the time. He says, "What you focus on, grows". And now it was exactly what was happening in my own life. I was focusing on my limited beliefs, my limitations, the things that were keeping me powerless. And there were even times when I was convinced that I would never, never experience good things in my life and business. And here's the thing, you get what you think. And that's what I got. When I focused on lack and my unbelief, I manifested lack and unbelief. And I would feel like I was trapped in this cycle, because I was constantly consumed with the fact that things were not working out for me. I was in jobs I didn't like, I didn't have the relationship that I wanted, oh, gosh, the the list is endless. So shifting that mindset was key for me to change my life, my relationships, and my business. And here's the thing, I don't think that is what God, if you believe in God, or universe or source, intends for us. I really truly believe that we are created for a purpose. And we have things that happen, in life, circumstances, that may feel like they will limit us. But when we start to shift that subconscious programming from when we were kids, things we learned, how we grew up, that is when we can really start to learn that we can take control over those things. So anything from your relationships, to your finances, to where you live, all of those things can shift and change. And I know that because I have been doing that in my own life.

Andrea Crisp 6:11
So we're going to talk a little bit about how do we cultivate that belief in our life, like how is that actually outworking in our lives. So here's one of the statements that I think is really important, everything is working for you. Every lesson, every challenge, every pivot, every mistake, every perceived failure, all of it, we have to position ourselves to believe that it's all for an intended purpose to bring about good in your life, because you are a co-creator with the Divine. And so often, we really actually think that life is happening to us, like we are a victim of our circumstances, we continually get sick, and we're gonna always get sick or we're in debt, and we're never going to get out of debt. Or we have one bad relationship after another bad relationship, or my job is never good enough. And I'll never get to the next stage, I'll never have success in my life. And it's like this continual thought that we perpetuate, we rehearse over and over again, that keeps us in that limited perspective of our lives. And it's not until we actually shift that belief and reconceptualize it, and change the subconscious programming, that we can see a shift in our life, is there a belief that you have right now about your life, that needs to change?

Andrea Crisp 7:40
Maybe you feel like, you're not enough. And there's been things that have happened in your life, when you were a kid, maybe you were in Junior High, and somebody said something to you, or you felt like you didn't belong to the in crowd, or you just felt like you never got where you wanted to go in, you know, sports, when you're a kid, or as an athlete or in music. You felt like you weren't enough, maybe somebody even said something to you. Or maybe there's a thought that no matter how hard you try, how many degrees you get, whatever it is that you do, you're never going to be successful enough. And maybe that's programed from your family, your parents even could have had that, maybe they didn't feel successful enough. And they talked about how they were not in a position in their lives where they felt truly successful. And then you also had that programming because you believe that to be true about yourself. Or maybe you have a belief that there's never enough time, or money. Here's the interesting thing, because for a really long time, for a lot of years, I was really consumed, like, there, you know, I don't have enough time to do this. And I and I was just really consumed with this whole time. And it wasn't very long ago, actually, that I was reading a book. And I started to realize that we actually create time. And when we are allowing ourselves to be the creator of time, because time doesn't actually exist. It's only a perception. So we can create what it is that we need. And if we need more time, we can actually create that. So you know, a lot of people say okay, well, there's only a certain amount of time in the day, you know, the truth is, is that we actually can create what it is that we desire. So if we want more time, we can create more time, we can expand that to make it exactly what we need. Now the clock may look a little bit different, but we can create what it is that we desire.

Andrea Crisp 9:41
The same goes with money because money is just energy. So maybe you think, "Okay, I've a lack of money, or lack of resources, or a lack of things in my life that I need to be successful." And the same goes for that. That's all subconscious programming. That is what we believe to be true about our lives and that could stem from a conversation that you had as a kid, or something you ever heard your parents say, or maybe even something that you hear in your family. Not that long ago, we were meeting for my Dad's birthday. And it was really interesting because we were having this conversation about rations. And you could hear this pervasive family belief around what is possible, and what is not possible. So that's all subconscious programming, right? And we can shift and change all of that. Another one is maybe that you feel like, no one wants to buy your services, you can't ever get any clients, nobody wants to pay you for what you do. And that, again, is something that you perceive to be true, a belief that you have allowed yourself to kind of stand on, but that can be changed, or that you don't have the community you want, or friendships, or relationships. This is a big one. And we're actually gonna talk about community later on in the series. But so often, we have this belief that we only get what we deserve. And if we feel like we don't deserve a lot, then that is perpetuate. And that is the cycle that we stay in. So your beliefs are based on your subconscious programming, and the narrative that you have been rehearsing for years, and even generations. So going back and changing that subconscious programming is going to be the key to help you to reconceptualize how you can start moving forward in your own life.

Andrea Crisp 11:31
So when you're bumping up against a belief, which is just a thought, by the way, thoughts are, I mean, they're they happen, but they are not truth, then you are essentially hitting an upper limit to what you think is possible. And this is something for me that, even as you, you get to another stage in your life, or business, or career, you get to new limit, and you go, "Oh, I have to now shift that thought and belief." And so it's always work that we're doing, it just gets easier over time, because it's easier to recognize, and you understand how you can do it. And you can make those shifts for yourself. So like I mentioned, whether it's relationships, business, success, wealth, all of it, it can all be changed, it can all be shifted. Not too long ago, one of my old friends from college, came to me, and she wanted to join one of my group coaching programs. And I loved having her as part of it. But one of the things that she was experiencing in her life at the time was that she really wanted to re-ignite her music, her songwriting ability, her ability to, you know, share her gift with the world. And she had allowed many of life's circumstances to kind of come to the forefront. And as we do in life, we put things on the back burner, and we start to believe old stories about what is possible. And that's the place that she found herself in, she found herself, even though she wanted to make a shift in her life, and she wanted to pursue music, that she was bumping up against these upper limits. And she felt really isolated in the city that she lived in. And she didn't really have a community of artists that she could connect with. And that made her feel, you know, discouraged, defeated, you know, there was some stress and anxiety around all of that, and how to make that shift and change. And, you know, as time went on, she felt more time was passing, and more time was passing. And I have also found myself there. So I completely understand exactly how she felt because she felt as though life really had passed by.

Andrea Crisp 13:44
And so when we started working together, we had to make those shifts, we had to work on reprogramming those subconscious beliefs about what she believed to be true from her family of origin. And as we worked it together and even now it's amazing to see the shift and change in her life. And a lot of this stems from her shifting that belief around what is possible, and now she's actively pursuing her dreams in music. She is living in a brand new city, her and her husband has been moved, and they are loving the area that they're living in, she's being creatively stretched. And she is growing and expanding as a musician, because she has an incredible community of other artists that she can do life with, and do music with. And all of this shifted in her life because she was able to change that subconscious programming. And she was able to really shift the belief that she had about what was possible for her life.

Andrea Crisp 14:57
Do you see how that works? And I think so often we limit ourselves to what we think is possible. But when we really dig a little deeper, we do the work, we're able to see, "No, we can actually shift the narrative and the belief." And when we truly believe in what is possible for our lives, and in the desires that we have, we can manifest those desires. So I have a couple questions for you that I want to ask you today. As you're listening through this episode, what is the belief that is holding you back? Maybe you're able to pinpoint a few, but maybe there's just one that just immediately comes to mind right now for you. What is that belief? What do you believe to be true for you right now? And if you were able to dig a little deeper, and get to the root, what is that root? Where is the origin of that story? Can you pinpoint that? Do something immediately popped to mind? When you think about, "Oh, yeah, I heard this." Or, "This is something that I was told as a kid," or "this is a circumstance that I found myself in." The next question is what would change if you were able to reconceptualize that belief? How would your life be different?

Andrea Crisp 16:22
Imagine that for a second? What would change in your life, and how would you be living in your life if that was not the case anymore? And you were able to completely shift that belief. So, right now, we've already identified what belief it is, the origin story, how you can conceptualize it, but the big question is: What step are you going to take right now, that is going to shift that belief in your life. Now, maybe it is digging a little deeper, maybe it's doing some journaling, maybe it's doing some personal reflection. But maybe you're ready actually to take the next step, and actually do something that will shift that in your life. So if you find yourself right now, in a place in your life, where you feel like you're bumping up against those old beliefs, and they're keeping you feeling like you're not enough, or that you'll never truly be successful, or happy, or you'll never have the relationships or community you desire. I would love to chat with you.

Andrea Crisp 17:29
So let's book a time for us to connect. You can book a free strategy call with me through my website, and we'll talk about how you can take that next step. And how you can reconceptualize that belief, how you can start to reprogram your subconscious, and make a massive shift in your life. Yes, you can do that, you can absolutely do that. And if you want to move forward with coaching, then I'll tell you how we can work together. So all you have to do is just go to my website, andreacrisp.ca and book a time with me. I'll also provide a link in the show notes for you as well. And in the next episode, we are going to be continuing to talk about how we can cultivate our desires. And the next episode is talking about how to cultivate trust. And this is gonna be a really, really good one. Because this is something that I've actively been working on this entire year. And so I'm really excited to share with you some of the things that I have really been able to shift and change in my own life when I am cultivating trust in myself, God, and others. So, before we go today, don't forget to join my text community. And all you have to do is just text the word "COURAGE", and I'm going to send you something special. And just text the word "COURAGE" to 647-424-2429.

Andrea Crisp 18:56
Okay, so as I promised, we're going to close today with a guided meditation. So if you're in a place where you can do that, then I encourage you just to find yourself in a comfortable position. If you're driving, then maybe you want to do this a little bit later when you can spend a little bit more time, and maybe you want to pause this and come back to it. But here we go.

Andrea Crisp 19:25
As we prepare for the meditation, I want to encourage you to focus on what it is that you truly desire for your life. This meditation will help you step in to that belief. Find yourself in a comfortable position. Feet flat on the floor. Shoulders back. Your palms comfortably in your lap. Take a deep breath all the way to your belly and as you exhale, let go of anything that is no longer serving you. As you continue to breathe deeply, allow yourself to relax more fully. Place your attention on your feet. Now relax your feet, your ankles, your calves, your knees, your hips, your torso, your shoulders, your neck, your facial muscles, all the way to the crown of your head.

Andrea Crisp 21:14
As you feel fully relaxed, just envision a white light that is coming all the way from the top of your head. Filling your entire body all the way to the soles of your feet. This light is completely filling your entire body with belief that anything is possible for you. Visualize yourself a few months from now when you have completely shifted your mindset. You are now living in total belief that what you desire is possible. So see what you can see what is all around you. Take a look at where you are, where you might be in your life. And listen for what you can hear. What sounds can you hear? Feel what you might be able to feel, maybe it's the warmth of the sun, or something that feels warm and cozy.

Andrea Crisp 22:56
Allow the entirety of your body, soul, and spirit to believe that it is complete. That every desire you have is possible. And as you hold that thought, make it even more crystal clear. Bring it completely to the front of your mind. See the vivid details and allow that amazing feeling to continue to expand within you. Take another deep breath and as you do express your gratitude for having this time to expand yourself and the possibilities of your life. When you're ready take one more breath in. Exhale and then open your eyes.

Andrea Crisp 24:04
Friend, it's been amazing to be with you today. Make sure we connect on text or you can find me on Instagram at @andreacrispcoach. Until next time. Remember, you have everything you need to live bravely. If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music by Stephen Crilley, production by Claudia Henock.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 188 | Cultivating Gratitude

WITH ANDREA CRISP

 
So cultivating an attitude of gratitude in our lives is something that we do not only for the good things but for how we’re growing and how we can start moving forward. And when we can see those lessons as gifts, and we can see those things that are stretching and growing us as something to be grateful for, that actually positions us for something even better.
— Andrea Crisp
 

About This Episode:

When you cultivate gratitude in your life it shifts the way you perceive your circumstances and what is possible for your life. We are starting a four-part series on cultivating our desires beginning with cultivating gratitude. 

Want weekly encouragement to live bravely?

Text COURAGE to 647-424-2429

or CLICK HERE

Connect me:

Instagram + Website

Want to work together:

Book a FREE coaching call

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
When you open yourself up to cultivate gratitude in your life, you are, in essence, expanding your belief for what is possible. We are just beginning a four part series on Cultivating Your Desires starting with Cultivating Gratitude.

Andrea Crisp 0:19
Hey, friend, are you ready to take courageous steps to create a life in business you love. Welcome to the Couragecast. I'm Andrea Crisp, mindset coach, author, and a multi passionate entrepreneur. For years, I was afraid to allow myself to shine that was until I discovered that I could step into my own power, shift my mindset, and take ownership of my own destiny. Now I coach women across the globe who are ready to own their life and make a massive impact. Each week, I'll share conversations with amazing humans, who've been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. I'll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice to help you take brave steps in your own life and business.

Andrea Crisp 0:58
Hey there friend, welcome to the Couragecast, I am so grateful for you, really, and truly. You know, I have been thinking about how we can cultivate a heart of gratitude, and what that looks like in our lives when we are truly cultivating our desires. And so today, I want to just share with you that I am so thankful for you. This is actually the week of American Thanksgiving. Even though I live in Canada, I love American Thanksgiving. It's like one of my favorite holidays. I don't get to celebrate it anymore, necessarily. But if you're American, and you're with your family, celebrating this week, I just hope that you have the most wonderful holiday. And if you felt compelled to listen to this episode today, I just want to remind you that you are going to receive whatever it is that you came here for today. So whatever it is that you need, I hope the words resonate with you, and that they fill you up and that you feel overflowing, today after listening to this podcast.

Andrea Crisp 2:05
You know, not long ago, I had an opportunity to start a coaching relationship with one of the listeners of the podcast. And it was so cool, because I love when we get to have those connections. And I'm so grateful for every person who listens. And every so often I get to coach one of you. And so I love that, and we're four years strong now on the podcast, which is amazing. And if we've not already connected, I love to invite you to connect with me on my brand new text community. Each week, I send out about two to three text messages and their affirmations, or journal prompts, or even guided meditations, which I'm going to do today as well at the end of this episode. And just to help you get clear on your intentions, and really make massive shifts in your life to take those brave steps. So you can join the text community by going to the link in the show notes, or you can text the word COURAGE to 647-424-2429, I'll make sure that there's a link in the show notes for you as well so that you can click on that if you don't remember the number.

Andrea Crisp 3:18
So today, we are starting a brand new four part series that I am calling, Cultivate Your Desires. And this is all about really cultivating your desires in your life and business, and some of the foundational pieces that I have been really putting into place in my own life. And over the past year, I have been pivoting in my business from focusing on faith based life coaching, to really focusing on mindset, empowerment, and confidence for coaches, entrepreneurs, and artists because I know that we are in a position to make a huge impact. And so if we are able to lay the foundational pieces in our life and our business, that will make a massive impact in the lives of our selves and other people. So, as I was preparing, I came across this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and it just seemed so perfect for today. "Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you and give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude." That last part is exactly what I want to focus on today. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude. So cultivating an attitude of gratitude in our lives, is something that we do not only for the good things, but for how we're growing and learning and how we can start moving forward. And when we can see those lessons as gifts, and we can see those things that are stretching and growing us as some thing to be grateful for, that actually positions us for something even better. So let me ask you, how are you cultivating gratitude in your life?

Andrea Crisp 5:11
You know, we have been through some of the hardest months that we've probably ever faced, I don't know how what we're at now, like 18-19 months, something like that. And it has been really tough with a pandemic, with so many things happening in the world, polarization of beliefs, all sorts of loss and grief. And there have been moments where it feels like it just will never end. And maybe right now, you are even in a position right now, where you find yourself a little bit on shaky ground, and you are feeling like you're not really sure what to do, or you're in a circumstance you don't want to be in. And you think to yourself, how in the world would I ever cultivate any kind of gratitude for what I've been facing, because maybe what you're facing is really, really, really tough.

Andrea Crisp 5:59
And I'm gonna share a story with you. Because a few years ago, I was in that same position, right before the pandemic, I decided I was going to move from downtown Toronto to where my parents live. And it was a decision that I did not come by lightly, but it was something I knew that I needed to do in order to shift my financial position in order to grow my business in order to really make a change in my life. So I left my amazing friends and community and a beautiful place to live. And I made that hard move up to where my parents lived. And it was something that I felt, you know, was necessary, but I absolutely felt discouraged. And I didn't want to be thankful for it, I was less than thankful for, you know, moving home. But here's the thing, every single day, in order to maintain my mental health, I would go for a walk. And these walks became like life to me, because that is where I was processing. That is where I was healing. And that was where I was being restored.

