WITH ANDREA CRISP
“One of the biggest things that I learned this year was that when you get in the room with people who are running the race, and have the best intentions, not only for themselves, but for you, that you will grow exponentially. But if you find yourself in a space where you are not growing, and you are feeling like you’re being held back, then that is going to also have adverse effects on you”
About This Episode:
When you cultivate community in your life it shifts the way you perceive your circumstances and what is possible for your life. Today we are in episode four of the four-part series on cultivating our desires beginning with cultivating community.
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Transcript
Andrea Crisp 0:00
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given, is to get in a room where people are willing to hoist you on their shoulders and elevate you to the next level. And if you're in a community where you are thriving, you are going to see your personal and professional life grow leaps and bounds. But if you find yourself in community, where you are feeling depleted, exhausted, and it feels toxic and maybe even abusive, then it could be time for you to step away. Today we're finishing off the series, Cultivating Your Desires, by talking about how to cultivate community within our lives.
Andrea Crisp 0:42
Hey, friend, are you ready to take courageous steps to create a life and business you love? Welcome to The Couragecast. I'm Andrea Crisp, mindset coach, author, and a multi passionate entrepreneur. For years, I was afraid to allow myself to shine that was until I discovered that I could step into my own power, shift my mindset, and take ownership of my own destiny. Now I coach women across the globe who are ready to own their life and make a massive impact. Each week I'll share conversations with amazing humans who've been willing to face their fear and pursue their purpose. I'll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice to help you take brave steps in your own life and business.
Andrea Crisp 1:21
Well, hello friend! I am so glad that you have joined me today tuning in. For the 100 and 91st I think episode of The Couragecast. I cannot believe we are like almost to 200. I am a little bit shocked and amazed myself. And we are in a four part series right now called Cultivating Your Desires. And today we're focusing on Cultivating Community, which is one of my very, very favorite topics to talk about. This is something that when we can learn to do personally, professionally, it will change so much in our lives. And so as you've been listening through this four part series, we started with Cultivating Gratitude. Then we moved to talking about Cultivating Belief. Then last week, we were talking about Cultivating Trust. Today, we're talking all about Cultivating Community. And you know, when I'm talking about this, sometimes these episodes are not really pre planned. And so we just roll with it, right? We just do what we need to do.
Andrea Crisp 2:31
Okay, what I want to talk to you about is what does that look like in your life? Do you have the kind of community in your life right now that you truly desire? Is the community you're in helping you grow and flourish and thrive? Or do you feel like you're being held back? One of the biggest things that I learned this year was that when you get in the room with people who are running the race, and have the best intentions, not only for themselves, but for you, that you will grow exponentially. But if you find yourself in a space where you are not growing, and you are feeling like you're being held back, then that is going to also have adverse effects on you. So first thing I want to talk to you about is how to know when you're in a community that you're not thriving in. Okay, and here's the thing, you might have all sorts of friends or coworkers, or even be in a church community, that you're like, oh, everyone's really lovely. And you know, they're all showing up and doing amazing things in the world. But do you sense that you are being pushed forward, and challenged, and allowed to grow and flourish?
Andrea Crisp 3:57
So often, we can find ourselves in these positions where we are looking for the approval and validation of the people within our community. And so we are trying to strive and hustle and get that approval from them. So that we can maybe, you know, move up the ladder in your business, or we can get some sort of atta girl or atta boy, as the case may be. And really, that stems from a need for validation and approval.
Andrea Crisp 4:34
And I know for years of my own life, you know, I was involved in the church, and I was a pastor. So there were a lot of times where I was leading, but I was also with my own peers who are pastors as well. And women in ministry and people that I was surrounded with all the time. And there were often times where I felt like I was in a community that was thriving, fact, there was one church that I was in. I'll shout them out because they're amazing, but my friends back at Stone Church in 2011, and 2012, 2013, when I was there, we had amazing community. We loved each other, we were there for each other, we were thriving with one another. And we were seeing so many amazing things happen within our community, within the church at that time.
Andrea Crisp 5:23
I can also take a look back at my time at another church, when I was just finishing college in the late 90s, and early 2000s. Calvary Temple, I was with phenomenal individuals who really loved each other, we spent holidays together, we went on vacations, we were there in hard times, and good times, we saw people getting married, and having kids and, and it was just this culture that we were all thriving in. And it was beautiful. And it was magnetic. And man, I loved everything about it. I also had amazing community in college as well. So even as I look back there, there are many, many, many times where I was in community that was beautiful. And just so life giving.
Andrea Crisp 6:11
But I've also been in community where it was nothing like that at all, where it was really about, do what we say, just show up, and do this. You don't have autonomy over your own life, or what you desire, or how you're going to live your life. And we want to know everything that you know you're doing. And we want to have a say in all of that. And that kind of community is toxic. And that kind of leadership is not life giving. And in community like that, it perpetuates this desire to continue to get approval because you're never meeting the expectations of the community, or of the leadership in the community. And so when you're in a position like that, that can create a narrative or perception around what it's like to be in community. And oftentimes, when we lack community, or we've been in a hurtful situation, where community has been involved, there is a lack of trust there. And we cannot grow and thrive both personally and professionally. So it's so important for us to actually put ourselves in a position or be in a room where we have community that exists with integrity, where we have community that is for us, and helping us, and really elevating our lives in every way.
Andrea Crisp 7:40
Now back at the beginning of the year, friend of mine, Alex, who we had met when we were in ministry, and he's a brilliant story, coach, he's actually been on the podcast several times. Alex and I were talking about a mastermind that he was in at the time. And he was in his, probably the time, go into his third round of Fast Foundations with Chris and Lori Harder. And I had seen this exponential growth in his business and in his life. And it was really, really cool to see and to watch. And I knew that the community that he was in was just like, obviously, doing huge things for him. And I know that when you're in good community that amazing things happen. So I was talking to him and I decided, You know what I'm going to jump in, and I am going to invest in my life in this way, and be mentored by Chris and Lori Harder, which is super cool. But also, one of the things that I didn't realize was going to be a complete game changer in my life was the community of people I was surrounded with when I joined Fast Foundations. A lot of that stems from the leadership and from what is cultivated within the leadership of that community. And when it is done with integrity, and when it is done responsibly, and when it is done with love, then it is phenomenal. And you will see people grow and expand in ways that will absolutely blow your mind. And that is exactly what I was seeing within this group of people. I was seeing coaches and entrepreneurs, business owners, that were literally being so generous with their time, with their gifts, with their talents, with their expertise, and not asking for anything in return. And that was just creating this huge momentum that was allowing people to start shifting and moving forward in their own life and in their own business.
Andrea Crisp 9:35
First, so I was like a little bit shocked because I was like, "Oh my gosh, there's so much going on here!" But as I started to, you know, settle in into the community, I started to say, "Okay, well, where do I fit in, in the picture of this and what can I add for value?" Because when you're part of community, it's not just about taking, it's also about giving and so you have that reciprocity In a community that if you're giving to someone, maybe that person's not giving back to you, maybe you're getting it from somewhere else within that community or within that room. And being in community and cultivating community and connection with people will always make a huge difference in your life. And I've seen where people get into community, and they isolate, and they don't. And I've seen where they, you know, want to say, well, that community just wasn't for me, you know, well, a lot of times that they weren't showing up either. Now, this has happened both in different group settings that I've been in, church settings that I've been in, where there has been a major, where people have not really allowed themselves to cultivate that. And that's the whole thing about community is you got to be part of the community. And there's going to be times in community where, you know, things go awry, or go a mess, and you're like, "Okay, we've got to deal with that. And we've got to walk that out." And this person's, like, you know, not pulling their weight, or this person's a little bit annoying, or, you know, this person showboating or however, that looks, right? That's part of the process.
Andrea Crisp 11:16
And when you are in community, you have those conversations, and you work things out with one another, and you continue to elevate one another, to an extent that you're able to start moving forward in your life, and you're able to truly stand on each other's shoulders, and get where you need to go. You know, for a long time, I had this perception, I guess, I'll call it that people weren't showing up for me. And that was a narrative that I had created when I was in a culture and a community that was not really full of integrity. And so I started to believe that, you know, wherever I went after that, I was constantly going to be in communities that people just weren't going to show up for you and weren't gonna want the best for you. And so I would carry that into the next place, I would go and, and that was something that I had to own and take responsibility for. And realize that sometimes when you're coming into new community, after you've been hurt or wounded, there is a time where you have to take for healing. And you have to allow yourself to really let past things go, allow forgiveness within your life within the context of where you had been maybe in the past, so that you can be fully present and available within that new context.