Andrea Crisp 7:04
This one particular day, I was walking by the river. And there's this cliff where the kids jump off into the river, it's like this most beautiful scene, and the sun was coming through the trees and the breeze is warm, and I can hear the kids laughing as they were jumping off the rocks. And it was this moment where I just was completely present. And I felt so grateful. Like it was just like this, like feeling that completely came through my entire body. And as I began to sit in that feeling, I began to realize that, you know, sometimes it is a feeling of gratitude. But sometimes it is a choice to be grateful, and to find those moments where we can find the gift of that particular situation, or that lesson or that opportunity. And I would continue every single day to go for walks. And one particular day I encountered one of our neighbors, and he was out with his wife and he was sharing something with me and he he just said, "You know, Andrea, I feel like I have something I want to share with you." And I was like, "Okay, now this guy is a pastor, and I was like, Okay, maybe he's gonna give me a prophetic word." I was a pastor for many years, this is something that was very normal to me, may not be normal to you. But it was very normal to me. And so he said something to me that I'll never forget. He said, "this time is going to be very hard, but very good." And I was like, "That seems kind of ominous." I didn't say that at the time. But I really thought I was like, oh, hard, but good. And the reason why I wanted to share that with you today was because for me, it's like why would I want to find anything to be grateful about things being hard. But the truth is, is that both exist. When you have a circumstance in your life that is difficult or challenge that you're facing. There's the challenge. And there's the growth point, there is the situation that you're facing, and there's the opportunity. And so we get both sides of that coin, and we can find what we can be grateful for in that moment. And so I would encourage you, maybe you're going through something really, really challenging right now. And maybe there's something that even is coming to mind. Take a moment. Think about it. What about the challenge are you grateful for, because when you are able to cultivate gratitude that will completely shift your perspective. It will shift the narrative and it will help you to see what is possible. And it reminds us that we're connected to one another and to the divine.

Andrea Crisp 9:50
Cultivating gratitude also heals our mind, body and spirit and that was what was happening with me on those walks is I was starting to be grateful and it was starting to shift and I was starting to get healing in my body and healing in my spirit and healing in my mind. There is nothing better for us than looking for the good in a situation, looking for the growth point looking for the beauty in the expansion that we're facing every single day. No, it's not like that kind of like, you know, Pollyanna kind of gratitude, like, okay, everything's great and wonderful. And, you know, I'm so blessed. It's not that it's, it's really finding the beauty in the hard stuff. It's like really digging deep and going, You know what, this really sucks. But this is amazing.

Andrea Crisp 10:47
Seeing the lesson, the gift that brings healing, restoration, and helps us to completely shift our life, so that we can cultivate those desires. We can bring them to life in our in our daily lives, and our relationships, in our business. And cultivating gratitude also strengthens our relationships with one another because so often when we are facing a challenging situation, or a relationship that's just not going well, maybe it's a friendship, maybe it's something, maybe it's someone you're intimate with. Maybe it's a partner in your life. And you're like, "This is super challenging." Well, what about that is allowing you to see the truth of who you are? How can you grow? How can you change? How can you grow together? What is the gift? And how can you be grateful for that. And when you start to cultivate gratitude for those things, and that person, and for how they are really bringing about change in your life, being the catalyst for that change, you can be grateful for that particular relationship in that person.

Andrea Crisp 11:57
Cultivating gratitude also helps to decrease stress and anxiety. This is something that we all know when we are, you know, moving our bodies, and we're getting all those endorphins. And we're starting to feel better. Well, when we are cultivating gratitude, and we're bringing that focus on what it is we're grateful for, we are bringing that to our awareness. And we are allowing that to become what we're focusing on. And that is what ends up shifting the stress and the anxiety, and making those big changes in our lives. And it also paves the way for an increase in impact and income. Hmm, yes. Now, this is one that I've been actively learning because if you ever find yourself in a fearful position, or an anxious thought about something in your life, when it comes to business, when it comes to finances, one of the best things you could do is cultivate gratitude, and be thankful for what it is that you already have. Now, it's not that you just want to stay there. But it's already saying you know what, what I have is amazing it and I'm allowing my energy to shift, I'm allowing that vibration to raise so that I can accept what it is that I truly desire, which may be a completely different circumstance than what you are having currently.

Andrea Crisp 13:26
And that allows you to have more impact, and brings in more income into your life. So I want to ask you, what area of gratitude are you going to cultivate today in your life? Is it your relationships and your business? Something personally in your health? As we are going to walk through this four part series we're going to be talking about how do you cultivate your desires. And we're gonna be talking about cultivating the area of belief, trust, and community, and how all of those things will help you shift your narrative, the story that you believe to be true and how you can truly set the foundation for life and business, by cultivating gratitude, belief, trust, and community within your life. So you definitely want to stay tuned for next week because we're going to we're going to be talking about cultivating belief in your life. So, before we go today, I just want to encourage you if we haven't already connected make sure to text me the word COURAGE at 647-424-2429 and I'm going to send you something special when you do and we can connect there and if you're also on Instagram you can find me @andreacrispcoach and you can find the podcast @the.couragecast.

Andrea Crisp 15:01
We're going to take some time today to cultivate gratitude. I want to invite you to find a comfortable position. Support yourself in a way that feels good for your body. If you're sitting, place your feet flat on the floor and sit straight up in your chair. But if you find yourself walking, then allow you then allow yourself to become completely aware of your body and your breath. As we begin, take a deep breath all the way down to your belly. And as you breathe in, take a moment to be grateful for something that has already happened today. As you exhale, release any tension that you may be holding in your body. Take another deep breath in and focus on having a heart of gratitude.

Andrea Crisp 16:12
And as you exhale, release any stress or worry that you may be carrying. Take another breath in and during this breath, allow yourself to recognize how grateful you are to be you. Releasing the need to accomplish anything. Cultivating Gratitude is the key to growing your business and expanding your personal life. So instead of thinking of all the things that you have to do, shift your mind to being grateful for all that you have the opportunity to do. When you cultivate gratitude, it increases creativity. What area of gratitude do you want to cultivate today? When you have that in your mind's eye, allow it to become even more clear. Bringing all the details to the forefront, allowing yourself to truly feel grateful for what you have received.

Andrea Crisp 17:46
Now take a moment to extend gratitude for your mind, body, and spirit. Give thanks for your health, for the ability to move, for restful sleep, and to do what you love to do. Give thanks for wisdom, insight into situations, and the ability to be resourceful. Give thanks for your intuition and clarity of mind to be successful in life. Take a moment to extend gratitude for what you have right here and right now in this present moment. Maybe you've been wanting more, but truly allow yourself to embody the gratitude of what you have been learning and how you are growing and changing. You are not the same person you once were. So give thanks that you have been able to shift and change who you are. Extend gratitude for your family and what they bring to your life. Extend gratitude for your loved ones, and how supported and encouraged you feel around them.

Andrea Crisp 19:36
And in these closing moments, extend gratitude for what is to come and who you are becoming, and allow that expectancy to feel your body, mind, and spirit. And give thanks to yourself for taking this time. When you're ready, bring movement back into your body and open your eyes. Friend, I am so grateful for you, and so glad that you decided to spend this time with me today. I am sending you so much love right now. As we continue next week with the series on cultivating your desires, we'll be focusing on Cultivating Belief, and how that makes such a difference in our lives when we take a look at areas where we might have felt stuck, or in lack, and learning to cultivate belief and faith in those areas. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Andrea Crisp 20:53
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, please leave us a rating and review and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Production by Claudia Henock. Original Music by Stephen Crilley.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 187 | Cycle Syncing Your Business

WITH MELISSA RODRIGUEZ

 
And we’ve been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, we’re told to be perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine, and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It’s a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn’t work.
— Paige Lawrence
 

About This Episode:

Do you feel like you’re always working against the flow?  As women we’ve been taught to work in a world designed for men. And that does not always work with how a woman’s body functions. Today I’m chatting about our menstrual cycles and how we can work in ease and flow when it comes to syncing our business with our cycle. 

Melissa Rodriguez is a Cycle Syncing Biz Coach. She helps female entrepreneurs lead with more ease, fun, and flow by syncing their life with their cycle. 

Connect with Melissa:

Instagram + Free Guide

Connect me:

Want weekly encouragement to live bravely?

Text COURAGE to 647-424-2429

or CLICK HERE

Instagram + Website

Want to work together:

Book a FREE coaching call

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Today we're talking about a whole new way to approach your business, and that is through understanding your body by syncing your cycle with your business. And my friend, you are going to love this episode with Melissa Rodriguez. So get ready to learn how you can start understanding your body and listening to your body more so that you can be more productive, and have more ease and flow in your life.

Melissa Rodriguez 0:30
So much of it is worthiness and worthiness around what work justifies certain results. And we've been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, we're told to be perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine, and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It's a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn't work.

Kate 1:01
You're listening to The Couragecast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 1:17
Hey there, welcome to The Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, and I am your host. And friend, do I ever have a treat for you today. We are going to be chatting with Melissa Rodriguez, who is a cycle syncing business coach, which we're going to get into and you are going to love her. Honestly, this has been one of the most pivotal things that I have done for myself in the past few months, which is taking a look at how my body is working, how it is designed, and how I can move in ease and flow in my life and business when I am taking a look at my menstrual cycle. That is not anything I thought I would ever talk about here on The Couragecast. But here we are. And you know what I've realized that our bodies are so beautiful and created so intricately. And really, we are working on a cycle that is different than men or those that don't don't have a cycle. And so we have to learn how to work with our bodies. And, you know, really lean into those energies that fuel us, whether they be masculine or feminine, or even just leaning into our own divine essence, which is something I am also learning about. So you're going to love Melissa Rodriguez, you're going to love all of the things that she has to teach us today about cycle syncing about how you can do that with your business. And one of the best times for you to be planning and launching things in your life in your business. And this is what I'm working on right now in my own life and taking notes every single day about how I feel, and how creative I am and all the things. So you're gonna love this. So I'm so excited for you to meet Melissa Rodriguez.

Andrea Crisp 3:24
Melissa, thank you for joining me on The Couragecast today. I'm super thrilled actually to have you back. Not only were you a guest already, but I lost the episode. And you so graciously are back joining me from Spain to chat with me again. And so thank you for being here.

Melissa Rodriguez 3:44
Thank you so much for having me. I am, I'm sure the universe had its reasons. Although I can imagine it was still very frustrating. And apart, I'm very happy to be here talking to you again.

Andrea Crisp 3:59
So you're a cycle syncing business coach. And I have had a lot of conversations since our last one with other people who have been really you know, interested in, you know, how our cycle, you know, works with our bodies and how it works with our businesses and just all the things especially even as we age and how things are shifting and changing. And so, even since our last conversation, I have even been thinking about it more and more and more. But someone listening to this right now maybe like well, what is that? Like? What exactly is that? Like? How? So why don't you just go ahead and tell us a little bit about who you are and how you serve people in your business.

Melissa Rodriguez 4:42
Okay, amazing. I would love to. So my name is Melissa Rodriguez, and I am a serial entrepreneur. I started a few different companies in my life and currently I run a few different companies. One of them is a company in the real estate service industry in the UK. One of them is a digital marketing agency. And the other is I just said cycles syncing business coaching for female entrepreneurs who want to incorporate their cycle into their business and their lifestyle. So they can run their business with more flow, with more ease, have more productivity and basically do things and optimized time. As women, we know because we've done it that we can do things, we can do anything, right? We're superheroes, and we can do anything at any time of a month. But there's so much power in knowing which times are good for which things, and using that, leveraging that for your business.

Andrea Crisp 5:39
Now, I'm very curious, like, how did you get into this? Like, what was the catalyst for you even to become interested in, in your cycle and how it it works with your business and in yourself?

Melissa Rodriguez 5:52
Sure, okay. So I think on my path, as an entrepreneur, I definitely had a lack of feminine energy in my life. I'm also, I come from an immigrant family. I was born in Venezuela, but I grew up in the UK, my mom was also an immigrant, she, her family moved to Venezuela, from Spain, right after the Spanish Civil War. And if you if you know, any immigrants, you'll know that there's a certain kind of hustle culture. Because you know, when you move to a different country, different culture, there seems to be like this, this culture, and it's often true, they have to work harder than everyone else to get anywhere in life. Okay, so that was kind of very much ingrained in my family that was very much ingrained in the way I grew up in it, I felt that it was something that was much more prized in my family than feminine energy, and we all have masculine and feminine energies. And they work best when they're in balance, right? And I believe I, because of a myriad of different reasons, I grew up in a household with a lot of love, I felt very loved. I don't want this to sound like oh, I wasn't raised right, or anything like that. It was definitely a lot of love in my household. But I definitely felt that there was I somehow ended up with a lot of excess masculine energy, and not enough feminine energy in my life. And that was kind of leading me to burnout, to not feeling satisfied, find it very hard to be creative.

Melissa Rodriguez 7:13
And it was actually, but four or five years ago that my finances, my personal finances, were in a mess, okay? And I ended up working with a finance coach. But she wasn't just any finance coach, she was a feminine finance coach. And she taught me many things about bringing pleasure and bringing feminine energy into how you handle your finances. And one of the many strategies and tools that she introduced me was, and it wasn't something that she specialized in or anything, but she kind of said, you might want to look into working with your cycle as well, or maybe even just taking off the days that you're on your period, those cycles syncing is so much more than that. And it was her suggestion that got me reading got me investigating. And yeah, after experiencing the positive results, that brought to my life into my business, then I wanted to help other women with this too.

Andrea Crisp 8:04
You know, I find that fascinating, because, you know, when you thinking about finances, like my first natural inclination is not to think about my cycle. You know, but when we think about our, you know, our business, in our finances, you know, like, I have never really thought about that. I love that you bring up money, because I don't think about money when I think about my cycle. But it makes total sense that it would have something to do with, you know, our finances, how we feel about money, how we feel about entrepreneurship, how, you know, we are kind of living in that space. And, and so how did it? How did it shift your own view of money, and also how you were incorporating that in your life, like when you're talking to her, like, you know, implementing these strategies, you know, with your finances, and then through your business as well.

Melissa Rodriguez 9:07
Sure, so I think the key there is remembering Andrea, that we are emotional beings, okay? And although we tend to approach our businesses and our money with this, society tells us that we should approach it with this hyper rational, just make more money than you spend, just look at the numbers kind of approach. And obviously, that's important. But we must remember that we're, we're emotional beings, and generally when we have money issues, or at least it was a case for me, it wasn't a case of not knowing how to handle a spreadsheet. It was more of a case of I had limiting money beliefs that were probably related to how I viewed productivity and business in general. So there were fundamental beliefs that were affecting my money, and that were affecting my productivity. And, and the work that I did with her and the strategies that I, you know, I use with her and then with other coaches that I worked with, and the books that I read, the inner work that I did was all about going to those, those core beliefs, right, that affects every part of our business of our lives or finances. And still working on this, I'm 100%, not perfect at this, but just going going to the core of those beliefs. And so much of it is worthiness and worthiness around what work justifies certain results.

Melissa Rodriguez 10:37
And we've been told by society, and by so much of the personal development world as well, and personal finance, so many things were told to be perfectly consistent, right, perfectly consistent in that have a perfect morning routine and have certain actions, just decide the actions that you need to take on a daily basis and repeat day in and day out until you get results. It's a very masculine approach. And for most women, it doesn't work. For most women, it's especially true for men, it doesn't for a few men won't either. And maybe for some women it does, as I'm generalizing here, but for those of us who thrive off of feminine energy, it doesn't, it doesn't work, it gets to a point where we either get bored or burnt out, or simply our hormones get in the way, because our hormones affect so much about how we feel emotionally, and how we view risk and how creative we are all these things. So how can you be perfectly consistent during an average four week cycle, when you have inconsistent resources to work with? Right? It doesn't work that way. So instead of trying to be consistent with inconsistent resources, and not saying it's impossible, how about you just work out when you're going to have different resources, and sync the things that you need to do with those resources. So you're optimizing things and you also feel it's easier. Because if you're, if you're trying to be consistent, do things the same things, day in and day out. It's an uphill battle. So it's a battle against yourself.

Melissa Rodriguez 12:05
And it implies this massive lack of self awareness as well, that you're, it doesn't make sense to expect consistent results, when you don't know where you are, how you're feeling, what, where your best is going to serve that particular day. So in the same way that you probably wouldn't set a meeting at 3am, right? You wouldn't set a meeting at 3am, because you know, you know, you have a daily cycle. And that daily cycle involves hours of sleep. And during those hours of sleep, you're not particularly suited to meetings. And I'd say you could do them, you could probably do a meeting, if you set it at 3am, if you really wanted to, you could set your alarm, you could get up you could do your meeting. I'm not saying you couldn't, but what would that do to the rest of your day?

Andrea Crisp 12:47
You know, it's interesting you say that, because well, the first thing that comes to my mind is I have a voice student that I have at 7pm. And it's really funny. It's kind of like our compromise, 7pm at night, because he is a night owl. And I work in the day and he's my last student. And I never take anything usually past that time. But I noticed in the winter, I would get exhausted because his actual lesson in the winter was 7:30 to 8:30. By 8:30, I was done. I was like I'm done. You know, because I would get up early in the morning, I would have all my really good energy in the morning, I would be productive. And then I'm you know, holding off until 7:30 to actually hold one more lesson. And then feeling so exhausted and depleted. Even though he's a great kid, I love teaching him, nothing about you know whether or not you know, I want to be teaching him, it's really just my own level of energy at that time is very, very low.

Andrea Crisp 13:56
And I've even noticed, you know, because we've talked before I did a launch. Well, I did a couple of launches in a row. The people who listen to my podcast, they know that I just kind of like tell the things as I go. But I did three launches this summer. And launch number one was was kind of an organic type feel. I filled the group with eight women, it was amazing. And then the next one was following it right after right at the end. And I filled it with six and it was again it was really good. Got to third launch. I'm exhausted. I have now launched two different groups. I have spent a lot of time just doing that. But here's what happened. I got into a scarcity mindset. I got into, I need to get this done, you know, we're on a roll. I should just do it, you know, make sense. And everything on paper that would say okay, we'll launch during this time and I looked at the calendar as far as like the dates and will it match up for holidays and all these kinds of things. And I decided I was gonna launch. Well, I'm not sure what's going to happen. We still carts open for another week. But I don't have a person in it, not one.

Andrea Crisp 15:09
And the first two sold out right away. And the third did not. And, you know, so of course, my first inclination is to sit back and go, "Okay, I could easily go into that scarcity mindset again." But I also realize I'm like, "Okay, I'm obviously, what I'm putting out. Is, is not I'm not energetically aligned with it." And I feel like I wasn't paying attention to working in my masculine and feminine energy in a way that would serve me best. And so here I am, thinking, Oh, no, what have I done? And what am I going to do now? And I'm, I'm at this like, kind of crossroads, honestly, where I'm like, okay, like, I don't want to not learn the lesson. I feel like the lesson is actually more important than anything at this point. For me to go, How do I operate optimally, as best as I can really, in my own business, when I'm, you know, trying to think about my cycle, my masculine and feminine energy, and you know, especially as entrepreneurs, when we're launching programs, or we're working with clients, or we're, for me recording podcasts, or speaking events, all sorts of things like how do we where do we even begin? I mean, I know that's a loaded question. But that's kind of where I'm at. So I'll just leave it with you.

Melissa Rodriguez 16:34
So I think a good place to start would be to start with that self awareness of, you're telling me or you're expressing a vision of what you would like it to feel like, to look like, and to feel like, and first of all, you need to know like where you are. Okay, so where are you right now? What strategies focused on the positive and celebrating the positive? What strategies do you have that you're doing really well, right, which, and you probably have those, you'll have a few that are masculine and feminine too there. So, I would start with like an inventory of what's going well, what do I feel is missing, and then an exploration, it's not something somebody can tell you, it's something that you need to experience for yourself, because it is different for everyone, you can obviously have guidance during the process of somebody suggesting and helping you evaluate. And that's what I do with my clients when I coach them as they navigate this in their businesses. But it is a case of, "Okay, so if I identify that there are certain business activities that are draining me, first of all, do I need to do them? Do they need to be done? And if so, do I need to do them? And if that's the case, then what would it look like for this activity to be in the feminine and not the masculine? Or what would it look like for this activity to be pleasurable? And sometimes it can be something as simple as a ritual you do before the activity, or where you do the activity, or even what playlist you have on during the activity. These are all little simple things.

Andrea Crisp 18:03
Really?

Melissa Rodriguez 18:04
Yeah.

Andrea Crisp 18:05
So like you can like say, "Okay, like if this is something that right now I know I need to be doing." Or then I can switch up something about it to like, maybe put me in a different energetic space to hold hold that.

Melissa Rodriguez 18:19
Yeah. Sure. So for example, what, do you have any activities in mind that you're, you're thinking of right now?

Andrea Crisp 18:28
Emails are still a big part of what I do, writing, during the copy. And I find for that particular task, I'm either in the flow in the zone, or I am not. And it's like I can, I can know right away. If it's like, oh, yeah, it's coming, type type type, I can do three emails, like to just bang them out. Or I could sit there for an hour and go, What the heck am I gonna write, I should have bought the Copy Care from Marie Forleo, you know, like, go through the list of like, things that I you know, like, I should have bought that, that probably would have helped me. But I think that I like you said being self aware, and taking inventory of those times that I have had success in a way that feels really good like for writing emails, it's like, oh, well, when did I write them? What was what time of day was it? You know, what was where was I? Yeah, where was I in my cycle? What was playing? I never thought of any of that, to be honest with you.

Melissa Rodriguez 19:34
All that is going to influence how creative you feel, and I'd also add just if if you know if you because you already know before you sit down, you know, I'm gonna sit here for an hour. And anything I write is, because you already know, you can already feel it in your body when you're not in that right flow state and there's nothing wrong with that. So A: do not beat yourself up over it and B: Don't even try like it's more productive at that stage, go for a bike ride, like, go for a walk, go buy yourself flowers, go dance for 15 minutes, call friend. And you never know, maybe within 10 minutes of that, you'll actually be on your bike riding, okay, I need to stop because I'm, like, going through these fields. And I realize that I know what I want to tell my community and you write down a couple things in your phone, that's going to make it easier for you next time you sit down, like, Okay, I already know what I want to write about. Or you talk to your friends and, and you know what, maybe the hour passes, and you don't write anything, you don't get out of that, that energy state. But if you leverage the times that you are naturally in that energy state the most, then it's not going to matter the times that you're not, because you'll have produced enough content and enough emails. You have written enough emails in the times that you were naturally in that state, or that you did things to get you in that state.

Andrea Crisp 20:59
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Because then I also feel like even yesterday, I went in the morning, because, you know, I was dealing with this whole launch thing and thinking, Okay, we've got a week left for cart closes. And it's Thanksgiving Day here in Canada. And I'm going through all this in my mind. So sat down, and I, one of the things I wrote down in my journal was today, I really want to be a powerful creator, and co-create beautiful things in my life. And where most of Canada was taking the day off yesterday, I had things scheduled, I had a podcast recording, I had two connection calls. And it was fine because I was feeling good. I was like, you know, I was in the right. I, I blew through those calls, and was like, "Oh, this is great." I had enough energy for the things I needed to do. I went and had a beautiful dinner at my aunt's house and had some great family time. And at the end of the day, I remember thinking to myself, you know, this is what I want it to feel like, all the time, or as many days as I can, where it feels like I, and one of the things I did, and I even did this this morning already, is I left my phone upstairs, and I have my my Apple Watch, which you know, if I need, you know, something right away, and somebody needs to get ahold of me, but other than that, I'm like, I don't have the distractions of getting on to social media, you know, sitting after something and scrolling and you know, shifting my energy by checking something.

Andrea Crisp 22:29
I can stay in that flow state, and accomplish the thing that I want to accomplish. without consistently going back and forth, you know, in and out of different things where I'm like, "I don't need to post on social media right now. I can post on social media when I'm feeling it." And I need to, I don't need just to be looking at it and like having almost like energy leaks and just draining my energy. So I really kind of feel like that coupled with knowing what my cycle is, will be helpful. But one of the things I do want to ask you, because we talked about this last time, and I'm super interested, is you talk about it in seasons. And you talk about your cycle in seasons. And I'd love for you to tell us about like, what does that mean when you're looking at your cycle, and the other thing you said, which I still have thought about lots is that it doesn't necessarily pertain to men and women, and i it pertains to how you identify. Because some, you know, whether you are male or female, biologically, you can identify a certain way and have that energy. So can you talk a bit about both those things?

Melissa Rodriguez 23:45
Sure. Okay, so I'll start with the seasons. The reason I like to talk about it in terms of seasons is that many people, when you think about when you first hear cycle syncing you probably think, Oh, my cycle is three to five days that I got my period, right? And that's and that's it? Well, but the cycle is 28 days on average cycle, where you have four distinct stages, like the four seasons of the year, the weather, so and they actually bear similarities in the characteristics they have and the way that we go through them. So I'll go through the four seasons, just briefly so that you understand what what I mean. And I am going to relate this to the biological side of this, because for those of us who work with our cycles in this regard, we're not just working, you know, with our feminine energy, we are also working directly with our hormones because our hormones affects how we feel about things, how we view things.

Melissa Rodriguez 24:41
So we have your winter, which is when you get your period, and the time for resting, for hibernation is time with increased intuition where we can tap into different gifts like being able to evaluate things in a different way. It's not a time for taking action, but it can be a time to have some life changing reflections about your life and your business. Then you have your spring, after winter comes the spring. So there's that new beginning, that kind of energy where things are starting to speed up to warm up a little bit, you have more energy, it's a great time to learn new things, to start new things, to set new sessions to set new goals.

Melissa Rodriguez 25:16
Then you have your summer, which is a great time for enjoying and for communicating, and for really being in that kind of outward energy with your clients and with your team and with your community with the world. It's when biologically you are you're ovulating, okay? So if you are a woman who ovulates, your body is saying, "Hi, I'm ready!" And that comes through in different ways, right, that comes through in the way you talk, there have been studies and that show that women even walk in a way that men find, that heterosexual men will find more attractive during this time. And that even that are faces are more symmetrical or more attractive. And I do not know how that works. Do not ask me, but basically, more attractive during this time. And that's not something you know, unless you are looking to be impregnated, and that's great. But if you're not, if you are just looking to move forward in your business, you can use these, this magnetism of the summer to make leaps in your business, or in your life,

Melissa Rodriguez 26:16
Then comes a fall, which is a little bit of a longer season for, it's a longer season. And it's a season for getting into the nitty gritty of things, for attention to details, for actually following through and all the intentions and goals that you set. And for it has a different sort of creativity, you have different sorts of creativity. I mean, creativity is feminine energy, in a very pure form. But it comes in different kinds of ways during this time, the creativity comes through in spring is more of like an ideas kind of thing. It's not a following through creativity, and in your Fall, you've got more of a following through kind of creativity. I would suspect that, for example, if you're writing emails, then you're early Fall is a great time for that. And then you're back to Winter. So those those are the four seasons that that we go through every month, and that we can really lean, if we lean into them and look for ways of embodying them, we can really leverage those superpowers that are available to us in each season.

Andrea Crisp 27:15
Yeah, that's really fascinating. Yeah. So how does it work with the, you know, with men and women then in that, that context?

Melissa Rodriguez 27:22
Okay, sure. So, in what what of what I've been referring to is a very much a hormonal context, okay? If you are a woman who does not have that hormonal cycle, because of menopause, or because you just don't have it, or even birth control, birth control, hormonal birth control, IE the pill affects the cycle, because essentially, it stops ovulation. Okay, so if for any reason you do not have this cycle, feminine energy still has the cycle, because essentially, it's a cycle of creation, right? It's a very natural cycle, I have a client who does not have a period yet she identifies as a woman, what we do is we work with the moon. So many, many ancient cultures, and even a few studies have shown that we're, we're somehow went to the moon, I think it's something that we haven't yet understood. But it's there. And it's there if for other species and animal kingdom as well, but the moon affects their fertility and things. So it's there's, there's a connection there, and leveraging that. So leveraging, you know, new moon intentions, and rituals for the full moon and all these things can help. That's that's how I usually work with people who do not have that period. I haven't worked with men on their feminine energy cycle at all, I'm just here, top my head. If a man maybe does identify more with feminine energy, than with with masculine energy, then again, you can either take the moon approach, or you can take the really diving into that self awareness approach. If you really dive into that self awareness and start tracking how you feel every day for like, three to six months, you might see patterns, right? You might see patterns, you might see the seasons without even noticing. And then you just might know for yourself like I have a Spring that's 10 days long, and then I have a Summer that's five days on you hurt you, you might be able to see patterns in here. And that's what I would suspect if you are kind of looking to use that feminine energy that you you'd see it that way. However, I do believe that that a lot of men and a lot of people will thrive more of that masculine approach of that, you know, day in day out consistency approach, if especially if you are a man who has a male permanent cycle, you have that testosterone high in the morning just gradually increases throughout the day, then you might thrive off more just going with that biological imperative that you have in your body.

Andrea Crisp 29:44
It's so fascinating to think about how different biologically men you know, their cycle, their 24 hour cycle, versus our female 28 day cycle. It's so different because once I started to learn about this, and I mean, obviously, I feel like I'm just like, you know, scratching the surface, even with this conversation, but, you know, thinking about how we are functioning in a world that is very built for men, you know, especially if you have a job, and you work outside the home, you know, is built for, for men to thrive and women not as much. And so it's really interesting to think about how we can become more self aware, and, and start learning our bodies and listening and being a little bit more intuitive to what our body is telling us. And, and even for me, it took even after having conversation with you, it took an instance in my life for me to kind of get to the end be like, Okay, this is really just not working. And for me to go, "Okay, I need to slow this down. And I really need to start listening. Because I think that if I listen to my body and become a little more self aware, I will know when the right times to do different things will be for me, you know, to help." And it's like, I think you've said this before, but maybe not today. But it's like there's some things we just know we do, do on an everyday basis. Like those are things that we we do, we get done, we you know, if you have a family, you feed your kids, you know, like, there's certain things that just have to happen. But but there are a lot of other things where you know, especially when it involves creativity, and that really can be best served, we understand our bodies.

Melissa Rodriguez 31:29
Sure, or even for the things that we have to do every day, you said the example of feeding our kids. What if you meal prep, when you have more energy? Do you know there's going to be a week where you are going to be more tired? Can you make meals and freeze them? Is it, I mean, there's not going to be a way for everything you cannot you know, batch brushing your teeth, for example. And I'm not suggesting that there are definitely ways that we can get creative, even with the things that we feel that we have to do every day. And I invite you to ask yourself, "Do I really? Or is there a way that I can make this easier on myself when I know that it's not going to be easy for me? Is there a way? Is there any way that I can ask for support? Or is there any way? How can I set this up differently?" So I think where we sometimes got stuck in boxes of how things have always been set up, or how we've always done them, or how everyone else, quote unquote, does them. And just you know, taking a step back and asking yourself like, Okay, first of all that self awareness? And then is there another way that I can achieve the same or even better results without having to do this without working against myself?

Andrea Crisp 32:37
Now, one question, you know, especially for women who are working in teams. So if you have someone that works for you, and you know you're doing a launch or whatever, and say you've got a OBM and you know, they're in one part of their cycle, where you know, like, how does that work? Like, how do you try to like navigate working with other women when you're cycling, and you're?

Melissa Rodriguez 33:02
Sure, so it's interesting. I think there was one point where I literally synched up with 80% of my clients and my team. It's funny how even when we were working remotely end up syncing up, we're also synced up with the moon at something super interesting that happens when you when you're like in a specific type of alignment. So I guess I've been mostly lucky in that regard that I've been fairly synched up with the woman that I work with both my clients and my team, but let's just take the hypothetical scenario that you're on, but completely different schedules, your OBM is, you know, she is ovulating whilst you're on your period and vice versa. So when you most need her support, because you're in that outwards, launch kind of mode, she's in that rest mode. Okay. So there, I think it really is just about planning ahead. Okay. So planning ahead and making sure that, that you have other people in place for things that are most important in the case that you, that you are asking your OBM to to work those days, you don't have a choice, you know, these are things that cannot be prepared in advance, these are things that cannot be done better. And whilst then it's how do you have that self care? So that person is ready to give 100% on those few tasks that cannot be they cannot be moved. Okay, so how do you make sure that person, how does that person make sure that at the end, it's a personal responsibility? How does that person make sure that she's taken care of, both before and after that extra self care that extra, like, I'm taking naps, or I'm resting, doing the things that fill my cup, so that when I do show up for those few things that you need from me on these days, then I will be there 100%.

Andrea Crisp 34:46
So there's a lot of having conversations, right, like it's a, cause, I mean, this I would indicate to me that there's a lot of conversation around our periods, talking, you know, things that we've not always talked about, really openly. Because I mean, if you know, you're synced up with your clients and people you work with, obviously, then you're having conversations about that with them because they're your clients. But, you know, like, especially I'm thinking like, I don't know, like, I don't know, if I'm synced up with people. You know, I know that when I spend time with people a lot, with women a lot. But one of the things you said, really piqued my curiosity, and you said, syncing up with the moon. And that that's almost like a, and then he's, I can't remember the word you use. But can you talk a little bit about that? Like, how do you sync up the moon? How did you know you're synced up over the moon with the moon?

Melissa Rodriguez 35:37
Okay, so back when we lived in smaller, in small tribes, like 150 people, and we were also very committed, we didn't have this artificial light and everything, most women would sync up their periods with the moon, like accident, that they didn't mean to obviously, they didn't say, "Hey, let's sync up with the moon." But naturally, they would find that they were bleeding either on the full moon or the new moon. As you know, the the moon has 28 day cycles, thanks, can't remember is 28 point something 27.4. It's not exactly 28. Otherwise, rolls be a full moon and same day of the week, it's not exactly 28. It's something point something around 28. And the average female cycle is also 28 days, and we would sync up with the moon in a natural way, and get this, right, women would, for those days, and on many tribes, they would go into a tent, and they will just have be on their periods together.