Andrea Crisp 12:44
And you'll know, your intuition will guide you to tell you when you are in a community that is not life giving, fact I just talked to a friend today, and we were talking about that specifically. And in the conversation what she was saying to me, "You know, I don't feel as though I am being given opportunity. And I feel like I'm being passed over. And I feel like it is an abusive situation." And oftentimes, when we are in those abusive situations, or those toxic situations, we have to take, you know, some responsibility and say, "Okay, well, why am I here? Why am I allowing myself to stay? And what is the payoff, for me staying in this community or in this place, and taking a step away, can yes, be difficult, but also be one of the best things you'll ever do for yourself, so that you can start to be surrounded by people who are willing to cheer you on, and encourage you, and be there for you, and get around healthy individuals that want the best for you.
Andrea Crisp 13:51
Here's the thing. There's the two sides of community. And if you find yourself in a community that is toxic and abusive, then I want to encourage you to take a look at you know, why are you staying? What's the payoff? And if you're just starting to get into community that is, you know, amazing, then what do you have to add within that community? How can you offer value to those people? And how can you be in a position where you are receiving what they can give you. Because both of those things are going to teach you such valuable lessons and be something that will help you to grow both yourself professionally, and your personal life as well because that will spill over that will create opportunity that will really help you to move forward in your life in a whole new way.
Andrea Crisp 14:44
So in this series, we talked about being grateful and cultivating that gratitude in in the times that are really good and in the times that are challenging. We talked about cultivating belief and really knowing that things are working out for us. Cultivating trust in ourselves in God and in others, and cultivating community, getting in spaces and rooms, virtually and in person, that are completely life giving and allowing ourselves to be released and let go of those toxic environments that are not leading us towards our potential.
Andrea Crisp 15:21
Friend, this has been a phenomenal time that we've gotten to share with one another, all about cultivating desire, because the truth of the matter is when you really know what it is that you want in your life, then you can cultivate these things and allow that to manifest in such a beautiful way. We are going to finish out the episode today with a guided meditation. And if we're not already connected through text, I would love to connect with you there. I've started a brand new tech community and you can join it by going to the show notes and clicking on the link or you can text me the word COURAGE at 647-424-2429 and that number will also be in the show notes for you as well. I love ya. I'm so excited to finish off 2021 with you with a couple more episodes this year. But let's get ourselves in a comfortable position for the last of our guided meditations.
Andrea Crisp 16:30
Allow yourself to get in a comfortable position. Place your feet firmly on the floor. Your shoulders tall, give yourself room to allow the breath to completely fill your body. During this meditation today, we will be focusing on creating an intention around cultivating community within your life. Just take a quick moment to allow yourself to create an intention about what it is that you truly desire. When you think about having community, what would that look like? How would you feel? How would you be showing up within that community? Take a deep breath all the way down to your belly, allowing the air to completely fill you, and as you exhale release any fear or concern you have a about being in community with others. Allow yourself to completely feel the possibility of trust, of collaboration, of deepened relationship when you are in a healthy, vibrant community that is allowing you to grow and expand in your life personally and professionally.
Andrea Crisp 19:06
Is there anything that you need to release from those old environments, those past communities that have been holding you back from truly being yourself, from adding value, and for showing up each and every time as the most authentic version of who you are. Take a moment to extend grace and compassion to yourself. If you've been holding yourself back for any reason, and make that commitment right now that you are going to step fully into the most authentic version of yourself, and show up in radical responsibility within community in your own life. Knowing that you will energetically draw the community to you, that you desire to help you shift your life, and position you for what it is that you truly desire, and when that is become your clear focus, take a deep breath all the way down to your belly and release. Take one more deep breath in and let it all go, knowing that it is complete, and when you're ready, bring movement to your hands into your feet and open your eyes. Thank you for joining me for this meditation.
Andrea Crisp 21:35
If you like this episode of The Couragecast, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a rating and review and while you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Original Music by Stephen Crilley, production by Claudia Henock.
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Your mindset is your greatest asset! But it is also what may be holding you back from taking that next step in your life. Are you ready to reframe your mindset so that you can step more confidently into your purpose?