Melissa Rodriguez 36:29
And they will use that time to really like let go, okay? So they would like leave them and do their thing. And they would, they would let go, they would use that time to like cleanse and do different kinds of rituals around their period, all these things. And interestingly, the so some woman would sync up with the other moon. So if you didn't sync up with the full moon, you'd sync up with the new moon. And they would be the woman who would take care of the others. Right? So during that time, so there's also benefits, like we were saying right now. So if you're if you're on your period, when your OBM is ovulating, or vice versa, it's also I'm going to take care of you, and then you're going to take care of me kind of thing that used to exist in times with with these tribes, the moon in the period. And it's interesting that many women affectionately call their period their moon, because there's there's definitely some sort of relationship there. I'm not, I don't know what it is, I think, would be super interesting, if science, you know, decided to study it more. But yeah, it's interesting. And I do think there's one study that shows that when woman are more connected to nature and have less artificial lights and live in place with less artificial light, that's when they most start to sync up with the moon.

Andrea Crisp 37:40
So fascinating, that I now I'm gonna totally like, pull my app out afterwards. See where I am at.

Melissa Rodriguez 37:48
Get, so, get this app called Stardust. And I recommend this app. It's a great app, it's called Stardust. And it's kind of a cycle tracker, and also tracks moon. So you go into it and tells you where you are Kind of hormone wise. And it tells you where the moon is, as well. So I highly recommend that.

Andrea Crisp 38:06
Okay, that, you know, because even I've noticed, like, as I pay more attention to my body, like in the summertime, like, here in Canada, I'm in the northern part of Ontario. So it's lighter, longer. 5:30am it's light and 10:00, it's still light, but then the sun goes down. And I noticed that like, I wake up, right with the light. I'm up. Whereas now right now it's like seven o'clock, and I used to like set my alarm and be like, Okay, I'm going to still get up at 530 in the winter. And so like, I can't get up in the morning, I'm a morning person. But I have let myself sleep until I wake up instead of making and it's really interesting because I noticed even with the, the light and dark, how my body is, if I don't manipulate it, and I'm doing it mostly just to see like, what happens if I'm just letting my body you know, when I tired I go to bed, you know. And when I wake up, I wake up and just being, being more aware because if I do you want to have a life that I really, really love and I want to create a business and a life I love. I want to do it feeling really good. And I want to do it feeling energetic, and I want to feel like, feel all the amazing things that life has to offer. And also do it in a way that you know I can support myself financially because I'm productive in the moments I need to be most productive. And, and I think that as women is something that if we pay more attention to, then we will have, have a better understanding about how we can do that and not just operating fully full on masculine energy. Like as you said before, so so fascinating. I think we there's so much more we can talk about and really even continuing to dive into this work? How do people work with you? Like, how does that work? So let us know.

Melissa Rodriguez 40:09
Sure, can I just add one more thing that came to mind while you were saying that?

Andrea Crisp 40:14
Absolutely.

Melissa Rodriguez 40:16
Because I totally resonate with you there that you want to feel good on the journey. And it's so important because how you feel during the journey and in the process, is how you're going to feel when you get the result. So sometimes we tell ourselves that we're going to feel better when we achieve X, or Y, or Z, or whatever. And that's not the case like those when people talk about having reached certain goals, and that they weren't as satisfying as they were expecting them to be, I'm willing to bet in most of those cases that they didn't enjoy the process of getting there. I think it's amazing, I think it's, it's beautiful that you are prioritizing that because that's going to mean that when you get there, it's going to feel, it's going to feel great. If you feel great during the process, it's gonna feel great when you get there. Just wanted to add that in, because I totally resonate with that.

Andrea Crisp 41:05
I love that. Thank you for adding that.

Melissa Rodriguez 41:08
And yeah, and that's mainly, you know, this is what I help my clients with, you can find me on Instagram. My handle is @melissa.r.j, can go to my website, melissarj.com. And yeah, at the moment, I do have spots for one on one cycle syncing, business coaching. So whether you just want to incorporate this into your business, or you have a launch coming up and you want, you know, this strategy in your launch as well, I do have a marketing agency. So I love combining these things, cycles and marketing for launches. I absolutely love that. And I do have spots available for one on one coaching for that. So just just get in touch and we can hop on a call.

Andrea Crisp 41:49
Well, thank you so much, like this is, it's fascinating, super fascinating. And I hope that we can talk again, and you know, learn more and even as you're working with more clients, and you find out more information. And please come back and continue to share because this is super, super fascinating. So thank you.

Melissa Rodriguez 42:10
Thank you. I love love joining you again, Andrea.

Andrea Crisp 42:15
Okay, wow, I never thought that I would be talking about my period on The Couragecast, let's not something that was in my mind at all. But here we are. This is where we are now. And I'm so glad that I did. And honestly, friends, like this has really been a game changer for me, because I have spent the past probably several weeks since I talked to Melissa, writing down how I feel every single day, what my cravings are, how I'm feeling to feel creative. I mean, some days I forget, and I, you know, just keep picking up the next day and start writing it out. But it's really made a difference because I'm being more aware and conscious of like how creative I feel, or do I have energy or when do I have energy when the times in the day I have energy. And it's really making a difference in what I'm doing and how productive I am because I feel an ease and flow at different times depending on how my body is working. So I want to encourage you that if this is something you're really interested in, please connect with Melissa because she would help you to go through that process of discovering how you can start tracking your cycle, to work with your business and your flow. And I will leave all of her links in the show notes and so you can get a hold of her.

Andrea Crisp 43:38
Before you go today, friends, I have an exciting thing that I want to share with you as well. You know, I have just created a brand new text community. And I would love to invite you to join. You know what so often we can feel discouraged and not take those steps have courage and bravery in our own lives. And so I want to encourage you every single week through a couple of text messages. And so if you want to join my text community, and receive encouragement, how to create intentions for your life, and even some guided meditations along the way, I want you to go ahead and text me at 647-424-2429 and I will leave that link as well in the show notes for you, so you can have it and you can text me the word COURAGE and we'll be able to connect with one another there. Until next time, remember you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 44:36
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 186 | Aligned For Success

WITH ANDREA CRISP

 
And so taking that time, every single day, to really work on your mindset is going to be key in helping you stay aligned for success. Because you’re going to be able to identify those limiting beliefs, you’re going to be able to identify how you’ve been holding yourself back, you can reframe it, and start moving forward.
— Andrea Crisp
 

About This Episode:

Have you been feeling really overwhelmed in your business lately? To the point where you are ready to give up. With a few simple tweaks you can be aligned for success. In this episode I'm sharing the four strategies I have been implementing in my coaching business over the past few months that have helped me achieve ease and flow.

Want weekly encouragement to live bravely?

Text COURAGE to 647-424-2429

or CLICK HERE

Connect With Andrea:

Instagram + Website

Want to work together:

Book a FREE coaching call

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Do you feel overwhelmed, scattered, lack clarity, and are ready to be aligned for success in your life in business? On today's episode, we're talking about how you can take those incremental shifts to start moving forward, and become aligned in every area of your life.

Kate 0:19
You're listening to The Couragecast, a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week, we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author, and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:36
Hey there, welcome to The Couragecast, my name is Andrea Crisp, and I am your host. If you're listening for the very first time, I am so glad that you're here. And if you have listened many, many times over, or if you've listened from the beginning, like Hello, thank you for being here. Thank you for showing up over and over and over again. I love doing The Couragecast, I love being part of this community. And because I want to really grow the community, and to establish more of a connection with you personally, I have created a text community. And in the text community, I'm going to be sending out probably about three texts a week, how to be brave in your life, how to take those courageous steps, and really how to set intentions that will move you forward in your life and in your business. And there may even be some guided meditations that I will be putting out there as well. So if you're wanting a text from me a couple of times a week, just to encourage you in your journey, I would invite you to text me the word, Courage to 647-424-2429. So that is area code 647-424-2429. And all you have to do is put the word Courage, and I will get right back to you. And we will be able to text one another.

Andrea Crisp 2:09
Okay, I'm excited about talking about being aligned for success, you may be in a place in your life right now where it feels like you're anything but aligned for success. Maybe you've been feeling for a while now that you are not really sure what you're doing. Or you're in a place where you're feeling overwhelmed. You could even actually be avoiding doing things in your life, avoiding situations, avoiding taking action, avoiding taking those big risks in your life. And a lot of times when we find ourselves in those places, like when we're not sure what to do, or it's just like too much, or it's like, "Okay, I just want to run and hide, I don't even want to deal with this anymore." That is when we give up. That is when we want to walk away from what we're doing and say, "You know what, I can't even do this."

Andrea Crisp 3:03
So I want to make this really simple and practical for you, because in order for you to actually take a step forward, and kind of really put yourself back into alignment, which is what you want to do, it is just going to be through some very small shifts. And it's going to be easier than you would think. Okay, so the first thing we're going to talk about is like, well, what does success look like to you, because your definition of success might be different than mine. And that's okay. You know what, because if you're looking around on social media, or you're comparing yourself to other people, and you think that you need to be a certain way, or have certain things or look like this other person on social media, whatever they're doing, then you are going to quickly get out of alignment. Because you are focusing on where they're at, trying to replicate what they're doing, and not seeing the success in your own life and in your own business.

Andrea Crisp 4:06
So the first thing that we all have to do is really take a look at what does success look like for you? And so you might want to just take, you know, a pen and paper and just write it out, you know, just journal, what would success look like to me? Maybe it's going to look different to you right now than it's going to look in six months or 12 months or even any year. But as you are moving forward and you are defining what that success looks like, then you're able to take steps towards being successful in your life and staying in alignment with what it is that you see for yourself. Because when we are looking at our careers when we're looking at our businesses, when we're looking at all of the things that we're putting out into the world that are making a huge impact in the lives of others. We know that that is only going to create a ripple effect, when we are in alignment, because people will be attracted to that, they'll want more of it, they'll want to hire us, they'll want to do all of these things that will help us move forward as well. But only when we're aligned with our purpose and our vision, and we know exactly what it is that we want.

Andrea Crisp 5:27
And here's the first thing. A lot of times, when you are feeling overwhelmed in your feeling like it is just too much, and you want to avoid at all, and I have been there, it is likely because you lack clarity, and you lack clarity on what it is that you truly desire. And for me, I have been taking the past year to really get clear on my vision for my business. And further to that I've actually been taking the time to get clear on the vision for my life. Because for a long time I kind of had this like, you know, okay, it could be this or it could be that and I'd be alright with this and be alright with that. But I wasn't really in touch with what I wanted. And I wasn't letting myself get in touch with my own desires, with my needs, with things I wanted, because I was too afraid that if I desired something that I would actually not get it. And so I would then be disappointed. And to avoid that disappointment, I decided that well just don't have the desires, then that way you can avoid that right, you can avoid the disappointment.

Andrea Crisp 6:37
But when you start getting clear about what it is that you do desire, then you can move in alignment towards that desire, whether it's building a six figure business, or it's establishing a non profit, or you desire to create something and put it out into the world. The truth of it is, is that when you know exactly what it is that you want to be doing, the impact that you want to be making, and you're super clear on what it is that you want to be doing, then you can allow your inner guidance and wisdom to show you the steps that you need to take, the how, right? And so you're not going to always live in this place of fear that, you know, it's just never going to happen. And you can incrementally take those shifts forward.

Andrea Crisp 7:25
So I want to talk about four particular things that I think will help you in really becoming aligned in your life. And the first one is always, this is like my go-to, right? It's working on your subconscious beliefs, your mindset. And so often we're living out of the conscious, we're living out of like, this is my story, this is what I believe to be true. And we're acting out of that narrative, we're acting out of that story. And so when we are feeling like we're not being successful, like we're not getting where we want to go, or we can't take those risks, or take those brave steps in our lives. It really boils down to what do we believe to be true? What is the story that we're telling ourselves, and all of that is in the subconscious. And so taking that time, every single day, to really work on your mindset is going to be key in helping you stay aligned for success. Because you're going to be able to identify those limiting beliefs, you're going to be able to identify how you've been holding yourself back, you can reframe it, and start moving forward. So that would be number one, is work on your subconscious beliefs.

Andrea Crisp 8:40
Number two, and this is going to be so simple, it's going to be like so simple that you're going to think how in the world is this even gonna help me, but it is take small, incremental shifts every single day. You know, I think, oftentimes, we think that we need to move the needle so far ahead, but then that just gets, like, it's too overwhelming. And we don't want to do that. And we can't do and we don't know how. And so it's literally taking small incremental shifts and saying, "You know what, tomorrow and come back to this, I can keep doing it, I can keep working on it. But I'm going to work out of a place of ease and flow right now. And when I feel like that's all that I can do for the day, then I'll pack it in, and I'll come back tomorrow. And I will work on it when I know that I'm in the right frame of mind to actually be working on it." So instead of like looking at like how do you like pack it all in? You don't have to worry about that do what you can do when you can do it. You know, I have been thinking about how do I batch my content or how do I batch things in my own business, in a way that will really work because sometimes that overwhelm sets in, when I'm trying to do too much at one time, and so I have been learning that even in my own business, I have to take those incremental steps as well. And yes, it might be great to do it all at once. But maybe it takes me longer to do that. And so I batch it over days. And that way, the creativity and the ideas flow a bit better. So for you, maybe that is just taking incremental shifts every single day, and really making smaller decisions, because sometimes it's the big decisions, you'll feel more confident making, when you know that it's easy to make the small decisions, and those small decisions are piling up on each other. And you're like, Yeah, I know, I can do this. And I can make a bigger decision for my life and for my business.

Andrea Crisp 10:46
Then the fourth thing is, and this is key, oh, friend, this is key. Listen to your inner wisdom and guidance. Because it knows, so you can call that your intuition, your gut instinct, your god voice, whatever it is inside of you, that you know is leading and guiding you, that is where you want to be tapping into every single day. And there were times in my life where I was really struggling. And I didn't want to do that I didn't want to tap into my god voice. I didn't want to tap into spending that time because, you know, it was just like, "Oh, I gotta do this again." But the reality was sometimes even for me, as simple as putting on some music and lighting a candle really shifted my energy, and I started to feel better.

Andrea Crisp 11:40
Sometimes I would just go for a walk. And immediately I would have like this, like download of like, this is what I can do, these are the steps I can take. And I just even remember doing that the other day, feeling super overwhelmed with all the things that I needed to be doing in my business right now. And feeling like okay, the pressure is mounting. And I don't want to be working out of this kind of mode anymore. Like this is not working for me, this does not feel good. And so I was like, Okay, I'm going to stop what I'm doing. I'm going to go take a walk, and I'm going to regroup, and I got up for my walk. And immediately as I'm walking through the woods, it was like literally, I had a moment where it was like the four steps came and I opened my voice notes on my phone. And I just spoke them into my voice notes. Step one, step two, step three, step four, and I wrote it all out, or sorry, I just put it into my voice notes. And there it was. And it was so helpful to me to know that, "You know what, I could spend hours and hours coming up with those steps. Or I can take a break, go for a walk and allow God to speak right to me directly." So listen to your inner wisdom and guidance.

Andrea Crisp 12:57
And then the fourth thing is get clarity. And you can do that multiple different ways. Getting clarity can be through, actually, you know, going through worksheets or, you know, listening to something that is helping you to make some decisions in your life. But a lot of times, it is actually talking it out with a coach, someone who can help guide you in the process, and can help you start to make those decisions in your business that feel really good for you to move forward. And, and a lot of times when we're just trying to figure it out on our own, it can feel like, "Oh, it's just too much." And in my life, I have been really fortunate because I am part of a Mastermind called Fast Foundations. And in this Mastermind, in this particular round that I'm in is like over 140 people that are entrepreneurs. And I mean they're kick ass entrepreneurs, they're coaches, they're healers, they're, they've, they they do everything under the sun. And I can literally tap into having those conversations with these people. And I get clarity each and every time I talk with one of them. Because by nature, they just are coaching through conversations. And then of course, I have my own coach as well, which is when I really need to dial in. And I need to be super specific about what it is that I want him to be doing and how I want to execute the plan.

Andrea Crisp 14:27
So I want to encourage you, if you're lacking clarity, in an area of your life, there is going to be someone who can help you to get the clarity that you need to start becoming aligned in your life and in your business. And that is going to give you the success that you truly desire moving forward. You know we are already almost at the end of 2021, which is so crazy to me. And I want to encourage you that if you are in a place right now where you're like, "I really do you want to set myself up for success in 2022, but I'm having a little bit of trouble figuring out how to do that." Let's jump on a call. And let's chat, I'm offering a coaching intensive to help you strategize for 2022. And over the next few weeks, I will have some spots available. And so if this seems like something you really want to do, you just kind of want to just dive right in. And you want to get really clear on a few things that will help you to start move forward, so that you can start planning for your year head and you can start feeling a little bit more relief and feeling like you're headed in the right direction and you know where you're going and you can trust your instincts, then I would love to chat with you. The way to book that call is just to go to my website, andreacrisp.ca/schedule, and we'll hop on a call. And we'll talk that through and we can go from there. I know that you do want to be brave and that you do want to be aligned for success. So Friend, if this helped you in any way, I'd love to hear about it. Make sure you are connected with me on Instagram at @andreacrispcoach, also @the.couragecast, and let me know what was your one big takeaway from this episode today? How are you going to start aligning yourself for success? Are you going to work on your mindset? Are going to start taking those incremental shifts? Are you going to just tap into your inner wisdom? Or are you going to get really clear by talking it out with a coach? I loved hanging out with you today. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 16:38
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 185 | Busting Through Your Limiting Beliefs

WITH DENISE WESTER

 
At the core when I really started to dig deep I felt like I didn’t deserve good things, I was not worthy, I did not have a true sense of worthiness. Because I believed I had to earn it or that I had to do something to achieve it.
— Denise Wester
 

About Episode:

Is there something in your life that you've been wanting for a really long time but it just seems so impossible to attain that you've given up? Maybe you gave up because you figured you could never afford it, or that it was completely out of your reach or it could be that it goes a little deeper and you don't feel like you deserve to have it. In this episode we are talking about the power of faith when it comes to receiving what you truly desire.

Connect with Denise

Instagram + Website

Connect with Andrea:

Instagram + Book

Are you struggling to show up and get clients?

Watch 3-part video series

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Have you ever found yourself in a position where you continue to hit the same obstacle over and over again, wondering how you're ever going to make it through? Well today on the podcast, I'm talking to life coach and the author of Busting Through, Denise Wester, about how you can start to reframe those mindsets, and really take steps of courage in your life.

Kate 0:26
You're listening to the courage cast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:42
Hey there, welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, and I am so glad that you have joined me today. We have a really special episode for you today. You know, I love stories of women who are willing to take brave steps in their lives. And that is exactly why I started this podcast four years ago. And today, talking to Denise, reminded me about why I did start this podcast and why I think it's so important for us to be reminded that no matter the circumstance in your life, no matter where you've come from, what you're facing in your life, you can make a change, you can take steps of courage, and you can move through those limiting beliefs that you feel have been holding you back in your life. And so in this conversation, we are going to be talking about some of those beliefs and how Denise has gone in her life from being a welfare mom, to really shifting her life, taking charge and becoming really the CEO of her own life. And now she's a coach and an author. And she's helping women to really bust through their own limitations. So I'm really, really excited for you to hear this conversation with Denise Wester.

Denise, welcome to the Couragecast. I am so thrilled to have you on today as a guest, and to talk about your book, your brand new book, Busting Through, so welcome to the show today.

Denise Wester 2:18
Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to have a conversation with you.

Andrea Crisp 2:24
Yeah, now we have had an opportunity to chat a couple of times over the past few months. And I was I was just joking with you just a few minutes ago. You know, when you're recording a podcast, you never know what is going to happen in life. And in so I often talk about here on the Couragecast taking big risks and doing, you know, things that seem out of our comfort zone. And not very often do I have a time where I lose episodes. But our previous conversation got lost. And so this is our second conversation. So thank you for having two conversations with me.

Denise Wester 3:05
Yes, it's a great lesson and not get yourself you know, overwhelmed or bogged down and just moving forward and carrying on and keep going forward. Yes.

Andrea Crisp 3:18
Yeah. And it's it's funny because I think a lot of times when I'm talking to people about you know, taking those brave steps and, and really moving out of their comfort zone, you know, the the first thing that comes to mind for people is those limiting beliefs that we have around the different things in our lives. And a lot of what your book is about is overcoming those beliefs and overcoming the obstacles in your life. And so what a great segue. So I'd love for you to share a little bit about who you are and about who you serve. And then we'll get into the book here in a second.

Denise Wester 3:58
Yes, well, I am a, my book is called Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous to Take Action, Get Unstuck and Find your Personal Power. And I came about writing this book these methods in this book because I've been through multiple pivots, job pivots in my life, I was raised in restrictive religion, not knowing who I was, always being judged, Left that and got married, divorced, bankrupt, welfare mother for not knowing made so many mistakes, so many wrong turns. And then finding myself later into a beautiful job I was so happy with and getting into a horrible car accident that took me years of recovery. So I came through all these with some great tools and I just wanted to share them with my readers to help them pivot and help get unstuck and be courageous and find their power.

Andrea Crisp 4:53
And I love that you have just recently released this book, and you've gone through a lot of tramsition, even in your own life through the pandemic. And, you know, one of the things that I think a lot of people struggle with, is the ability to pivot. And when you think that there's something going on in your life, and you, you know, you have hope and your, your, you're thinking, "Okay, I'm going to count on that to be the case." And then all of a sudden, you can't count on that anymore. How has that informed your life, you know, being able to make those transitions and those pivots in your own life.

Denise Wester 5:35
I think that's why it's so important to have goals, you know, to always keep your eye on the prize to have a great vision of where you want to be. And that way you don't get stuck, you always know where you want to go. And that is when you have, you know, job layoffs. And you have situations that we're all kind of going through right now. You know, where you want to end up, you do not want to end up, you know, when I was on welfare, you know, the welfare office was telling me this is where you want to be, this is where you all you got, because you're not educated, you have nobody to watch the kids. But I was like, No, I want to show my kids that you can move out of this, you can go forward, you know, taking steps to get an education, find a job and taking action. When I was offered a job and that sort of thing, instead of state saying "Well, okay, I'm going to be taken care of, I'm just going to stay here and not take action." I took action on opportunities that came and so that is where I think a lot of people right now is the time to if you are an employed to rethink, you know, where you really wanted to be if you were in a job that you really were passionate about, is it time to get re educated in something else. I've met so many people through like the mastermind that you and I were just in. And now I took my life coaching course, there's so many people that were like, I'm done, you know, in this what I've been doing, I am going towards what I'm passionate about. And so that's a time that is exciting. And that's why you have goals, because you can reanalyze, what am I been doing? Is that really where my heart and my passion and my vision is?

Andrea Crisp 7:18
You know, right before someone is going to make that choice, because I think that's an important distinction is whether or not they're going to make that choice, whether they're going to have radical responsibility for their lives. Because by the sounds of it, that's what helps you is taking that responsibility. Why do you think that people don't do that? Why do they stay in the position they're in, versus actually moving towards what they truly desire?

Denise Wester 7:52
I think there's several things and I think one of the main ones is can can be fear of the unknown. And fear is interesting, if you really look at it. Our bodies has this reaction, to fear to keep us safe, to not, you know, walk off the cliff, you know, and to keep you within those kind of safe boundaries. But unfortunately, we get those still those fear responses when it comes to change, or when it has triggers to old responses that you are in your life, you know, old stories that keep coming back, old, you know, you know, things we keep telling yourself. We have 6000 thoughts a day. And how many of them as you start really listening to those thoughts are negative saying, "You can't do this, you know, it's insane, that I'm stupid. Why would somebody hire me? How come you know it?" All those different things are going through your head. And so those will stop you. And so that's why in my book, I started talking about reprogramming those negative thoughts, reprogram and overcoming those stories and those fears, so you can start moving forward and stop being paralyzed. And as you have a whole course on confidence, building that confidence, so you feel strong in taking those actions.

Andrea Crisp 9:08
Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think that's a huge step right at once you've made the decision that you are going to reframe the thoughts, then it is taking action to implement it and integrate it into your life. Now I kind of want to go a little bit backwards into your story because I find it so fascinating. You were a single mom, and you were on welfare. And you're told that, you know, okay, well, this is it. This is kind of where you're at, you know, just kind of take the system and take the assistance. And that was that. You know, when you had when you heard those words, how did you feel and how did you decide at that point that that wasn't going to be where you were gonna stay for the rest of your life.

Denise Wester 10:01
Oh, I remember that. I still remember that feeling. I hung up the phone and I was just blown away. Because I was so excited. I was like, I got my stuff together, my kids, we were in our routine. And it took a lot to get there after, you know, making so many bad decisions. I just like we've got this routine, I thought I was excited. I was gonna call the welfare office and say, Okay, I want to go to work. You know, what, can you help me, you know, and they're just shot me down. And I got off the phone. And I was just blown away. I was just like, No, no, I am not staying here stuck in the sack, same place in this, you know, all I could afford with this moldy, wonky little rental. It's like, no, I wanted more. I knew there was more. I knew I was capable of more. Yeah. And so that's where, you know, I saw in the newspaper, there was a Woman in Transition program at the local college, I requested to be participate not and I was granted that and that was a step in the direction. So just listening, looking through the newspaper, you know, there's opportunities, and I was just open to them to saying yes.

Andrea Crisp 11:10
And just even being open to the opportunity kind of led to taking one step. And then another step.

Denise Wester 11:17
Yes. Yeah, I mean, I got and that Women in Transition program, then, you know, it was so interesting that I was at the courthouse getting my divorce, and the lawyer that was my family lawyer that helped me get the divorce. He was like, Hey, you know, I have this little position, part time position opening up, would you be interested in it was in real estate escrow, which I've never done before for an attorney. And I said, "Yes!" And you know, so I, he was part time, because I was great, because I was going to school the other half the time, and he was totally great with that schedule. And knowing that I had kids, and I had to, you know, take them to and from pick him up from preschool and stuff like that he was totally okay with that. So it's just saying yes to opportunities. I didn't stop and fears like, well, I don't know a thing about escrow. I don't know what it means to work for an attorney. But he just saw something in me that he wanted to nurture and help grow. And I said, Yes, and so that was just another great opportunity that, you know, got me going forward in my new careers.

Andrea Crisp 12:21
You know, one of the things that has come up for me over I guess, the course of, you know, years, and in fact, one of the things that I'm working through my own limiting beliefs, and I'd love to hear your input on this is getting to a point in your life or in you know, when you're doing something, you have a goal or a dream, and you continue to bump up against the same mindset, or the same issue continues to happen over and over and over again. And I want to know, you know, for you, how have you been able to deal with that, you know, if it's something that is something that just seems to never go away? Or it's like, how is this continuing to happen over and over again? What would you suggest to someone who is is finding themselves in that kind of situation?

Denise Wester 13:11
That's very interesting, great question, because that does seem to happen. And I'm a firm believer in really digging deep in your stories, and digging deep in helping those stories. And I have different tools in my book about digging deep into your stories as to why this keeps happening. So it's kind of start unpacking your dialogue, what's going on in your head, for one thing, and getting clarity. And clarity is with journaling, and also meditation, really diving deep into your stories, because if there's something that keeps happening, there's something in your dialogue that is keeping you stuck there that you have to work through. And it's kind of can be hidden for a long, long time. And you note and keep working through it. And meditation and journaling can really help get some clarity on maybe you're looking the total way you're trying to force something to happen that's just not in your synchronicity for you or certain deputy for you or anything. That's something that's just you're fighting against some force that wants you to go the other direction.

Andrea Crisp 14:19
It's so funny you say that because for many, many years, I think I was one of those people who I did force things. And I did, I didn't think that was a bad thing. Like I thought it was just being, you know, self motivated and making things work and really like hustling and, you know, this is even before I had my own business, this was like, pre entrepreneurship. And, you know, now realizing, as an entrepreneur, you can either be in the camp where you're always striving and hustling to make something happen, or you can kind of be in the camp of allowing it to be easy and have a flow. And as you said, you know, synchronicity, or really just allowing, you know, the universe to guide you. And, and, you know, both of us have had our own stories when it comes to really being internally led, you know, with religious beliefs, and also, you know, transitioning out of those. So how have you been able to, you know, transition your own story, releasing some of those religious beliefs that you had in order to actually move into the next season of your life?

Denise Wester 15:40
Well, yes, you know, it was when I left that religion, it was really interesting, it was such a restrictive religion, some people call it a cult, and it was really hard because I you don't have any of your own beliefs, you don't have you finally get to have a belief of your own. And it was really interesting, I just would start asking my question, self questions, you know, it's like, Hey, I can actually form my own opinion on this, you know, and start getting my own spirituality. I feel like I have a better spirituality with God than I ever did before in my life. And it was, it was through baby steps, you know, it was through you know, I think you know, getting beaten over the head with it, not seeing it, you know, for so long because I was so against anything religion for a long, long time, but then finally coming to my own, and being open to things and here's the story that happened.

And it was really like, I had this customer that just pushed my buttons. And just every single time I encountered her, she was just she lied to me. She was cheating. She was trying to cheat the company. And it was so frustrating. And it was really good business. So I couldn't tell them to go well, you know, we don't want to do your business anymore. It was a huge profitable business for our company. And I remember it was like a weekend and I was just crying. I was crying at my desk, because because she just had just drove me absolutely crazy. I thought okay, I'm going to walk away from a desk, I'm just going to I'm going to turn on the TV and just vegetate here. Now just flicking through the TV in there on PBS, I seen him a zillion times, and his wonky sweaters talking and I'd never ever stopped before it's like, but I for some reason I stopped and it was Wayne Dyer. And he was promoting his book Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Problems.

And I was just transfixed here it is I thought he was speaking to me because I was having so many problems and with this person and from work and he just shared a whole new light on it, you know, on I was just pushing so hard I was bumping my head up trying to sit think I can control this person, or change who she was, or try and but you can't, you can't and so I just let it go, I let go of trying to control the situation, I let go of that she is who she is, I'm going to be me and I'm going to start just telling her that I can't do that I'm going to put boundaries on how she was treating me and talking to me. And it totally pivoted my life and that relationship with her and I just from then I was just like a sponge to looking at things differently. And that is you know, even like situations now my children you know, when it's a lesson, my children are grown and they're adults. So I'm not trying to control their life and their situations they're making choices for themselves. So as you know, we go through life we are seeing different things that we're trying to contribute. Going back to your question about how do we when we are bumping our head against something you know how you go forward you go forward by staying true to yourself being honest with yourself and quit trying to control the situation to being what you think the outcome should be. Kind of opened to your eyes to a new path to your ultimate goal you know, and it could be right in front of you, but you're bumping your head thinking you need to go this certain direction. So opening your eyes, being aware to there could be something right in front of you that saying this is the way to go but you are trying so hard to control and that will then that kind of led me to my spiritual path you know, Wayne Dyer listening to him and, and just my meditation and my path to spirituality again.

Andrea Crisp 19:31
You know, it's funny you say that because I wish that I had learned that lesson a long time ago. That is something that I you know, I think of when I was in the states for many, many years. I really wanted to be there and I was kind of hell bent on making sure that I had a visa to stay in the country. And so I was you know, paying, like tons of money for immigration lawyers and You know making sure. And I was so fearful of coming back to Canada and having to be in a place in my life where I you know didn't want to be that eventually that ended up happening I almost I manifested my the worst case scenario because of my fear that I would have to do that and it was really interesting because you know upon reflection. This is way later on, but upon reflection and looking back and thinking to myself you know, I was forcing something to happen and trying to control that outcome, trying to make it happen and at the end of the day, I ended up with the thing I didn't want which was you know, moving back to Canada funny enough that same thing is really what I needed was to come back and so oftentimes I think we are trying to make something happened trying to control the situation and in the process you know, becoming you know, anxious and depressed and worried and you know, having all of this fear when really if we just release it we can realize that there's something even better and as I'm saying that I'm thinking of a particular situation in my mind in my life right now where I'm like, who should probably apply that right there to that particular situation?

Denise Wester 21:21
There you go! Yeah, yeah you know it's it's so interesting and it's it's when you have a spirituality and it's always you know, you got to remember. I don't know my Bible that well any at all, I didn't pay attention too much to that but I always do remember it's like you know throw your burden on him you know throw your burden on God and it is sometimes that is really really important to not be taking all this sometimes on for yourself and into put things out to the universal a little bit. You know, and I always say every single day, "Please," don't out loud I say every single day, "Please guide me to see what I need to see to be doing what I need to be doing so I can serve you." You know I always think my mind is you got to be in a mindset of serving What can I do be doing to serve so you're not you know out to your own gains you're out to serve and I think you will always be steered correctly if you think about.

Andrea Crisp 22:13
Now I have a question for you and I'm not sure how this is gonna go but I'm just gonna put it out there anyways but I don't know if this is something you were taught growing up, you know in your religious background, but you know really doing the will of God I don't know if that was something that you know you heard a lot but where does that fit in now because you know I would imagine that you feel like you are divinely led, you are you know lead by source, universe, higher power, but is that different than the will of God? That you maybe you know subscribe to as a belief prior to?

Denise Wester 22:55
Well before in part of the religion, that is it was kind of you know, I had a different God at the time did at the time I, thinking about it's a great question, god, this is going to get deep here at that time I didn't have a relationship with God at the time I just felt it all you had all these rules and you're doing all these rules for God and the religion and to be you know, you have to be out there trying to save people you have to be knocking on doors you have to be putting your hours in. You're never doing enough, you're never doing enough, never doing a right. So to me that I never was really had a relationship with God or was thinking about doing it for God or had a spirituality because I was just, you know, stressed out space of never doing enough and being judged and put up on the podium when you're like 10- 11-12 years old, and giving talks and things like that, then they critique you on them.

And so it's just it was just a different, you know, reality, then versus now. You know, it's like it took me a little while to even realize that I do still believe in God, you know, and I know people that don't believe in God, they're atheists, but they believe in different higher powers which is awesome that they've been able to come to that, you know, a realization that it's fine. I don't judge anybody or for what they believe. I just want them to know that they have it in them to have a spiritual connection of some sort. And whatever that means to them and for me, it means God and I totally believe that it he is there or she is there, whatever you want to believe that is and that I do have spirit guides and we have people there and souls they're looking out for us and guiding us and me if you can connect into that. You will be amazing when you start feeling that connection with that and it just lightens your life and brings love to your heart to know That you have that higher power there in your life, it's a totally different relationship than I ever had as part of a religion. Yeah, it

Andrea Crisp 25:10
Almost sounds, you know, like, being synced up, like imagine being, you know, when you're, when you're plugged, you know, right in, it's like, you know, you're not trying to make something happen, but you are, you know, kind of going with what that power source is. And I love that, that thought because I think that's something that comes up a lot with with people, especially when they have maybe left a religious belief system, you know, whether that be, you know, any kind of religious belief system. And I think that finding a new paradigm for, for belief is is, you know, a really big transition, especially when you are actually moving forward and you know, as an entrepreneur, and really understanding Okay, well how do I subscribe to, you know, some sort of help, whether it's God or source or higher power however, that looks. So yeah, I love that. I love that you, you know, you, you feel like you have more depth now than you did even before.

Denise Wester 26:21
Much more depth, much more depth. Yes, yes. And I just, and you find that through to me, I get my joy, and I get my connection is when I'm out in nature. And when I ride my bike, you know, I'm out in nature, and I just feel such a synchronicity with, you know, the creation around us. And when I do my meditations, I'm quieting my body, so my mind is alert. And I just, I just feel so it's divinely inspired. And that's how I wrote my book. You know, by bike rides in my meditations, I just felt so divinely inspired to put these words that have helped me and methods on a piece of paper, just to help you know, for a long time, it was really hard for me the idea of getting the book out because it's like, "Oh, this is so much of myself to share." But then I realized if I could just help one person, you know, that was stuck like I was that could read the story, read these methods, and use the tools and it can help them then that is a beautiful thing that I need to do.

Andrea Crisp 27:23
I love that. Well, where can they find your book? And how can they connect with you?

Denise Wester 27:29
My book is on Amazon, it's the whole title is Busting Through: Methods to get Courageous, To Take Action, To Get Unstuck, and Find Your Personal Power. And yes, and I'm on Instagram, @deniserwester, Facebook, and there's a link on my Instagram that will connect you to the book. And I also have a freebie, little one sheet on busting through procrastination. So you can connect to that through my Instagram link and through my website, too. So look forward to any connections and those who purchase my book get to, I have a private Facebook group to further support collaborate, and I put more journaling prompts on there and weekly inspirations and it's a community of like minded, who have read the book. And we're, I wanted additional support, and celebrate wins and breakthroughs and be there for each other. So you get to get on that when you purchase my book, just send me an email to pr@denisewester.com.

Andrea Crisp 28:29
That is awesome Denise, like I am just I'm just thrilled for you that you, you did this, that you took this big step I know that, you know, when we were in mastermind together, this was kind of the process that you were in and to see it actually come out into the world and have his birth. And it's really exciting to see. And I encourage you to go ahead and make sure you do purchase her book on Amazon and connect with her. Denise is an amazing human. And so you will you will definitely be inspired by her. So thank you so much Denise for being on the podcast. And we'll make sure all the links to your Instagram and website are in the show notes for everybody to access.

Denise Wester 29:13
Thank you so much.

Andrea Crisp 29:15
Well, I just loved having that conversation with Denise. And honestly, it was even better the second time around, which of course is always the case, right? When we are trying to control things, oftentimes those are the moments when they just don't really work out as planned. And we can get discouraged and defeated or we can find another way through, which is exactly the lesson that I have been learning in my life is how do you start seeing things differently when you are bumping up against the same thing over and over and over again? Reframe that mindset. Find a new solution, look for another way around and be divinely lead in the process. And so I want to thank Denise for reminding me of that today reminding us all. So, if you want to connect with Denise, you can find all of her information located in the show notes, as well you can connect with me at @andreacrispcoach and @the.couragecast. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 30:27
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 184 | Position Yourself For Expansion

WITH ANDREA CRISP

 
And I started to learn that part of trusting myself and trusting my instincts and, and really seeing the potential and the possibility in my life was to say, you know what, I’m going to take radical responsibility for who I am. And I am going to shift my life because it’s not up to anybody else. It’s really only up to me.
— Andrea Crisp
 

About This Episode:

Are you in a place in your life where you are expanding and growing? The environment you find yourself in will have an enormous impact on how far you go and who you become in the process. Maybe you've found yourself wanting to expand but you're not sure what step to take. In this episode I'll be sharing the process that has worked for me personally when it came to growth in my life personally and professionally.

Connect With Andrea:

Instagram + Website + Book

Interested in coaching with Andrea:

Book your FREE 30 min strategy session HERE

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
I'm celebrating a big milestone this year. Now you'd think it was like some crazy big number, but it's really not. But it is my birthday month, I turned 47 in October. And I wanted to share with you on the podcast today, what I've learned this year, and how I really believe that it has shifted and changed me for the better. And a few things that I think will also help you as you are learning to navigate and expand your own growth.

Kate 0:30
You're listening to the Couragecast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week, we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author, and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:46
Hello there, welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host. And I'm really glad that you're joining me today. You know what, it's hard to believe that it is the end of October. Like it's crazy to me to think about it. October is always one of my favorite months. A lot of the reason for that is because it's my birthday. But this year in particular, I have been feeling just, I don't know, extra reflective, I suppose about my year, about the growth that I've experienced, about the challenges and the obstacles that I have faced, personally, professionally, in so many ways. And so I thought I would record an episode for you all about what it's like to really expand when you're thinking about making that leap, and jumping into something in your life that will cause you to expand. And oftentimes, I think that is one of the biggest reasons why we don't actually step into our purpose fully is because we're not really sure how things are going to turn out. And what is it going to require? And how are we going to be able to navigate, you know, the different things that are shifting and changing in our lives. Because the truth of the matter is when you are expanding in your life, and when you are in a position where you're surrounded by amazing individuals who are up leveling you in some way, there is no way to stay the same. And that means that you have to figure out a new normal, and so do the people around you. And so I want to talk a little bit about that. And about what has changed for me over the past year, you know, I'm going into a new birth year, I'm gonna I'm turning, while I turned 47. So which is crazy to me, I actually saw that number, somebody had texted me a happy birthday message. And I saw that number and it's like, "Is this real? Could I possibly be 47?"

Like, you know, I think about that sometimes, I'm like, how have I gotten to this point in life, but yet I am so very grateful for the experience that I've had in my life and for having 47 years on this earth and have, you know, my life means something. And that's, I guess, really important to me. But at the beginning of 2021, when, when I was you know, starting off the year, I made some really big shifts in my life. I made, I really made a point of saying that I, an intention really is what I call it, of trusting myself, God, and others to a whole new level. And I think for a long time I had been holding myself back and fearful of the outcome when I would, you know, trust someone or I would, you know, lean into something I was really good at only to feel like I was, you know, not measuring up or being rejected in some way. And so it caused me to close off and to really not put myself out there in a way that I probably really would have wanted to.

And so at the beginning of 2021 I had this idea in my mind and this intention that I was going to learn how to trust myself, God, and others in a whole new way into a new depth. And that is definitely something that has happened. And I was given opportunity after opportunity to grow in all of those areas. And the first one came in the form of friendships. You know, with the Pandemic, proceeding all of that. It was really crazy because you know, you're really in these heightened relationships and then some fall off the board and some, you know, just shift and change, and people are in different places in their lives.

And so it's kind of like sometimes you wonder, "Okay, well, who am I gonna be friends with at the end of this?" And there were times where I lost touch with different people. And you know, you wonder, did I do something, did they do something, and a lot of it really is just allowing for us to experience that kind of growth. And sometimes those relationships come back together. And sometimes they don't. And generally speaking, when they do come back together, they have experienced a tremendous amount of growth, and depth. And I have found that those relationships were the ones that trust was really built, because we were able to see that even though there was time apart, we could still come back together. And there was a deepened friendship there, and a deepened trust.

When it came to myself, a lot of my trust was really around, do I trust myself enough to bet on myself, to risk on myself, to really put myself out there when it comes to business, and to really take those big financial risks and those big business risks. And there was a moment where I felt back in around April, that there was an opportunity for me to take that step out. And it was a bigger step than I had normally taken. And I was like, "You know what, I am going to bet on me, and I'm going to go all in, and I'm going to believe that I can really be successful in every way in my life." And so I joined a mastermind, and I've talked a lot about it over the course of this year, but it really did shift my whole life, it shifted my business, it shifted the way I see myself, it shifted, the you know, just even the people I was in proximity to. And I found myself rubbing shoulders with amazing individuals, that I looked up to amazing people who were making a huge impact and difference in the world and people that I wanted to emulate in my business.

And I found myself having to take bigger steps, bigger risks, because I was around those people. And in doing so, I had to learn how to make decisions quickly, I had to learn to trust, my gut instinct, I had to learn to get over myself, is really how it, you know, all shook out because at the end of the day, when I was learning to trust myself, it was also learning that I did not have to play the victim, I did not have to play a poor me card anymore. Like, look what's happened to me or, you know, I got dealt a raw deal. And I started to learn that part of trusting myself and trusting my instincts and, and really seeing the potential and the possibility in my life was to say, you know what, I'm going to take radical responsibility for who I am. And I am going to shift my life because it's not up to anybody else. It's really only up to me. And so I did the mindset work, I put action in, I took aligned action, I took a messy action, you name it, what kind of action I took, I took it all, because I was willing to try anything in order to see what would move the needle forward in my life. And I found that just by showing up and being myself that I could create something really, really beautiful. And all of that came in trusting myself.

And then the third part of it was trusting God, trusting the divine. And if you've listened to the podcast over the past few years and you've listened to my story of faith deconstruction, you know, I talk a lot about the deconstructing part and about kind of peeling back those layers of kind of religious theology and upbringing and the life that I lead in the church and you know, it is a journey. If you've ever been on a journey where you are, you know, shifting your your whole life, and your religious beliefs and your faith. It is not for the faint of heart. I'll tell you that right now. If you ever want to have a conversation with me about it, please feel free I'm definitely up to talking to people about my faith deconstruction, but part of the process for me was also learning to trust God again, and learning to really disconnect God from religion.

You know, growing up, we talked a lot about in the Christian faith, the church being the body of Christ. And so for me, the community of people, the church was a huge representation of what my faith was. But the church hurt me a lot. And I was, you know, in a really wounded place because of some of the spiritual abuses that happen in my life. So that was really hard for me to separate that from the divine, God, universe, source. And I couldn't really pull it out of context to really, you know, get the healing that I needed. But over the course of this year, as I have trusted myself, as I've trusted others, I've also leaned into learning how to trust God's source divine, and understanding that deepened connection with who I am and who I was created to be, and what I truly believe, because I've always experienced God, in a way that felt really tangible, to me really real. And so I never really questioned whether or not there was a God. But I wasn't sure exactly what God look like, what form does God look like? And I've had to take, you know, all of those thoughts, preconceived ideas, of who I assume who God is, and said, you know, what I really don't know. And my unknowing, I guess, is the way to say it has led me to a deeper connection with God, again, to an understanding that apart from source, that I really am not able to co create what it is that I truly desire in my life, and in my business.

And those three aspects of my life, trusting myself, God, and others have really, really been the expansive part of who I am. And learning that this is a always, we're always growing, we're always on a journey, we don't ever arrive anywhere and just completely say, "Well, I get it. And I understand. And I know, and I know how to trust myself, and I know how to trust God, and I know how to trust others, and I'm in this amazing place in my business, and I don't need in anything else", we're always on a journey to to grow and to move forward. And so if there's anything that has really shown me, I guess, what's important in my life, it is that I stay connected. It is that I allow myself to go deeper into that connection. And I allow myself to have that intimacy and to experience everything that was meant for me.

And it's not always going to be easy. And it's going to come with its challenges. And I'm sure it's going to come with moments of pain and heartache along the way, but at the end of the day, life is meant to be lived. And I think, turning 47 this year, and looking back on just this year, and how expansive my life has become, I sit here and wonder, "You know, okay, well, what is next? Like, what's the next step? What is it that I truly desire? In my life?" I am so grateful for what has happened up until this point, that, you know, what could possibly been asked what could possibly be better than this, right? And I think about that, and I think about really deepening, going to that next level, and saying, "Okay, now that I am in a place where I am allowing myself to trust again, and I'm healed from those old wounds, and I have spent that time to forgive and to come to terms with things in my life, and to stop playing the victim. That now I'm really ready to play full out, that I'm really ready to go in heart open, mind open, spirit open, to really embrace all that life has to offer me. All that life has to give me, and the reason why I wanted to share this with you is because sometimes we only see certain things.

You know, when we are looking at social media, or when we're having conversation, or you know, when we're looking at those little squares on Instagram, but at the heart of everything, I really wanted to be transparent with you about where I'm at, and how I've grown. And, really to the depth, I think that we need to go in order to really feel that joy and fulfillment in life. And that is in trusting ourselves, in trusting God and in trusting others, and allowing ourselves to fully be present in all of that, even if it's messy, even if it's amazing, in all its ways.

So that is the thought that I wanted to share with you today. This the end of October, a couple months left of 2021. And I really believe that, you know, it's not done yet. So there's still like, so much more that can happen. And I love that, you know, I love the thought that you know, like, this is only just getting started. And I'm just so grateful that at the beginning of year that I set that intention, and that God just delivered amazing people, individuals, opportunities, challenges, things along the way to continually grow me so that I can shift and change and become the woman who I really have always desired to be. So friend, I encourage you that as much as you know this story was about me today, that this is also a story about you. Because in order for you to truly live the life you desire, in order for you to be the coach, the entrepreneur, the partner, you really want to be in life to someone, we have to begin to allow ourselves to trust again. And to experience that healing, that forgiveness, and allow ourselves to feel what it is we need to feel in order for us to move into those new depths in our life. So having said all that, I want to thank you for hanging out with me. And closing off this big birthday month. 47, it's good, It's a good number. I'll take it. Until next time, remember you everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 17:42
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 183 | The Truth About Love + Entrepreneurship

WITH AMBER DALSIN

1 (2).png
 
Many couples when they’re talking about what they want, they focus on how they’re different. And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually do we agree, that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there’s going to be places where you’re not growing together,
— Amber Dalsin
 

About This Episode:

Have you ever wondered if you can have it all? Or do you feel like you have to sacrifice your love life to have a successful business. In this episode of The Couragecast I’m chatting with Couple’s Therapist Amber Dalsin about the fears that hold us back in relationship, how to have our core needs met, and choosing a partner that will be able to support the dream. 

Amber Dalsin is a psychologist, couples therapist, educator and author. After 10 short months of marriage, she found herself single and living in her boss’s dark basement. From a place of loneliness and deeply wanting to be loveable, she hit the relationship research to find the exact tools to help her cultivate self confidence and create a love beyond her wildest dreams.

Connect With Andrea:

Instagram + Website

Connect With Amber:

Instagram + Emotional Intimacy Cheat Sheet

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Relationships can be messy at the best of times, but especially if you're an entrepreneur or a small business owner. Today on the podcast, we're talking to couples therapist, Amber Dalsin, all about how to grow together as a couple, and how to choose the right partner for you, when you're an entrepreneur.

Amber Dalsin 0:20
And many couples, when they're talking about what they want, or where they're growing, they focus on how they're different. They focus on where they're not seeing eye to eye. And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually do we agree? Where actually do we have some shared goals and some shared dreams that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there's going to be places where you're not growing together.

Kate 0:45
You're listening to The Couragecast, a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week, we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. Here's your host, life coach, author, and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:59
Hello, friends. Welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host. And I am pretty excited to bring you this conversation today with Amber Dalsin, which is a very long time coming. Honestly, I think we recorded this episode back in the summer. And it was one of my very favorite recordings because Amber has such amazing knowledge about relationships, and especially when it comes to being an entrepreneur, because that can be really messy. And if you're not really choosing the right partner for you, or navigating your relationship with understanding your core values and what your needs are and how you need to be supported, then things might get a little bit out of hand. So I'm super excited for you to take a listen to this episode. It was originally aired on Instagram as part of their Courage Creator series. And today it's on the podcast and I'm thrilled to bring you Amber Dalsin.

Hey everyone, I'm back for another of our Courage Creator series today. I'm really excited because I've got an amazing guest to share with you today. Amber Dalsin, she is a psychotherapist and she's also a relationship expert. We're going to be talking all about what happens when you are struggling with having really hard conversations with your partner, significant other and how does that work when you're an entrepreneur and you're business owner, so we're gonna have a really great conversation. So she's gonna be here in just a second. Hey, Amber.

Amber Dalsin 2:50
Hi, how are you today?

Andrea Crisp 2:53
I'm good. I'm really excited to have you on I absolutely love this topic. And we're talking about the struggle that partners face when they are having these really tough conversations about their relationship, which I'm sure includes money in entrepreneurship and being business owners especially like after a pandemic, when things have so vastly shifted. I'm sure there's a lot of people who are in these positions where they are asking themselves these questions. But before we get into it, I'd love for you just to kind of tell people who you are and a little bit about who you serve.

Amber Dalsin 3:36
Yeah, absolutely. So as you said, I'm Amber Dawson. I'm a psychologist and couples therapist. And I'm the founder of ember relationships, psychology, where I love helping couples create connection and clear communication through simple framework so we can feel loved and heard. And part of why I do this is ultimately in my life. Being loved, the desire to be loved, and to fit into belong was something that I just didn't feel like I had, I grew up in a family system where my brother was a drug addict by the time he was 13 years old, and no fault of my parents, great parents. But as a result of that, I don't think any parent is ever equipped to handle a drug addict at 13. And I was just left alone, left to my own devices. And I didn't understand why I didn't get the love or attention or care that I wanted. And being 15 at the time myself, I thought well, I'll just get this through men. But it worked until it didn't work and I didn't know a lot about relationships. All I knew is that I deeply want it to be loved and I didn't have the tools to create that. And so now I have the tools now, I have a love beyond my wildest dreams I feel like I could write a fairy tale about and I want couples to also have the tools to build a love that they dream up because we are so wired for love. We are wired for connection and belonging but because we have fears or lack of skills or tools, so often we don't know how to get and keep that love that we dream of. So that's my goal is to help bring that to couples and make it a bit more accessible so that we can all have our little fairy tale whatever that looks like for us.

Andrea Crisp 5:02
We were talking just before we went live about, you know what that looks like when we're in a partnership with someone, and we're bringing in our own fears or insecurities and having those really tough conversations. I'd love to know, like, what, what are the big fears that you think, are holding people back, especially in entrepreneurship, you know, so maybe one person is an entrepreneur, and the other person is working their nine to five, and all of a sudden, you know, there's these questions around money, and how long are we going to be doing this? And what are some of the things that come up when you're talking to couples, or even people that are in that space?

Amber Dalsin 5:45
Are you asking from the perspective of the person who's starting their own business? Or from the perspective of the person who's not?

Andrea Crisp 5:50
Let's Let's go with the person who is starting their own business? Or is in the middle of that? Yeah.

Amber Dalsin 5:58
Gosh, I think there can be so many fears, right? I think starting out a new business. There's a ton of hurdles, I think most of us are already, you know, we can have that fear of like an imposter, can I really do this? Who do I think I am to be doing this? And so we already have our own vulnerabilities about who are we to be doing this? And are we going to make it? We can have fears and vulnerabilities around? Are we going to make the finances fears and vulnerabilities about being a failure? Or what will it mean, if we don't succeed, what will be left? Will our partner go? Will our partner be able to provide the emotional support we need through this? Will we be supported? Are they gonna be on our team? And I think there's so many different fears that you can have an interpreted, depends on your situation, your finances, your relationship, but I think a lot just around succeeding, getting the support that you need, and what's going to be the impact of whether or not you don't whether or not you succeed in the way that you want to. I think there certainly can come come up a number of fears, especially when we're diving into something where the future is uncertain and unknown. That is the perfect formula for all sorts of fears to emerge or arise.

Andrea Crisp 6:58
Yeah. And I mean, just as you're saying, you know, like, you're not only dealing with your own fear, but you of success, because I know like, if you're an entrepreneur, you're going through this these mindset shifts all the time about, you know, can I do this? Can I step into this space? What is it going to look like? Who do I have to be to be this person now? And then you're shifting, changing, and expanding? And maybe your partner is, you know, over here going, what is going on here? Like, do you see, you know, potentials where they they kind of start going apart? How do they, how would a couple, I guess, navigate staying together and keeping those values, or shared values when one person's really really growing in an area? And maybe the other person is staying in that space?

Amber Dalsin 7:51
Yeah, great question. I think this happens all the time, whether it's entrepreneurship or anything else, because throughout life, I mean, you're lucky if you and your partner go through something and you grow at the same rate, and at the same time, but that's usually not what happens. You know, we go through different life events, and they impact us in different ways. And we're catapulted into grow sometimes, and we don't want to be, and very often we don't go through growth at the same rate, or the same time that our partner does. And couples are always forced to be renegotiating every new gap, renavigating how do we grow through, go through growth and grow together, not apart. And there may be phases where you grow to part grow apart a bit, but then can you grow back together. So the best way that I think that we can do this is through conversations, and men and women as a sweeping over generalization here, but it's also supported in the in the research have different styles about how we communicate how often we want to communicate what we want to communicate about. So just remember that how you communicate in your relationship is going to be different for every relationship.

There are some females who don't love to talk and share and be vulnerable. And there are many females who love to talk and share and be vulnerable. There are some males who don't want to talk about anything, they only want talk about sports and politics and that's it. There are other males who are very open to talking about the relationships. But as a sweeping overgeneralization, females usually are the ones who want to talk about the relationship, they're usually the ones who are managed the emotional labor in the relationship. And so more often than not, the woman will be responsible for typically bringing those things up and having them be worked on. Sure there are men who do that. And we don't want to say men don't need to be part of that equation. They shouldn't be just recognizing also that there's differences for whatever reason, maybe it's biological, maybe it's socialization, but we've got some differences there.

But the thing that couples need to be open to is having conversations about how one person's dream impacts them both and there's a few mistakes that people make sometimes when they're going to have conversations. Some of these mistakes include like steamrolling your partner and just you sharing the way you think it should be and assuming for agreement or assuming that they're going to get on board where, you know, maybe they have to digest maybe they thought all along that you too would both be having a nine to five and they're shocked to hear that you want leave your nine to five. And they need some time to get their mind onboard with that. So just because you brought up an idea, you understand the idea, you have thought through the idea, give your partner some time to adjust and adapt, because it might not be that they don't support you, it might just be a radically different vision than they have in their mind's eye. Because whether or not we realize that sometimes, we all have dreams and beliefs and goals about what our future is going to look like.

And if you've been in a long term relationship, you can't help but create goals and dreams based on your partner as well. And so when we're going into this, it's really important to share our side, but also ask about our partner's side, their point of view, without judgment, without criticism without blame without, you know, accusing them that they're not supporting, but giving them the time and space to voice their concerns, their opinions, even if you radically disagree, because one of the things that would influence that it's kind of irritating is we actually have more influence with people, when we get them to feel seen, heard, understood, we validate their position, before we get that agreement in ours. And most of us when we're feeling like super gung ho, and supercharged on the vision on the path that we see, it can be incredibly frustrating when our partners aren't there with us, we want the support, and we want it now. And when they, you know, offer resistance or reluctance or fears or feel unsupportive, or have criticisms, we're like, how dare you. And the last thing we want to do is hear them.

But what most couples if you work hard to hear each other, even if they're very differing views. So I always like to say, the measure of success isn't if you start out in different books, you're not gonna be on the same page, it's great if you and your partner talk and you're on the same page and the same book, you get two thumbs up. But most people, if you're going through a radical change, or you're growing in different directions, you might start out in different pages of the books, I mean, different books, different pages of the books, and I think the measure of success isn't where you start. It's where you finish. So if you're bringing these things up, and you're talking about it, and you want to grow together, I think it's really important for both people get the opportunity to share their beliefs, values, goals, dreams, fears, even if these things are founded in logic and reality or not. Yeah, and then figure out what are your shared goals or dreams? What do you have in common, and work to get at least in the same book, if not the same chapter if not the same page. And many couples, when they're talking about what they want, or where they're growing, they focus on how they're different, they focus on where they're not seeing eye to eye? And if you can flip that frame and say, where actually, do we agree? We're actually do we have some shared goals and some shared dreams, that helps lay out the path and the roadmap for how do you grow together, even when there's going to be places where you're not growing together?

Andrea Crisp 12:51
Yeah. Now, you know, when a couple stays together, or one of them is having tremendous success, because I've seen both. So I want to address both sides, where an entrepreneur all of a sudden has this like accelerated success and is making a ton of more money, maybe then the partner, or the the partner is in a business, and they are having a hard time. And the partner now is like, "Okay, well, I need you to get a job." So like, those are two different sides of the coin. But could you address both of those, because I feel like, there will be people who find themselves like all of a sudden, they feel like my partner really, really wants me to get a job, and I am having resistance to like going back to a nine to five. And then on the other side, they're making a ton of money. Yeah, and now they're like having to explain like to their partner who maybe is making less now. So what do you say to that?

Amber Dalsin 13:51
Well, I think anytime we make a change in our relationship, we're always going to have to be adjusting and re navigating the roles that we're in and the experiences we're having. So I think I guess I'll start with if you're making less money, and you feel the pressure by your partner to get a job. I think this is going to look different for every single relationship. And remember, no one is in your relationship. But you and I think this again, comes back to some really difficult conversations that might not always be the most pleasant to have. But instead of thinking, "Okay, they want me to get a job," I think it's important to sit down and to talk about what are the core needs here. So is the core need to be financially secure, to pay your bills, tend to know that we're headed toward a shared vision, to save for retirement. And then once you understand the core goals you both have, there can be more flexible ways that you think about meeting those needs. So maybe your partner can say look, I can financially be in this position with you where you're not bringing in money, I can handle that for three months, or I can handle that for six months. I can handle that for one year. So you can talk about timelines or time durations of not getting a job. You can talk about, you know, minimum amounts of cash flow to be bringing in so you don't have that pressure. You could be talking about is there a part time job where you could do half and half or another thing that you could wants to have some money coming in.

So I think it's not always a conversation that is so cut and dry like you need to get a job or you don't need to get a job, although your partner might say that, figure out what the core need is, is the core need security? Is the core need contribution? Is the core need saving for retirement is their core need? Is it the lasting financial legacy? Once you figure out that core need is for you both, you can compromise on how is that done? Certainly doesn't mean you're going to just always have these free flowing easy conversations or compromises smooth. Probably not because you're probably both going to be triggered. But you might need to keep coming back to what temporary compromises are, what things can you agree on for now, and maybe follow up and revisit in a week or a month or in six months, so that you keep working towards what you need. And your partner, here's the thing, your partner might want you to get another job, that might be their preference.

Andrea Crisp 15:52
Yeah.

Amber Dalsin 15:53
But if they're willing to tolerate the distress of perhaps that entrepreneur not making the income, and their preference would be to get you to get a job, but maybe you just, the person who is the entrepreneur, would just need to tolerate the distress of their partner not liking where they're at. And together, your joint agreement can also be we agree to not like it, or move forward until it feels better and revisit that in a number of months. So sometimes agreement and solutions doesn't mean liking. Sometimes it means accepting the problems and the pressures that you have, which isn't always the most desirable outcome. But John Gottman, and their research are the Gottmans and the Gottmans is doing their research have found that 69% of relationship problems aren't solvable, that means that only 31% of relationship problems can be solved. And so sometimes the antidote is accepting that your partner doesn't like where you're at, and you don't like where they're at. And you move forward. Anyway.

Andrea Crisp 16:49
Wow, I didn't realize that. That's that is, okay. Now, okay, so for the person, we've been talking a lot about people who are in partnerships and relationships, but for the people who are maybe not, I would love for your thoughts, because they're going to set themselves up, in a way, in a relationship where they have a clean slate, how can they set themselves up for success? By really communicating well, with a new partnership? And how, how do they actually, like I mean, I, you know, this is purely selfish on my part, I'm single. So tell me what I'm going to need to do to set myself up for success in my next relationship.

Amber Dalsin 17:33
Great, great thoughts. So I think one of the first things you need to be considering when we're dating is choosing a partner that matches the emotional availability that you need. So right from the outset, we're getting clues from certain people, if they're willing to talk to you, if they're willing to have some difficult conversations or not, or if they're throwing up flags that they don't want to talk, I think right away, because in early relationship, we are swept away with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, pheromones, and we can fall hard and fast for no good reason other than, like our biology said so, our biology is incredibly powerful. And the initial stage of falling for someone, it can be like red flag, red flag, flashing red flag in your nervous system is like, what red flag, I don't see it. Just kidding. Like, I will flood you with more pheromones, you don't see any red flags.

So I think the first thing to be aware of is just how powerful our biology is. And recognizing that that is gonna, if you meet that person, and we've had this experience, you meet someone, and your biology just loves them, they might not be that great in any other way, but your biology is like lit right up. You're literally going out for like a Christmas tree and you can't calm that down. You can't unplug it, no matter what you try to do. So it's just to recognize that that is a biological thing. And it does not always mean that partner is great for you. In some cases, we lean up even more to the people that aren't great matches for us because it actually sparked some anxiety in us. And then when they show up in the way that we want intermittently, then we get reward and we get relief. And so we get even more sparks sometimes for people that are poor matches for us. That being said, we can also get sparks. Yeah, so we get sparks for people that are great matches, and we can get sparks and sometimes way more sparks from people that are awful matches for us. So we don't want to just buy into it feels good, therefore, it's right. We need to have the hat of like, of course, we want it to feel good. We want it to be a little bit of magic. That's part of the fun of dating and falling for someone. But we also have to balance that with a bit of the logical hat or the hat that is maybe you know, the check marks of what we want. Now it's not all checkmarks because when you find that right person for you, they're going to check boxes you never even knew you had and they're not going to check boxes that you thought were important to you and you're going to choose that person or not.

But you want to get really clear on what are the values what are the goals that are absolute deal breakers for you. So for me in my personal life, I know that I'm I mean, I talk for a living, I know that I need someone that can have an emotional conversation with me, at least sometimes. Now, my partner, we're not having emotional conversations every day, not even every week. But when I need to keep tanned, we have incredibly different preferences for how deep or emotional conversations about relationships we want to have. But he'll have an incredibly deep conversation with you about sports or politics. Now, I think there's a lot of people in this world that wouldn't say those are deep conversations or superficial, but for him, they're incredibly deep and meaningful. So we have to make sure we're aware of what our expectations are. So we need to know our expectations about emotional availability, first and foremost, because you cannot make someone love you, or care for you, or give you Words of kindness or touch that isn't prepared to do so. If they're not going to do it, they are not going to do it. And like, Yeah, sometimes it can be learned, or sometimes they will change. But more often than not, if someone has a pattern of behavior over time that says they are not available, probably not going to be.

So the first thing is that be aware of what you need in terms of emotional availability. Then you want to consider how do they speak to you ultimately, because the some of the biggest predictors of relationship breakdown aren't the problems you actually have. They are how you talk about the problems that you have. So some predictors of relationship breakdown or what you call harsh startup. So that's what it sounds like. It's starting a conversation with harsh words, clipped marks, criticism, or contempt.

Andrea Crisp 21:32
Yeah,

Amber Dalsin 21:33
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are so bad for relationships, the goblins have turned them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So these are overlapping categories. So like I already said, harsh startup has criticism and contempt. Those are two of your four horsemen. Another one is defensiveness, or stonewalling. And let's be clear, even the best relationships do those sometimes. So if someone does those, sometimes, it's not like, Whoa, red flag!

Andrea Crisp 21:57
Right? That not run for the hills? But?

Amber Dalsin 22:00
Yeah, but if that's a dominant pattern of behavior over time, probably not great. So those are the top two predictors of divorce, harsh startup and the four horsemen and I could go on and on and on with those. So you just want to be aware of "Are these the dominant patterns?" Because if they are, that's probably not great. And then just recognizing every partner comes with a set of problems. Everyone does. Yeah, and choosing a partner is choosing the problem that you want, and choosing the qualities that you want. So I think it's really important to be discerning when you go in like, okay, yes, that's a flag. Is that a flag I can handle? Or is that a flag that's going to be an incredible deal breaker? So I'd be going in with a bit of like, what do I really want what's really important? Knowing what I'm flexible with knowing like, there's absolutely no way I'm going to tolerate that, and then kind of going along with it. And I think when it comes to the long term, like is this person a great long term mate.

So give yourself a little time if you're noticing those love hormones beginning to fade, as they eventually do. Is the relationship still filled up with good positive feelings, even when kind of all those chemical signals in your body were off? Because what we know in the relationship research is in day to day interactions, you need a ratio of 20 positive things for every one negative thing to have a neutral balance. And in conflict conversations, you need five positives for everyone negative to have the complex conversation generally steer in a positive way. So as those love drugs fade out of our nervous systems, is there still positive things happening in relationship? As you know, there's still phases across the room? Are they still using nurturing touch? Do they still call? Do you still have conversations? Are they still emotionally available in some ways? Are they still doing these things that fosters the loving feelings? Or are they the kind of person that when the love drums go away, they're like, no, they have the mentality that love should be easy, or it should always feel genuine, like love could be easy, and it could be genuine, if you're creating the rituals and the habits, that puts those things in place are they're second nature.

So those are some of the things I really look at, does the good feelings persist? After you know our our neurobiology is in firing as strongly, so those are some of my initial thoughts when you're headed into a relationship when you're dating and you're thinking okay, is this person a great match for me, and I think, yeah, just early on, pay attention to the flags if you can, and it doesn't mean you have to end a relationship then in there. But if your friends are bringing things up, if they're like, Oh, you know, I noticed your partner like drinks the lot like more, be careful that you're not like, "Oh, yeah, I only drink a lot but it like makes them really fun and like they're they're just really great with their friends," and like notice what your friends are saying. Because sometimes when we're filled up with the love drugs at the beginning of relationship, anything, any concerns anyone brings up we can have a rationalization or an excuse for because, like we're lit up like a Christmas tree inside. So just noticing what people say. Analyzing it also recognizing in the early stage of relationship, like we're not the greatest Judge of things because we're so flooded with our own pleasure hormone. So it's just an ongoing evaluation.

Andrea Crisp 25:25
This is like been like, gold. Really, I mean, we've covered pretty much everything we can cover, as far as like in relationship or when we want to be in start being in a relationship and kind of how to navigate those conversations. Where can people find you if they want to connect with you? And maybe even there have questions that they have specifically related to some of these things?

Amber Dalsin 25:51
Yeah, absolutely. So two places to find me if they're listening to this on the podcast, you can head over to my podcast, which is Relationships Psych the podcast. Alternatively, you can find me on Instagram, I spent a lot of time there, which is @emberrelationshippsychology, EMB, E, R, relationship psychology, so you can find me there. And if you're in the province of Ontario, and you want therapy, you can go www.emberrelationshippsychology.com, and figure out how you can book yourself in for a session. So that's how you can find me, and I love seeing people on Instagram. That's the best place if you have a question. It's a comment or you can put it in the comments or send me a DM I can't give direct advice on there. But you'll see it show up in different ways, or I can answer your question vaguely. So, you know, that's the best way to find me if you have some more questions.

Andrea Crisp 26:35
That's amazing. Thank you so much for hanging out with me on Instagram, and also on the Couragecast. And I can't wait for this to go live elsewhere, as well. But for those of you who joined in today, or watching the replay, thanks for tuning in, make sure you connect with Amber as well here on Instagram and have a great weekend.

Amber Dalsin 26:57
Yeah, you too. Thank you so much for having me on. It was an absolutely delight to speak with you this Friday.

Andrea Crisp 27:03
Wow, wow, wow. Honestly, I love that conversation. You know, I am a single woman, talk about this all the time. And, you know, when I think about being in a relationship, there have been a lot of barriers and obstacles that I've personally had to really think about in my own life, that have perhaps kept me from really getting into a relationship. And talking to Amber was really eye opening for me, because it made me realize what it is that I truly do desire in a relationship. And maybe you're in that place in your own life. And you can be navigating this single, as a couple, you know, or even struggling to figure this out. Maybe you're in a long term relationship, that you've recently become an entrepreneur, and trying to figure out how does this work. And the one big takeaway that I really, really I'm coming away with is really, that it's all about communication. And it's all about being honest about where you're at, what you need, and how you can be supported or feel supported by your partner, when it comes to choosing a partner, when it comes to being with your current partner, or even really explaining to someone you really love about what you need moving forward so that you can truly follow your dreams. And that's what it's all about, right? I think we can have it all. I do really believe that, I do believe that it is possible for us to have amazing partnerships, and amazing businesses all at the same time. So I want to say thank you to Amber, for coming on. She's a wealth of knowledge. Make sure you do follow her over on Instagram, she's got amazing reels, tons of content that she pushes out every single week. And if you're in Ontario, and you're looking for a couples therapist, she's your girl. So thanks, Amber for being on the show. And I'm so glad that we got to spend this time together friends. Also make sure to connect with me, over on Instagram. You can find the podcast at @the.couragecast. And you can find my coaching account at @andreacrispcoach. Until next time, remember, you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 29:35
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?

EP 182 | You Have To Believe It Before You Can Receive It

WITH ANDREA CRISP

 
At the core when I really started to dig deep I felt like I didn’t deserve good things, I was not worthy, I did not have a true sense of worthiness. Because I believed I had to earn it or that I had to do something to achieve it.
— Andrea Crisp
 

About This Episode:

Is there something in your life that you've been wanting for a really long time but it just seems so impossible to attain that you've given up? Maybe you gave up because you figured you could never afford it, or that it was completely out of your reach or it could be that it goes a little deeper and you don't feel like you deserve to have it. In this episode we are talking about the power of faith when it comes to receiving what you truly desire.

Connect With Andrea:

Instagram + Book

Are you struggling to show up and get clients?

Watch 3-part video series

Transcript

Andrea Crisp 0:00
Is there something in your life that you've been wanting for for a really long time, but it just seems so impossible to attain, that you've actually considered giving up? Or maybe you've already actually given up? What if I told you today, you have to believe it before you can receive it.

Kate 0:24
You're listening to the courage cast a show to equip and empower women to live bravely. Each week, we'll share coaching conversations and stories of women who are willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. here's your host, life coach, author and your secret weapon.

Andrea Crisp 0:42
Hello there, welcome to the Couragecast. My name is Andrea Crisp, I am your host, and I'm so glad that you have joined me. I am going to be talking about something that you know I have really been wrestling with for some time. And usually when I record these podcast episodes, they are something that I have gone through in the recent past, but I'm kind of at the conclusion of. However, today, I'm actually going to be talking to you about something that is ongoing in my life. And I don't always recommend that because generally speaking, when we have things that are ongoing in our lives, it means that they're not really completely healed all the way. And maybe there's still some open wounding, but I really wanted to share where I'm at, in my own personal life when it comes to faith and belief and how that impacts my life when it comes to money, when it comes to relationships, and when it comes to really receiving all those things into my life.

Now, when I started the episode today, I asked you a question, if there's something in your life that you've been wanting for a really long time, but it just seems really impossible to have? And maybe you thought of something right away? Or maybe you're not really sure, but you just feel like "Yeah, I resonate with that question or that statement." While I want to float this idea, maybe you've given up because you figured you couldn't like a afford it. Or maybe you just thought it was so completely out of reach, there was no way that you could attain that for whatever particular reason that is, or you may even go a little bit deeper, and you feel like you actually don't deserve to have it. Yeah, that's a hard one. So I call this week's episode, you have to believe it before you can receive it, because that is something that I am actively putting into practice in my own life. So not only am I doing that, in my personal life, but I'm also doing it in my business. And I feel like I have taken this giant leap in my life in the past few months. A giant leap in my business. But I also feel like with that leap comes a new level of understanding, coming into a new sense of an awareness of where I'm at, and how can I believe for more, you know, because sometimes it's easy to believe for things that, you know, could come true at any given moment. Because you know, it's easy, right? But it's harder sometimes to believe for things that seem very far out of reach. So let me pull this idea for you. Act of faith, plus your posture to receive equals true abundance.

Okay, let's just hang on to that for a second. But I want to talk to you about my past a little bit. And some of the things that I went through, maybe you can resonate with some of this. So I grew up in the church, most of you know that. And I was in an evangelical church. And I had a very specific context for faith at that point in my life, and now whether or not that theology was correct or not, that's, you know, still under debate. But for me, faith was talked about a lot in the church and in conversations that I had, and I'm still trying to wrestle those things out and trying to see what that looks like for me. But I could never really grasp the concept of faith when I was in the church. And when I was in ministry, and when I was living my life, you know, just really in that kind of theology. And I know for a lot of people in the church, they have amazing faith. And maybe for me, it was skewed for some reason, and that could be because of my upbringing. It could have been because of, you know, teachings that I had or circumstances that I went through. But for me, having faith was something akin to waiting for something miraculous to happen, hoping and wishing that it was going to happen, but also being super skeptical that it was actually gonna happen. Okay, so that's what it meant for me. That is not what it means for everyone, but that is what it meant for me.

So it's kind of like, you know, when you cross your fingers, and you're hoping for the best, that's kind of what that feels like, for me. Now, I only really understood faith in the context of healing, because people talked about that in the miraculous all the time, or believing God was gonna come through on a certain area of my life. And I remember thinking that for years when I lived in the US, and I wanted to stay there, and I wanted my work visa to always come through, I had this like, okay, I just really hope this works. And I have to trust God and have to have faith, but I always really felt nervous about it. And I always had this like, underlying fear that things were gonna go wrong. And crazy enough, they did, they actually did go wrong. So if I'm completely honest with you, I often felt gypped like, I felt like I got the raw end of the deal. And I would have this faith, I would exercise this faith for something. And then I would also have a lot of anxiety about whether or not it was actually going to happen. And that anxiety would turn into fear. And it would become so fearful that God would not come through for me, that I actually was sabotaging the whole entire process. I was keeping myself closed off from a miracle.

And hear me when I say this, because you might be, you know, in the context of a faith, or religious belief, maybe you don't, I am not blaming God. Okay. This was on me, this is something that I believed to be true. And was my limited perspective of what was possible for my life. And I had attached this narrative around faith, to the possibility of miraculous things happening in my life, one of my friends talks about, you know, the universe is delighted to give you things she says, all the time. And it's so interesting to me, because, you know, I'm like, Oh, that sounds really nice and wonderful, you know, like in the Christian context, they would talk about in, you know, God wants to give you good things, the desires of your heart. And really, like, you know, I look at it the same way, but the way I approach it now is so vastly different. So, I want to ask you a question. What is your relationship with faith look like right now? Now, out of the context of the church, out of the context of religion, or, or theology, because you may not have religion or theology, maybe you don't even have a faith belief. But I want to know, what does your relationship with belief, faith, or even manifestation look like today? Do you often feel like you're disappointed when things don't turn out as you hoped? Or do you feel like you get angry and disillusioned when, you know, you're not seeing the return of what you desired? Maybe it's like the income you want the clients you want. You know, the, the relationships manifesting within your life. And it could be so far as even really feeling like, you're completely abandoned or forgotten. Like, God has forgotten you, the universe has left me out, like, you know, source does not know exist.

So a few years back, I was in church, and a friend of mine came up right at the very beginning of the service. Now, we were sitting in the front row at the time, so she leaned over to me really quietly, while music was blaring, so it wasn't so quiet. But anyway, she whispered in my ear, that her and her husband wanted to gift me a grand piano. And I've so I've told this story before on the podcast, but it has, like completely new meaning for me today. Okay. So I remember when she did that, because I was completely shocked. I was like, what, like, never in my wildest imagination would I ever think someone was going to give me a grand piano. And I didn't even actually have a home. That was my own. I was living with my brother at the time. It was a small condo in the middle of downtown Toronto. And I was like, the first thought that came into my mind was like, well, I can't accept that because I don't even have a place to put it. So here's someone giving me the most amazing gift and the only thing that's going through my head is like I can't take that I can't accept that. And finding every reason in the book, why it was impossible for me to have that piano. Now, since we were in church, there was not much of a conversation going on between her and I. But I immediately, just kind of like went inward. And you know, as the music was playing, I just started to like think, and my mind was racing and tears started streaming down my face, like right away. I felt like God said to me in that moment, Andrea, I try and give you things all of the time, but you never received them. And in that moment, I knew that was so true for my life. Because even if there was something really good for me to have, I was not in the posture to accept it, or to receive it, or to believe that I deserved it. My posture of receptivity was completely blocked. So energetically, I couldn't even receive what people were giving me, whether it was a gift, whether it was monetarily, whether it was relationally, there were so many ways in which I was blocked when it comes to receiving.

So at the core, when I really started to dig deep. I felt like, I didn't deserve good things, I was not worthy, I didn't have a true sense of worthiness, because I believed that I had to earn it, or that I had to do something to achieve it. And my my upbringing and my narrative around, you know, really receiving something always came from earning and always came from, you know, you do something and you get something good back, wasn't just because you get something good, because you're amazing, right? And I just really had worthiness complex. So not only did all of this corrode my faith and belief, but also my ability to receive good things into my life. So what ended up happening was after church that day, I shared with her that story, and I told her, you know, I'm going to find a way to make this happen. And I am going to take the piano. And so I made a few phone calls, and I ended up finding a friend who had just moved into a brand new home, she had this huge living room that was like, really empty, it was a perfect place for a grand piano to sit in front of this beautiful window. And when my friends left Toronto and moved to Manhattan, we moved the piano into my other friend's house. And that is where it has sat for the past four years.

So just the other day, we were wrapping up, my mastermind that I've been in for the past six months, fast foundations mastermind. And I started to think about, you know how far I've come over the past six months. But, you know, still some of the work that is ongoing in my life in the vision of the piano came up for me again, because I think I'm in this place of really being ready to receive except for, I've never really been on that end of receptivity. And so I started thinking about the piano again. And I had this huge revelation, that although I had been given the gift, it has not yet come into my possession. So yes, I said yes to the gift. I own the gift. But I don't have the gift. Like, it's not in my possession. And it's there fully available to me, I own it. But I don't possess it, in how many things in our lives are there, fully available to us, that we could have immediately, but we don't have possession of those things, because we are not exercising faith to believe that we can receive that particular thing. That opportunity, that relationship, that income goal, you fill in the blank.

Now my mind was completely blown because I saw so clearly that there are so many things that I could take possession of in my life, if I were to position myself to receive those things. So that got me thinking about what is the posture of receptivity, what does that look like? So there are two things that came to my mind that I want to share with you today that I think are very practical that you can take an implement into your life and into your business. You into whatever you're doing right now, here's the first thing, you need to be in energetic alignment for it to come to you. Okay? In other words, what does that mean? You need to have belief that it is yours. Simple, right? In order to have that energetic alignment, it's like you cannot receive anything that you are not energetically aligned with. Because it's, it's not possible for it to come into your life and stay. So for you to receive, you know, a higher income, a new opportunity, a new client, a new relationship, even a gift, like a grand piano, you have to be energetic alignment. So for me, it was something that I desired. So it came to me, but it did not come all the way through. It only came as far as I would allow it to come.

So here's the second thing, we have to make room for more. So when you look at what you have, right now, in your life, the space in your life that you're holding, for your work for your life, for your, your family, for your relationships, for all of those things in life, where is there room to receive that thing you want? Is there enough room to even receive it? Have you created space in your life, for that to come to manifest to be there? So when I think about that, I'm like, of course, like, you know, what would I do? Like, how would I, you know, now I'm living up north with my parents. And so of course, you know, I'm not going to receive it. Now, like, Where am I going to put it now, you know, but that's, you know, a mindset shift that I have to make around the possibility of receiving what is already mine.

Okay, and the reason why I say this is because it's not a fait accompli, it hasn't happened yet. I don't have it, right. And that's why I wanted to talk to you about this today. Because so often it's like, Okay, well, Andrea, like, show me like, you know, this amazing thing that's happened, but I'm in the middle, I'm in the messy middle of this. And I want to be able to share this with you as I move along. And I don't know how long it's going to take, I have zero clue. I have no idea how it's going to happen. But I know that there's two things that I have to do, or I have to be in that is number one, be in energetic alignment, to have that piano. And number two, I have to make room for it. Okay, so I say those things to you today, because I want to leave you with that. What do you need to become an energetic alignment for? And how can you make space for that in your own life, in order to believe that you can receive it, you have to take action. And it's something that you have to do, you don't just sit on the sidelines and wish and hope and pray that it's going to happen. You know, really, when you think about prayer is that you know, direct connection with God. And saying in faith, I believe that you are all powerful enough to do this.

So, friend, if you're full of doubt, I want to encourage you today to take a step back, see why you think that it's not possible for you to receive what it is that you truly want in your life. And to really clear that energetic block to shift that mindset. So that you can start holding space for what it is, that is yours already for you to possess for you to own for you to have within your life. In order for you to believe it to be true and receive it in your life, then you're going to have to make room for it. All right, well, I've loved hanging out with you today. And if you've not already connected, let's connect. You can find me on Instagram at @andreacrispcoach. And in order to find me on everywhere else all of my links will be in the show notes. So until next time, remember you have everything you need to live bravely.

Kate 19:27
If you like this episode of the Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music and production by Stephen Crilly.

 
 
 

Listen Here:

 
 
 

Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?